-Fin-

This is it. I'm bored to death. I have no friends.. I'm horribly miserable. I've been screaming for someone to help me and no one cares. Even online. I've posted here and other forums and I get no response. If no one cares then whatever. I'm all alone. Less than 5% of the cosmos is made up of the same materials that compose human life. I just want to sleep forever. And now I will. Everyone will be better off without me. No one here wanted to help me after I begged for it. I'll disappear and you'll never have to see me again. You're born. You're miserable. You die. What a boring cycle. Why not just end it now? I'm gonna break that cycle. When I finish typing this I'm going to write a letter to my wife. Then I'm going to hang myself.

Goodbye cruel world.

I've been screaming for someone to help me and no one cares. Even online.

I care. I haven't seen your other posts, but I saw this one, and wanted to make sure that you knew at least one person cares. And I'm sure your wife cares.

Other than feeling like you have no friends, what's making you so miserable?

Don't be a fool. Good things pop up in life as a reward after you get through the tough times.

Hold on, don't be in a rush for something like that. This is the first of your posts that I've seen. What brought you to this point?

Why do you want to kill yourself? I am sure there are good reasons for you to stay, if you look. Have you thought about this a lot? If you have, then I suggest therapy. Life isn't just boring, or sad, it can be those, but there are happy moments that exist and reasons to live. I'm sure of it.

insecure246-

I hope you're still there...like others have said, it might help you to tell us about what has led up to your feeling this way. Have you talked to your wife about how you feel?

insecure - can I ask you something?

canI ask you to DO something?

^ I hope insecure246 is telling himself something similar to that.

kind of harsh - but may be needed.......

I agree...

I've thought about suicide before, too, and what always stops me is thinking about how my family and my girlfriend would feel if I went through with it.

Insecure, if you go through with this, I'm sure your family and your wife will be devastated. Please, please reconsider.

No friends and no one cares?!?!? are you kidding me? You have a woman that chose you as the one and only man to spend the rest of her life with... That is caring, and that should be your best friend and the one that matters most.

If you want more friends and more to do, look into doing some volunteer work like habitat for humanity and things along those lines. I find that with life, when really bad things happens really good ones happen soon after if you let them and you can appreciate them more because of the bad.

Even though life is difficult and YES you are alone (you were born alone and you leave alone)...you must know that through it all it is worth living. Life is composed of both rain and sunshine and your life was created for a reason. Good and bad people will come and go. There are times when life will feel boring but there are a lot of things that life has to offer if you just go looking for the poetry of that which works the cosmos.

a friend of mine's boyfriend hung himself from a tree near my house.

this was 5 years ago.

this girl hasnt dated once since, she can brake out crying randomly in the middle of situations, she got to the point of anti depression pills her self.

do you really think your wife deserves to live the life you are trying to escape?

a friend of mine's boyfriend hung himself from a tree near my house.

 

this was 5 years ago.

 

this girl hasnt dated once since, she can brake out crying randomly in the middle of situations, she got to the point of anti depression pills her self.

 

 

do you really think your wife deserves to live the life you are trying to escape?

Wow....what a perspective astaro!

OP is off line right now and I am really concerned.

OP is off line right now and I am really concerned.

I second that...can the mods follow up or see if he's ok?

There are so many people in this world who care about you... you just need to take a step back and then take another look at your life. You said you screamed for help? Perhaps it wasn't loud enough. Suicide is selfish! Do you want your wife to live the rest of her life thinking you didn't love her enough to live for her? You won't only take your life, you will take your wife's... sure, she'll still be living but I guarantee you she won't feel alive.

Look at this post! There are complete strangers who are worried because you are offline. That right there should say something...

I hope you get through this difficult time and I hope you give yourself another chance at life. And if you ever need to talk, there are tons of people here who are more than willing to help- including me. This is a VERY caring online community..

Maybe I should feel really bad for this guy but I don't. I don't feel bad for people who commit suicide I just don't. My brother commited sucide last May and I'm more angry then sad. Suicide is so incredibly selfish. People who commit suicide clearly don't think about the effect it's going to have on the people that care about them. I feel really bad for that guy's wife.

I remember when I felt there was no possible way out of getting out of a bad situation. I felt that I wasn't sure if I would survive two months because the situation felt unbearable.

But here I am, years later and can conclude that I was wrong at the time; There really was help.

I suspect that none of my words have made any difference to you. So this is what I say:

Ending it a week from now will be as good as today. You have the strength to wait a week.

In the meantime go visit the emergency at the local hospital or visit any other medical doctor.

You are going through a really tough time and they can help you.

Hi There,

I saw that you came back on at 12pm so my hope is that you are checking these messages and reading them.

You mentioned that you are married. Can I make a guess that your wife is your friend?

It seems to me that you have alot of posters who don't even know you and yet care about your life.

Have you reached out to your wife to let her know how you feel? Does she have any idea that it's this bad?

Do you have family that you can talk to?

When I finish typing this I'm going to write a letter to my wife. Then I'm going to hang myself.

 

Goodbye cruel world.

What about your child? What an earth can you possibly say to your child that makes it better now or in the future, that takes away to pain and hurt of a child to know that their father couldn't face the struggle or seek help for his depression to save them from a life of misery and pain...What can you possibly say to make that better? NOTHING thats what.

Think again my friend, your child will need it's father in the future to pass on his experience that life doesn't always deal a fair hand and nothing is worth folding on life for, for them to know that however hard it is, that you have been and always will be there for them. NO MATTER WHAT.

Be strong, if not for you then for your child.

I'm still here. For the moment. I decided that hanging was no good. Not effective enough. Plus it has to look like some sort of accident or my son won't get my insurance money. As for my wife, she is in love with someone else. She says that she loves me more and wants to work it out, but that's a lie. She wants to be with him, i know it. I asked for help about this and no one cared. My son doesn't even like me that much. He's a year old. He never wants to come near me or be with me. Everyone makes sure to note this when around. He'll be better off without me, and I'm sure my wife will find a better replacement for me anyhow. He'll soon forget me completely. I do love him more than anything. I want him to be taken care of. Apparently my being around is not good for him. Everyone hates me. My wife and I have been in counseling and it hasnt helped. We just sit there not saying anything. It's a joke. I'm a joke. I've been in individual therapy for almost a year. I started making progress then it all crumbled. It's useless. Everyone will be better off. No one listens to me. No one cares. I have everything to say. But no one ever listens. I'm never first. I'm always behind. ALWAYS. Let my own lack of a voice be heard. I'm hideously ugly. My dad hates me. He has always told me that he hates me and that i ruined his life by being born and that having kids is the biggest mistake you can make. the mistake = me. My mom loves me and I love her, but she'll have to understand and get over it. I'm overweight. I look like i'm pregnant. All I do is listen to my indie rock folk and watch obscure foreign films. Alone. I have so much in me to let out, but no one takes notice. So whats the point. Besides, it's tradition. Not cowardice. Samurai would do it. They weren't cowards. They were incredibly brave. I'm tired of being so weak and unnoticed and ignored and overlooked. I can't take it anymore. I'm so sick of everything. It's time to just say hello to the big goodbye.

Glad you are still here.

I started making progress then it all crumbled.

What happened?

Your son is 1 year old. Toddlers that age are funny little people. If you make an effort to spend more time with him playing and doing things that interest his little mind he will grow more attached to you. It's normal for them at that age to attach to one parent a bit more but you can certainly do alot to bond more with him and turn that around.

And he will remember you. My boyfriend was just over a year when his father died in a military accident and he is 31 now and still has memories of him.

Can you talk to your mom about how low you are feeling?

What your father has said to you is horrible. No child should ever have to be rejected by a parent in that way and I am sorry that you had to go through that. But you have a mom who loves you very much, so can you let dad go and focus on her? And your son?

glad your still here

Toddlers that age are funny little people.

He is the best. He's my whole world. And he's all that's kept me hanging on this long. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I play with him all the time. And we watch movies and laugh and do silly stuff and I take care of him. But everyone acts like I don't do anything for him. They act like I'm a horrible parent. Maybe theyre right. Now I'm convinced that he'll be better off without me. I don't want to be like my dad and make him feel like garbage. I'm so scared of ending up just like my father. I love him so much and I don't want to do that to him. I just want him to understand that this is what I think is for the best.

He is the best. He's my whole world. And he's all that's kept me hanging on this long. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I play with him all the time. And we watch movies and laugh and do silly stuff and I take care of him. But everyone acts like I don't do anything for him. They act like I'm a horrible parent. Maybe theyre right. Now I'm convinced that he'll be better off without me. I don't want to be like my dad and make him feel like garbage. I'm so scared of ending up just like my father. I love him so much and I don't want to do that to him. I just want him to understand that this is what I think is for the best.

Sounds like the way you described your relationship with your son is more about what others think that what is real. You sound very close to him- playing with him and caring for him- and you are influencing who he will become alot.

I can understand that your dad made you feel awful, what he said to you is just the bottom of the barrel and if anyone is to be ashamed it's him- he's the bad parent, not you.

But if you notice something, you recognize that as something you clearly do NOT want for your son and I think that awareness is what makes you a 100 times better parent to your son that your dad was already. Can you imagine rejecting your son like your father rejected you? Something tells me that no- you can't and you wouldn't dream of it.

Your son is already developing long term memories of you and how you make him laugh and feel safe and loved. He needs you.