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  1. #1
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    ...

    I am so unbelievably depressed, and I feel like I'm about to lose it.

    I can't sit still, I feel sick, I feel like I'm about to go insane.

    There isn't much more of this I can take, and I feel like nothing is helping.
    Medicine isn't helping me, therapy doesn't seem to be helping me quickly enough.

    I feel trapped.

    And there is no way I'm about to submit myself to a Psychiatric ward for evalution. I don't think that would work.
    I hear that they hold you for three days and they won't release you no matter what you do.

    I'm so sad. I wish that someone could give me some drug to knock me out or make me numb.

    This is overwhelming.
    I don't want to be bothered, I don't want to be touched.

    I just feel so awful. I feel like crying, but I can't release more than a few tears.

    Hard isn't an accurate word to decribe what I'm going through.

    It's not nice to feel like I'm going crazy, to feel like nothing can release me from this crazy mess.

    I've been told I have chronic post traumatic stress disorder.
    How does somebody fix that?
    How do I fix the depression and anxiety disorder as well?

    Is there anyone out there who has been diagnosed with these things?

    What did you do? What did you do in times of crisis?

    I feel like there's no one I can talk to who can help me. I feel so desperate and so helpless, and so dirty.

    I feel like nothing gets better.

    It seems like things are getting better for a moment, and then they get worse again.

    I feel like I'm being tortured, and it's never-ending.

    There has got to be a way to end all of this. But I just don't know how.
    Counseling? I'm going to counseling.
    But what about all of the minutes, and hours inbetween that I'm suffering.

    I mean, I've taken double the dose of sleeping medication that I'm suppose to have before, but I know it's not nearly enough to hurt me.
    I want to take enough to have a dreamless sleep, but I don't know how much that would be.

    What do you do when nothing seem to work?

    How much longer to I have to live like this?

  2. #2
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    Where do you live? I'll come over with some Lorazapan. It's an anti-anxiety drug that works for me. I had to take it today becuase my boyfriend again tells me he needs space.
    I get it at the free clinic in Los Angeles.
    I seriously recomend that you find some professional help ASAP. A clinic if you can afford them a free clinic, even an emergency room will be able to stear you in the right direction.
    I think you need anti-depressants perhaps too.
    I know what it is to not be able to function under the pressure of depression, amxiety. Drugs help immediately. Then you can do some talk therapy. Also I have a wonderful book called : Radical Acceptance: living the heart of the Buddha.
    But first get Help. GET HELP FOR THE IMMEDIATE stuff. Call a family member, friend, tell them you need help right away. You don't have to live like this anymore. GET HELP!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
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    Gracelove,

    A hot bath or shower can do wonders for anxiety, washing away the stress and pain.
    If you get to where you need help badly, don't be afraid of admitting yourself to a hospital for a rest. It might help you regain your strength to work on recovery.

  4. #4

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    Gracelove,

    there is hope. you don't have to run from this; the power is in you to face it head on.

    i'm no psychologist but i am friends with, and currently studying under, one whose reputation is known around the world. i can predict what he would likely say if i came to him with a problem like the one plaguing you:

    of course you're not dirty, not at all. how often do you remind yourself of this?

    your CPTSD is not going to make you go insane, and there is no reason that you canot overcome it. tell yourself that over and over.

    you don't want to hurt yourself. you do not deserve punishment. never let that thought out of your mind.

    everyone has bad dreams. they cannot hurt you. do not lose sight of that fact.

    memorize these things i've highlighted and say them out loud to yourself every five minutes or as often as you can. doing exercise at the same time whenever you can, even light stretching, will make them even more effective. the reasons for that would take too long to write here but they have been been explained to me and they made sense.

    you may not even believe these phrases at first but the more you repeat them (especially when combined with repeated body motion), the more they will become part of you.

    the doctor who invented this technique is a brilliant, brilliant scholar with over thirty years of practice under his belt. believe me when i tell you that if you follow his system faithfully you will find relief. please do it, and please keep us all posted on your progress.

    -your ENA friend slightlybent (or call me Ian)
    Last edited by Daddy Bear; 10-20-2006 at 02:16 AM. Reason: to add "or as often as you can."

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  6. #5
    Silver Member NKP's Avatar
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    Hey i kind of know what you are going throw.

    Life does alot of bad crap to inersent people hey, life is hard at the moment i know, just cry, scream, yell, laugh, run, anything just to make you feel better.

    How about go on a holiday and just do stuf for you and have fun and not worry about this rapist, i know its alot easier said than done, but being away from home might be good for you.

    yeah conseling doesnt work at first well it never did for me, but people i have heard that went it took a few weeks for it to work for them. And the medican normal takses about 3months to work properly and start to feel like you use too.

    This guy raped you and now dont let him reck your life aswell, dont let this creep hurt you anymore. This guy raped you and he made you get depession, now dont let him let make you do anything to harm yourself.

  7. #6
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    Sigh I don't know what to say Grace...I was hoping you'd be doing better...have you tried talking to people about it? Talk to people from here or your friends talk as much as you want to and vent maybe that will help..

  8. #7
    Platinum Member BeStrongBeHappy's Avatar
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    Sleeping pills help you sleep, but they don't overcome overwhelming anxiety like you are feeling. you need to talk to the doctor and get your medication adjusted, or talk a different doctor if your current one isn't helping you. You especially need to find someone whose speciality is treating PSTD, who understands exactly what you are going through and how best to treat it. Anti-anxiety medication can do wonders to help you get through a rough time, to give you time off to heal, until you do start to find joy in things again.

    one of the prime symptoms of PSTD is feeling hollow and like your world is shrinking and no longer a comfortable place. This is the illness talking, and you need to recognize that sometimes you have to really let other people help you and have faith that you will come out the other side of this, which you will if you continue to get help and treatment. There is no quick fix for PSTD, it is like having a serious physical illness, where you need to take the time and treatments to get better, even if the going is rough in the interim, you will be ok when when the healing and time has helped you.

    so please don't think that you will feel this way forever, and do print out a copy of what you wrote here and take it to your doctor and say this is how i am feeling, and let them help you. there is no shame in going into a treatment program of any kind, or a more intensive one than you are now following, if you are hurting this badly.

    there are many, many people in their world who suffer from PSTD, and recognize the pain you are going through and would love to help you, so please contact people and allow someone else to take the weight off your shoulders for a while and find ways to make the going easier for you.


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