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Children of Cheating Parents


Sheyda

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I have some questions for those whose parents have cheated:

 

1. Which parent cheated?

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

 

I found these questions on another message board, but unfortunately they have some odd 60-day rule so that once a thread is 60 days old, no one can reply to it any more. So if people take longer than 60 days to help you with a problem, it will never get solved because if you post for help on the same subject you then become a spammer and get banned.

 

Anyway, I wanted to hear more from those whose parents have cheated, so I nicked the questions and posted them here.

 

Here are my own answers to the questions:

 

1. Which parent cheated?

My mum.

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

They had a lot of fights and came close to a divorce, but in the end they stayed together even though the affair is still continuing several years later. My dad even drops my mum off to see this woman. I think he loves her too much to leave even if she has punched him in the face over this.

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

When I first found out I felt sad. As I found out my mum continued to lie to me about these things I felt more betrayed and my sadness melted away into disgust, anger and hatred. Especially after she continued to lie to protect this woman instead of telling me the truth and comforting me even though I was crying my eyes out in front of her. She even laughed at me crying. I thought that here in Canada I could forget about the whole thing and stop caring, but every time I talk to my relatives I am reminded my mum is still having this affair. I am haunted by resentful dreams of confronting my mum where she continues to lie and act clueless and I become so frustrated and angry I strangle and/or hit her.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

I don't know if I was first to know about the affair or not. I have confronted my mum about still being "friends" with this woman (who tried to tear the family apart with lies), but not about having an affair. I feel it is the one thing I need to do, but every time I have confronted her she has acted clueless and lied to my face.

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

No. I don't think I can; I can only pretend that nothing has happened, but every time I am reminded of her lies to me I become more and more disgusted by her and hateful towards her.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

I could never do it. Especially after witnessing all the pain my mum has caused. I never want to be like her.

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1. Which parent cheated? Mother

 

 

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

 

They are in the process of getting a divorce.

 

 

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening? I was very angry and disgusted with her. Things are still not the same between her and I.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No, luckily I was not put in that position.

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? I'm working on it. It's very difficult.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair? No way. Affairs destroy lives. I don't care what the "reasons" for them are. I think if you're not happy, get out of the relationship. Cheating is not an acceptable option in my eyes.

 

BellaDonna

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1. Which parent cheated?

 

Father.

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

Divorced eventually after a couple "second" chances. He left for his mistress (whom he has been married to for many, many years now).

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

I knew, though did not really "get it" then, I was 7 and just knew all of a sudden dad did not live there, and he lived with my stepmother instead.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your

parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

No, I was too darn young..ha. And I cannot say what I would have done if I was older, though I don't know, I think I would have to let my parent being cheated on know if I really knew to be honest.

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

 

Hmm, tough question. My mum forgave him for cheating, but not how he was to us after (he became rather "absent" in our lives. I guess I forgave him for the cheating initially when I was younger before I understood it. Now, I don't understood why he ever did that, and I definitely don't understand how he could just decide to "drop out" of his own kids lives after the fact. I talk to him rarely.

 

I love him, but do not respect him as someone to look up to, and in fact pity him for never really knowing us kids, because my siblings are wonderful people too. He works hard, and I know he has not had a great upbringing or life, but he should of been a better father to us kids even absent of his cheating.

 

I am okay with how things turned out though, my mum is much happier, and my stepfather is WONDERFUL, and he has been with us 21 years now. My mum is very happy.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

 

 

No, and no. I think there is no justification for them ever, and you either make a choice to work through what you have, or leave, but do not get involved with someone before doing either.

 

I am a firm believer we all have a choice, and we have a choice to NOT go down that road, and to not put ourselves in those situations where it just "progressed"....affairs are not "accidental".

 

And they do destroy people emotionally, and really mess up everyone around you's life - children, friends whom have to "take sides", extended families, everyone.

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That must be a terrible experience. Since none of that happened, I cna't answer these questions. In the end, even if they had affairs, they are still your parents. Well I will only answer the last question.

 

6) Have/would you ever had an affair?

definitely not, if I can't solve this in the mature way by communicating, then might as well end it right away. What on earth does a third person has to do with problems you and your spouse are having/had??? By having an affair, you have place yourself in the lowest of lowest value scale.

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1. Which parent cheated?

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

 

1. My father, multiple times.

2. They fought a lot. My mom cried a lot. I think that she blamed herself and thought about leaving him each time. The fact that she threatened to leave him each time, kicked him out of the house each time, but always remained with him may have allowed him to feel that he could do what he wanted and she would never leave him.

3. The first affair I was aware of in 8th grade. My cousin was staying with us and overheard them fighting over this woman named Tammy, who had a child a few years younger than I that my sister and I sometimes played with. They lived a few houses up the street. Then I heard them fighting about the affair. It was late at night and their fighting woke me up. My mom was screaming and crying and accusing him of the affair and he lied to her and completely denied it. This continued for a couple of weeks for days and nights. It made me cry in my bed at night and made me so sad to see my mom so upset. I remember my dad took us kids to get new shoes at the mall and the next thing I knew he was talking to Tammy at the mall. He used us to see her. At the time I didn't understand it. It wasn't until much later that I undrestood this. I had no one to talk to about this and it was a very sad time in my life. It was very stressful for me. They were going to get divorced and when my dad moved out I was relieved. Then they got back together. I could have cared less.

4. Thankfully I never knew about any of the affairs before my mom. My sister found out about the last one before my mom and she was the one who told my mom. She said at first my mom didn't believe her until she talked to others around town. My sister said that my mom was mad at her. I think my mom was really embarrassed.

5. I don't think I ever forgave my father. I think I have lost a lot of respect for him. My mom tells me that I treat him like s*it and I think it has to do with that. His last affair was with a woman about 5 years older than myself. I don't trust him and was totally supportive of my mom when she was upset and told me that she was leaving him. Then she told me that she made a mistake and found out he was not cheating and they were back together. I found out all of the details from my sister. Apparently, he was cheating and he was mad at my sister for telling on him. What kind of a scumbag would do that to his family over and over again? It makes me think that he is always looking for someone to hook up with. I know that my mom does not trust him because she's always checking his internet history, etc. I have a hard time understanding why she has stayed with him through all of this.

6. I have never had an affair and I would never have an affair. Everyone involved gets hurt. If I were ever that unhappy in a relationship and wanted something else then I would end the unhappy relationship before starting a new one. Maybe that's naive, but I've experienced what that can do to a family.

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1. Which parent cheated? Father

2. What happened to your parents' marriage? They got divorced

3. What were your feelings on what was happening? I was so young I did not relly have any idea.

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Yes

6. Have/would you ever had an affair? Yes

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1. Which parent cheated?

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

 

1. mom

2. divorce, but they are still living together... for some strange reason.

3. I was young and didn't find out until years later. Now I think my mom is scum as my dad still wants her back but will never have her.

4.no

5. I guess so, she is my mom...

6. no, there's no excuse for one. Ugh, they thought makes me sick

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1. Which parent cheated?

 

Father

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

 

They stayed together.

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

 

I was very young at the time, but I knew what was going on (I have older siblings). I didn't think much of it, but as I got older, it annoyed me. It made me love my father as a father, but hate him as a person.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent

who was not cheating? What did you do?

 

No

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

 

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

 

No, and I never will.

 

 

 

******** I'd like to add a question to this:

 

Has your parent's cheating affected the trust that you have in your own partner/spouse/boyfriend, etc.??

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Has your parent's cheating affected the trust that you have in your own partner/spouse/boyfriend, etc.??

For me, no.

 

Maybe it is partly because I had a VERY suitable role model in my stepfather, whom is honest and faithful.

 

Maybe partly as I have never been one to lump everyone in the same category.

 

And a very large part is because I trust my OWN abilities and judgement to choose a partner whom respects and deserves me. I also have no tolerance for it (and I have been cheated on when I was much younger) so knowing that maybe makes me feel stronger.

 

I honestly have never been one to NOT trust someone unless they give me REASON not to, and if they give me reason to suspect something is going on, then it's not about me not "trusting" it's about they are definitely up to something!

 

I have certainly known people though whom don't trust "any" man or woman because of experiences from either their parents, or their own relationships. And this definitely affects EVERY relationship they are in, until they do address it and deal with it.

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1. Which parent cheated? Father

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage? Divroce, just like 8 before my mother

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

I was young and really didnt know until I was a teenager, by then my father was dead, I have always had strong feelings against my father.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? Found out when I was a teen

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Havent had the chance, my father died when I was 10.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair? NO NO NO!!!

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1. Which parent cheated? nobody

2. What happened to your parents' marriage? they stayed together forever

3. What were your feelings on what was happening? n/a

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? n/a

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?n/a

6. Have/would you ever had an affair? not if my wife was my true love because it wouldn't be worth cheating & losing her for loose

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  • 1 year later...

1. Which parent cheated?

my dad

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

unfortunately, there still together

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

i think its sick, and if he was so unhappy why didnt he just leave, instead of ruining our family ..

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

yes, i was the one who figured it out, i read the texts in his inbox and found out he was cheating, as soon as i did i alerted my mom and threw my dads cell phone at his face

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

no, and i never will

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

no, its sick

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1. Which parent cheated?

My father, twice

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

They are still together I have to say, I guess they managed to work things out

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

I had no idea what was happening, I was 7 or 8 years old the first time and I was in highschool the second time. The second instance I tried to keep my mouth shut as I was p!ssed!!!

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

Not at all, I just came home from playing outside and was wondering why my father's clothes where strewn on the lawn with my mother screaming at my dad as he came home. He got his clothes and then he left and I just remember my mother sitting on the stairs beside herself with my 11 year old sister trying to console her. Just for the record, any people who believe that when you cheat, you don't cheat on your kids, yeah, that's bull!!

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

I have forgiven it, but I doubt I will forget it.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

Not a chance, I've seen first hand what it can do to kids and I refuse to engage in that behavior. I'll leave first!!!

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******** I'd like to add a question to this:

 

Has your parent's cheating affected the trust that you have in your own partner/spouse/boyfriend, etc.??

 

Never have been a big fan of cheating and when my father did what he did, I guess it hurt me more than i figured. Then my first love cheated on me twice. The wife and I have been talking recently and we now concur that I have trust issues. whenever I get to the point of letting myself truly love someone, I pull back a little just to make sure. My ex and my wife both had kids before me and well, I know that I can't get in between her and her kids as I will lose every time. However, my ex had chosen her children over me which lead to her cheating (she believed the lies that other men where telling her about giving her more money than I) so I got screwed and to be honest, there are times that I simply feel that my wife may do the same thing, for a different reason.

 

Oh well.

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1. Which parent cheated?

Both

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

Still together...well "sort of" anyway.

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

I felt disgusted, they are my parents and never thought they were capable of such filth.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

 

I didnt know for certain when they were vheating but there was some "signs" and over heard conversations and messages between the parties involved.

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

Not really. They werent very good parents to me either and i never forgave them for that either.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

I have and probably still would. I have been through a lot and am pretty messed up. I crave attention and look wherever i can find it.

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  • 2 months later...

It is interesting that I should find this today. I have just been thrown back into very hurt and angry feelings. I am probably going to go on about this too much, but I am so angry and need to vent.

 

1. Which parent cheated?

My mother.

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

I can't remember a time when my parents were happy. According to what I can gather, it started around the time I was 3 that they were unhappy. Until the time I was 10, I was very much more attached to my mom and we had a closer relationship. I always knew they weren't happy and I attributed their problems to both of them (which is true, their earlier problems did stem from both of them). When I was 10, I started to realize that it was serious. One day, I overheard my mom tell my dad she wanted a divorce (on his birthday, nice). She told him that she had been having an affair and wanted to be with this guy. I sat on the top of the stairs for hours listening and then I cried myself to sleep. My parents told us a few weeks later that they were going to get a divorce. We got so upset and so did they that they decided to "work on it." They both looked me in the eye and promised to try. They went to counseling together. Eventually, my mom stopped going. My dad kept going, and still goes occasionally. He really tried. He even got help with his irritability issues and ever since, he has been like a different person. But it was "too late" for my mom and she just never tried. Never. She continued her affairs. My parents never told us about the affairs, but I knew. Even if I hadn't overheard her say it straight out, I knew.

 

If there are any parents reading this, YOUR CHILD IS NOT AN IDIOT. HE OR SHE IS NOT DEAF, BLIND, OR STUPID. My mother would talk on the phone for hours when my dad was not there with someone whom I could clearly hear had a male voice. I would ask who she is talking to. "My friend Betty." "My friend Alice." She would leave the house for hours. Once: "I'm going to the store." I knew where she was going. Four or five hours later (in a town where it would take an hour at the most to go to the store), she comes back. WITH A CARTON OF MILK. I ask her where she was the whole time: "The store."

 

I don't want to get into all of it. I also don't want to make it sound like it was all my mother's fault; there were things my dad did too. But she continued to cheat and lie for six years until FINALLY my dad said he had had enough and she moved out. They're separated now.

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

 

I don't know if I can ever have a normal relationship with her now. She lied to my face every day, and I knew it. I'm sure some people know how that feels-- to be lied to and you know it's happening? I didn't tell her because for some reason I feared my parents getting divorced more than the hell that my dad was living in and the lies. I thought if she knew that I knew (or my sibling) about her affairs that she would just get the divorce faster. So I carried resentment and anger within me for seven or eight years, because it wasn't until awhile after she moved out that I told her I knew.

 

To make it even worse, she had affairs with guys who were losers. Absolute losers. She would tell them our NAMES. She would show them PICTURES of us. She once took me, age 10, with her on a vacation day. I was so excited. We ended up "running into" this "guy from work" and his five year old daughter. I know for a fact now that it was him (the first guy she cheated with) and I even sensed it/knew it then. It absolutely disgusts me. I think she even put us in indirect harm because one of the guys was mentally unbalanced and did some very questionable things (I don't want to go into it here just in case).

 

She always thought that I just hated her. She thought that I was just an angry person in general and was rude and nasty to everyone, but it was just her. (I wish I could have been better and that she could have seen a different side of me, but I was so angry). She also tried to blame it on "teen angst." It wasn't teen angst. I had a reason for being angry with her. I know I shouldn't have held it in, but... the magnitude of her lies still astounds me. Lying every day about little things to big things. Late to everything. Not around for some things because she was off with people or doing who knows what. Telling a small child she was "going to work on her marriage" when she had no intention to do so. I felt disgusted. I felt embarrassed for her. I lost all respect for her, slowly, over those six years.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

 

I think my dad knew a lot of what was going on. I feel like i know most if not more than he does because after I realized my mom wasn't going to stop, I started eavesdropping on her, reading incriminating stuff she left laying around, and I even read her emails (which I know was wrong). But I was scared and I was a child and I just wanted to know what the hell was going on because I certainly wasn't going to find out either from my mom (who would lie) or my dad (who for some reason was honoring his promise to my mother not to discuss the affairs and related matters with us).

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

 

It makes me sad now. I want to be friends with her. I even like her sometimes. I try to forgive her, but it is hard. I am so used to being angry at her that the smallest thing she can do will set me off. I am getting better, but I don't think it will be right for a long, long time. Especially because she still doesn't seem to grasp the magnitude of how I felt/feel. She even told me recently that "someday I would understand... parents have to lie to their children sometimes. You would do it too some day." That was one of the most hurtful things she has ever said to me. NO, I will not ask my child to understand this. NO. You lie about some things, things that don't matter, but you DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR FAMILY.

 

Finally, the reason I am so mad at her today: I am going to be away this summer in a rather unusual location, and she asked me if she could come visit me. I thought about it for awhile, and I eventually decided that it could be very very good for us and that it might even be fun to do this trip with her. I was even touched that she wanted to spend so much money to visit me where I will be. I have since found out (not through her) that after visiting me, she is going to visit this guy who lives around there-- one of the guys she cheated on my dad and that she hasn't seen in years. It's no longer any concern to me who she sees (as my parents are separated; though she will be cheating on her current boyfriend if anything happens), but it's so hurtful. I feel like I am being used. I confided in some friends, and they said that yes, she is going to see that guy but she also probably wants to see me. True. But she also told the guy about my trip three days after I decided to go-- and mentioned visiting to him two months before she ever mentioned it to me. She probably does want to see me, but I feel so used still. She also is trying not to "arouse my suspicion." It's sad. I find her "secrets and lies" lifestyle so incredibly sad. It's sad that I'm 20 years old, and she wouldn't think that her plans wouldn't set off alarm bells. I've been deducing her lies for ten years; I'm pretty good at it by now. I wish I could get over this, but the more I think about it, the more hurt I feel by this.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

 

In case it is not overwhelmingly obvious, no.

 

And I won't have a child until I'm sure that I can put another life ENTIRELY before my own. Not until I'm sure that I can set my natural selfishness aside. (Not saying everyone who has an affair is selfish.) I'm sure my mother was embarrassed and ashamed, and she couldn't tell me... well, I never want to put myself in that situation of having to tell my child something like this. So I won't do it. I'm also terrified of ever getting married. I don't want to be "stuck" in a bad choice. If I'm ever stuck, I hope that I will at least have the respect for everyone else to either truly work on it or leave the person because trying to have it both ways is a terrible thing to do. Especially if there are children involved. I always say that it's one thing when it's just the two of you, but having a child is making a committment. I am not against divorce at all, but I think some people can try a little harder. I know I said a lot of bad things about my mom, but she was not a terrible parent. A lot of my friends had terrible parents who I believe just should not be parents. I want to make sure I should be a parent, and that I am in a situation where, to the best of my ability (everyone is fallible), I won't hurt them.

 

 

Sorry for the length, but that just made me feel so much better!

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1. Which parent cheated? Father.

2. What happened to your parents' marriage? They were young and immature and stayed together way past the shelf life of the marriage. they eventually split.

3. What were your feelings on what was happening? It made me have a very difficult time with relationships when i was young and made my learning curve with knowing how to handle romantic relationships much longer. Luckily i have always had a passion for self improvement so i sought out help in a more fervent manner than most.

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No.

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Yes. He married young and had an extremely abusive childhood and was not capable at the time of really seeking help for himself. I attribute it all to immaturity and lack of knowledge. He was also sexually abused as a child which I am positive was a factor in this. He also has a mental illness now, and I think the undertones of that illness were probably present at the time he was out cheating.

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

No. But early on i found myself attracted to and in relationships with people who had a propensity to cheat and i have always attributed that to my childhood experiences. i would not, however, ever cheat and blame it on my past. We all have free will and a brain that enables us to seek out information and help and utilize it. Even tho i forgive my father of his trespasses i would not allow him to just say "i had a bad childhood, whatever, you need to forgive me". No, even tho he has more barriers than most to a healthy outlook on life and relationships he also had free will. But i did forgive him. I forgave both of my parents a long time ago for a lot of things that were not acceptable parenting practices.

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1. Which parent cheated?

Father

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

Went to hell in hand basket...but she stayed...

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

Anger/ Rage...the usual.

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

Yes...read through the lies and BS and told my mom.

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

No.

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

No.

Has your parent's cheating affected the trust that you have in your own partner/spouse/boyfriend, etc.??

For many years...yes.

There after...no.

 

People will do exactly what they want....just have to become much better at reading them.

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1. Which parent cheated?

Mum

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

My Mum never got found out/told but when my parents were going through a really rough patch my sisters and I accidentally let something slip and my Dad got the trth out of us. He confronted her and she denied it, and he believed her and refuses to talk about it.

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

When it was happening I was angry, distraut and confused. This was compounded by my meeting him and being introduced to him by my own Mum. I wanted to punch his lights out and cut her out of my life, but I was only young. I felt so bad for my Dad that sometimes I couldn't look him in the eye.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

My sisters and I knew. My Mum picked him up at the airport with my sisters and took them to the cinema. I found a love letter from him replying to certain things/deed they had and wanted to do together. I also caught her on the phone to him many times.

Between us, my sisters and I decided it would be best not to tell my Dad as he still loved her, and we didn't want to make things worse.

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

I guess... in that I speak to her now and don't think about it. But it hurts to know she cheated (looking back on it).

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

I've cheated several times. I'm 24, and I've only had 3 or 4 'serious' relationships. I have no excuse, I'm a poor excuse for a man and don't know why I do it. I see where this question is leading, but I don't feel as though it contributed to my cheating, I just think that when it had happenned I wasn't a very nice person.

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1. Which parent cheated?

dear ol' Dad...

 

 

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

They divorced four years ago, but it should've happened sooner. I think they "fell out of love" 2 years after they got married, but stayed together "just cuz".

 

 

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening? I was hurt because my father should be the ONE man in my life that I should be able to trust.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No, I didn't know at all. My mother found out. I was shocked, but... there wasn't much I could do.

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? I never resented him... maybe I was just young, I don't know. There's no room for forgiveness because I never held it against him. My parents' marriage fell apart years before any infidelity occurred. They just weren't meant to be.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair? NO. Simple as that! Even if somebody treated me horribly, I would not cheat on them. I think it's an awful thing to do.

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My names Keldan and im 15.

My parents spilt up about 6 months ago and my dad is already marrried.

 

 

 

 

1. Which parent cheated?Father

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?went down the drain

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?absolutly heartbroken and very very confused about everything.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?No. My mum was the one who told me about it.

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?Im still in the process of forgiving.Its very hard.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?NO!

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  • 6 months later...

1. Which parent cheated?

my mother

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

nothing yet, my father doesn't know.

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

I'm absolutely devastated.

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

yeah. my dad doesn't have a clue to my knowledge. i haven't said anything to either of them yet. i dont know what to do!

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

its too early to tell.

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

i'm only 17.

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  • 2 months later...

1. Which parent cheated? My mom

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage? They are still together because my dad has no clue to what she is doing.

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening? I hate it! i wish she would stop. I hate her now. i dont understand * * * her problem is, i mean she has 3 kids for god sakes!

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? Yeah im the one who noticed her acting suspicious and found out about it! It was my second week of band camp and that night i found out i called my grandma and then i let her know that i knew what she was doing.

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Im trying so hard to forgive, and its hard to forgive when you cant forget about it! the things i read and saw leaves permanent scars, and wounds that i fear will never heal. She is also still doing it even though i have confronted her about it multiple times!

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair? I will never do this! The affect its had on me! no i will never cheat!

 

I am only 16 years old and i am trying to figure out if i should tell my dad that my mom is cheating on him! On top of that i'm trying to get through school and think about college! i am being ripped apart and i'm sick of it, but i don't want my parents to get a divorce. i have 2 younger siblings too, and that makes it even worse. and i feel that i need to keep this from my dad because of the pain he has already been through in the last few years. I am pretty much a brick wall that is protecting him, and i'm being broken down to much and i need a way out. I can't enjoy being a teen anymore because this situation has caused me to grow up fast. I feel like i'm about 40 years old!

 

If i ever get married, i will never do this because of the pain it causes! No one can try to put their selves in your shoes and try to feel what your feeling. it just doesn't work like that! you don't know the amount of pain unless you have experienced it yourself!

 

My biggest question is, should i tell my dad? because if i do i will rip my entire family apart.

 

sorry this is so long, i could write a book series with whats gone on!

but if anyone wants to give me advice, give it, i need all of it i can get!!!

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1. Which parent cheated?

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

 

 

1.mom aged 36 her lover aged 19

2.they divorced

3.i hated my mother for it, my father had to be open with me especially i was only 12 though

4.i discovered the affair by cracking my moms internet password and printed out 50 pages of e-mails to and from her lover after my father slapped me and accused me of lying the day before

5.i finally forgave my mother as i live with her again and truly they are better people now without eachother

6.ive cheated (long story read threads if interested) i would never do it again nor would i ever have an affair its selfish especially if there are children in the mix marriage is a sacred agreement

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1. Which parent cheated?

Dad

 

2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

separated then divorced after a few years

 

3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

I kind of knew what my dad was doing but was hoping it would correct itself. I was upset and angry (still am toward my dad) but kept it all bottled up while trying to be the peacemaker between them.

 

4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

I was pretty certain but in denial. I did nothing and still know of one other woman he cheated with but have never told my mother because it was her best friend.

 

5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

Will never forgive him and at this point do not like him but will always love him as he's my dad. Headf*ck or what lol.

 

6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

Never have and I hope I never ever will.

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