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Thread: Difference between just friendly and interested

  1. #1
    ladeedah
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    Difference between just friendly and interested

    So shy guy and I who had been awkward around each other for ages are finally "friends". I took the ball in my hands and just made major efforts to relax around him and he in turn in now relaxed around me. No more freezing up or looking down to the floor. Now, he teases me and says protctive things like coming to my rescue like when I said in a recent group setting I didn't like the food so much at a recent event he says "Well, at least she's honest" he or that people from the south are usually really nice(I'm from the south). But he isnt making moves to ask me out. We are definitely more comfortable around each other. Should I feel that he is no longer interested b/c he is no longer nervous around me or do you think sometimes guys like to build a frienship and feel secure enough with a girl that she won't reject them?

  2. #2
    sixpounder
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    since you two had just started being "friends", i think its best for you two to just be friends for now. their is alot to learn about eachother right now. you never know, he might have a habbit that drives you nuts. a friendship is like a relationship, dont rush it. its not worth getting hurt.

  3. #3
    Batya33
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    Not sure how old you are - if you are a teenager my answer might be different. My general rule is that if a guy is sincerely interested in dating you and emotionally available he will ask you out on a proper date he plans in advance. Here, he might not be emotionally available to date as he might be interested in just being friends. I do not know of too many guys who would refrain from asking out a woman who appeared interested and approachable so that he could be friends first. I would assume if he wanted to make sure she knew of his interest and his concerns he would say "i would love to take you out on a date sometime but would prefer to be just friends first." He would not want to risk leaving that unsaid and risking you not knowing of his interest.

    Most men I know - if they are interested and available, they ask the woman out asap and make their intentions clear as day.

  4. #4
    New_Horizons
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    Quote Originally Posted by Batya33 [Register to see the link]
    I do not know of too many guys who would refrain from asking out a woman who appeared interested and approachable so that he could be friends first.
    Most men I know - if they are interested and available, they ask the woman out asap and make their intentions clear as day.
    I disagree. I am one of those guys who prefers to make friends with a girl before taking the next step, no matter how many 'signs' she is giving out. Of course it's probably why I have NO success with women, since women often have far less patience in these things. My advice to the OP would be that this guy might be romantically interested in you. Give him some more time and if nothing happens, ask him out.

  5. #5
    quietgrl

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    New_Horizons,

    You're post is very interesting.Hmmmm.I agree with Batya33 but your post ......

  6. #6
    charley

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    I can't say what his intentions are, or his desires. I do know that it can very difficult to know another person's mind, especially if they are shy because shy people tend to hide their inner emotions. I do know this, I'm a bit shy even now. I used to be very shy. So I have perspective on that.

    Shy people keep their cards close to their chest and try to hide their feelings. This makes it difficult to tell the difference between a shy person who might be interested romantically vs. a person who is just indifferent and not interested at all.

    However, there are clues. Over time you can start to see them. Also, time itself will ease his shyness, if that's what it really is (and not indifference). Also, as you've already observed, the more you relax, the more he will relax. This suggests to me that he is shy and interested-attracted to you because an indifferent person would have no reason to be nervous since they don't care. Since you suggested that he was, or is, nervous I then suspect that he really is shy and that his interest in you has been triggering his shyness. Time together will reduce and moderate shyness, if that's what it is.

    I still consider myself to be a shy guy initially, even though I've got that much reduced. I know that for myself, two types of women make me more shy and uptight: those who are very aggressive, and those who are shy. It's the women in between who I feel most comfortable with. A woman who is relaxed helps me relax, and if she is just mildly aggressive or suggestive enough so I know she likes me that way, then I know I have a green light. Eventually I'll drive through the green light.

    It sounds to me like you are already using a good approach. Time together and being relaxed yourself will help him relax more and his inner feelings will start being shared with you. I think you should just keep doing what you're already doing.

    As time goes by, you'll find out if he was just shy, or not interested. If he's shy and interested, then he will gradually become more comfortable and bold with you over time as he get's used to being around you and he absorbs more of your relaxed attitude. I think he's probably shy and interested in you. Just keep being relaxed and doing what you're doing. Once you break the touch barrier, I think things will pick up speed from there. I think holding hands as a first step (eventually) is the most relaxed way to break the touch barrier.

    Also, does he know what your interest in him is? Maybe he thinks you just want to be friends. That's why you expressing a desire to hold hands, or some other mild form of touching might be helpful. It breaks the touch barrier and shows your interest in him. He might then start showing his interest in you more openly. I know that for me, my first GF was my friend of 6 months until I had a backache and she gave me a back rub. Then I gave her one. It was only polite to reciprocate. Things progressed more rapidly after that because I knew it was OK for me to touch her and she liked it. That was a huge confidence boost and helped me relax with her. Hugs are another mild, pleasant, and effective way to begin breaking the touch barrier. However, hugs can be confusing. Did she hug me as a friend, or was that a GF hug? I know what tells me the difference between the two kinds of hugs, but maybe not every guy knows.
    Last edited by charley; 11-18-2006 at 07:51 PM.

  7. #7
    Batya33
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    Quote Originally Posted by New_Horizons [Register to see the link]
    I disagree. I am one of those guys who prefers to make friends with a girl before taking the next step, no matter how many 'signs' she is giving out. Of course it's probably why I have NO success with women, since women often have far less patience in these things. My advice to the OP would be that this guy might be romantically interested in you. Give him some more time and if nothing happens, ask him out.
    As I mentioned, if he wants just to be friends for now my guess is he would let her know that to reassure her that yes he is interested but no he is not available to date her right away because he wants to be friends first. In her case he has not mentioned anything.

    I have patience with men who want to be friends first - no problem - but in that case I continue dating others and looking for others to date so when he is ready to date me I am otherwise involved, that is a risk he takes. I would never advise a woman who wants to be in a relationship to wait around for a man to ask her out and not be open to dating and meeting other people.

    And based on your response it would make no sense for me to ask you out if indeed you want to be "friends" first. You would say "no," correct?

    I have no issue with women asking men out on the first date. I know of no long term happy/healthy relationships where the woman did most of the asking out and calling for the first 5-10 dates. I know of some long term happy relationships where the woman asked the man out on the first date but typically the result is the man is very flattered, may say yes, and then chooses someone else to date long term - that is, someone he is really interested in enough to ask out in the first place.
    Last edited by Batya33; 11-18-2006 at 07:50 PM.

  8. #8
    ladeedah
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    Thanks for all your amazing answers, especially yours,Charley, b/c I think you hit the mark. We know each other for a long time and when I started liking him I became shy around him and we kind of danced the shy dance for a long time,mirroring each other I suppose, but I finally figured out that how I act directly correlates to how he does so I started bringing my wall down and he has been responding nicely. Funny thing is he is not a shy person at all,in fact very outgoing and that he was shy around me was weird. Now that the wall is down he is friendly with me but I'm hoping he still likes me

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