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"Men are never too shy to approach the girl they really like"


crazy300

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True.

 

However...

 

For some guys, looking at a girl a "certain" way is their way of pursuing her. If she doesn't respond with a clear-cut "I like you" some guys can be completely dense or insecure and don't get it. So they give up.

 

I think all guys will show a sign that he likes her or "pursue" her in his own way. But girls don't always recognize it. And if the guy is really insecure he may take her no response to his staring and little gestures as a rejection. So, no matter what will a guy pursue a girl he really likes? Yes. But the definition of "pursue" can be altered to mean almost the opposite depending on the guy.

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I think it is mostly true and has been true in my personal experience where desperately shy guys have asked me out. I also wanted to add that if a guy is that shy that he cannot even ask me if I want to get a cup of coffee sometime then he likely would not be compatible with me in the long term. I am a social, outgoing person, I have friends and colleagues who I socialize with and I need someone by my side who is at least reasonably comfortable attending social events, work events and family events and being able to have a friendly conversation and seem reasonably confident. I do not mind being the more social one of the couple but if he is basically scared of his shadow it just won't work for me long term.

 

And, if he is "that shy" then while he might be very interested he might not be emotionally available for a relationship. My guideline is that if a man is interested AND emotionally available he will generally ask you out on a proper date. A desperately shy guy might not fulfill the second prerequisite.

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Don't misunderstand me. I have no problems (and many guys agree) talking to anyone when it comes to social events whether it be a guy or girl. It is an entirely different issue when you are risking your composure/comfort zone to go out of your way to ask a girl there out.

 

Just because a guy is too nervous to ask a girl out doesn't mean he can't socially interact with guys and girls. I'd rather stay comfortable then admit that I'd like to get to know a girl better when she has no interest in me.

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Don't misunderstand me. I have no problems (and many guys agree) talking to anyone when it comes to social events whether it be a guy or girl. It is an entirely different issue when you are risking your composure/comfort zone to go out of your way to ask a girl there out.

 

Just because a guy is too nervous to ask a girl out doesn't mean he can't socially interact with guys and girls. I'd rather stay comfortable then admit that I'd like to get to know a girl better when she has no interest in me.

 

I have asked men out so I know about going outside the comfort zone. Problem is, when I am getting to know someone all I can go by is first impressions. It is reasonable for me to assume that if a man who presumably is that interested in me -- and - this is key - who I am friendly and warm towards - can't even get up the nerve to ask me out for coffee, chances are I may assume that in other situations he is equally timid and shy. For some women that is fine. It wouldn't be compatible with my lifestyle.

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That is why I think the man has to be sincerely interested AND emotionally available to date that particular person. To be emotionally available to date you have to be able to get up the courage to ask a woman if she would like to have lunch, etc. with you some time. You lacked the confidence to make even that move even though, it seemed, she was very friendly to you. I agree that a woman doesn't have to ask a man out to be considered "emotionally available" to date - she does have to be emotionally available enough to agree to go on the date and be open to a potential relationship. Not sure that is a fair division of responsibilities but it is reality, with a few exceptions, at this time.

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That is why I think the man has to be sincerely interested AND emotionally available to date that particular person. To be emotionally available to date you have to be able to get up the courage to ask a woman if she would like to have lunch, etc. with you some time. You lacked the confidence to make even that move even though, it seemed, she was very friendly to you. I agree that a woman doesn't have to ask a man out to be considered "emotionally available" to date - she does have to be emotionally available enough to agree to go on the date and be open to a potential relationship. Not sure that is a fair division of responsibilities but it is reality, with a few exceptions, at this time.

 

It is hard for me to see this as entirely right, I mean you shouldn't hold being nervous or having a fear of rejection against a guy. Do any women here like being rejected? After all, most of the time it is the guy that has to ask for the first date. How many women here can say they actually asked out a crush of theirs, or any guy they liked? Women can say that they drops signs of interest for the guy to pick up, in which all those cases you could say that those women also are emotionally unavailable. I think most will admit to not having had actually asked a guy out that they were really into.(I could be wrong about this) So they tend to have less experience in getting rejected after genuinely putting themselves out there. It is of course up to the woman to judge a man by his actions (or lack of action). I hate to say "give guys a break, we put ourselves out there and face greater risk of rejection" but sometimes I think women need to hear it, especialy if they think that a guy who is too shy to ask them right away is somehow not good enough to be with them or is "emotionally unavailable." It could be because other times a guy put himself out there in the same situation he was hurt. Rejection isn't easy, and I honestly believe that in today's society when it comes to dating, the guy is taking more risks of rejection.

 

fortunately the more you get rejected the easier it is to accept it. So guys who have less experience with girls will probably be more shy at first; it doesn't mean they don't want it to happen enough or that they lack something.

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Honestly, I think that's just an excuse for not stepping up to the plate - that you are afraid of offending her. You need not ask her out for a fancy dinner - a casual lunch or coffee that she can interpret as a date or non-date and then see how she behaves while out.

 

I have asked out crushes - several times - been rejected each time from what I recall. If I didn't have a boyfriend I'd have no problem asking men out - in general though I don't think it's effective if what you're looking for is a long term relationship and not just a fling.

 

I have heard men say they are totally flattered by being asked out but I rarely see a relationship that started with the woman doing most of the asking, planning and contacting and I know of no happy, healthy, long term relationships where the woman did most of the contacting and asking in the beginning.

 

As far as making assumptions about a man's personality based on his inability to ask me out, here's the thing. When I am interested in a man I am not shy about it. I am friendly, approachable, warm. I give him sufficient openings such as talking about movies I want to see, etc. So if even after that he is that shy that he can't muster up the courage to make some kind of plan, well, yes I assume we probably would not be compatible in the long run.

 

I do think it's important for the woman to show interest and be approachable - so my opinion does not take into account a really shy guy and a woman who shows no interest.

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Man, never cling to the idea that a girl is better than you; that kind of attitude will make her think you aren't worthy to date her (because you believe it yourself). You have to have the attitude that girls can only benefit from being with you. Forget all that "league" crap, yeah there are girls out there that won't date certain guys because they're stuck up, but a lot of them will give you a chance, but only if you take the initiative.

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I have heard men say they are totally flattered by being asked out but I rarely see a relationship that started with the woman doing most of the asking, planning and contacting and I know of no happy, healthy, long term relationships where the woman did most of the contacting and asking in the beginning.

 

 

 

I always thought this too but I was at a wedding recently [where the groom was crying the whole time,completely in love with the bride etc] and there relationship was pretty much all her doing.

 

She met him in some store and her friend made her go back in and ask him out , he had some other thing on that week so she then suggested

something else [brave!].

 

They went out etc - were together for a few years ,broke up - both met someone else.She never got him out of her mind so she called him up - he was still with his gf,she called him again a year later he'd broken up with the gf - they got together have been for years,they are now happily married and i have genuinely never seen a guy more in love with a woman.

 

imagine if she followed this "Men are never too shy to approach the girl they really like" diatribe.What a loss!

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Hmmm - thing is you do not know if she is happy or whether she has just accepted insecurities as to whether he is that into her. Obviously there are exceptions - I just said I didn't know of any. Also, my guess is that they would have ended up together anyway. What I was referring to is not just the first contact but a woman who does most of the asking planning and contacting in the first few months - she is the one asking out for most of the first 5-10 dates, doing most of the calling, etc. In your friend's case sounds like two contacts over several years where he responded with a yes.

 

I know I have been at many weddings that ended in divorce where they seemed "so" in love with each other. You never know.

 

Good for your friend - having asked several guys out myself I don't see it as so "brave" at least to me.

 

Again I am not saying I am right just never heard of any exceptions to my example either in my "world" or in cyberworld (I have posted that several times on several different relationship forums - no real exceptions yet.)

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How can anyone reasonably presume to speak for other people and make a statement like that? For those that suffer from it, shyness is a terrible infliction that affects not only their romantic life but can also limit friendships, careers and almost all . To make an assertion like that shows a real insensitivity - especially on a forum such as this where so many people agonise over the shyness.

 

And I also think it is a great shame if women listen to advice not to ask men out. Given the shyness factor so many people could have missed out on a life-long commitment because of such a silly and outdated concept.

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