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Thread: How to tell if gf has a promiscuous past?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member hosswhispra's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by whattheheck
    Also, what is probably a ballpark number for her? - 36, never married?
    It depends.

    My 'number' is 0 and I am 32.

    My female friends who are in their 30's range from 10-20.

  2. #22
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    If her past might be a problem for you, then ask her straight up. There is no way to divine the number of partners she's had. If you're in a relationship you should be able to speak frankly with your partner and be open and honest about your wants and expectations. If her having had few partners is an expectation of yours then you're going to have to ask her. Get it straight from the source.

  3. #23
    Gold Member JoeWho's Avatar
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    Maybe he is just a curious?

    I would just want to know just out of curiosity, maybe not specific numbers but a ballpark figure. It probably wouldn't make any difference in the relationship especially at the 8 month mark, but I would be too curious to never ask.

    Also you don't necessarily need to sleep with a lot of people to be "skilled".

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Locke2121's Avatar
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    Its honestly none of your business!

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
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    There's no way to tell short of asking her.

    However, from your first post, it sounds like you'd have some doubts about her answer, even if she told you the absolute truth. That is a no-win situation.

    Frankly, if I was asked that question, I'd be offended. The impression I'd get was someone was getting ready to judge me on past behavior that may have absolutely nothing to do with who I am now.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    You can either:

    1. Ask her.
    2. Ask her and not believe her anyway and continue wondering and guessing.
    3. Not ask and continue wondering and guessing.
    4. Not ask and accept it is her past and accept that she is trustworthy and all that now.



    As an aside, at 8 months in I think it is a little late to start wondering about this now and setting it up as a dealbreaker unless you are looking for a way out.


    Nor does the # of partners reflect her commitment of fidelity.

    I wonder what to you would be the "ideal" number? I think it's a question she will "fail" whatever her answer if you really are putting a lot of weight on it since you seem to not trust whom she is at this point anyway.


    And if it is the case you just don't trust her...that in itself might be more telling than the # and indicative it may be time to move on...because it is not fair to her to stay if you don't either.
    Last edited by RayKay; 02-28-2007 at 01:40 PM.

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    Yeah, well, if it was a deal-breaker for him...he should have brought it up sooner. 8 months is waiting awhile. It is like not using a condom for 8 months and then saying....oh..by the way...who is taking care of the protection? And if this has been eating away at him and is that important....sheesh. Why develop attachments? I have a problem with the word "promiscuous"....is this special word used for men too? And assuming she wasn't as you say "promiscuous"...and you had more partners than she....what would one label you as? A player? A rogue? A cassanova? I am sure no one would call you promiscuous. You are a guy. Someone will probably punch you in the arm and tell you "good for you dude"....

  9. #28
    Gold Member JoeWho's Avatar
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    So everyone who thinks it's none of his business has never asked a S/O about this or had a S/O ask them? I find that very hard to believe.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JoeWho
    So everyone who thinks it's none of his business has never asked a S/O about this or had a S/O ask them? I find that very hard to believe.
    Never asked any of my bf's or my husband about a number or for specific details. It's none of my business what they did before they met me. I can learn about what kind of person they are by observing their behavior in the present.

    I've also never been asked for a number of specifics. Perhaps because of my attitude toward this subject, I wouldn't get close enough to someone who was likely to ask such a question.

    The implications of being asked such a question (as I mentioned in my previous post) would gripe my cookies enough that I'd probably just move along.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by JoeWho
    So everyone who thinks it's none of his business has never asked a S/O about this or had a S/O ask them? I find that very hard to believe.
    I think it's fine to ask. But the OP made it clear that if the number was too high for him, he would dump her (what his idea of "too high" is was not explained). That's pretty low, IMO. He apparently has some magic number in mind, and if his gf doesn't come in at or below it, he's off.

    Frankly, I think she'll be better off.

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