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Thread: Whats Ok???

  1. #1
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    Whats Ok???

    My question is if you are married/in a relationship is it ok to chat/flirt online??? Does this constitue cheating. What if you really like chatting with someone and feel an attraction are you lying to your significant other??What about cybersex??? Im not sure what this is? Whats Ok and not?
    Last edited by 4thelast1; 10-25-2006 at 06:08 PM. Reason: didnt like font

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    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 4thelast1
    My question is if you are married/in a relationship is it ok to chat/flirt online??? Does this constitue cheating. What if you really like chatting with someone and feel an attraction are you lying to your significant other??What about cybersex??? Im not sure what this is? Whats Ok and not?

    The flirting thing is tough to define, as everyone seems to have a different view of what is flirting, but for me, I consider it cheating if it is something you:

    -Know would upset your partner whether they have directly told you or you know by their character would.

    -Betrays the physical and emotionaly intimacy that is between you and your partner.

    -Would not do in front of your partner and you cannot be upfront and honest about.

    -Would bother you if your partner did to you.

    -If you question it...its probably cheating.

    These are just guidelines really but for me, yes I would consider cybersex absolutely cheating, and I would consider a friendship/flirtation with someone whom I felt MORE for as at the very least treading into dangerous territory. Just because there is opportunity does not mean you must take it...you need to remember the respect for your relationship and partner.

    But I mean this is something you need to work out between yourself and your partner.

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    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
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    You have to discuss that with your partner, only the people in the relationship can sort out the rules of conduct.

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    Silver Member †NeverMore's Avatar
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    Everyone has a diferent definition of what cheating is. I personally wouldn't say that is cheating, but some other people might.

    Everyone in a relationship finds other people attractive, weather online or in the real world. Finding someone else attractive is not lying. We are human beings after all.

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    I'm not saying this is my behavior. I'm just curious as to what would constitute cyber sex?? When is the line crossed with flirtation?? I am new to the cyber world and had never heard of cybersex.

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    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FaeriesWearBoots
    Everyone has a diferent definition of what cheating is. I personally wouldn't say that is cheating, but some other people might.

    Everyone in a relationship finds other people attractive, weather online or in the real world. Finding someone else attractive is not lying. We are human beings after all.
    Well I agree finding someone attractive is not cheating - you cannot help that. I personally find pursuing a "friendship" with someone you find attractive, flirting and not being honest about its nature with your partner is treading towards dangerous territory. And cybersex to me is, because for me it is an emotional factor involved in there that unless your partner is alright with, is going beyong "harmless flirtation".

    But as you said, everyone varies.

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    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 4thelast1
    I'm not saying this is my behavior. I'm just curious as to what would constitute cyber sex?? When is the line crossed with flirtation?? I am new to the cyber world and had never heard of cybersex.
    Well, it's basically the description of sexual acts with one another through the online world, either via cameras, chat rooms, messenger services....

    When is the line crossed? Well, I guess when you start moving from flirtatious lighthearted comments to more concrete discussion with a higher sexual content....

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    What do you do when someone msgs you and they are overfriendly? do you block them. Lets say you have been upfront about your relationship and they still continue to be tooo friendly? What if before you were happy to chat and then suddenly they try to talk a little more intamite? How do you keep it on a friend basis?

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    Here is my view - cheating to me is sexual contact with someone other than your s.o. or spouse. There are many behaviors though that while not cheating are inappropriate, tacky, dishonest, etc. To me those include flirting (other than harmlessly and we know when it is harmless - i.e. my male platonic friend and I - we are friends with each other's s.o./spouse also - tease each other lightly and have for our 12 year friendship. We never dated and it would never ever go there. He does all of the teasing but I allow it and he knows I would never (!) do anything to harm his relationship - to the contrary, I am very supportive of him and his family.

    I have several on line male platonic friends - most of whom I also know in person. Some of them I have dated. We don't cross the line and I have no interest in crossing the line. I am fine with sharing personal/private things with other men and fine with my SO have close platonic female friends. We trust each other, plain and simple. I would never behave inappropriately in front of him or when we are apart because I have a lot of self respect and prioritize my relationship over any "attention" I might get from flirting or behaving in that way.

    I would not like it if my SO flirted with women whether on line or otherwise - and he doesn't - we have similar values and senses of character and integrity.

    If a person craves attention from members of the opposite sex of any kind of sexual nature - and acts on that craving regularly - I would question that person's suitability for an exclusive relationship.

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    Originally Posted by 4thelast1
    What do you do when someone msgs you and they are overfriendly? do you block them. Lets say you have been upfront about your relationship and they still continue to be tooo friendly? What if before you were happy to chat and then suddenly they try to talk a little more intamite? How do you keep it on a friend basis?
    I believe you give the person one - maybe two - chances to clean up his/her act and if that person doesn't then you end the contact.

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