There is no hope for the ugly, shy guy

Well in general what kind of women are you attracted to?

What do you mean, what "type?" I don't classify women into types. There are those I find attractive and those I do not. That is the only distinction.

(Maybe beauty really IS subjective, because I can't think of women as "types" and categories by themselves.)

It goes on an individual by individual basis. Post some pictures and I'll give my opinion. Honestly. That's the only way I can give you my opinion. Any woman that I am attracted to (if she has given me some sign that she may be interested) will have got my attention and interest. There is no type for that.

By the way sorry about my opening statement in regards to questioning your motive for posting your photo.I can just say in my case most of the women that I am interested in are already taken,they have boyfriends or husbands.

As though someone slapped me upside the head: After reading my last post, I guess I'd better shut up. My inability to even define what kind of woman I find attractive; that pretty much proves that beauty is almost entirely subjective.

Sure, there are some commonalities, but the number of variables are too many to count. I could list characteristics I like, but even those are on a person by person basis.

So I can say no more about looks mattering entirely, since they depend on the eyes of the beholder. I hate being wrong.

Whatever. More than a few lovely ladies were kind enough to compliment me on my appearance, and for that, I thank you all.

And if there are people out there who find me attractive, then there should be someone out there who I find attractive, who feels the same, and all I have to do is find her. Shouldn't be that hard, I hope.

from the self proclaimed attractive guy:

Of course looks are advantageous, silly, who'd deny it? But if you think they matter more than 50% of the decision, then .... (****).

ok do you agree or disagree with this statement

"BAD LOOKS ARE NOT ENOUGH TO STOP ME FROM MEETING HOT AND ATTRACTIVE WOMEN, MAYBE EVEN SOME REALLY INTERESTING AND INTELLIGENT ONE"

I don't care how bad your smile is, unless you scare stone statues and wall portraits , it can't be that bad

Don't portray confidence, be confidence. women have an eye we don't for seeing through that stuff.

Uh-oh, the North American, ego-centric "me first" individualism is returning... I'd better brace myself here. Ugh. And what kind of attitude walks around thinking, "Well, I can't get attached to anyone, lest they leave me...?" Horrible. I thought I was cynical and cautious...! And I shouldn't have to move just to meet a woman, that's a bit much.

You should not have to move to meet a woman, only if you can't find one you like enough. Move to a bigger city, being the foreign guy is hot. (don't ask me why, female psychology )

If I did what you suggested the next time I saw a good looking female, she'd give me a dirty look, tell me to drop dead and walk off. This type of thing may work for you (a self-proclaimed attractive guy), but if I tried it, I'm pretty sure I would get the reaction I just mentioned.

What do you have to lose?

Now, another thing... assuming you were really ugly (which by my judgment you are not, then again... i'm a guy) ... and assuming that God was somewhat fair. If you don't have the looks, then God must have given you another talent/ gift. So really, first step attractiveness isn't that helpful.

Take it from someone who looks good enough to attract them, and is still working on developing a more interesting personality to keep them. Good looks really help if you are looking for one night stands.

Now put a smile on that face! You can fake that if you want to. but do it.

P'ce and Good luck.

Keep looking to the sky, for tomorrow holds a brighter day.

You're absolutely right.

Confidence is huge. I used to be really confident. I even had women tell me they thought I was "cocky" (so maybe I was TOO confident lol). In any event, that dwindled and brought me to feel very down on myself and my appearance.

But I thought over what the ladies here (and some of the guys lol) said about my looks. And it's clear I was being overly hard on myself for no good reason. It's not like people are going to reply back...

"OMG! You're so hideous... yeck!"

But I don't honestly think a bunch of random strangers on the internet would lie to me either. Call it intuition, but I trust them more than that. (Most of you, anyway.)

And you're so right; I need to work on the inside too. I said it myself, good looks will only help initially, after that, it's up to the inside to keep her. I know that. (I also think I've got a lot to offer, personality-wise, so I feel that's not a problem... aside from bolstering a bit more confidence.) My confidence was high when I thought I was attractive, but it went down when I started thinking I was ugly. Needless to say, if I'm not really ugly, then I have no reason NOT to have an air of confidence about me!

I suppose I have nothing to lose by doing that with women I meet. I'd like to get to the stage where I can do that with ease.

I probably should stop bashing my looks anyway. I'm probably only annoying God by complaining over His handiwork, so I doubt if He appreciates that. But if I take what you (and some of the kind others) have said seriously, then I have no reason to be down myself over my looks anyway.

Once again, thanks.

I don't know about women's opinions on men out there, but personally I find self-defeatism and negativity very unattractive traits in a woman.

It's one thing to consciously address issues, but it's another to look through a negative lens while doing so. You can spin almost ANYTHING and make it positive.

Take one of the most (IMO) pressing issues facing humanity today. Global Warming and Climate Change, and the decline in worldwide oil supplies (and thus dwindling energy) Through all this one can say there will be war and strife. Yeah. But one can also think...you know...humanity can persevere. People will live in tighter knit communities as that will be our means of survival.

"But technology will go down the tubes..."

Well...so what? Life will revert to simpler times, when we relied on each other rather than machines.

You see what I'm getting at?

Furthermore, you said beauty is subjective. I believe this is true. But why is physical beauty such a pre-occupation in society? I think we're all socialized to an extent to believe this. But more people than you think cherish what's inside a person more than the outside.

I met a girl recently on the bus (as usual lol) and she's at the very least 4 inches taller than myself. But I found she and I had a lot in common, and this made her feel at ease around me, and I could tell she had a good time talking to me and looked forward to speaking with me again, even though I'm 5'5"!

Last year I met an italian girl who spoke to me about culture and civilization, and said that young italians in north america are a mockery of the youth in italy. She enjoyed talking to me because I could relate to her, I made the attempt to look at things from her perspective, I made her laugh and we were both genuinely interested in getting to know each other.

Although she was very beautiful and it attracted me initially to her, the conversation made me far more curious about her life, and I actually came back from playing tennis and general rough housing with friends in the park. I STILL HAD GRASS IN MY HAIR! (I didn't realize it haha) But she still loved my company!

Yes, take control of your appearance and attempt to look more physically attractive whether that means getting a new haircut, a new jacket, working out etc. But this isn't even a fifth of the battle! You won't be happy with a girl who finds you physically attractive but numbs your mind, and you've admitted this to an extent.

Maybe these are out of the ordinary occurrences because both these women are native of Europe, but I wouldn't say so. That would do a great disservice to all the great women born in North America.

And further I don't believe in relativism in all responses. Bluntness is not "rudeness." It is a lack of sugar coating but not a lack of courtesy. Maybe you need to thicken your skin a little. Perhaps that is blunt, but again, it isn't rude. Just because my answer is abrupt doesn't necessarily make it impolite.

my smile scare stone statues and wall portraits

That's not a good attitude, Mr. Puff.

Have you learned nothing from this drawn-out topic? You have to believe in yourself! If you don't, no one else will either.

Cliched, but so true.

Topher Grace is super hot- what are you talking about? You just are overly cynical and have low self esteem...thats why you can't get women. Jeez, and you'd kill yourself if you didn't date anyone? Now thats sad. Life isn't lived just so that we can date. There is so much more to life then that.

So easy it is to say that you dont have to judge yourself by how other people see you and "never focus your thoughts on their views of yourself" giving them the control of your life in the process.

To me, and the likes of me, these revelations have come not once but many times. Each time we go out with a renewed determination of fighting for ourselves, finding our so called unique abilities and overcoming our shortcomings instead of "exagerrating them". But we better keep this thought inside our heads and act according as we are treated, hardly we keep a foot outside and the thought bursts like an inflated balloon * * * * *ed with a needle.

Sometimes, the determination is stronger and a few bad events act as learning experiences.. "we become smart and even wise". And then comes a punch on the nose that leaves us bleeding in the middle of the party, and we curse the moment that thought came to us. We stop looking into the mirror for days.. we hate the image.. even more than the person who reminded us of its presense.

For us, the finer things of life are just a mirage. And you, the fortunate, will not realize and understand that because you have never been in our pants that slip or are pulled down at the worst possible moments.

But, we will keep waiting for the world to change.

For the more unfortunate ones, I read somewhere, "I cried I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet ", but I AM REALLY SORRY, I CANT HELP MOVING MY EYES FROM MY FEET, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK UP.

P.S. "I dont expect most people to understand what I have written

Look at this now, this website wont allow me to express, and say the word p.rick.ed

Actually I understand you perfectly, I often think similar things.

Clearly some people have no read my recent replies here.

This is a non-issue for me now.

I am doomed!

 

ugly - check

shy - check

christian - check

boring - check

PTMD, I was once exactly the same way, over 10 years ago, but I got myself out of it through some positive experiences, but I think I can help. Send me a pm if you're interested.

Seems Kevin has come out of the pit (non-issue).. good news, I see some hope in the future, but not a near one, only that my condition is more aggravated.. I am 21 and have NEVER EVER dated anyone and its not I havent tried... forget about the physical part, (for that i have accepted i will have to rely on myself..eeww)

Well, until YOU can see a bright future for yourself, it will never happen.

But if you can grab hold on that, and cling to it tightly, things will change.

Hope is just what has kept me alive and going... or by now I would have been sleeping 5feet beneath the ground

By the way, Kevin, whenever you turn lucky, let me know, that may help to pull me up a bit..

Let me know how you did it to!

I don't believe in "luck."

Its great, this attitude of yours.. by luck I just meant whenever you get what you want out of your own efforts.