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Thread: How to tell if gf has a promiscuous past?

  1. #201

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    Okay , you are 17...you will probably have a sexual history by the time you are nearly 40...like the female in question here...unless of course you choose not to, and just pick one person for the rest of your life. Some do that. It works at times too. Unfortunately, some of us hope we find "the one"...and it wasnt the one. Not even close. It even happens over and over. Some people just LIKE to sleep around...others just have a hard time getting along with anyone....and never learn from their mistakes. I wish when I was your age that they had had some kind of course in high school about healthy relationships. People do take things seriously...though not at the same time sometimes. Have you ever had a broken heart? Then maybe,perhaps you might understand some of the problems posted here. Some things seem really strange and alien until you have lived through them...although no one wants to see anyone go through this painful stuff. Your advantage in this era, is that you can read and learn so much and be much better prepared than I was at your age. You have the world wide web. I had books, movies and television. I hope you read and learn lots of things from this site...there are many wise people here (some not) but you will probably be able to discern that yourself. Good luck !

  2. #202
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    Originally Posted by treefrogkate
    Or she might just think it's none of their business.

    Like I said before, it's one thing to want to know, but it's another thing entirely to use whatever information you get against that person. After 8 months of a committed, faithful relationship, that's entirely unfair.
    Like it or not, in a relationship headed towards marriage, honesty is crucial. I'm not sure if I missed something but where do you get this "using informatino against your partner" from when inquiring in to there sexual history?

    I think any marriage counsellor will tell you that the fewer secrets partners keep between eachother the better their relationship will likely be. Considering a partners sexual history as a taboo subject will leave (sometimes significant) gaps in your understanding of your partners past and may impede you from understanding fully what made them who they are presently.

  3. #203
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Superfreak
    Like it or not, in a relationship headed towards marriage, honesty is crucial. I'm not sure if I missed something but where do you get this "using informatino against your partner" from when inquiring in to there sexual history?

    I think any marriage counsellor will tell you that the fewer secrets partners keep between eachother the better their relationship will likely be. Considering a partners sexual history as a taboo subject will leave (sometimes significant) gaps in your understanding of your partners past and may impede you from understanding fully what made them who they are presently.
    I agree.

    But the OP was going to use the information against his SO. So treefrogs point was valid.

  4. #204
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    i had an argument with my girl not too long ago about her ex. sometimes i feel that past catches up on you...

    i love my gf. she is smart and sensible YET she stayed with this guy for over 4 years INSPITE of him being abusive to her.

    REASON: He gave her good sex.

    she said women dont think about sex like men do...which makes me wonder...is she with me because she truly likes me? was she with all the other guys from her past because she liked them? or was she with them because they gave her good sex...

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  6. #205
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by saberman3000
    REASON: He gave her good sex.
    That might be what she TELLS you... it might be what she tells herself. But I doubt it true.
    I told people I stayed with my abusive ex becuase he was rich... it was easier than saying I was too scared to leave.

  7. #206
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    Originally Posted by Eva 1526216
    I agree.

    But the OP was going to use the information against his SO. So treefrogs point was valid.
    Oh, my mistake, I just didn't feel like wading through 11 pages of material, silly me

  8. #207
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Superfreak;1526231]Oh, my mistake, I just didn't feel like wading through 11 pages of material, silly me

    fair enough.. although it was in the first post.

  9. #208
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    why was she scared to leave? you always have a choice...

    i asked her that and she said he wouldn't go away...YET she admitted of letting him in after a fight...now what do i make of that?

  10. #209
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    Originally Posted by Eva 1526232
    fair enough.. although it was in the first post.
    It was?

    The only thing in the first post was that he wanted to ask her how many partners she had and what the average for her age was?

    I didn't get any feeling of him using any information against her

  11. #210
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by saberman3000
    why was she scared to leave? you always have a choice...

    i asked her that and she said he wouldn't go away...YET she admitted of letting him in after a fight...now what do i make of that?
    You cant really explain it to someone who hasnt been in an abusive relationship before.
    You dont have self esteem, you dont think anyone will want you, you think you DESERVE the abuse.

    I still saw this guy after he let his friend try to kill me, didnt care when his other friend tried to hook up with me and I still even saw him after he raped me (the first time)... and when he finally left me for someone else, I begged him to come back.

    You dont act normally when you are being treated like that, and DONT judge her or try to make her feel stupid for things she did back then, its embarrassing enough as it is.


    Superfreak He was going to dump her if it was above his acceptable quota. Regardless of what may have happened in her past.
    Last edited by Eva:Gina; 03-20-2007 at 01:32 AM.

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