$3,000 to Lose My Virginity

hahaha. lol.

do you mean better*?

 

P.S sorry for little interlude.

LMAO

I just wanted to reassure you that your risk of cervical cancer right now is EXTREMELY low. Basically, you can't get cervical cancer if you aren't having intercourse - That's why devout nuns NEVER get it.

 

My doctor reassured me at my last visit that I don't really need to worry about it since I don't have sex with men.

UNTRUE!

I had cervical cancer when i was thirteen and had NEVER been with a man, you may want to look up the facts first please............

woah! i read all that !

Girl you have a good man ! dont let this one go!

I am glad you found an answer! i was kinda hoping the story was going to end with u already solving it, but atleast we do have something to look forward to

YOU GO GIRL!

I think that response was a little jaded, quietgrl...

 

I think that Sheyda was very clear that she wanted to be intimate with her boyfriend. SHE wanted it, SHE asked for us to help her figure out how, SHE tried everything, and SHE finally got a diagnosis that happened to be medical.

 

We weren't pushing her into having sex, judging her for being a virgin or not, or commenting on if her relationship should go on without sex.

 

......

 

I personally have been tickled following her story and knowing that through all of it, her guy stayed with her and didn't lose patience or love. Their relationship probably could and has survived without sex, but they love each other and that is what they want, so maybe the social commentary on judging virgins is a little misplaced, non?

vandgsmom.

Come on!!!!!!!! if it wasn't for the medical condition the compassion from people would be less and yes this story is a judgment on virginity and the value of sex.

I wonder how many sexual active people on this board would say don't have the surgery.You have the perfect relationship with your man right now.He doesn't need to have vaginal sex with you to be with you. Your Bf has proven that over and over.I don't want to heard from people on this board saying she wants sex. That's a side issue.Let's deal with this issue right here. I want to know how many nonvirgin is going to tell her don't have the surgery because your relationship can survive without vaginal sex. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

very good and fine post,

you is good perpeles for doing what is right

Let's deal with this issue right here. I want to know how many nonvirgin is going to tell her don't have the surgery because your relationship can survive without vaginal sex. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

You can open your own thread for that issue if you wish. In the meantime, this thread is about someone's ordeal in overcoming a medical condition in order to pursue sexual activity with a loved one.

It is inappropriate to hijack someone else's thread with an unrelated debate concerning an issue they did not ask advice about.

Oh my gosh, what a STORY!!!!

What a BOYFRIEND!!!

geez, hope they *didn't* break the mold when they made him, we need more guys like that and I know there are some of them out there.

I love how he stuck with you girl. My bf and I have gone through similar things on other levels (distance, dealing with dysfunctional views of relationships and all that) but he's stayed with me.

--and I'd just like to say it's awful that you knew people who said it's only friendship without sex.

Uh.. not true.

Not true at all.

It's a personal choice when to have sex, not something to make a relationship official. Maybe a marriage, but not a relationship. There are whole cultures of people.. and thousands of years.. of romantic relationships without sex. I'm glad you've stuck together and shown that a deep romantic relationship is defined by much more than "having sex involved." You'll find that it has the perfect place in your relationship when you can have that physical connection to enhance what you already have emotionally and spiritually.

And you're a great example to women of not giving up, staying confidence in yourself, and hoping for the best when times are the hardest.

Just a great story. *hugs*

Queenie!

UNTRUE!

 

I had cervical cancer when i was thirteen and had NEVER been with a man, you may want to look up the facts first please............

 

I was wondering whether or not to make a separate post about pap smears and cervical cancer because I know doctors say you start having pap smears either as soon as you start having sex or as soon as you turn 21. I didn't think they would mention the latter if there wasn't a risk for cancer. I just turned 21 last month, too. If anyone knows more about this, please let me know either in this thread or by PM.

 

You can open your own thread for that issue if you wish. In the meantime, this thread is about someone's ordeal in overcoming a medical condition in order to pursue sexual activity with a loved one.

 

It is inappropriate to hijack someone else's thread with an unrelated debate concerning an issue they did not ask advice about.

 

Thank you, NJRon.

 

And thank you to everyone here who has shared their thoughts and given me support. I have a small update on the situation, but not much has happened.

 

My aunts who live in Toronto have heard about my problem and since they are Canadian citizens, they have access to doctors and gynaecologists. We are currently waiting for news from them on the cost of a hymenectomy/hymenotomy. They did try to help us with insurance, but unfortunately I cannot get OHIP until I have had permanent residence for 3 months and this will not happen until at least a year after I have been married and marriage will not happen until sometime around April next year. This means I would not receive OHIP until July/August 2008 and we are moving to another country in August 2007!

 

Last night my boyfriend and I were watching a film. It happened to have a sex scene in it. I didn't even think anything when it appeared on the screen, but the second I realised what it was, tears welled up in my eyes and I started crying. I couldn't help it; it just came out.

 

My boyfriend stopped the film and hugged me until I had calmed down. He told me it wouldn't be long now. We've started shopping at a new supermarket and we are saving a lot of money (almost $800 a month), plus he says he is sure his parents will be more than willing to help us out with the costs.

UNTRUE!

 

I had cervical cancer when i was thirteen and had NEVER been with a man, you may want to look up the facts first please............

 

I DO have my facts straight - I've done the research, and a lot of it. ONE person's account of cervical cancer as a virgin does NOT discount the MILLIONS of people who DON'T get it as virgins. Like I said, the chances are EXTREMELY LOW - I never said that there was NO chance.

Clearly people on this post have raised the issue of what a wonderful boyfriend you have....but i think that is because you are clearly a wonderful person.

to share this experience with us, must have been very tough and brought a lot of memories and pain back to you.

I think you have great strength of character. And i am sure you will succeed at making love to your b/f.

Lots of people argue sex isn't important...but to you it is, that is all that matters. i agree with you, and once you get there and make love to your B.F all this pain, and money will be worth it.

try not to get down about the films etc, and the fact you can't at the moment do it. You'll get there ...and you'll never (i'm sure) take it for granted, like most of us do.

Big Hugs

Sparkle xxxx

Wow. That was a great post Sheyda.

I sympathize with you and wish you all the best success in the future. You are already succeeding in many areas where other couples fail. With regard to emotions, loyalty, and love, I think your relationship is superior. Those things are more important than sex, but eventually you'll have sex too. Then you'll have it all. I think your relationship will also prove to be superior in its longevity.

Anyone who would tell you that your relationship is not real because you aren't having sex is a shallow person. There are many people whose only claim to being a couple is sex because that's all they share. They lack other elements of a healthy relationship and thereforeeee apparently feel insecure and have the need to discount a non-sexual relationship.

===============

I think your wonderful relationship is partly sexual, even though you haven't yet fully consumated the act. After all, you both have the feelings and desire, and you've done many sexual things together, but just not that one thing.

As for most guys not being willing to wait more than 3 months for sex, I certainly believe that is common, but it's not universal. I do think that most women have no recognition or special appreciation for a guy who'd wait. In fact, they'd likely not respect or appreciate him. You would, but you are a unique and special person.

Personally, I'd have hopes after 3 or 4 months, but no requirements. I'd be willing to wait until marriage, or longer if the lady needed me to wait longer due to special circumstances. So I suppose that makes me an oddball. However, I know several other guys who'd be the same way. I can think of several male friends and relatives who I'm sure would be patient with a woman. So those guys do exist, but are rare.

Your relationship is much stronger and more loving and real than the average couple's relationship.

Update

I received an e-mail from my aunt in Toronto yesterday evening. She went to her gynaecologist that day, but she said to my aunt "Unfortunately I cannot give you a quote without seeing her." All right, I can understand if each operation is priced depending on the varying difficulty and/or seriousness of the situation, but couldn't she at least tell us the range of the prices? Oh, no; she can't do that. I have to go all the way down to Toronto myself and pay her money before she will help me. Just the same as with everyone else. Apart from our families, everyone who can help us refuses to because we are not stinking rich. In North America, you have to be rich to stay healthy and that's that. Expatriate insurance? Can't get that because I've already been diagnosed and so it is now a "pre-existing condition". Even if we pretended we didn't know about the problem and started right from the beginning, it takes so long before I would have the actual operation that we would've paid more towards the insurance than the actual surgery! Will the medical system here in Canada help us? No, we're just getting confusing mixed opinions from everyone and it seems like we're not going to get any straight answers until we pay them a load of money just to sit in a chair and hear one sentence from their mouths. This is another thing that frustrates us so much; that we are left alone and lost with no one to help us because we're not rolling in money.

My boyfriend is seriously thinking about sending me on a flight back to Spain to get it done with that gynaecologist who diagnosed me. At least we don't have to wait half a year just to see him and at least he will talk over the phone without demanding a load of cash. Yes, I will be going alone if I do go and it makes me feel sad and frightened that I won't have anybody by my side (I doubt my boyfriend's mum would come in with me because she thought it would be inappropriate last time). However, it seems like I have no choice because a second flight for my boyfriend will be too expensive.

Oh, Sheyda, I am sorry all of this keeps getting harder on you...

I don't know if doctors in Canada offer this, but I know of several gynos here in the US that offer financing and payment plans for surgerys and ob stuff.

A friend on mine financed her endometriosis surgery, and another something to do with her cervix.

Maybe this Canadian doc offers a payment plan? Have you asked?

Gee's Shayda...you really do keep getting put back down again.

I wish this was easier for you. I promise you, if i win the lottery (ever) you will get the money to have your operation.

Keep going honey - try and keep positive. You will get there.....

Hugs

Sparkle xx

Hi Sheyda. Thanks for your story. I was wondering how things were going with you.

Have you ever considered trying to seek treatment in the U.S.? Perhaps there is a Planned Parenthood clinic close to the border that will be able to help you or arrange for the surgery if no doctors in Canada will.

You're a strong woman, and you have a wonderful partner. Don't give up hope.

BellaDonna

Best of luck, I truly hope you can find someone who will help you with this.

Ok I haven't read most of the orignal post...but from what I understand right now the problem is you need an operation and it costs too much.

If that is the case my suggestion would be to go to China where I heard it's really cheap and you can find good doctors, or to some european countries...you might look that up

Thank you once again for all of your support and advice. Recently we have been trying very hard to find a way for me to get this operation. The money is no longer such a problem; it is finding a doctor who will help a foreigner that doesn't have permanent residence in Canada.

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend found out about another clinic we can visit. On Wednesdays it said they were open from 1.00 p.m. So we biked all the way down town to the clinic and waited outside the door. On the door it said it didn't open until 1.30 p.m., so we had to wait a bit. Then this lady sitting on the bench next to me asked if we were waiting for the clinic to open. We told her we were and she said that they had changed the time to 6.00 p.m. We didn't want to be waiting there that long and our favourite show was on around that time, so we biked back home. We realised later on that it was not a new episode. It was close to 6.00 p.m. at the time and we thought we might as well try biking back down there and getting this over and done with instead of waiting until Friday as we had originally decided. We biked back to the clinic and the receptionist asked my name, address, phone number and so forth. She asked what I was here for - which is a referral to a gynaecologist - and then she told us that this clinic does not do referrals. What a big fat waste of time; biking all the way down town twice in the freezing cold for nothing.

A little while later we decided I should try calling the number for the Sexual Health Resource Centre. My boyfriend had found the number on an old card he had taken from the sexual clinic we visited almost a year ago, now. I was scared to call because the more numbers I call and the more people I talk to who can't help, the closer we get to becoming completely and utterly stuck.

I forced myself to call the number even though I felt afraid. I summarised the situation and she seemed completely stumped. Most of what she said consisted of, "Erm... Err..." and at the end she gave me the number of our local hospital, saying they would have a list of doctors who will do referrals (but not knowing whether they would do one for a non-Canadian with no permanent residence).

I tried calling the hospital today. I got a machine telling me they do not give medical advice over the phone and that I should call another number to talk to a nurse for help.

I called this number to talk to a nurse and was told by a receptionist that they were all busy and I would have to give my name and number and wait to be called back. Once a nurse did call me back I listened to another bunch of awkward silences and "Erm... Err..." It ended with her suggesting I apply for permanent residence and then OHIP even though by the time I get permanent residence I might very well be living in bloody Japan and will have wasted thousands of dollars applying for PR in the first place! She also said the only other thing she could think of was to call gynaecologists and try these two sexual health numbers. I tried calling one number, got another machine that basically didn't give me an option because I am not Canadian, so I hung up and didn't bother calling the other number.

I had already looked through the yellow pages and circled a few gynaecologists that may be of help and since the helpline numbers hadn't helped me much at all, I decided to give it a go. I called the first gynaecologist on the list and spoke to her receptionist. She was a nice lady and so far she has been the most helpful person I've spoken to. The bad news is that she said you have to wait between 1 1/2 to 2 years before you can see the gynaecologist (I will be living in another country by the time I can get an appointment) unless they deem it urgent enough to squeeze me in quicker. The good news is that she could help me with the referral issues. I can't be referred by my British doctor as she can only do referrals within England, I can't be referred by a Canadian doctor because I need permanent residence before I can even have a doctor and most sexual clinics do not do referrals. She gave me the name and number of one of the rare clinics that does do referrals. She said that if this doesn't work I can call her back and she will take my name, number and talk to the gynaecologist for me. I almost cried on the phone I was so happy that someone was finally making an effort to help us.

I feel like we are on a wild goose chase here, but we are going to try going to this clinic over the weekend. Hopefully I can get referred and the gynaecologist will deem it important enough to operate on me a lot sooner than in 1 1/2 years...

I am just stunned that it takes 1 1/2 to 2 years to see a gynecologist. It amazes me. If you can get a green card you can visit planned parenthood in the US (though I suspect they wouldn't be able to assist much with your particular issue).

I waited 9 months.. and it was worth it because somehow i turned her into a freak.

Hey Sheyda,

I'm currently living in the West of Ireland. My gynaecologist refuses to perform a hymenectomy on me because it is "inessential." (My problem is mainly psychological with physical manifestations, and he will only reccomend therapy for me). I really want a hymenectomy or hymenotomy and was wondering if you could give me the names of the doctors you saw in London and Spain as I am willing to travel abroad to get this done. Thanks in advance

Have you checked in the U.S.? I know care down here can be expensive, but you may be able to find....well, something!