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Thread: Dealing with unemotional men?

  1. #1
    Huntress
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    Dealing with unemotional men?

    My boyfriend is a very quiet, unemotional, low-key person. It makes me so mad sometimes. For instance, yesterday, we were watching a movie, and I started crying. He actually got annoyed and made a pO'd face at me. Of course he didn't bother to console me, or to do anything to soothe me...This afternoon, I called him at work and I asked him if he wanted to meet me for dinner. His response was "I can't tonight, I bought tickets to A Black Label society show, maybe tomorrow or in a few days?" Not at all what I wanted to hear, and of course he said it in monotone.
    Other than that, he's a very friendly, mature, and humble guy, I'm not sure I want to break up with him for it, but I'm definitely thinking about it...

    Ashton.

  2. #2
    Newo Ikkin
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    Has he always been like this? How long you been seeing him?

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    Huntress
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    About 3 years. And yes, I knew him before we started dating, and he's not an open upper kind of guy.

  4. #4
    cordelia
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    Three years !! My ex was totally like that, and after one year I couldn't take it anymore and we've been broken up for a month now. He would keep everything in all the time, and pretty much refused to talk about it if something was bugging me. He acted like the relationship wasn't much of a priority to him and like he could take it or leave it. I didn't really believe it when he would tell me he loved me cause his actions said something different!
    You need to tell him your concerns and then see if he's willing to change at least a little. Cause if your not getting what you need then your better off getting out now. It sucks, but you'll never be happy with him if it continues like that.

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    Crazyaboutdogs
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    One of the things that seems to be common with men is Passive Aggressive behaviour and fear of intimacy. I just read the book "living with the passive aggressive man" by Scott Wetzler and realized that is what I have been dealing with for the past four years. It may not be true for all cases of unemotional men, but it certainly fit my case. Check online for websites on passive aggressive men...fear of getting too close in a relationship is one of the key features and their mixed messages because of this fear causes the woman who loves this person to start doubting herself and her perceptions.

  6. #6
    4real

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    Interesting. I married a man who may fall under this category. It is very painful , emotionally. I was beginning to think I was imagining things. No hugs, no affection, no consoling, no "I am sorry", no compasion, no physical closeness, he would rather walk behind me or in front of me then to be beside me. He does not hold me when I am in pain, nor will he tell me how nice I look. Am I imagining something.

  7. #7
    blue_dahlia
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    This afternoon, I called him at work and I asked him if he wanted to meet me for dinner. His response was "I can't tonight, I bought tickets to A Black Label society show, maybe tomorrow or in a few days?" Not at all what I wanted to hear
    How did you want him to respond?

  8. #8
    LostInFlorida

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    One of my exes used to refer to me as "Dexter" (from the Showtime show) due to my failure to get emotional at times she thought I should be.

    I dont know. I just dont see the purpose of getting all emotional. It doesnt change anything. We had a pretty funny exchange though when we broke up.

    (not word for word, but pretty close as I recall)

    Me (while watching tv): "Look, I'm done with this deal. I dont want you to come over here anymore"

    Her: "So that's it? That's all you have to say to me you mother f*cker?"

    Me (still watching tv): "Pretty much, yeah that's about it"

    Her: "I never knew how cold you could be"

    Me (still watching tv): "You still dont"

    Her: "You f*cking piece of sh*t. F*ck you!!! (plus additional ranting and raving)"

    Me: (turns up the tv volume)


    I guess maybe I was a bit detached, but it is what it is. I couldnt get myself to give much of a damn.

  9. #9
    ww2
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    Get out. You are not going to get what you want from him and he doesn't seem to want to change. You will be the giver and he will be the taker.

    Look at it this way: you thought the other things you wanted in him would make up for this tiny problem. You have now found out how important it really is to you. Use this knowledge to pick the next guy.

  10. #10
    morgo

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    My boyfriend is unemotional and doesn't understand why I have emotions. I need to talk things out and resolve problems and he just wants to ignore them and have space. Well, I dont want space!! I want to feel understood and cared about. Ignoring the problem just makes it worse and come up over and over again. I can't get this through to him though, so we have a rollercoaster of a relationship. I love him and cant' imagine not being with him but am I sacraficing my happiness and who I am to be with him? He always makes me feel like I'm overreacting or being dramatic when really I'm frustrated and annoyed that he just goes right on with his life like nothing happened, especially because he knows I want him to talk to me and that I'm upset and dwelling over it. He'd rather keep his distance and stay within his comfort zone than make me feel better. For instance, his new job schedule is 3-12am and I work 8-5pm so we only get to see each other in the morning before I got to work and at night when he gets home and the weekends. I'm sad to lose so much time with him and he doesn't seem to mind at all. When he gets home he sits in the living room and watches TV then falls asleep out there. Then in the morning he barley opens his eys to say bye. You'd think if he loved me as much as he says he does and cares so much, he'd make a better effort to see me!? Instead, I go home everyday for lunch to see him, wake up at night and go to the living room to see him and schedule my half days around him. And in return, I get nothing but him doing what he wants to do with no reguard or concern for me. What am I doing wrong? Should I back off and leave him alone or are we simply not compatable??
    Last edited by morgo; 10-06-2010 at 05:04 PM.

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