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Thread: What rape did to you?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thyroxine
    I'm fairly certain my mother no longer remembers that (she has a lot memory loss). As far back as I can remember, she always acted strangely around me...mostly angry. I never brought it up after it happened. During that time, my mom was away a lot. I forget why, but she went back to NJ a lot that year. I talked to my brother about some of the things I went through with our mother (definitely not the rape, though) and they both couldn't comprehend it. I know for a fact my mom never treated them badly at all. I think part of the reason my mom and I had our problems was due to the fact she wanted a son. She had a very bad miscarriage (a boy) before me and then I wasn't planned. At least that's what makes sense to me.
    It makes sense to me too... in a twisted sort of way.
    I cant imagine how hard it must be for you

  2. #32
    Platinum Member jengh's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Eva 1468995]Im not sure
    I know that until Macca, I COUDLNT orgasm without picturing myself in a horrible circumstance.

    I was the first to admit that I liked to be held down and/or in pain... but now that I dont need that kind of thing, I feel sort of sick thinking about what I fantasised about.

    I still need that kind of fantasy if I am alone and ot be honest, my taste is porn in kind of sick

    My taste in porn is kinda sick, too. I don't really watch movies or look at pictures, but I read stories. I'd NEVER tell a guy what kind I read.

    This was a good threat idea. I feel so awful for all of you who have endured this, but at the same time, it makes the whole thing much more real, which is terrible. Just think if everyone here had reported every incident... sigh

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jen4413
    Just think if everyone here had reported every incident... sigh
    I know...

    even things like my high school teacher pushing himself against me in class...
    it wasnt so bad for me... but I have no idea what he might have done to others...

    EDIT: I watch movies... and they are pretty... wrong... I think I scared my ex a bit with what I liked to watch
    Last edited by Eva:Gina; 02-18-2007 at 08:39 PM.

  4. #34
    Silver Member isisastaria's Avatar
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    I get strange thoughts and images. I think about it later and it makes me think, "what is wrong with me?" I have felt tainted and somewhat "unmarriagable" for a while. Like I'm not really the type a man would like to stay with. So I think the rape affected me in a lot of ways...
    thyroxine: your picture feels like me sometimes and for long periods of time. I can relate. I am sorry about all you've gone through. I am curious as to what happened in your mind when that all happened. I had a sort of "out of body experience" where I almost wasn't completely aware. Anyone else have that sort of thing happen?

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  6. #35
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    I don't usually think of it as rape. Though I think many strong links can be made between rape and what happened to me. It usually involved force, pressure, anger, abuse on the part of the men.

    Well, to have my body touched or used in ways that I did not want.....it was very shocking, traumatizing. I could feel my whole body stiffen. It gives me a very bad view of sex.....I think of sex like it's depraved, a way for men to hurt women and to control women. I think of sex as a form of entitlement for men. It shapes my views of sex and it's connotations in a negative way.

    The emotional trauma to my system, feeling shame, guilt, anger, disgust, embarrassment, bad memories coming up, fear, hurt, mistrust of others, a sense of loss of innocence and youth.

    Rape is a bad bad thing. And I think it's underreported because while it may not always be outright force, there are many situations of extreme pressure and distress. That can be quite horrifying as well.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by isisastaria
    I get strange thoughts and images. I think about it later and it makes me think, "what is wrong with me?" I have felt tainted and somewhat "unmarriagable" for a while. Like I'm not really the type a man would like to stay with. So I think the rape affected me in a lot of ways...

    I had a sort of "out of body experience" where I almost wasn't completely aware. Anyone else have that sort of thing happen?
    sounds very familiar

    I got that... I just kind of went quiet... I can hardly remember it. but the things I do remember make me sick.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by teardrops
    I don't usually think of it as rape. Though I think many strong links can be made between rape and what happened to me. It usually involved force, pressure, anger, abuse on the part of the men.
    I didnt used to think of it as rape either.
    its such a messy concept

  9. #38
    OMG I am so sorry you gusy.. I never realized so many of you have been through this as well.
    I am open to anyone who ever needs to talk or just wants to talk with someone who relates. .PLEASE pm me..

  10. #39
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mythical_Suicide
    OMG I am so sorry you gusy.. I never realized so many of you have been through this as well.
    I am open to anyone who ever needs to talk or just wants to talk with someone who relates. .PLEASE pm me..
    This goes for me too... always a shoulder and everything.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member Daligal83's Avatar
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    I just want to say, you are all some of the strongest women I have ever met. Well, not met..but been aware of. I can't imagine going through that and I'm impressed that you can all talk about it. I've never been raped. I had a bad sexual experience last year that involved me being extremely drunk and the guy being totally sober, but still wasn't rape. That screwed me up for awhile so I can't even imagine what you girls have gone through. Again, I just wanted you to know how strong you are.

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