my mate self-pities all the time

...and i'm starting to get sick of it. he always talk to me bout his problems, and that's totally fine with me. but he always feel sorry for himself, and no matter how much i encourage him, he would always resort to self-pitying, saying that life is unfair and that no one accepts him for who he is, the whole nine yards. i don't know what to say anymore. before, i say that he's not alone, and some people experience the same thing so he needs to be tough for himself, and whatnot. but now, i'm just out of words! i was never good at giving advices, so it's always hard for for me everytime he does that.

what should i say to him?

If i where you id show him this website. Everytime he complains afterwards you could say, well i showed how to get help by getting that website. The people there accept you for who you are there and they can show you that 'life is what you make of it'.

Some folks just get stuck in that mode.

What do you get from his friendship? That may sound cold, but you can't help if he drags you down with him.

I have a friend who does that... And sadly I find myself talking to her less and less as time goes by. When she goes on and on about her problems I try to give her advice, but she always has some excuse why my solution isn't a good one. ie "I really have to get more excercise, I feel soooo fat." Me, "well why don't you start taking a walk every day?" Her "Well my back just hurts sooo bad all the time from all this extra weight I'm carrying around, hey! Let's order a double cheese meet lover's pizza, I'll buy!"

Maybe that is a little over dramatized, but some people are comfortable with being upset, and until they get tired of being upset there is nothing we (their friends) can do about it.

One of my friend's very good friends (me and this other girl aren't that tight) does that alot and although my friend and her used to be really tight, they aren't anymore as my friend feels this girl brings her down alot when she goes on about her problems and is NEVER positive about anything really.

My friend spoke to her about it and told her that they should probably take a wee break from each other, as she was pretty much sick of listening to it all the time (obviously she didn't use those words - she put it alot nicer).

Anyway, the thought of losing a friend over such a silly thing kinda kicked her into shape and I hear the girl is changing her ways alot, and being generally better company.

Sometimes harsh words help, you've gotta be cruel to be kind, as they say.