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Thread: What rape did to you?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Parsley
    I'm so shocked at how many people I talk to and see so regularly on here have been through such a horrible experience.



    Scotcha, what you said has stuck with me. I studied Measure for Measure at A-level and a huge part of the moral of the story is that it's not virginity of your body that matters...it's your mind. I've read about lots of people (here and on other forums, magazines and so on) who see it as them losing their virginity and hating that that's their experience. I wish that your idea could be more widespread, as I bet it helps if only the tinest amount.
    I know what you mean
    if I wasnt to count them, do I count the men I had sex with just beucase they pressured me into it? The men I had sex with just so they would stop touching me and I could go to sleep?
    I wouldnt know where to stop... I would practically be a virgin again!! ](*,)

  2. #22
    Bronze Member thyroxine's Avatar
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    I actually recently had to miss my English class because of this topic. For some reason she chose the subject of rape and had us read a story...I couldn't get even half way through. It messed me up pretty badly that night as the story correlated to one of my experiences.

    I feel talking about it helps...so I'll try and share my experience. I lost my virginity at 7...to my mother. She had been going a bit nuts when we moved from NJ (where all her family was) to NM, and something just snapped in her I guess. The worst part was my brother started to open the door of the room she had me in and she ran and slammed it shut on him, locked it, and continued. I was in denial for nearly a decade about this, until I got raped by an older man at 17. He beat me up pretty bad, but neither of my parents noticed and I didn't tell them.

    Those were the worst two...there were technically two other times I was forced to have sex, but neither compare in my mind to the first two. Just last summer, I started going to therapy for these and related issues. One of the hardest things I have to deal with is I am now my mother's legal guardian (she had a bad motorcycle accident and is in a nursing home with brain damage.) My mother was a wonderful woman...just to everyone else.

    I believe I'm a stronger person because of this, but at the same time I have to admit that I'm still messed up with this and it's been nearly 15 years. I get panic attacks and I'm rather agoraphobic. I've only cut a few times, but the few times I have it's been my face. I usually get the urge to cut daily...but the urges are lessening due to therapy.

    This is a good thread though...while that was hard to write out, it feels good to let it out somewhere other than my journal or to my therapist.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member jengh's Avatar
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    Wow, I'm shocked at how many of you have been raped, too.

    I was raped when I was 14. 2 guys. Both in their mid-late twenties. GHB was involved. I sort of knew the one guy. They threatened me so I never reported it.

    This leads to my question: How many of you DIDNT report it?

    Every day, I feel guilty for not because I'm so afraid these men will do this to other girls.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    thyroxine... I am completely lost for words.
    Im glad you see a lighter side to it (with being a stronger person) and that you are doing something about it.

    Did your mother ever say anything about it after the fact?

    Jen: never reported it... feel horrible about it too, once I find out what else goes on with these guys.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member jengh's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eva 1468964
    I know what you mean
    if I wasnt to count them, do I count the men I had sex with just beucase they pressured me into it? The men I had sex with just so they would stop touching me and I could go to sleep?
    I wouldnt know where to stop... I would practically be a virgin again!! ](*,)
    omg, eva... I know exactly what you mean.... same here... it's terrible isn't it? A vast majority of the men I've slept with have been because I was just sick of them pressuring me and I wanted to get to sleep. Same deal as you.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jen4413
    omg, eva... I know exactly what you mean.... same here... it's terrible isn't it? A vast majority of the men I've slept with have been because I was just sick of them pressuring me and I wanted to get to sleep. Same deal as you.
    and at the time its just "well, its just one more, isnt it?"

    I never realised how badly I would regret just giving in like that.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member jengh's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eva 1468781
    Do you find it makes sex weird beucase your fantasies become overly violent/humiliating?

    .
    Eva, is this common for rape victims? I always wanted to ask, but was too embarrassed because I thought it would make me sound like a psycho... but ever since it happened to me, it's been a recurring fantasy...

  9. #28
    Platinum Member jengh's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eva 1468989
    and at the time its just "well, its just one more, isnt it?"

    I never realised how badly I would regret just giving in like that.
    god, i know.... the number of men I've slept with is absolutely humiliating... I would NEVER tell a guy I wanted to date my number. In fact, only one person (outside of the internet forums) knows the real number.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jen4413
    Eva, is this common for rape victims? I always wanted to ask, but was too embarrassed because I thought it would make me sound like a psycho... but ever since it happened to me, it's been a recurring fantasy...
    Im not sure
    I know that until Macca, I COUDLNT orgasm without picturing myself in a horrible circumstance.

    I was the first to admit that I liked to be held down and/or in pain... but now that I dont need that kind of thing, I feel sort of sick thinking about what I fantasised about.

    I still need that kind of fantasy if I am alone and ot be honest, my taste is porn in kind of sick

  11. #30
    Bronze Member thyroxine's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eva 1468982
    Did your mother ever say anything about it after the fact?.
    I'm fairly certain my mother no longer remembers that (she has a lot memory loss). As far back as I can remember, she always acted strangely around me...mostly angry. I never brought it up after it happened. During that time, my mom was away a lot. I forget why, but she went back to NJ a lot that year. I talked to my brother about some of the things I went through with our mother (definitely not the rape, though) and they both couldn't comprehend it. I know for a fact my mom never treated them badly at all. I think part of the reason my mom and I had our problems was due to the fact she wanted a son. She had a very bad miscarriage (a boy) before me and then I wasn't planned. At least that's what makes sense to me.

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