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Thread: Children of Cheating Parents

  1. #11
    Member MessedUpInHead's Avatar
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    1. Which parent cheated? nobody
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage? they stayed together forever
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening? n/a
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? n/a
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?n/a
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair? not if my wife was my true love because it wouldn't be worth cheating & losing her for loose <mod edit>
    Last edited by arwen; 02-09-2008 at 05:52 AM. Reason: language

  2. 12-01-2006, 10:59 AM

  3. #12
    1. Which parent cheated?
    my dad
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    unfortunately, there still together
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    i think its sick, and if he was so unhappy why didnt he just leave, instead of ruining our family ..
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    yes, i was the one who figured it out, i read the texts in his inbox and found out he was cheating, as soon as i did i alerted my mom and threw my dads cell phone at his face
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    no, and i never will
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    no, its sick

  4. #13
    Platinum Member mrmaximum's Avatar
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    Well

    1. Which parent cheated?
    My father, twice

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    They are still together I have to say, I guess they managed to work things out

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    I had no idea what was happening, I was 7 or 8 years old the first time and I was in highschool the second time. The second instance I tried to keep my mouth shut as I was p!ssed!!!

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    Not at all, I just came home from playing outside and was wondering why my father's clothes where strewn on the lawn with my mother screaming at my dad as he came home. He got his clothes and then he left and I just remember my mother sitting on the stairs beside herself with my 11 year old sister trying to console her. Just for the record, any people who believe that when you cheat, you don't cheat on your kids, yeah, that's bull!!

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    I have forgiven it, but I doubt I will forget it.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    Not a chance, I've seen first hand what it can do to kids and I refuse to engage in that behavior. I'll leave first!!!

  5. #14
    Platinum Member mrmaximum's Avatar
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    That is an interesting question

    Originally Posted by Mrs Elliott Smith
    ******** I'd like to add a question to this:

    Has your parent's cheating affected the trust that you have in your own partner/spouse/boyfriend, etc.??
    Never have been a big fan of cheating and when my father did what he did, I guess it hurt me more than i figured. Then my first love cheated on me twice. The wife and I have been talking recently and we now concur that I have trust issues. whenever I get to the point of letting myself truly love someone, I pull back a little just to make sure. My ex and my wife both had kids before me and well, I know that I can't get in between her and her kids as I will lose every time. However, my ex had chosen her children over me which lead to her cheating (she believed the lies that other men where telling her about giving her more money than I) so I got screwed and to be honest, there are times that I simply feel that my wife may do the same thing, for a different reason.

    Oh well.

  6.  

  7. #15
    Platinum Member littlestar's Avatar
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    1. Which parent cheated?
    Both
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    Still together...well "sort of" anyway.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    I felt disgusted, they are my parents and never thought they were capable of such filth.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

    I didnt know for certain when they were vheating but there was some "signs" and over heard conversations and messages between the parties involved.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    Not really. They werent very good parents to me either and i never forgave them for that either.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    I have and probably still would. I have been through a lot and am pretty messed up. I crave attention and look wherever i can find it.

  8. #16
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    It is interesting that I should find this today. I have just been thrown back into very hurt and angry feelings. I am probably going to go on about this too much, but I am so angry and need to vent.

    1. Which parent cheated?
    My mother.

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    I can't remember a time when my parents were happy. According to what I can gather, it started around the time I was 3 that they were unhappy. Until the time I was 10, I was very much more attached to my mom and we had a closer relationship. I always knew they weren't happy and I attributed their problems to both of them (which is true, their earlier problems did stem from both of them). When I was 10, I started to realize that it was serious. One day, I overheard my mom tell my dad she wanted a divorce (on his birthday, nice). She told him that she had been having an affair and wanted to be with this guy. I sat on the top of the stairs for hours listening and then I cried myself to sleep. My parents told us a few weeks later that they were going to get a divorce. We got so upset and so did they that they decided to "work on it." They both looked me in the eye and promised to try. They went to counseling together. Eventually, my mom stopped going. My dad kept going, and still goes occasionally. He really tried. He even got help with his irritability issues and ever since, he has been like a different person. But it was "too late" for my mom and she just never tried. Never. She continued her affairs. My parents never told us about the affairs, but I knew. Even if I hadn't overheard her say it straight out, I knew.

    If there are any parents reading this, YOUR CHILD IS NOT AN IDIOT. HE OR SHE IS NOT DEAF, BLIND, OR STUPID. My mother would talk on the phone for hours when my dad was not there with someone whom I could clearly hear had a male voice. I would ask who she is talking to. "My friend Betty." "My friend Alice." She would leave the house for hours. Once: "I'm going to the store." I knew where she was going. Four or five hours later (in a town where it would take an hour at the most to go to the store), she comes back. WITH A CARTON OF MILK. I ask her where she was the whole time: "The store."

    I don't want to get into all of it. I also don't want to make it sound like it was all my mother's fault; there were things my dad did too. But she continued to cheat and lie for six years until FINALLY my dad said he had had enough and she moved out. They're separated now.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

    I don't know if I can ever have a normal relationship with her now. She lied to my face every day, and I knew it. I'm sure some people know how that feels-- to be lied to and you know it's happening? I didn't tell her because for some reason I feared my parents getting divorced more than the hell that my dad was living in and the lies. I thought if she knew that I knew (or my sibling) about her affairs that she would just get the divorce faster. So I carried resentment and anger within me for seven or eight years, because it wasn't until awhile after she moved out that I told her I knew.

    To make it even worse, she had affairs with guys who were losers. Absolute losers. She would tell them our NAMES. She would show them PICTURES of us. She once took me, age 10, with her on a vacation day. I was so excited. We ended up "running into" this "guy from work" and his five year old daughter. I know for a fact now that it was him (the first guy she cheated with) and I even sensed it/knew it then. It absolutely disgusts me. I think she even put us in indirect harm because one of the guys was mentally unbalanced and did some very questionable things (I don't want to go into it here just in case).

    She always thought that I just hated her. She thought that I was just an angry person in general and was rude and nasty to everyone, but it was just her. (I wish I could have been better and that she could have seen a different side of me, but I was so angry). She also tried to blame it on "teen angst." It wasn't teen angst. I had a reason for being angry with her. I know I shouldn't have held it in, but... the magnitude of her lies still astounds me. Lying every day about little things to big things. Late to everything. Not around for some things because she was off with people or doing who knows what. Telling a small child she was "going to work on her marriage" when she had no intention to do so. I felt disgusted. I felt embarrassed for her. I lost all respect for her, slowly, over those six years.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

    I think my dad knew a lot of what was going on. I feel like i know most if not more than he does because after I realized my mom wasn't going to stop, I started eavesdropping on her, reading incriminating stuff she left laying around, and I even read her emails (which I know was wrong). But I was scared and I was a child and I just wanted to know what the hell was going on because I certainly wasn't going to find out either from my mom (who would lie) or my dad (who for some reason was honoring his promise to my mother not to discuss the affairs and related matters with us).

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

    It makes me sad now. I want to be friends with her. I even like her sometimes. I try to forgive her, but it is hard. I am so used to being angry at her that the smallest thing she can do will set me off. I am getting better, but I don't think it will be right for a long, long time. Especially because she still doesn't seem to grasp the magnitude of how I felt/feel. She even told me recently that "someday I would understand... parents have to lie to their children sometimes. You would do it too some day." That was one of the most hurtful things she has ever said to me. NO, I will not ask my child to understand this. NO. You lie about some things, things that don't matter, but you DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR FAMILY.

    Finally, the reason I am so mad at her today: I am going to be away this summer in a rather unusual location, and she asked me if she could come visit me. I thought about it for awhile, and I eventually decided that it could be very very good for us and that it might even be fun to do this trip with her. I was even touched that she wanted to spend so much money to visit me where I will be. I have since found out (not through her) that after visiting me, she is going to visit this guy who lives around there-- one of the guys she cheated on my dad and that she hasn't seen in years. It's no longer any concern to me who she sees (as my parents are separated; though she will be cheating on her current boyfriend if anything happens), but it's so hurtful. I feel like I am being used. I confided in some friends, and they said that yes, she is going to see that guy but she also probably wants to see me. True. But she also told the guy about my trip three days after I decided to go-- and mentioned visiting to him two months before she ever mentioned it to me. She probably does want to see me, but I feel so used still. She also is trying not to "arouse my suspicion." It's sad. I find her "secrets and lies" lifestyle so incredibly sad. It's sad that I'm 20 years old, and she wouldn't think that her plans wouldn't set off alarm bells. I've been deducing her lies for ten years; I'm pretty good at it by now. I wish I could get over this, but the more I think about it, the more hurt I feel by this.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

    In case it is not overwhelmingly obvious, no.

    And I won't have a child until I'm sure that I can put another life ENTIRELY before my own. Not until I'm sure that I can set my natural selfishness aside. (Not saying everyone who has an affair is selfish.) I'm sure my mother was embarrassed and ashamed, and she couldn't tell me... well, I never want to put myself in that situation of having to tell my child something like this. So I won't do it. I'm also terrified of ever getting married. I don't want to be "stuck" in a bad choice. If I'm ever stuck, I hope that I will at least have the respect for everyone else to either truly work on it or leave the person because trying to have it both ways is a terrible thing to do. Especially if there are children involved. I always say that it's one thing when it's just the two of you, but having a child is making a committment. I am not against divorce at all, but I think some people can try a little harder. I know I said a lot of bad things about my mom, but she was not a terrible parent. A lot of my friends had terrible parents who I believe just should not be parents. I want to make sure I should be a parent, and that I am in a situation where, to the best of my ability (everyone is fallible), I won't hurt them.


    Sorry for the length, but that just made me feel so much better!
    Last edited by rosaj1816; 04-17-2008 at 08:46 PM.

  9. #17
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    1. Which parent cheated? Father.
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage? They were young and immature and stayed together way past the shelf life of the marriage. they eventually split.
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening? It made me have a very difficult time with relationships when i was young and made my learning curve with knowing how to handle romantic relationships much longer. Luckily i have always had a passion for self improvement so i sought out help in a more fervent manner than most.
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No.
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Yes. He married young and had an extremely abusive childhood and was not capable at the time of really seeking help for himself. I attribute it all to immaturity and lack of knowledge. He was also sexually abused as a child which I am positive was a factor in this. He also has a mental illness now, and I think the undertones of that illness were probably present at the time he was out cheating.
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    No. But early on i found myself attracted to and in relationships with people who had a propensity to cheat and i have always attributed that to my childhood experiences. i would not, however, ever cheat and blame it on my past. We all have free will and a brain that enables us to seek out information and help and utilize it. Even tho i forgive my father of his trespasses i would not allow him to just say "i had a bad childhood, whatever, you need to forgive me". No, even tho he has more barriers than most to a healthy outlook on life and relationships he also had free will. But i did forgive him. I forgave both of my parents a long time ago for a lot of things that were not acceptable parenting practices.
    Last edited by JadedStar; 04-17-2008 at 08:51 PM.

  10. #18
    Silver Member ~Enigmatika~'s Avatar
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    1. Which parent cheated?
    Father
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    Went to hell in hand basket...but she stayed...
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    Anger/ Rage...the usual.
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    Yes...read through the lies and BS and told my mom.
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    No.
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    No.
    Has your parent's cheating affected the trust that you have in your own partner/spouse/boyfriend, etc.??
    For many years...yes.
    There after...no.

    People will do exactly what they want....just have to become much better at reading them.

  11. #19
    Platinum Member d24's Avatar
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    1. Which parent cheated?
    Mum

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    My Mum never got found out/told but when my parents were going through a really rough patch my sisters and I accidentally let something slip and my Dad got the trth out of us. He confronted her and she denied it, and he believed her and refuses to talk about it.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    When it was happening I was angry, distraut and confused. This was compounded by my meeting him and being introduced to him by my own Mum. I wanted to punch his lights out and cut her out of my life, but I was only young. I felt so bad for my Dad that sometimes I couldn't look him in the eye.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    My sisters and I knew. My Mum picked him up at the airport with my sisters and took them to the cinema. I found a love letter from him replying to certain things/deed they had and wanted to do together. I also caught her on the phone to him many times.
    Between us, my sisters and I decided it would be best not to tell my Dad as he still loved her, and we didn't want to make things worse.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    I guess... in that I speak to her now and don't think about it. But it hurts to know she cheated (looking back on it).

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    I've cheated several times. I'm 24, and I've only had 3 or 4 'serious' relationships. I have no excuse, I'm a poor excuse for a man and don't know why I do it. I see where this question is leading, but I don't feel as though it contributed to my cheating, I just think that when it had happenned I wasn't a very nice person.
    Last edited by d24; 04-18-2008 at 09:04 AM.

  12. #20
    Silver Member SpeedingCars's Avatar
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    1. Which parent cheated?
    dear ol' Dad...



    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    They divorced four years ago, but it should've happened sooner. I think they "fell out of love" 2 years after they got married, but stayed together "just cuz".



    3. What were your feelings on what was happening? I was hurt because my father should be the ONE man in my life that I should be able to trust.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No, I didn't know at all. My mother found out. I was shocked, but... there wasn't much I could do.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? I never resented him... maybe I was just young, I don't know. There's no room for forgiveness because I never held it against him. My parents' marriage fell apart years before any infidelity occurred. They just weren't meant to be.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair? NO. Simple as that! Even if somebody treated me horribly, I would not cheat on them. I think it's an awful thing to do.

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