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Thread: How to tell if gf has a promiscuous past?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by whattheheck
    I care because i just want to know. They say the past doesn't matter, but it does. I don't want to get really serious with a woman who has been with a lot of guys.
    I can understand you wanting to know about her sexual past, but honestly it's none of your business. As long as you know she "clean" and that she's faithful to you, let her past be her past. You should be able to tell what kind of character she has by now. Just because she's never been married doesn't mean she's had a lot of partners. How many serious relationships has she been in? How long did they last? There's some questions you can ask her to give you an idea of a number, if you must know.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Honey Pumpkin's Avatar
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    I care because i just want to know. They say the past doesn't matter, but it does. I don't want to get really serious with a woman who has been with a lot of guys.
    Why wait until 8 months in? There is nothing anyone could (or should) do to change their past. If this was so important to you, I can't help but think you should have made it a condition up front.

    What do you call 'a lot'? What would you consider acceptable? What combinations? ie what if she's done a lot of men, but always been faithful and so on? Is that better than someone with a lower number who has had threesomes/foursomes? What about same sex experience?

    I just think it's a minefield, and there are no absolutes. The important thing: are you happy? are you both faithful?

  3. #13
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    The past is in the past for a reason. What good really comes out of knowing the number of people your partner has been with?

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Honey Pumpkin
    Why wait until 8 months in? There is nothing anyone could (or should) do to change their past. If this was so important to you, I can't help but think you should have made it a condition up front.
    Exactly, why now?

    And, if you love her for the woman you know her to be, then who cares? Whatever she has in her past has made her who she is now.

    How would you feel if 8 months in to a relationship the woman you loved was questioning your sexual past and might or might not leave you b/c of it? Ouch

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  6. #15

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    Yeah...what she said ^^^^ Unless she was a prostitute...(which shows some character issues) Gee, how many women have YOU slept with? It seems sociatally, it shows a man has "mojo"...if a woman acts the same way...she is considered dirty or bad. And if you two sat at a table and wrote down names, and all the details of your pasts...what would that accomplish? You breaking up. It's crap. People do change...and past behaviors do not always predict the future. Are you just looking for an excuse to break it off?

  7. 02-28-2007, 12:33 PM

  8. #16
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    Originally Posted by fnlyfrei
    Yeah...what she said ^^^^ (michelleth) Unless she was a prostitute...(which shows some character issues) Gee, how many women have YOU slept with? It seems sociatally, it shows a man has "mojo"...if a woman acts the same way...she is considered dirty or bad. And if you two sat at a table and wrote down names, and all the details of your pasts...what would that accomplish? You breaking up. It's crap. People do change...and past behaviors do not always predict the future. Are you just looking for an excuse to break it off?
    Amen sister!

  9. #17
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    Actually, if a woman I'm in a LTR with has had a lot of partners in the past, I find it kind of flattering. She's dated 100 guys and she chose me to be with. That's a plus in my book.

  10. #18
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    Originally Posted by splashdown!
    Actually, if a woman I'm in a LTR with has had a lot of partners in the past, I find it kind of flattering. She's dated 100 guys and she chose me to be with. That's a plus in my book.
    See, it all has to do with how secure you are with YOURSELF.

  11. #19

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    AND...ahem...my fiance is quite knowledgeable in the areas of intimacy...if he was some guy who had only slept with three women in 14 years, he would most likely be similar to some of the complete klutzes I have been with. I get to reap the (quite lovely) benefits of his education. Yay for me !

  12. #20

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    I'm curious to know from the OP why he needs to know.

    Do you think she's more likely to cheat on you or leave you for another guy is she's "been around"?
    Would it make you uncomfortable to know she has lots of other guys to compare you to?
    Do you feel that women who have "been around" have less respect for themselves? ..deserve less respect?

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