How to tell if gf has a promiscuous past?

You can either:

1. Ask her.

2. Ask her and not believe her anyway and continue wondering and guessing.

3. Not ask and continue wondering and guessing.

4. Not ask and accept it is her past and accept that she is trustworthy and all that now.

As an aside, at 8 months in I think it is a little late to start wondering about this now and setting it up as a dealbreaker unless you are looking for a way out.

Nor does the # of partners reflect her commitment of fidelity.

I wonder what to you would be the "ideal" number? I think it's a question she will "fail" whatever her answer if you really are putting a lot of weight on it since you seem to not trust whom she is at this point anyway.

And if it is the case you just don't trust her...that in itself might be more telling than the # and indicative it may be time to move on...because it is not fair to her to stay if you don't either.

Yeah, well, if it was a deal-breaker for him...he should have brought it up sooner. 8 months is waiting awhile. It is like not using a condom for 8 months and then saying....oh..by the way...who is taking care of the protection? And if this has been eating away at him and is that important....sheesh. Why develop attachments? I have a problem with the word "promiscuous"....is this special word used for men too? And assuming she wasn't as you say "promiscuous"...and you had more partners than she....what would one label you as? A player? A rogue? A cassanova? I am sure no one would call you promiscuous. You are a guy. Someone will probably punch you in the arm and tell you "good for you dude"....

So everyone who thinks it's none of his business has never asked a S/O about this or had a S/O ask them? I find that very hard to believe.

So everyone who thinks it's none of his business has never asked a S/O about this or had a S/O ask them? I find that very hard to believe.

Never asked any of my bf's or my husband about a number or for specific details. It's none of my business what they did before they met me. I can learn about what kind of person they are by observing their behavior in the present.

I've also never been asked for a number of specifics. Perhaps because of my attitude toward this subject, I wouldn't get close enough to someone who was likely to ask such a question.

The implications of being asked such a question (as I mentioned in my previous post) would gripe my cookies enough that I'd probably just move along.

So everyone who thinks it's none of his business has never asked a S/O about this or had a S/O ask them? I find that very hard to believe.

I think it's fine to ask. But the OP made it clear that if the number was too high for him, he would dump her (what his idea of "too high" is was not explained). That's pretty low, IMO. He apparently has some magic number in mind, and if his gf doesn't come in at or below it, he's off.

Frankly, I think she'll be better off.

Well, I guess if a person is THAT concerned about it, they should date someone really young...just to be sure....and then have them go get a polygraph....so they cannot lie.

You want to make real sure you are the one and only !

I think it's fine to ask. But the OP made it clear that if the number was too high for him, he would dump her (what his idea of "too high" is was not explained). That's pretty low, IMO. He apparently has some magic number in mind, and if his gf doesn't come in at or below it, he's off.

 

Frankly, I think she'll be better off.

I agree with you. It should not matter to the relationship, but I dont understand how people dont let curiosity get the best of them.

I have been asked before and I never got offended.

That's because you are a man. No one will judge you in quite the way women are judged. I believe you can ask. Just don't expect an answer.

Well, I guess if a person is THAT concerned about it, they should date someone really young...just to be sure....and then have them go get a polygraph....so they cannot lie.

You want to make real sure you are the one and only !

But! Wait! If their number is "too low" don't you run the risk that at some point, they'll start to wonder what it's like to be with other people, and then they might cheat?!?!? What do you do then?

Jinkies, that "don't ask/don't tell" option's startin' to look better and better, if only for one's own peace of mind.

Jinkies, that "don't ask/don't tell" option's startin' to look better and better, if only for one's own peace of mind.

 

Although I think it's fine to ask, it just depends on if you're ready to hear an honest answer. Making that a dealbreaker, though, is kinda ridiculous, IMO.

 

I don't know what he expected random strangers on a message board to be able to tell him about an average number though, not knowing the woman in question. Um, somewhere between zero and porn star would be my guess.

Whew - you all are rough - I am just curious, and want to know. I feel I have a right to know.

No, there is no magic number, but if a woman has been with 30-40 men before me, YES, that would be a dealbreaker.

ANd it's so ridiculous how a lot of you women out there always say how "the past is the past" and how it is not important.

I think those of you who do say it, are ASHAMED of your past, so it's easier to say that it isn't important.

To all guys out there - would you want to marry a girl who has been with 50, 75, 100 guys? I SURE WOULD NOT!!

Sex is special, so if there are too many partners, it is just not good - but that's is just MY opinion.

That's because you are a man. No one will judge you in quite the way women are judged. I believe you can ask. Just don't expect an answer.

Good point, I guess if I were a woman I might feel a little differently. Its pretty sad that the double standard still exists today.

I always got asked first though, I never have had to ask so I guess thats why I just dont think it is that big a deal. Of course that was 10 years ago when I was 18 and I'm just back on the strange dating thing recently so maybe things are a little different now.

I think I'll take all the ladies advice on this and just never ask out of fear of getting that look that you all do so well. LOL

Well, if you are born naturally skilled at sex, with no prior experiences, the other inexperienced person would probably be happy with you. Because they don't know any better...they would not have anything to compare it to. Also...if you keep them AWAY from other men..that helps. I suggest a guarded compound in the mountains.

Sorry, this is getting ridiculous. But in my opinian, even when I was very young and not even married yet...I would not have answered that question...the question is setting up a judgement...and I think it is unfair given the attitude of society. And SOME males. Perhaps they should move to Abu Dhabi after all....

So, I guess if it is indeed a dealbreaker for you, you should ask right away and break up if need be, so that she can move on. I also feel that some men have a separate set of rules for women they just have sex with, and the women they want to marry.

Although I think it's fine to ask, it just depends on if you're ready to hear an honest answer. Making that a dealbreaker, though, is kinda ridiculous, IMO.

 

I don't know what he expected random strangers on a message board to be able to tell him about an average number though, not knowing the woman in question. Um, somewhere between zero and porn star would be my guess.

Zero and porn star...that's funny !

Whew - you all are rough - I am just curious, and want to know. I feel I have a right to know.

Why do you feel you have a "right" to know? What gives you that right?

No, there is no magic number, but if a woman has been with 30-40 men before me, YES, that would be a dealbreaker.

 

ANd it's so ridiculous how a lot of you women out there always say how "the past is the past" and how it is not important.

 

I think those of you who do say it, are ASHAMED of your past, so it's easier to say that it isn't important.

So, essentially, any woman who has had a lot of bf's should wear a scarlet letter and be a spinster for life?

To all guys out there - would you want to marry a girl who has been with 50, 75, 100 guys? I SURE WOULD NOT!!

 

Sex is special, so if there are too many partners, it is just not good - but that's is just MY opinion.

How does who she's been with in the past effect what you have in the present? I mean, really...what changes?

Just wondering, is this for religious reasons?

Regardless of the "number" (if it is 8 or 80,) my impression is that if someone wants to know this, and I told them, (or you for example) you would invariably be upset.

Yeah, it strikes me as the kinda question where the asker already has a "right" and "wrong" answer in mind. I refuse to knowingly put myself in a situation where I'm going to be asked to answer such a question. 'Cause if they're gonna ask me that sort of question once, they'll probably do it again...and that's gonna make me feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Eeewww..

It's got nothing to do with being ashamed of my past. It's got to do with being comfortable and feeling accepted for who I am in my relationship.

I think those of you who do say it, are ASHAMED of your past, so it's easier to say that it isn't important.

Whoa honey! That's a little too generally stated, don't you think?

Whoa honey! That's a little too generally stated, don't you think?

Yah, that was the line that made me think this is probably religiously motivated. I find that Christians (especially of the evangelical variety) often believe that sex is shameful or somehow to be guarded jealously. Which is fine if that's your bag, but it's a pretty silly burden to be putting on someone else, especially someone you're in a relationship with.

I say let the past be the past. What matters is now.

Whew - you all are rough - I am just curious, and want to know. I feel I have a right to know.

 

No, there is no magic number, but if a woman has been with 30-40 men before me, YES, that would be a dealbreaker.

 

ANd it's so ridiculous how a lot of you women out there always say how "the past is the past" and how it is not important.

 

I think those of you who do say it, are ASHAMED of your past, so it's easier to say that it isn't important.

 

To all guys out there - would you want to marry a girl who has been with 50, 75, 100 guys? I SURE WOULD NOT!!

 

Sex is special, so if there are too many partners, it is just not good - but that's is just MY opinion.

I also do not believe most people go at sex for sport. I think a great number of people HOPE that the person they are going to sleep with will be "the one"...and it just doesn't turn out. As in a 36 year olds case...she has been waiting for thirty six years to find the perfect person....

I suppose you would advocate no sex before marriage. Did you sleep with her yet? You might have been the one pushing her numbers out of your accepted range. And if sex is THAT special....and you hold it to spiritual and it defines peoples characters...why would you want an answer NOW? I thought sex was so special?

And no, I am not ashamed of my past, and wouldn't be...you can't change the past. You learn from it. And should not be judged or punished for it by someone who for some reason feels superior. Stay away from those people.

What did jesus say? "If any of you believe you have not sinned...cast the first stone". ?

ANd it's so ridiculous how a lot of you women out there always say how "the past is the past" and how it is not important.

 

I think those of you who do say it, are ASHAMED of your past, so it's easier to say that it isn't important.

I'm actually quite proud of my conquests.

I'm actually quite proud of my conquests.

Me too Hazey!

Whew - you all are rough - I am just curious, and want to know. I feel I have a right to know.

 

No, there is no magic number, but if a woman has been with 30-40 men before me, YES, that would be a dealbreaker.

 

ANd it's so ridiculous how a lot of you women out there always say how "the past is the past" and how it is not important.

 

I think those of you who do say it, are ASHAMED of your past, so it's easier to say that it isn't important.

 

To all guys out there - would you want to marry a girl who has been with 50, 75, 100 guys? I SURE WOULD NOT!!

 

Sex is special, so if there are too many partners, it is just not good - but that's is just MY opinion.

-shakes head-

1. If someone IS ashamed about their past, how could you be amazingly pig-headed, childish and NASTY as to hold it against them? A LOT of people have emotional problems that translated into sexual relationships... I would MUCH rather someone who was understanding who had slept around than a heartless, vindictive elitist.

2. Sex is fun, just becuase someone slept around between partners, it doesnt mean they ever cheated or anything... and it really is NONE of your business.

3. Does she have a right to know how many times you have masterbated? What you think about when you do? if you have ever anally stimulated yourself? NO... as long as she is clean in a medical sense, it is NOTHING to do with you.

seems to me that women in this threat are really annoyed by this question.

It is his business if he wants to move their relationship to the next stage.

It matters to the poster so i don't think anyone should say that it shouldn't matter.

The fact is, you will want to know if your potential S.O slept with a prostitute, so please don't give me this privacy BS about not needing to know.

There i saying that women will divide by half and men will multiple by 2.

It is a sigma that a women are sluts if they sleep with many men and men are studs if they sleep with many women.

Seems the Stigma is alive and well, because it is rude to ask a women how many men they screwed and the fact that they might have fallen under the current social '5lut' category.

Bwah-ha ha ha....you two are awesome.( Hazey and Michelleth)

My ex used to buy me sex toys and hide them when he wasn't home. I guess he was jealous. (?) He is now a fundamentalist christian. And alone. Maybe he will find a nice amish girl. This thread so reminds me of his attitudes.