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Thread: Wht Are The Rules For Giving Space?

  1. #41
    Silver Member BONO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Where the streets have no name

    Give her the best gift in the world.

    That of missing you.


    ( I agree with DN's Comments )

  2. #42
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Give her the space. My ex asked for it, and I did not listen... It's been down hill from there. Each time I contacted, I felt worse. Sometimes she answered, sometimes she did not. You will probably never know what's really behind why she is asking for space, no matter what she tells you... I am not saying not to trust her, but seriously...

    I spent many a night wondering what the "space" was for. The best advice I can give you, which was given to me by multiple people (and I never listened).

    Let her know that you are moving on with life. If you are available when/if she wants to get back together with you, then there is a chance. But waiting, questioning, and searching for answers only makes it worse for you. I hope you can follow through with it. I lost me in the whole process trying to get her back...

    Good luck my friend.

  3. #43
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    She answers because she thinks you might leave her alone (she is wrong). she leaves your calls/txts/emails unanswered for the same reason.

  4. #44
    Mavis VDSande
    Gold Member Mavis VDSande's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Hi I would give her space. LOTS OF IT.

    I'm currently sorting things out slowly with my ex but when he broke up with me and wanted space I backed off asap. He told me that he felt relief for a few weeks then painfully missed me like crazy.

    I give him loads of space now and he still misses having me around.

    So do as she wishes. It will also demonstrate your respect for her immediate needs at this moment in time.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Thank You all, I am listening to everything I am hearing & holding strong. I'm not hurting to badly just upset that I really may have misjudged who she is as a person. I'm really questioning whether she is the person for me at this point. Her morals or lack there of has me wondering. Everyone makes mistakes but for her to be around this guys wife & daughter once in a while with no sign of guilt makes me wonder. I can only imagine what this woman would feel like if she found out the truth. what I know about her affair & how she has conducted herself since is real & your right I'll never know the real truth as to why she needs this space. I think maybe the only way to win is to just move on & leave all the drama behind but there is that part of me that wants to believe in her. She did get me through a really tough time with my eyes, why would she bother & then just piss it all away. I think she is just a very confuse woman who has never had any real support from anyone & hides very well the hurt she feels. I'm getting all sappy here but I do see the good in her. When things are going good in a relationship it doesn't take a lot of effort. When things are tough it's when you need to be there the most to show you are supporting them. This is why I am giving her her space to sort this out for herself. I hope she realizes that what I'm offering her is a real loving relationship where as she is only a piece of a** to this guy with alot of sweet talk. Time will tell & I guess I'll make my decision when or if the time comes.

  6. #46
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    I have required 'ME' time in a relationship and when the person refused to give me that time, I backed off completely. I feel that if a person refuses to comply with a serious request, they can put no value on my feelings nor respect me. That relationship has always ended.

    My husband did go along with my request. I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship, let alone with him and I felt a little crowded. He complied graciously and although he did call me, he did not ask to see me. I then felt in control. I was a bit worried at the relationship moving too fast when I didn't feel ready. I would then ask him to visit me or ask if he wanted to go and see a movie and the relationship progressed.

    Just relax and let her take the driving seat.
    Great advice, but hard to do. I am in the very same boat. My SO is not cheating, but is confused. I got upset cause she was coming on so hard and wanted space. She really put the brakes on.

    This was Thursday night. I left her place to let her think and give her space. She asked me to stay many times and I should have. I should have showed her I was ok with it.

    I hope I didn't mess it up. I would at least like the chance to know her. She invited me to lunch and is supposed to call on Sunday, so we shall see.

  7. #47
    Gold Member mike`ca's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    for awhile there I thought we were dating the same girl! haha

    same story for me except different baggage, and for awhile I was on the fence of staying and being supportive, or walking away and give her the space to miss me.

    I imagine you can tell what I'm doing now

  8. #48
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    In any relationship; long standing or short ones too... you MUST respect what the other person is saying to you even if you simply don't agree or want that.

    If you choose to ignore the other person's request, it says a lot about you as a person and personally, if someone ignored my request to give me space, then I would have serious doubts about that person's ability to treat me the way I should be and needed to be treated now and in the future! It says a helluva lot if you won't listen to the person you profess to love and this seems to be more about what you want.

    My now husband backed off when I said I wasn't ready to get into a relationship and that I didn't want to rush anything I wasn't ready for. In fact, he was getting ready to spend the night... again... and I like my space! He wasn't giving it and I didn't know if I wanted him to put his eggs all in one basket with me! I was not sure if I wanted committment with him or anyone and so even though he treated me better than anyone has ever done in my life, I still didn't know if I wanted to take it forward to another level and needed time to think.

    He would call me to ask how I was and we would chat awhile but unless I asked for his company, he didn't ask me. And so, I would ask him to visit and he would leave later, unless I asked him if he would like to stay and this is how it continued for a while.

    I actually told him that I was in love with him! That's something I would never say unless I really meant it.

    And I still do.

    It all does come down to respect in the end.

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    That's how things have gone for the last 2 months I let her call & decide when to spend time which was alot. I believe she was trying to be there for me & be the girlfriend she thought she should be. Things just weren't making sense to me. She'd be coming on to me 1 second then rolling over & going to sleep the next. Making comments on how I'm not allowed to fall in love with her. That I don't know her & may not like who she is. Just really negitive stuff then on top of that my suspicions about the friendship with this guy. Before I found out about the affair the way she would talk about this guy, like he walked on water. She even told him she loved him at the end of a message she left for him while I was standing there. She has just created such an insecurity for me I don't know what to believe. She swears up & down she has never cheated on me. I've asked her if she had seen him outside of work (He is a cop & they cross paths once in a while) during our relationship. She pause for a long time then said no (which would indicate she's not telling the truth to me). When I found the video tape we had a conversation where I said don't hide things from me. I hoped she would come clean about the tape & she didn't. Then I really lost my cool on Saturday when I found a recording of phone messages he had left of how much he enjoyed having sex & how much he loved her. I was under the impression until that point they had only done it once, realized their mistake & just went back to being friends. Another lie I caught her in surronding this guy. Yet she can't understand why I have such an issue with him. She did explain some things to me & I didn't break up with her like I was going to. I was hard on her but left feeling we could still make this work, she ask for the key to her house back & I left. When I got home & slept on it I wrote her this email: This is for all the readers again, lol

    I'll try to keep this short. I left last night unbearabley upset, I felt that you were willing to

    work this threw & I'm still positive we can if you decide that is what you want to do. Believe me

    I've thought about things all night & tried to put myself in your shoes as to why you wouldn't tell

    me the truth when I found the letter. I want you to please know that I do understand your

    feelings knowing how crushed you are about the fact it happened, the story you told me was

    the quickest & easiest way for you to deal with it & put it to rest again & that you weren't tring

    to decieve me intentionally. I BELIEVE that this was your reasoning. I BELIEVE you when you say

    have never lied to me about anything else & that you have been open & honest about yourself. I

    know you feel responsible the affair happened & you don't want his life ruined because of your

    mistake that is why you are concerned about it getting out & I can't imagine what a heavy

    burden that has been on you. My heart is so heavy & sad of the thought of you not being in my life

    anymore I can hardly stand it. I can't believe because of one bad judgement call that had

    nothing to do with us that it has come to this. We are so good together, from the first day it

    was like you were a hugh breath of freash air in my life. We've had so many warm loving

    moments together going for walks holding hands, cuddling on the couch, just the

    other night brushing your hair, not mention all the fun travelling around on road trips

    all the giggles & teasing each other. As tough as the last little bit has been we've had alot of

    great moments together it hasn't been all bad in fact it has been mostly great. We always seem

    to focus on the bad for whatever reason & not remember the good. You are the best thing that

    has ever happened to me & I don't want this mistake that was made in your past, to stop

    us from the happiness I know we would have together. I'm begging you Kel to try and see past

    this. In all your e-mails you say that you want me in your life & you care about so please give it

    one more chance. The air is cleared about things if we could just start over I know it can work.

    I don't know if it freaks you out to hear me say this but I LOVE YOU, the pain I was

    feeling last night at the thought of losing you I knew that I loved you I knew it before but there

    is no doubt in my heart now. I called last night to at least tell you how I feel about you. I know

    you have a lot to work out & deal with. If we have to stay apart till you can sort your feelings out

    I will do what ever it take to make this work. You are one of the most special people I have ever

    met the way you put yourself out for anybody and that is an incredible quality that few people

    have. We've all made mistakes but you make up for yours ten fold by being who you are & what

    you do for others. If there were more people like you in this world it wouldn't be the way it is. All

    I ask is that you take the time to think about what we could have together, you feel it the same

    as I do that there is something special between us we knew that when we first met. We

    wouldn't have even made it this far if there wasn't something there. I know your upset as much

    as I am & I hope your ok, my heart is breaking for you in what your dealing with. I forgive you for

    the lie, I do understand the position you were in & why it you told it & most important of all I

    TRUST YOU!!!! I know you were not tring to decieve because you've never lied about anything

    Last edited by kissfrk101; 11-26-2006 at 10:04 AM.

  10. #50
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    I don't think you should waste your time on this relationship and I think that is what you are doing.

    Best to leave it, I think.


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