the score

I hate my job. I hate every job I have ever had. I hate every job I see advertised. I hate every class I have ever been forced to take. I hate every class I have ever chosen to take. I mildly dislike my parents. I hate every after-school activity my parents have ever signed me up for.

I strongly dislike every woman I have ever dated. I hate everything I've ever tried to do for fun. I hate pubs. I hate small talk. I hate serious conversations. I hate serious books. I hate how smug my entire generation is. I hate how compassionate they think they are. I hate how compassionate they are in the ABSTRACT but when they actually meet someone who could actually use some compassion they never seem to have any to spare. I hate waiting for the antidepressants to start working. I hate realizing over and over again that they don't. I hate having wasted the last three years in therapy. I hate being 22. I hated being 21. I hate baseless optimism. I HATE BASELESS OPTIMISM. I HATE BASELESS OPTIMISM.

I realize that there are people worse off than me. Looking down on them and laughing at them is all that keeps me going.

I like sleeping.

You need to go to a doctor. Explain everything to them that you are feeling. They will put you on medication and you will feel better. This I can promise you. You just have to give 100% of yourself to your doctor and tell them EVERYTHING. You need to tell your doctor how your medication makes you feel and they will decide what your best treatment is. You don't NEED therapy if you hate it - doing something you hate will only make things worse. Medication is #1 and you must take it exactly as prescribed and you can NEVER stop it. You have to realize that there is nothing you have done to cause you to feel this way and that it is a chemical imbalance that can be fixed. You must find a doctor that you can trust and you must give 100% to him so that he can in return give 100% back to you.

In time you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you will not give up - there are things worth fighting for, even if you are not sure why you want to fight for them or if you even want to continue the fight.

000000001 said he hates waiting for meds to take effect, so perhaps he's taking them now.

Here's some real optimism to hate:

You're at an awkward time of life and suffering from depression.

You've been getting some form of treatment.

If you keep trying, you have a better chance of beating depression than if you passively accept feeling like crap as the natural order of things.

Meds can get you to a place where you can learn how to deal with your own brand of misery.

I was on meds for 10 years and quit them a few months ago.

I'm now dependant on myself to avoid the blues. So far, so good.

I couldn't have gotten to this point without help.

Same here. Minus the meds. There must be an advantage there?