"I don't think I could do it"

Man, if I hear this one more time...

My bf and I are in a LDR and while we only live about 2 hrs apart, ridiculous work schedules sometimes mean 2 weeks apart, and even when we do see each other it can often be just me driving down after work, having dinner and coming back again. Fingers crossed this is a short term problem, (some things are changing with his work which will hopefully make life easier).

My little rant is, that when I talk to my friends about when I am seeing my bf (and it's usually not whinging, as our situation cannot be helped right now) they always say "Oh, when are you seeing him" or "When was the last time you saw him?" and when I tell them, they often say "Oh, I don't think I could do that" or "I don't know how you cope".

I know they are trying to be supportive but honestly, what choice do I have? I'm not going to give up someone I love and find someone new purely based on location. Love isn't like that. I guess if the situation was reversed I would probably think the same thing, but as I said, what can you do about it? At this point nothing is going to change, and the fact that my friends constantly remind me of how crap our situation is doesn't help! ](*,)

Look, I'm really just ranting, but has anyone else expreienced this?

Hi Aymee,

My wife and I met when I was on business in Kiev, Ukraine. It was then a further year before we finally lived together in the same country. I think during that year we had about three two week holidays together, and that's all. And yes, I had the same questions about 'How does that work?', 'How do you cope?', etc etc etc...

I spoke with my wife very early in the relationship and asked her if she would be able to sustain a long distance relationship. I assured her that we would be together as soon as possible, but that we'd have to be patient and be strong in the meantime. I asked her if she had the strength to do that and she was sure that she did. And so we coped. At times it was hard, but we kept focused on what lay ahead for us, which was the potential of a great future. And now here we are, married and together for almost a year. She moved countries to be with me, and we are so happy together. So it CAN all work out if you just keep faith and your bond is strong enough.

Keep focusing on when you two will be together, and this will help you through the hard times. And as for friend's comments, let them pass over your head, they are of no consequence.

Wish you all the best, both personally and in your relationship. Take care...

I know how annoying that is, I get it all the time. Just smile and say something like, 'it's not too bad' or something, then ignore them. They don't realise how frustrating and annoying and (in my case) occasionally hurtful(in the, 'thanks for reminding me it's been sooo long since I've seen them, I really needed that', way.)

Just focus on the relationship. All the best.

I'd say ignore your friends. They're not the ones giving you your future. If you're truly in love with your boyfriend, nothing should be able to stand between you two.

I agree with ignoring your friends because they are giving you unsolicited advice/input. I also think given that it is only two hours you two should work on seeing each other more often whether it means meeting in the middle or otherwise. If you each work 7 days a week 8am to midnight well then, sure, but if you have one day a week where even if you have to work you can work from home or don't have to be in the office why not at least get together and do work together in the same room?My guess is you feel defensive because part of you believes someone should be putting in a little more effort despite busy work schedules.

hi - I wouldn't take what your friends say so personally. i've said similar things in the past, but i am just talking about myself, not insinuating anything about them or their relationship. I was just talking about my own personal preferences in relationships. That said, I don't think 2 hours even qualifies as long distance, but I guess it can be if you don't see each other enough. i know a married couple that actually lives on separate CONTINENTS and they still see each other every 7-10 days. If you have the money and resources, it is possible.

i was thinking along the same lines as batya, why wait 2 weeks to see each other? can't you guys maybe meet halfway for lunch some days or dinner? a former roommate of mine was dating a guy who lived 2 hours away and they often met halfway.

Take it as a compliment. The most useful thing anyone ever told me about LDRs was that you have to be a certain type of person to do it. And that person is someone with lots of good qualities: strength, faithfulness, self-reliance. What your friends are saying is, I don't have your strength, or your willpower, or your self-confidence.

Take it as a compliment. The most useful thing anyone ever told me about LDRs was that you have to be a certain type of person to do it. And that person is someone with lots of good qualities: strength, faithfulness, self-reliance. What your friends are saying is, I don't have your strength, or your willpower, or your self-confidence.

I also think often people are in LDRs because they enjoy the fantasy of yearning and missing each other more than the real person in day to day life - fantasy is safer than reality. That's why I wouldn't choose it for any long period of time. However in the OPs case (who isn't in a true LDR anyway) sure she can take it as a compliment but my guess is that the tone that is used is intrusive/prying, or else she would have done so.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

As I said, I was really just having a rant, but I appreciate everyone taking the time to reply.

Just in response to some posters comments- you're right 2 hours really isn't long distance, certainly not in comparison to what some people have to endure (I don't know how they do it he he).

In terms of how often we see each other, just a little background (if anyone was interested), I am a school teacher which means I work most days 8-5 or 8-6 Mon-Fri. My bf is an industrial engineer who at this point is contracted to work every other week and weekend in a town about 4 hours away. This means he only gets one weekend off per fortnight. Currently he plays cricket (which I sometimes go to) but where he plays is another hr away from his house which is over 3 hours for me. So when you consider cricket (which is all day) he actually gets about 1 day off per fortnight. So I think we're doing ok! And as I said, it is short term.

I was really just ranting in regards to some people's reactions. If we could do something about it we would! Oh well, it's not forever Good luck to everyone in their relationships too

Got it. I wish I had a schedule like yours! I work most weekends and many evenings and it is always unpredictable. Are you cool with him prioritizing cricket over seeing you?

Its funny you say that batya33. Sometimes I think 'Just quit cricket for goodness sake!' but then he really enjoys it, his plays for his home team, and it's only about 5 months a year. Plus it's his 'thing'. And with his work being so busy I think he's entitled to it Yes, it is annoying sometimes, but I wouldn't ever tell him not to do it. I mean, if he said to me 'Give up doing whatever' I'd think that was a bit unfair. But I'm hearing you!

I completely understand your decision - I didn't have an answer in mind when I asked the question.

LDR's suck. But I'm in one because he's worth it.

I get that too and I REALLY don't understand. I was in a 'real' LDR for four months, it was accross countries and separated by 1500 km. THAT, we both couldn't do, so we decided to part ways. My current bf of over a year is a former housemate of mine. I got a job in another town, and moved 200 km away. We have the possibility to work at home, we both work on our PhD research. Still we mostly see each other in weekends, and sometimes yeah, two weeks will pass if he's abroad or me.

As long as you are ok with it, and you are both happy, don't pay attention to what others are saying. Or take it as a compliment: they must think it requires a lot of love and commitment to be in this kind of relationship. I think if people have not experienced how feelings can overrule possible inconveniences such as distance, it's hard to understand.

Arwen

hi amme lee, i had the same thing some times. it's no such a big deal when it's just some weeks after he/she lefts. sadly it can happens when you are in the middle of waiting for seeing your bf again. then it really sucks

to be honest, i wouldn't recommed someone else to choose for a LDR if he wants my opinion about it. till now i can't understand how come i didn't notice how hard is it to be so far from the one you love. you get to feel so powerless about it. then love will be the only thing that can make you feel close one another.

but at the ends it's what you choose and cause you're sure about that person. keep holding on and don't give up just cuase of some discouraging words

cyn