Weight Loss

This is going to be very much a multi-faceted series of questions and general thoughts. Most of them will be opposing...but this is something a generally struggle with everyday...and I hope some people can give me some good options.

First of all I want to take the health equation out of this....and look at purely the aesthetics. Reason being...I constantly see weight loss/diet/thin/skinny etc etc questions and forums. And it all seems to boil down to 'Well you will be healthy!'. I would like to say that I already am healthy...my BP lies withing the lower range of normal. My cholestrol is good. My heart is good. The only health 'issue' is asthma. I have lost 50 pounds over about 1.5 years (not really focusing...but not to eating fast food etc). I would like to lose about 50-70ish more pounds. I find that low fat, high fibre seems to work the best for me...although I notice I plataeu for months at a time. To be more precise I am a size 16 now (used to be a 26 at my biggest)...and would like to be around an 8-10. I know...some people would still find that huge...but I have muscle tone, and an hourglass figure....and I think that size would rule for me.

Sounds great right? Well here is the issue. I am constantly arguing with myself about the aesthetic side of weight loss. Some days I sit and think...that I should be trying 'harder' to lose weight, really focus and prioritize it. Then I have an overwhelming voice that says that I am being a conformist to society, the media...that I am giving into one idea for beauty (ie thin). I think about the people that get plastic surgery, braces, some that starve themselves or close to it...and I think.. for what? So the world will find me attractive? But then I think I can be healthIER.

I feel like in romantic situations, when I am rejected (like everyone has been at one time or another) it is because I am not skinny/thin/slender. I get angry when I sit at work and hear nothing but calorie counting, "omg I am soo fat!" (from the size 2). Not to be arrogant, but I get compliments daily from co-workers and friends about my clothes, hair, humor, laugh...etc. So I sit and think 'wow..all these people have so many nice things to say about me and do see my 'value' ' ..yet I rarely have any romantic prospects. I have an online community (so to speak) and some have seen my pics (head shots) combined with personality...and they are surpised I am single. This happens constantly...and then I get embarrassed because I think the reason I am is due to weight. And then I think....'well...what if I was a size 2, 4, 6, 8 etc...would they really like me for who I am...or because thin=beautiful in this society'.

So I teeter between being a 'conformist' and doing what I can to enhance my own happiness. Some days I am prefectly fine with the way I look...and some days I loathe myself for looking the way I do. LOL..seems I am on a loathe day. I understand the workings of positive thought...and that could be what causes the lack of prospects...however, I never tell people I have this insecurity...nor allude to it. So on with the questions I suppose...hope someone has some insight

1)How in the world do I deal with these arguments within my head on a daily basis?

2)Can someone reccomend a good website with calorie counters, etc on it...that is free...and has realistic options/goals/suggestions?

If I were you, I would read a book called "Intuitive Eating." I recently read that and it has changed my mind and my life about eating properly, diets, the idea that we all have to be a size 2, etc.

I am currently sitting at a size 14 and will never diet again, ever. I look lovely,and also have the hour glass shape That's what a woman is supposed to look like. The book emphasizes that a natural weight comes by eating properly, and this sort of change will LAST vs dieting. This is completely true.

Dieting makes you fat, it's that simple. You lose weight through drastic changes, then gain it back because you're tired of starving, can't restrict yourself any longer, and just plain have had enough. Plus your body instantly holds onto everything because it's upset with you for starving all this time.

Good for you for shedding the extra weight but not by strenous dieting. I too have been struggling with the "beautiful = thin" scenario, but after reading that book, I am making a constant effort to take care of myself and see if my body chooses to lose any weight. If it does, great. If it doesn't, great.

Check it out, I think it will help you. link removed Here's the website with the basic principles.

There are a variety of books that address these topics you are thinking about. Some I've read in the past year:

Losing It: False Hopes & Fat Profits in the Diet Industry - Laura Frasier link removed

The Diet Myth (also published as The Obesity Myth) - Paul Campos

link removed

Big Fat Lies: The Truth About Your Weight And Your Health by Glenn Gaesser. link removed

When you start looking back at the history of how "health" got connected to "weight," you're gonna find out they got connected because insurance companies were looking for a way to maximize their profits and minimize their risks at the start of the 1900's.

I'm part way through the Glenn Gaesser book. I can't read long segments of it because it makes me very, very angry. Basically, much of what we have been told about weight being an indicator of someone's health is not true.

It is not excess weight that is unhealthy. It is a sedentary lifestyle and poor dietary habits. Commercial weight loss plans have done more to harm people and make them fatter over the long haul while making plenty of money for the Weight Watchers, NutriSystems, Slim Fasts, and Jenny Craigs of the world.

I had a bit of an epiphany about all this yesterday. That was this: weight/size is visible. The real indicators of health (blood pressure, blood sugar & cholesterol levels) are not. But since it's been pounded into people's heads for literally a century that excess weight is to blame for poor health, stupidity, unattractiveness, slovenliness, and lack of morals, most people accept it as fact and truth when it is neither.

A sedentary lifestyle and poor dietary habits are going to cause health problems no matter if a person is of average, below average weight or above average weight.

A fat person who eats a moderate diet, doesn't smoke and exercises on a regular basis is going to be healthier by the important measures than a thin or average size person who smokes, doesn't exercise on a regular basis and doesn't bother with fruits and vegetables. Yet, most outside observers will assume the fat person is unhealthy and doesn't take care of themselves, when that may not be the case at all.

Anyway, it's my belief based on my own experiences with an eating disorder, recovery, and having been average weight and fat along with all the reading I have done to further my recovery that linking "weight" with "health" is a way to make it seem like the person/company speaking is concerned about a truly important issue. However, underneath all those "health" claims, most of the time, it really comes down to aestethics. It would sound much more shallow to just come out and say that, though.

If we were truly concerned about health, not appearance, we'd change the focus from weight/size to people's habits. Instead of pushing diet pills/programs/products/food, the focus would be on:

>regular, moderate exercise, (Which you don't need expensive equipment or gym memberships to do...a simple brisk walk around the neighborhood every day is fine)

>incorporating more vegetables, fruits and simple unprocessed foods into our daily diets (do you really think the food manufacturers like Nestle, McDonalds, Nabisco, and so forth are going to back that plan?)

>ceasing use of tobacco products (there's plenty of consistently strong evidence that smoking causes diseases that will kill you. much of the research that tags weight/obesity as a "killer" is funded by the weight loss industry...not exactly unbiased, eh?)

Ultimately, though, what's the point in fitting into an ideal that was dreamed up to make all of us feel inadequate just so various companies could sell us a bunch of crap that we don't really need? Having the "right" look isn't going to do squat toward making me a better person or making me feel comfortable in my own skin. If anything, it sets up a string of events where we're going to become concerned about maintaining whatever "perfection" we think we have to have.

Personally, I don't think that's any way to live. For me, it's enough to (finally!) have a peaceful relationship with food and eating, to be in a mindset that has taken the "have to" out of exercising and focused on the enjoyment of movement, and to appreciate the body I have. Even after all the various abuse I've heaped on it, it still functions incredibly well and the vast majority of the time I feel very good.

Basically, you stop bsing yourself.

Somewhere in you, you are aware that you - as a person - are fine. That who you are is not your weight, how you look, how other people see you or judge you or accept you.

I've never battled weight issues. However, I used to push myself to the sort of physical limits that comprimised my health in pursuit of 'physical perfection' as I saw it.

Truth be told, I believed deep inside that it would make me a better person. Because, I believed I wasn't good enough. On a truly basic level.

I believed the bs. That the way a person looks can be a measurement of worth.

When you say you are 'conforming' , to me it basically says you are deciding to believe the bs too.

Either way, it is in your control.

I honestly believe it is about self acceptance and taking personal responsibility for oneself.

It doesn't matter what society is doing. You can use any excuse in the book - they are still excuses.

What I'm saying is that I think this is not about your weight, really. It may help you to start working on what is truly going on - and it might be self-acceptance issues.

If you are real serious with yourself, and you honestly do have 50-70 pounds excess on your body - you can continue to excuse it by saying "I'm healthy now. My blood pressure is ok. My heart is good right now."

Or you can just accept that you are carrying more weight than is good for you.

50-70 extra pounds does affect your health. Everything in you has to work harder to maintain health. It is wearing.

Yet that doesn't have to define you or say anything negative about your other qualities as a person. You are obviously NOT lazy: You have worked hard, show great determination, and effort to shed excess weight and to improve your health.

I soooo do not have all the answers to finding constant self acceptance. But I do know it can be worked at with practice and time. And it is so worth it.

From a health standpoint, it seems equally as relevent and destructive to carry poor self image and loathing for oneself - dependent on how others think and see us - as it does to carry some extra pounds.

The stress of feeling not good enough, or of being exposed - that'll do a number on your heart, blood pressure, you name it!

It is from there that self honesty comes about. And where you can weigh how much some extra pounds are actually impacting your quality of life and health.

Maybe you will find that for you, you are ok with staying the way you are and simply continuing to eat well and exercise. Slow and steady wins the race!

And that would be ok. But take ownership of the real risk you are placing on your body. Are you downplaying it? Or are you simply just at a place where you are ok with the risks because they are minor?

You don't have to apologize to anybody for being how you are. If you are happy as you are Right Now: enjoy it and give yourself a break.