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Why do relationships fail?


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so i'm currently in my first serious relationship and i absolutely love being in love. i wouldn't change it for the world. so that brings me to my question.....what makes most relationships fail? i want to know this so i can avoid doing certain things and try to keep things going wonderful like they are right now. i could see myself being with this guy for a long time. i'm just curious about how your guys' relationship(s) failed. thanks!

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long-term relationships often grow cold when one or both persons start taking the situation for granted and stop cultivating the garden of love. i've heard professionals warn about this on a number of occasions, and i have no doubt that it's something to actively avoid by doing whatever is necessary to keep things fresh and by acknowledging our appreciation for our partners on a regular basis.

 

in my own experience, things ended like this:

 

marriage #1: my serious and repeated infidelity (i was 17 and very immature)

 

marriage #2: her serious and repeated infidelity (karma, i suppose)

 

marriage #3: her serious and repeated infidelity (ok, what the HELL?)

 

hmm... i guess serious and repeated infidelity might be something to watch out for as well.

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if i could take back my last 4 years, i would do so in an instant. i will never see this person the way i once did, because it was an illusion. this person will never get another moment of my time, my thoughts, my empathy. some people are just evil. and that is how they love. never again. tonite i have removed any trace, burned and destroyed anything related and will never think of them again. so ends my stay on this site. as far as i am concerned this person is erased fully and completely and forever. there is nothing there - forever.

 

KUDOS for you. I don't think thats possible. Every single person that comes into your life touches you and marks you in some way shape or form. For good or for bad. They leave a part of themselves with you... and you with them.

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Two words that might help you though: couples counseling.

 

BTDT.. Got the t-shirt... 2X.

 

Also went alone to counseling 5X...

 

A sledge hammer upside the head would have sufficed. Mine. Tellling me to wake up.. and smell the coffee... lol...

 

I'm being facetious... lol. I do think that couples counseling is a good idea. Sooner rather than later. Maybe if ground rules are put in place from the get go there it would prevent some of the growing pains in the relationship from being so painful.

 

I know... why don't they make obtaining a "marriage liceance" more meaningful and make couples go to "Relationship Classes" with Dr. Phil.. and then they have to pass a rigorous exam. Upon completion of the exam... a contract is drawn up that both can live with... and there you go.

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in my case, I would say that I have a habit of picking guys who aren't a good "fit" for me. Like we get along and don't fight, but deep down, we are different people with different life goals or values. those drive us apart sooner or later.

 

but, the thing is, you can't see that right away, from the outset. you have to be with a person for a while before you see they aren't quite right for you.

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so i'm currently in my first serious relationship and i absolutely love being in love. i wouldn't change it for the world. so that brings me to my question.....what makes most relationships fail? i want to know this so i can avoid doing certain things and try to keep things going wonderful like they are right now. i could see myself being with this guy for a long time. i'm just curious about how your guys' relationship(s) failed. thanks!

 

Be careful about focusing on how much you love being in love and more about giving to your partner and learning how to give to him in a way that works for him and maintains your own strong sense of self esteem.

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Dako hitb the nail on the head. Although some of my past relationships ended because of cheating (both sides), I'm older and slightly wiser and now see the cheating as a symptom, rather than a cause. Although my behaviour in relationships isn't always good, I don't honestly believe that anything I did would have sustained them any longer.

 

You could be more selective about deciding who to date in the first place but I don't think this helps. Someone who will work for you might be "too old", "too short" or "too fat" but there might just be something there that is sustainable.

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clarification on my "illusion" post. i used the word 'illusion' to simply state - when we enter a relationship at the beginning, everything ususally happens naturally and it just feels great. then life slaps u upside the head and reality sinks in and reminds you that, a relationship, like everything else in life takes hard work [in a good way] to maintain. but if we hold on to the illusion that it 'must' always be as it was at the beginning - the relationship is doomed. this 'wanting' or 'longing' for the feelings one has at the beginning is what usually leds people to having many short term relationships and repeating past mistakes. it is an emotional attachment to how that 'period of time' makes them feel and when it is repeated over and over again - it is usually related to an event from their past and is an indictor that they haven't learned how to move and grow past that point and they don't because the 'value' of that is unknown to them. they stay with what they know and feel secure in only 'investing' themselves that far. in many ways, it is associated with the 'pleasure principle' - the best way to break out of that cycle is to take time away from relationships and examine what drives that inside them and whether or not it is what they honestly need in life. one way to find out is check out older couples. hang around couples that have been married for 40 or 50 years - and see if that stirs something inside that is more powerful. if not, stay with the rush thing and enjoy life.

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Yea I know what you mean, I don't want my relationship to fail either. This is like my first real serious relationship too and i want to make it work. But I think if you keep working on a relationship, communicate, then you should be together for a while. You learn alot from past relationshps too. but i'm not too sure myself.

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the main reason my last relationship failed is really because i loved the leafs and my partner loved the sens. the strain from playoff hockey became too much. damn that tie domi - relationship ender!

 

OHH.. Eureka.... Now I know... it was because I changed football teams.. I became a STEELERS FAN... that did it..

 

lol... not really.. but it was the icing on the cake. For whatever reason, he could not fathom.. me rooting for any other sports team than the one he roots for.

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