What rape did to you?

omg, eva... I know exactly what you mean.... same here... it's terrible isn't it? A vast majority of the men I've slept with have been because I was just sick of them pressuring me and I wanted to get to sleep. Same deal as you.

and at the time its just "well, its just one more, isnt it?"

I never realised how badly I would regret just giving in like that.

Do you find it makes sex weird beucase your fantasies become overly violent/humiliating?

 

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Eva, is this common for rape victims? I always wanted to ask, but was too embarrassed because I thought it would make me sound like a psycho... but ever since it happened to me, it's been a recurring fantasy...

and at the time its just "well, its just one more, isnt it?"

 

I never realised how badly I would regret just giving in like that.

god, i know.... the number of men I've slept with is absolutely humiliating... I would NEVER tell a guy I wanted to date my number. In fact, only one person (outside of the internet forums) knows the real number.

Eva, is this common for rape victims? I always wanted to ask, but was too embarrassed because I thought it would make me sound like a psycho... but ever since it happened to me, it's been a recurring fantasy...

Im not sure

I know that until Macca, I COUDLNT orgasm without picturing myself in a horrible circumstance.

I was the first to admit that I liked to be held down and/or in pain... but now that I dont need that kind of thing, I feel sort of sick thinking about what I fantasised about.

I still need that kind of fantasy if I am alone and ot be honest, my taste is porn in kind of sick

Did your mother ever say anything about it after the fact?.

I'm fairly certain my mother no longer remembers that (she has a lot memory loss). As far back as I can remember, she always acted strangely around me...mostly angry. I never brought it up after it happened. During that time, my mom was away a lot. I forget why, but she went back to NJ a lot that year. I talked to my brother about some of the things I went through with our mother (definitely not the rape, though) and they both couldn't comprehend it. I know for a fact my mom never treated them badly at all. I think part of the reason my mom and I had our problems was due to the fact she wanted a son. She had a very bad miscarriage (a boy) before me and then I wasn't planned. At least that's what makes sense to me.

I'm fairly certain my mother no longer remembers that (she has a lot memory loss). As far back as I can remember, she always acted strangely around me...mostly angry. I never brought it up after it happened. During that time, my mom was away a lot. I forget why, but she went back to NJ a lot that year. I talked to my brother about some of the things I went through with our mother (definitely not the rape, though) and they both couldn't comprehend it. I know for a fact my mom never treated them badly at all. I think part of the reason my mom and I had our problems was due to the fact she wanted a son. She had a very bad miscarriage (a boy) before me and then I wasn't planned. At least that's what makes sense to me.

It makes sense to me too... in a twisted sort of way.

I cant imagine how hard it must be for you

Im not sure

I know that until Macca, I COUDLNT orgasm without picturing myself in a horrible circumstance.

 

I was the first to admit that I liked to be held down and/or in pain... but now that I dont need that kind of thing, I feel sort of sick thinking about what I fantasised about.

 

I still need that kind of fantasy if I am alone and ot be honest, my taste is porn in kind of sick

 

My taste in porn is kinda sick, too. I don't really watch movies or look at pictures, but I read stories. I'd NEVER tell a guy what kind I read.

 

This was a good threat idea. I feel so awful for all of you who have endured this, but at the same time, it makes the whole thing much more real, which is terrible. Just think if everyone here had reported every incident... sigh

Just think if everyone here had reported every incident... sigh

I know...

even things like my high school teacher pushing himself against me in class...

it wasnt so bad for me... but I have no idea what he might have done to others...

EDIT: I watch movies... and they are pretty... wrong... I think I scared my ex a bit with what I liked to watch

I get strange thoughts and images. I think about it later and it makes me think, "what is wrong with me?" I have felt tainted and somewhat "unmarriagable" for a while. Like I'm not really the type a man would like to stay with. So I think the rape affected me in a lot of ways...

thyroxine: your picture feels like me sometimes and for long periods of time. I can relate. I am sorry about all you've gone through. I am curious as to what happened in your mind when that all happened. I had a sort of "out of body experience" where I almost wasn't completely aware. Anyone else have that sort of thing happen?

I don't usually think of it as rape. Though I think many strong links can be made between rape and what happened to me. It usually involved force, pressure, anger, abuse on the part of the men.

Well, to have my body touched or used in ways that I did not want.....it was very shocking, traumatizing. I could feel my whole body stiffen. It gives me a very bad view of sex.....I think of sex like it's depraved, a way for men to hurt women and to control women. I think of sex as a form of entitlement for men. It shapes my views of sex and it's connotations in a negative way.

The emotional trauma to my system, feeling shame, guilt, anger, disgust, embarrassment, bad memories coming up, fear, hurt, mistrust of others, a sense of loss of innocence and youth.

Rape is a bad bad thing. And I think it's underreported because while it may not always be outright force, there are many situations of extreme pressure and distress. That can be quite horrifying as well.

I get strange thoughts and images. I think about it later and it makes me think, "what is wrong with me?" I have felt tainted and somewhat "unmarriagable" for a while. Like I'm not really the type a man would like to stay with. So I think the rape affected me in a lot of ways...

 

I had a sort of "out of body experience" where I almost wasn't completely aware. Anyone else have that sort of thing happen?

sounds very familiar

I got that... I just kind of went quiet... I can hardly remember it. but the things I do remember make me sick.

I don't usually think of it as rape. Though I think many strong links can be made between rape and what happened to me. It usually involved force, pressure, anger, abuse on the part of the men.

I didnt used to think of it as rape either.

its such a messy concept

OMG I am so sorry you gusy.. I never realized so many of you have been through this as well.

I am open to anyone who ever needs to talk or just wants to talk with someone who relates. .PLEASE pm me..

OMG I am so sorry you gusy.. I never realized so many of you have been through this as well.

I am open to anyone who ever needs to talk or just wants to talk with someone who relates. .PLEASE pm me..

This goes for me too... always a shoulder and everything.

I just want to say, you are all some of the strongest women I have ever met. Well, not met..but been aware of. I can't imagine going through that and I'm impressed that you can all talk about it. I've never been raped. I had a bad sexual experience last year that involved me being extremely drunk and the guy being totally sober, but still wasn't rape. That screwed me up for awhile so I can't even imagine what you girls have gone through. Again, I just wanted you to know how strong you are.

Hey Everyone,

I would be the chick Eva is referring to as the one who went to the cops. As it turns out, I was number SEVEN in a series of rapes by this one guy. The only reason any of the other girls came forward was because I stepped up to the mark first. I am not trying to make myslef sound like a hero, because I am certainly not, but I think that in this instance the other girls were afraid of the consequences of making it all REAL. It was a very hard thing to go through as I am sure every girl here can sympathise with. When you see it in writing of what happedned to you (Like in my statement and in the court orders) it really does make it hit home.

All I can say to everyone on here is that it doesn't matter what the circumstances were or who did it to you, you have rights ladies and don't ever let anyone tell you differently. Even if you are hooking up with your BF and it goes further than you want it too, you CAN say no.

You are all WONDERFUL people and deserve the best things! Keep strong and if anyone wants to PM me, feel free!!!

XXX

sorry sweetheart, I didnt want to put you on the spot, you know how proud I am of you

Not at all huny buny! Thought it might make a couple of people feel better knowing " THEY ARE NOT ALONE"

Akatea: ARE YOU KIDDING? You ARE a hero. You saved many other women from the pain you experienced!!! Your pain created a stop to harm. You need to get that! Why aren't you entitled to praise? You are!

I think I feel a little healing coming on!!! BTW...same goes for me. If anyone needs me, I'm here. I've done life coaching and I can do that for you gals if you want.

Akatea: ARE YOU KIDDING? You ARE a hero. You saved many other women from the pain you experienced!!! Your pain created a stop to harm. You need to get that! Why aren't you entitled to praise? You are!

I know... shes one of the strongest people I know, and she is FAR too modest

It happened to me when I was 17. A guy who did it afterwards told me I was his GF NOW and he is going to support me and buy me a house. He had 2 children. I got rid of him and never reported it, felt sorry for his kids. I was never able to trust a bf afterwards - was scared of the same thing. I am training myself to be able to trust a man and not to push someone I love away from myself because of stupid feeling of being dirty or tainted, not like everyone else. I wish I had started reading all these forums before, I would have probably been a much happier person...

I just want to say, you are all some of the strongest women I have ever met. Well, not met..but been aware of. I can't imagine going through that and I'm impressed that you can all talk about it. I've never been raped. I had a bad sexual experience last year that involved me being extremely drunk and the guy being totally sober, but still wasn't rape. That screwed me up for awhile so I can't even imagine what you girls have gone through. Again, I just wanted you to know how strong you are.

2 years after my rape incident, I talked to a cop because I wanted to put in a report, so just in case it happened to another woman, I would be on record. I started asking random questions. One of those questions was, if one person is completely sober and the other very drunk, is it consentual? The cop said it absolutely was not and the sober person could be charged with rape if the other party reported it. He said the only way it would be consentual, is if the drunk person consented BEFORE drinking. (I say person because it could go either way, as women do rape men...though not nearly as common)\

Daligal, I am so sorry that happened to you. Regardless of what you want to call it, that guy was completely in the wrong

Well, I said it wasn't rape because while I was pretty drunk, I was still aware of what I was doing. I definitely would NOT have done it if I was sober...and I kept saying no while he kept suggesting it and I eventually gave it...mixture of alcohol and being really lonely. I stopped it after like 3 minutes and the creepy jerk goes, "I'll show you how much I care about you and I'll stop." Ugh I hate him. I go to school with him and still had to see him. He'd try to talk to me and eventually I was like, listen leave me alone. Every once in awhile he'll try to talk to me again and I've had to tell him on three different occasions to leave me alone. I think he's gone for good now though...I don't even see him in school. I think he dropped out.

Thanks Jen for telling me about that. Now I'm kind of worried though if I should have reported it? Is it still rape if I was aware of my actions?

Also...I'm assuming he was sober because he drove to my apartment and drove himself home. He had met up with me at a bar (cause I thought we were friends...) coming from another function and I think he had a beer, but I can't remember. It was over a year ago.