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Thread: Gifts from a non-boyfriend to my girlfriend

  1. #11
    Member anonymous coward's Avatar
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    yeah, renaissancewoman101, I know what you mean, and that's why I'm *trying* to be cool-headed about it. It's just that, before, during that V-day visit, he definitely made it clear he had other feelings. It was a year ago, but, for him to be sending chocolates and other gifts every other week since then? Isn't that a bit much?

    It seems unfair of him to send her such gifts when he knows she has a boyfriend, but I have to be honest and say that to me it seems doubly unfair of her to accept these things because A) it may be making him feel like he has a chance, that by giving her all these things he's going to win her over, and that's not fair to *him* because she really doesn't like the guy in that way, and B) not really fair for me, as her guy, to know that someone else is doing all this. I don't send her chocolates every other week... and it makes me feel weird. You know?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    AC, have a talk with her and tell her how you feel. Dont be accusatory or demand that she stop. Just tell her how you feel. If she cares about you and knows that you are uncomfortable with it, she will tell the guy to cease.

    I dont think you should blame your gf for this though. Sometimes, maybe the guy has a crush on her too and even if she told him about you, some guys have a hard time letting go, like some women.

    I guess I am talking in circles. I'm tired and should go to bed.

  3. #13
    Member anonymous coward's Avatar
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    Yeah, i mean, iamteddybearfeelmecuddle, i give *small* gifts too, to friends, male or female-- but doesn't this situation seem a little bit wrong, with the chocolates and all, and such frequency? What should I say without sounding like a jealous shmuck? I may have come accross as slightly jealous the other week, but this is just more of the same stuff...

    I guess my feelings have changed from concerned/upset (from the other stuff a couple of weeks ago) to now feeling disappointed in her. How could she possibly think this was OK, especially after all we talked about before...

    gaaa.

  4. #14
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    Yeah, I think chocolates in this case are more of a courtly gift than a friendly one.

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  6. #15
    Member anonymous coward's Avatar
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    Thanks renaissancewoman101, I will talk to her. I *should* be very asleep too, but, this is the only stuff in the world that keeps me from it. Fortunately I have tomorrow off, so, I'll suffer less than last time Thanks again.

    I wish I could get a flood of responses saying either: SHE IS WRONG, or YOU ARE WRONG. I'm so tired of being self-critical about seemingly justifiable feelings. This relationship is just so exhausting so regularly and I feel like it's all on her end. Isn't it supposed to be easier than this?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    Relationships are a puzzle.

    That I've learned. And nothing is what it is and will be in the future.

    Relationships are unpredictable.

  8. #17

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    She is wrong - and she is attempting to put you in the position of being the bad guy by being 'honest' about it.

    Personally, I would think very hard about being in a relationship with a women who behaved like this. It seems she likes male attention. And generally speaking, men don't shower women with gifts and attention if the woman is not giving off indications that the attention would be welcomed in a way that indicates more than just a 'friendly' interest.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member BellaDonna's Avatar
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    It seems she likes male attention
    My thoughts exactly. She needs to be more assertive. She could have stopped receiving these gifts a long time ago if she was clear with them that the gesture was inappropriate. Wine and chocolates in this context do not sound like harmless gifts to me. She could easily say something along the lines of "That's nice of you, but I cannot accept it. I only accept those kinds of gifts from my boyfriend".

    Personally, I only have one male co-worker/friend whom I would accept or give wine and chocolates to, and he is gay.

    BellaDonna

  10. #19
    Spugly Fuglet's Avatar
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    Ask her to stop taking the gifts if shes making exsuces then shes got to come up with better ones than, im to weak to not take Chocks and Wine, Which by the way are the clasic, get drunk for a shag drugs.

    Look you love her, that fine but do not let love bend you all out of shape, your going to have to make it 100% clear this is doing you NUT!

    Tell her start, Look I dont like this, its haurting us and if you care and love me send them back,

    In other words start standing up for your self and stop being a push over becouse of love.

    Me I would be worred this woman is making a point to having a close relationship with another man and at a mental level and you are just kept around for sex.

    She should be talking your feelings on this matter into count, not just hers.
    Im sorry the line "Im to weak to stop" is foowey, if she cares for you she will stop.

    If this guys at works aim is to bed you GF then her takeing his offarings to you nest is doing just that.

    remember

    Candy is Dandy but Liquor is Quicker.
    Last edited by Spugly Fuglet; 11-24-2006 at 09:41 AM.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Juliana's Avatar
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    No. This is cr*p. Every woman knows, accepting gifts from a man implies commitment in his mind. I had a "random, hit and run gift-giver" who left gifts at my door and never introduced himself -- ?? -- and there was nothing I could do about that, but she knows this guy. She should politely send everything back, unopened and untouched.

    If not, then, yeah, you've got a problem.

    Btw, don't let her make this about the gifts, about him, or about you. This is about her.

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