Hiya

I dont know if this is the 'done' thing on this forum, but im new here and thought i would post to say hey to you all. I self harm, and have found forums help me...chatting to others who i can share my feelings with- because nobody in my life knows i self harm. I used to be a member of another forum, but its gradually becoming inactive and hardly anyone goes there anymore. So when i found this one i was quite happy. Im hopeful itll be better here than the other forum. Anyway before i start going on, i'll finish it there. Bye!

Hey,

Yeah nice to meet you, the 'saying hi' thing is a good idea i think.

So are you trying to stop self-harming. Do you want to talk about it?

girl friend xxx

Heyz

I'm with girl friend i think its a good idea! This place has a tone of users so i hope it doesn't become inactive i don't know what i'd do without these people sometimes!

You shouldn't have to hide away so much, i'm a self harmer to and i know how much it sucks when people find out though.

Well i'm always here if you want to talk,

Goodluck indigo scar,

Rozie xoxo

i haven't really harmed myself too much... But recently i broke down really hard and i ended up drinking way too much and cutting... and this all ended with a huge scar on my leg that says "HATE."

yeah i know it wasn't bright, but that's what i love about this place! no one will judge you here. everyone only helps...

i'm really afraid of anyone ever seeing it. my boyfriend knows, and he's actually doing everything he can to help me. But i dont know what i would do if my family saw something like that on me.

I'm glad you stopped to say Hi

Thanks for all your replies! Yeh it seems a great sight. In an ideal world, i'd love to stop cutting- but its almost like an addiction. Everytime i think ive left it in the past, it all comes back and there i am cutting again, to the point where i no longer feel pain. I hate the questions, the jokes, the trying to hide cuts and scars all the time...and well i figured the only way to stop all that was to stop the cutting. But i guess we all know its not quite a simple as that.

You'll get there if you want to, i have faith in y'all!

I wish i was as positive as you! But right now im quite proud of myself as i have gone three days without cutting. It sounds pathetic, but its the longest ive gone in ages.

Well welcome to eNotAlone it is a wonderful site full with lots of people who could help. I used to self harm I stopped last year around September( this doesn't mean I don't still think about it, trust me I do all the time) But if you ever want to talk to anyone about it I'm here feel free to send me a private message anytime. And well I don't know I hope this forum helps you out!

With Luv MG

Well welcome to eNotAlone it is a wonderful site full with lots of people who could help. I used to self harm I stopped last year around September( this doesn't mean I don't still think about it, trust me I do all the time) But if you ever want to talk to anyone about it I'm here feel free to send me a private message anytime. And well I don't know I hope this forum helps you out!

 

With Luv MG

Thank you very much. This place seems like a good place, I think it will help me out. Also, big well done on not cutting since September! That's awesome! It's only natural to have bad thoughts, but the great thing is your not giving in to them.

3 days is incredible girl what you talking about!?! Brilliant! How did you feel without it? Do you know what helped you not to do it those days?

girl friend

Thank you! =D Unfortunately I didn't manage to keep it up though, and resorted to it again. However, knowing that I went three days gives me hope that I can stop for longer sometime soon. I felt almost as though part of me wasn't there without it, I just wanted to hurt myself and make myself whole again. My friends don't know I cut, but I think one of them sorta figured out something wasn't quite right. Even though they don't know quite what's happening, they've been real rocks to me. I think that's what encouraged me not to do it. I know they're there for me, I can tell them anything...apart from that I self harm. I don't think even they could understand or cope with the reality of it all. I want to stop, not just for myself but for them.

3 days is brilliant! Keep it up!

Sometimes thinking back to the first time. Why you started. Was it to differ thinking about something traumatic that was happening/happened earlier in life. That sorta thing. If it was, you need to go through and sorta re-live the thing, without cutting. Then the need for cutting ll go.

If you dont know why, or if there was no one thing that set it off, just life in general, then yeh, keep working on it by talking through it and counting days.

Any luck? Keep us posted

girl friend xxx

Had a major breakdown last night, resulting in ten stitches. All is better than it was, but I still feel rough. Im planning to start a new leaf tomorow. I've already got my day all planned up so that i wont be able to be alone with myself. The 're-living' idea sounds a good plan, if not terribly difficult. I want to give it a go though. I need to get out of this cycle. I've decided that im going to record in my signature how many days i go without cutting as the days go by- in hope that this will help me as i see the number increase. And also, knowing that others will be able to see that number may help keep me going.

Hey,

Thats a good idea, i'll watch out for your signature changing!

Seriously tho, no pressure. And the slip-ups are bound to happen. Its so strong what you're trying to do tho, try to remember that!

girl friend

Thank you! Last night I was in a very confused state, and imediately reached out for self harm, but I'm pleased to say I didn't go through with it. I sat on the floor leaning against a wall, with my headphones in and very loud music. I just concentrated hard on the music and eventually fell asleep.

I was very proud to be able to put a number one in my signature!!

Brilliant!

Excellent going girl! Keep it up! WE're all rooting for you xxx

Thank you! You've no idea how much that means to me. =)

No problem, its true. You're the one who did it!!!

How old are you btw? If you don't mind my asking?

Today's been incredibly difficult. I'm still not sure if i'll manage it. Distracting myself seems to be the key to not giving in right now. As each minute passes it gets harder. But that's how it's been all day, and I haven't cut yet- so I'm literally taking each minute as it comes. Weird, but right now it's working. I'm sixteen today by the way.

Hey!

Thats good. You're doing well. Even if you slip up, you actively want to stop, and thats the main thing.

Distraction is a good idea atm, but you must know that it wont work forever.

You'll have to address it, and face up to those feelings, and put it behind you when you're ready.

Do you know what made you start cutting?

Proud of you btw

love

girl friend

Hey, thank you. Yeh distraction wont work all the time. Nobady can live a life like that, it would be easier to cut! I'm still sorta working out exactly why I cut- my life has been no worse than any one elses on here, I'm sure. I just made a post including a bit about my life. Writing stuff out helped, regardless of whether people read it or not. I was responsible for my brothers death. It was around the time I killed him that I began to seriously self harm.

Love indigo

I just read it now.

I don't think you were responsible for either one. But theres clearly a lot of pain there in the past for you. You didn't grieve properly for your second dad, did you allow yourself to grieve for your bro and gran?

It was tragic what happened to your brother you know, but not your fault. Just a horrible accident. He loved you, you'll always know that tho.

Whats your living situation these days?

You'll be ok you know, it will all work out.

girl friend xxx

I will always feel guilt over what happened with my brother, but knowing he still cares for my keeps me living.

I didn't really grieve for any of them. I never felt myself worthy. It's took me a long long time to accept that this is probably why I take it out on myself in this unhealthy way.

I live back with my parents right now. They don't often speak to me now, it's more a case of being somewhere to sleep. I get my own food with my wages.

Indigo x

Its ok to cry and grieve.

Yes i think you're right, thats probably why you turned against yourself, because you've kept all that pain bottled up insides for so long, that it had to find a way out. Cutting does let the pain out, for a short while. Until the next time. When used as a long-term coping strategy it is maladaptive and begins to cause problems, as you've undoubtedly seen. (BTw may i ask, when you said the bad night two days ago resulted in 10 stitches - did you mean you went to hospital with it, or do you do your own stitches?)

Just hang in there, and with regards to the family, you know you'll be able to have a loving real family one day, just try to dream about that for now.

I see your signatures 2 days now! Good work!

The past's not your fault you know. Do you know that? Do you believe that?

Cuz it's not your fault.

girl friend

I've always been the 'strong' member of my group of friends. I've never let anyone see me when I'm weak. In truth, I am the weakest person, I just don't let it show. It's ridiculous really- even when we all sleep round each others houses, I've gotta be the last one to fall asleep. I can never seem to just admit defeat. But then it comes to cutting, and I'm just addicted, and seem to always have to admit defeat. I've gotta prove to myself that I don;t need it. I know I don't, it's just getting it to sink in, and withstand the temptations. One day, I will hopefully have a loving family. I can dream towards the future.

Parts of the past are my fault, but I know there is nothing I can do anymore to change that. Last night it all got too much, and I had the knife on my skin. But somehow I managed not to drag it accross. I could see myself and was ashamed of what I was seeing. I don't know how I stopped- I wanted it so much. But I didn't, and here I am now living day four with no self harm!

I used to go to the hospital, but the questions kept coming and it was getting harder and harder, so I taught myself how to do it. I have all the right equipment and it's so much easier. I know when a cut requires treatment such as stitches, and being able to do it myself is a lot less hassle for everyone.

Indigo x