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Thread: Children of Cheating Parents

  1. #31
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    allyfally, I have been in an extremely similar situation-- my mom cheating, knew for years, the phone, Yahoo mail and messanger, the guy(s) were losers, lying. (My dad eventually found out however.) My decision was to not say anything to her until many, many years later after my parents divorced. I am not sure if that was the right thing to do.

    What I can definitely tell you to do: talk to someone about it! (ENA can be one place to do this.) That may even help you decide what if anything I should do. I kept it all inside, and it was extremely hurtful. It really destroyed the way I looked at my mom and our relationship, and it made ME feel like a secretive, closed person when it was really her that was that way.

    Can you talk to your brothers? How old are you? You said you talked to a friend a long time ago but it may benefit you to talk to a school counselor or social worker (if you are still in school), a trusted relative, or another friend you can trust. That way you can talk it out and get some advice about your mom.

    Some questions, if you want to talk it out here a bit: Are you considering talking to your mom or dad about this? What do you think would happen in either case? Do you think your dad has any idea? Are there any other problems in the family right now or does he think everything is okay?

    Please PM me or write back here if you want; I would really like to help if I can in any way.

  2. #32
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    Also, it seems like you are pretty sure, but just wanted to check-- are you certain about the affair (not just suspicions)?

  3. #33

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    1. Which parent cheated?
    Dad

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    Nothing. It just sucks like it always did.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    I was confused, (8 years old) but mostly stressed because my mother needed me as a shoulder to cry on. Hard stuff.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    My dad hit on the woman (a coworker) at softball games they played and made sure I played with her daughter all the time. He would randomly leave at 1 in the morning. I just knew, even that young.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    No. I can't. He's a terrible person for many reasons.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    I casually dated two men at once and it was AWFUL. I felt terrible. I could never cheat.

  4. #34
    1. Which parent cheated?
    My mom

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    My dad does still not know. They are still married.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    Its still happinig and i feel guilty, ashamed, shocked and very dissapointed.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    yes i know about it now and my dad doesnt know.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    im not sure ill forgive but wont forget

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    no

  5.  

  6. #35
    1. Which parent cheated? father
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage? i don't know yet
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening? i'm scared about the future and don't know what to do
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? Yes. And i found out today, so i'm trying to figureout what to do...
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? no. and idk if i'll be able to let alone want to
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair? NEVER! that is one of the worst things you can do to a person. I would not even think of doing it.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member COtuner's Avatar
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    1. Which parent cheated? Father. Several times. Sorta wonder if mother did too, but no proof.
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage? Divorce at 28 years approx. Mom wanted it a lot sooner.
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening? The affairs never bothered me at all, I really did not spend much time with either of my parents and knew very little about their lives really. I stayed in my room or outside playing or in school.
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No. Didn't really realize it until my mom hired a PI shortly before divorce proceedings and was obsessed with my father locking himself in the bedroom on the phone for hours at a time. I told my mom I didn't care and not to bother me with any of it.
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Didn't matter much to me, but I never got along with my father anyway, and my mom was hard to live with
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair? If I was in a relationship, no I would not have an affair. I would end the relationship if I had that urge. I'll admit that I've been attracted to married men in the past but have never acted on it.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    1. Which parent cheated?
    Dad

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    They divorced. Thank God. It was about time.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    I've never been very attached to my parents so it wasn't a big deal to me. Mostly annoyance at how such a childish and selfish adult was actually supposed to be my parent.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    I don't remember. I think my mom knew already.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    There's nothing to forgive. I wasn't wronged.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    Never.

  9. #38

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    [QUOTE=Ballys;1332361]1. Which parent cheated?
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

    1. Mom
    2. Divorced when I was five.
    3. Yeah, my brother and I used to get up b4 my mom, knock on her door and drop to the floor, and watch as my jerk step father (who I hate) ran to the closet.
    4. Yes. Ended up in court. Nasty situation.
    5. Yes. But I don't consider anything she says of importance.
    6. Yes, I thought that's what guys did. I was wrong.
    Last edited by abouttime; 05-21-2009 at 10:46 PM.

  10. #39
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    1. Which parent cheated?

    ---Step father

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

    ---They are still together. Though they are obviously miserable.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

    ---I always had suspicions because he would always be out of the house (4 days on, 4 days off. Perfect schedule for a cheater). My mom would say that he likes to go for drives. I was like: Yeah, sure.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

    ---Me and my brother had suspicions because we would wonder what he was doing and where. 4 days off is a lot of free time. He was ALWAYS out of the house "going for drives". Our city isn't that big or interesting so what could he possibly be doing?

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

    ---Absolutely not. He's not my dad. F--k him.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

    Never. I would never want to be like him and wind up like them.
    Last edited by itried; 12-09-2009 at 04:50 PM.

  11. #40
    ]1. Which parent cheated? Father

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage? My mother passed away earlier this year. But the woman my dad was with moved in 2 and half months after my mother's death!

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening? I was in total denial. I have moved out of the house for grad school and I'm starting to put the pieces together. For months, my father would work Friday night and come home Saturday morning(He has a second part time job, where it looked reasonable to be out at night). But it was consistently on the weekends. I would ask my mother where he was going or when he would come back and often(instead of saying work), she would say, "I don't know"

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? I think my mother knew. My younger sister had suspicions too.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Sometimes, sometimes not

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair? No, just be honest and get out of the relationship. I'm guessing people who do not do it for 'the marriage and the kids'. Give me a break!

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'm came on the forum trying to find if anybody has been in a similiar situation as me and basically to blow off steam. My mother passed away from metastisized breast cancer in January. Two months later, my dad announces to me and my siblings that he is dating somebody. How do you 'date' somebody after your wife of almost 30 years passes away? Honestly, I've been trying to give my dad the benefit of the doubt - such as "perhaps maybe this friend has been helping him through the mourning period." Then in March, he tells us that she's moving in! Supposedly they knew each other since they were in high school but just recently found each other.

    And I hate this woman. She changed everything in my house. All of my mother's pictures and things are now in storage. Once, she went up to me, to insist that I'm her 'friend' and that if my dad hadn't been with my mother, he would have been with her and me and my sibilings wouldn't exisit! It doesn't even feel like my home any more. I am so glad I'm away from them.

    I've been in denial while living there, I think it help me wake up each morning and realize that instead of my mom sleeping next to my dad, it was his mistress. For a long time, my parents had a very happy marriage. They would have their own date nights and every summer we would go on vacation as kids. My mother being diagnosed with cancer really took a toll on my father. He would drive her often to the hospital and tended to her. She was diagnosed with cancer 13 years ago and she had reoccurance 6 years ago, and this last time, it was too much. Although I understand that he was under a lot of stress and perhaps being with this new woman 'released' his stress. He probably thought my mother didn't know.

    But my mother isn't dumb. A week after my mother died my aunt and I found a word document on the computer titled "My last words". In it, she wrote a poem expressing how angry and sad she was with my father. One of the lines written translated to "I know I don't compare to your childhood friend." Finding this and seeing my father moved in his 'friend' so quickly really just points out clearly that he cheated on her. We deleted it from the computer, thinking my mother was venting at the time.

    Now I'm in school and 3,000 miles away from the situation, but I am still struggling to accept it. I used to really love and respect my father. It's hard to respect him, when he clearly lies in my face about this. He tells me that he did not need my permission to move her in and keeps up bringing up the fact that I did things without his permission - when I was in my undergrad! I wasn't bringing boyfriends into the house and insisiting that they stay with me! He compares that, even though he is a 53 year old man and I'm 25 years old! I am so glad I'm away from them. This woman really pushes it in my face that my dad's her boyfriend. She's disgusting. My mom was clearly a classier woman than this *****.

    I'v been having reoccuring nightmares in the past two months where I really yell at this woman for being so disrespectful to me and my mother! I've honestly have not yelled at this woman- I've been out of their hairs, and I think that's enough! I can hear this woman complain to my father that I don't like her. Argh, if I write any more about her, I'll start swearing and yelling.

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