He says he loves me...actions speak louder then words..right?

Hi,

I dont know if I've dont the right thing or not...

I have posted before about this man in my life. I keep taking him back.

We have had many ups and downs, mostly due to him saying things hes going to do and telling me he loves me, but then turns around and acts like a jerk.

I will only back track to v-day.

About two weeks before the 14th he asked me if i expected anything for v-day and I said no...he said good because he thinks its just another day.

I was fine with that..I still got him 2 cards and his son one also, thats just me. Well, I have to say that I was sad that he didnt even bother to call me.

I didnt expect a card or gift, but a phone call would have been nice.

Jump to Friday the 16th.....

I hadnt heard from him since tuesday the 13th ( I called him) and I was out with friends.. he walks in and doesnt even say hello. We were 15 ft from each other for over 2 hours and not a word from him..I was really pissed!

I called him after I got home and broke up with him (AGAIN)

He called me 5 times on sunday the 18th and wanted to talk...stupid me..I agreed.

He brought up us moving in together ( was talked about a couple months ago) and that he was going to by me a diamond necklace for my b-day ( which is today) I knew this was sunshine he was blowing up my rear!! He said that he didnt talk to me on friday because he had heard that I was angery about v-day.....I told him i wasnt angery about that..that I waas angery because he didnt even talk to me Friday.

Jump to Saturday the 24th...

I called him to see if we werre going to spend any time together over the weekend and he got really pissy....I said if he didnt want to spend time with me just tell me..no big deal..just dont make excuses.

He said : not with a bilzzard going on and if I couldn't deal with that it was not his problem.....I hung up on him.

I saw him later ( I was out with friends) and it was real tense...finally I went over to him and chewed him out..I told him he was off the hook for my b-day and to lose my number and that I am sick of him blowing sunshine up my rear!

I took him some clothes he had here and told him that I would like to talk so we could remain friends.....needless to say ..we havent talked.

I went to have a beer with friends last night (early b-day outting) and he walked in...I looked the other way and totally ignored him.

Everytime I try and walk from this relationship he starts to hound me. The unavailable #'s start coming in on the caller ID..happens every time.

My fear is that he will try and "make things up to me" like he always does and I will take him back again......I do love him, but I cant take the constant disappointment!!!!!

If anyone out there can relate to my situation, Please let me know how you got out for good. I've lost my backbone...I dont like being a jellyfish anymore!

Thanks!

you need to just walk. he seems immature and doens't know what he wants. this is why he keeps playing with you like this. he knows he can. i don't answer blocked numbers or unavailable numbers. if it important, they can either unblock the number or leave a message. this is how i got those types of calls to stop. people get the clue. you should try that. if there is a voice mail listen to it. then you can decide if the person is worth calling back. if no message, then it must not have been important at all.

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Sounds to me like he's getting what he can from the situation. And as long as you keep playing his game, he's not going to go away, or commit.

Have more respect for yourself, and tell the loser to F off for good. Find yourself a real man.

He is 46 for goodness sake! What if he does end up getting me something for my b-day as a last ditch effert? I dont think he will, but If he does I dont think I will accept it....He knows Im not materialistic.

I agree about the phone calls...he just checking to see if im home. I know I need to walk away! Im trying.....guess Im just too forgiving..hopefully not this time.....thanks for the replys

Yeah...it seems to me that some people do not want something unless they can't have it...childish to say the least. He had his chance right? Move on sister...let him kick himself later when you meet someone who actually knows how to treat you...and you won't even give him the time of day.

I'm in kind of a similar situation. My "ex" and I took so many breaks during our 7 month relationship. Each time, we'd end up talking again every time. We split 2 Fridays ago. I'm not going to try to say it's a cake walk, it's far from it! I had become very dependent upon having him in my life.

But yes - ACTIONS speak louder than Words most of the time.

And any guy that has the audacity to say they love you and then ignore you in public or for days as punishment or to hide their tail, isn't worth your time.

I would say that you need walk away. I know i need to do the same thing. It is hard..we have been together 7 years and i know exactly what you are talking about. My boyfriend actually told me he treated me this way b/c i allowed him too. I would always take him back. It's a vicious cycle that doesn't end. I'm to the point where i am getting out and see if him knowing that i'm not coming back changes anything.

It seems from your description that when he gets to walk all over or bribe you, he does not want you. And that when you stand up for yourself, he wants you more than ever. If you do get back with him, then remember that.

I think this is tough to get back and put things on a new course, but if you get back with him you need to. He needs to know what is expected of him, and respect needs to be a big word.

Thanks everyone for your input.

I know what I need to do....I just talked with a friend and I said that I really cant even be mad at him...I've allowed this.. just like cchella.

I left him a message on sunday that He was disrepectful and he has hurt me too much...but then again Ive said this in the past and taken him back.

so...Its my own fault. he knows I love him and that he has the upper hand.

I have to be true to my word this time and not take him back.

I plan to stay home and away from the friends we have in common and out of the places he knows I go...gonna suck having to "HOLE UP" in my house for a bit but its the only way. thanks guys for the advice..I spend so much time second guessing myself lately.

Yeah...it seems to me that some people do not want something unless they can't have it...childish to say the least. He had his chance right? Move on sister...let him kick himself later when you meet someone who actually knows how to treat you...and you won't even give him the time of day.

Ive tried to move on but he ends up being buddy buddy with any guys interested in me...small town..most guys dont want to deal with him in their face.....I have a feeling this wont go away soon. my self esteam is shot right now and he knows it... he told me last week that im to skinny and guys think im hot, but he thinks i need to put on weight.....IM 5'6 and 117lbs. Im tired of him cutting me down....he also said i was pretty but not to get a big head about it...I told him I knew i was pretty and he said see..thers the big head! man, I dont need his crap!

It seems from your description that when he gets to walk all over or bribe you, he does not want you. And that when you stand up for yourself, he wants you more than ever. If you do get back with him, then remember that.

 

I think this is tough to get back and put things on a new course, but if you get back with him you need to. He needs to know what is expected of him, and respect needs to be a big word.

How would I go about putting this on a new course? Ive taken him back too many times...and I know he is not taking me serious this time either. He will be calling by the weekend if not sooner...I wont answer as usual and this will go on for about 2 weeks and I will be answering the phone...

He knows I wont shut off the ringers when my kids are with their Dad, so thats usually when he calls.](*,)

I'm just hooked on this man and cant set myself free. I want things to work out with him and he says he does too. He told me I get mad at him too much and I replied with..Thats because you are disrespectful and I think your stringing me along...

Man, I sound pathetic!

Hmmm...tellling you not to get a big head..etc...is he trying to control how you even think about yourself? Not his job, not his place, you have your OWN brain ! If you want to think you are the prettiest, hottest thing on the planet...you can. He is just knocking you down because HE is insecure. He is afraid you WILL look at him and say..."yeah, whatever"...

Ask yourself..is this the kind of "friend" you would choose? Sorry...this infuriates me...the person who you love should be the person who builds you up and makes you feel terrific. If someone has the oppisate effect on me...I kick em' to the curb post haste. Life is too short to ALLOW some jerk to tell you who you are. That is for YOU to decide. Okay, vent over....

OK, let's you sit him down and you simply tell him how things are going to be:

1. Agree to try some dating, if he wants, but give no promises as to how long it will go on;

2. Let him know that when and if he is your boyfriend he has to do, and have a list A, B, C & D;

3. Any screw ups, he leaves you alone.

In other words, back up to as if you were jsut beginning dating again and make him earn his way back into your good graces.

go on a date an tie something to his thingie and attach it to your finger. if he does something you don't like, tug on it. that ought to train him. i don't know why you keep getting stuck on this guy. i guess when it is good it's good. but you have to focus on the bad in this situation and how it makes you feel. this will help you get completely over him.

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Here is what I did in a similar situation....I left the cad..who messed with my head to the Nth degree... I ;moved in with my girlfriend. She told me to write down every feeling I had....and see if the good outweighed the bad. I spilled it all out onto paper. Guess what? There wasn't even one word on the good side. The negative blacked it all out...if there was any to begin with.

You are right...it IS your responsibility. If you allow him to treat you shoddy...it IS your own fault. If you stay, let him treat you like he has been treating you, push him away, take him back....(a definite pattern...ugh !) your family and friends are going to tire of YOUR whining. You need to decide something and stick with it. He will respect you for it...he might not like it much...tough !

Hmmm...tellling you not to get a big head..etc...is he trying to control how you even think about yourself? Not his job, not his place, you have your OWN brain ! If you want to think you are the prettiest, hottest thing on the planet...you can. He is just knocking you down because HE is insecure. He is afraid you WILL look at him and say..."yeah, whatever"...

Ask yourself..is this the kind of "friend" you would choose? Sorry...this infuriates me...the person who you love should be the person who builds you up and makes you feel terrific. If someone has the oppisate effect on me...I kick em' to the curb post haste. Life is too short to ALLOW some jerk to tell you who you are. That is for YOU to decide. Okay, vent over....

Sorry got tied up with something, anyway

He hates it when I say "whatever" another one he hates is when I say "because I can" I say that a lot when he is complaining about something I said or did that he didnt like....which he dosent seem to like much of what i do unless its what he wants.

go on a date an tie something to his thingie and attach it to your finger. if he does something you don't like, tug on it. that ought to train him. i don't know why you keep getting stuck on this guy. i guess when it is good it's good. but you have to focus on the bad in this situation and how it makes you feel. this will help you get completely over him.

 

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Thats what Im trying to do..focus on the bad. Plenty of it too!

Fnly,

I dont want to come accross as whining...Im hurt and confused. I have been nothing but honest with him and he feeds me full of sunshine.

Yes, I know I have allowed this to happen. What am I s'pose to do.. turn around and be a bi**ch?

No...not a beach. Just stop being "wishy- washy" Do not accept his childish or rude behaviors. It is up to you if you want to keep him around...or play his games. Doesn't it drive you crazy?

Yes it drives me crazy...

sometimes I think it makes him happy to see me this way.

Ive always been head strong and confident.

He hates it when other men talk to me when we are out.

couple weeks ago I was talking to some snowmobilers and he told me later that he was watching every move iI made..that was the friday night the totally ignored me...

THe people I was talking to happened to be old friends of my ex husband and he told me I was trying to make him jealous..which I wansnt..harmless conversation.

He told me that he heard one of them ask me if I wanted to go for a ride..I declined. but I sure heard about it later. I feel I need to look over my shoulder. HOw could he have heard that?

My guess is that he didnt hear it..he asked them about what we were talking about....remember in the post before? he gets in the face of anyone i talk too. YES, ITs driving me crazy..at first it was cute..now- not so much!

Wow...he is VERY insecure. But you should not allow his insecurites to rule over YOU. It might seem like a compliment at first...but as time goes by, it is hurtful...more and more. You might start realizing that you are not being yourself and becoming more and more introverted and less self-confident. If someone really loves you kid, they love you just the way you are.

Wow...he is VERY insecure. But you should not allow his insecurites to rule over YOU. It might seem like a compliment at first...but as time goes by, it is hurtful...more and more. You might start realizing that you are not being yourself and becoming more and more introverted and less self-confident. If someone really loves you kid, they love you just the way you are.

Thanks for that,

Ive lost my confidence...Its coming back slow but sure, maybe Im just having a tough time because its my b-day and I really wanted him to show he cares..nothing so far today.

A good friend of my just called an invited me out, a male friend, that could spell trouble.

BUT, Im going to go and shave my "skinny" legs and wash the hair on my "BIG HEAD" lol and go have some fun..ya only turn 36 once ya know

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE!

Im goin to check back here real soon to see if you have nad advice on how to handle him if he shows up,okay? thanks!

no, but you need to leave this situation for someone else. you have to realize it's affecting your life.