very very little sex

I agree 100% with you. There is ALWAYS a reason. I still try the spontanous things, get me no where. But it does get her the attention I feel I would be giving her if she was putting out. So, I guess she is good..lol... I have tried a few new things, lets just say.. thank goodness for my other girlfriend. Her name is my right hand.. lol... As for our shifts changing .. I don't see that happening for quite some time, that really shouldn't make much difference, it never mattered before we always found the time. I just wish I could get rid of the feeling that she doesnt find me attractive anymore.

is there any children? perhaps she is feeling insecure about her body.. I know this can be a problem with some women. When you mention holding her.. that is so nice of you. I know that it id frustrating for you but it truly shows your love for her.. Sometimes we have to look at the big picture.. Is it worth it to leave and do you really want to after so long? Perhaps you could try masterbating together? This could re -connect you.

children.. grown.. one... 21 senior yr in college. her body.. hell she looks great.. definitely not that. masterbating together I could never see her doing that.. I am game for anything. lol... I will continue to wait for her, she is worth it. hhhmm maybe its me she doesnt find attractive.

This is very common, nine years is a long time and complacency is very easy to slip into....straight or gay it doesn't matter the same rules of complacency seem to apply.

Something needs to be shaken up in your routine soon or this is just going to get worse.

I think a sex counselor is your best bet.

I dont want to alarm you but maybe it is a little bit of attraction abating. When i was like you describe her being with my ex i just wasn't physically attracted to him anymore. If this is the case all is not lost, you need to just reconnect again. Again a sex counselor can help you with this. You also said she only "pecks" wtih kisses and that is another sign she might be losing attraction. Once the kissing goes there are warning sirens going off in a relationship. Any relationship.

It also just might be her libido is at a slow crawl. How old did you say she is again? Close to your age?You are at the age of sexual peak and if she is close to your age she should be too, but not everyone has a high libido. Just because she did in the beginning is not indicative of anything because the honeymoon period is always hot and heavy, even low libido folks will be more active during this time. Normally.

Edited to add: Nevermind about my saying you are at the age of sexual peak. LOL I saw the 40 under your username but now i see thta is number of posts. I have no idea how old you are. LOL I assume over 40 tho if you have a grown child.

actually this has been going on for some time and we are now 2 months shy to make it 11 yrs. sex counselor will never happen.. tried to get her to couples therapy and she flat out said we don't need one.

The thing that confuses me is she always wants to cuddle, hug and she gives hundreds of smooches. She tells me whenever we are together how nice and sexy I look/am (whatever..lol) and she gives kisses (smooches) constantly.

As for the age and the libido... I have been thinking about that alot lately. I am 43 she is 50 .. she is now going thru the change. I sometimes wonder if she has been going thru for sometime and wonder how much longer..lol.. I myself had been sick so all that girl stuff had been taken care of at a very much earlier age.

I do believe with all my heart she loves me. I just think she is finished with sex. That my friend kills me and worse yet scares me.

Well i am sorry to hear she is against counseling.

It could be hormonal shifts due to the change. That will certainly do it. And you might be right that these changes have been occurring for awhile. Some women go thru this early. I think my mother went thru it for years.

Hi I have read this whole thread an can see that you are totally devoted to her an LOVE her very much.You said that it was love at first sight,what was it that attracted her to youan you to her.Was it love at first sight for her to, how long did you date eachother, Im not being nosey here but sometimes its good to look back on the journey about our lives an how we got to this point in our lives.She is 50 an going through the change, you are 43 im not sure whether you said you have been though it or not,if you have then you know how it feels if not then you have to go through it at some stage in your life.I would truly love to hear about your life from start to now,vent get angry who knows this might help you. hang in there

when we met we both knew we were in it for the long haul. Neither of us had truly felt that way with anyone else. We had both been thru a few relationships and knew that what we were feeling was something special. She was just turning 40 and I was 32. We spent every free moment together for the next 6 months or so. Then took the plunge and moved in together. We have had a great partnership and like all relationships we have had our moments. I am confident she is still in love with me as I am her. It seems the sexual desire just isn't there or isn't important.

As for the change of life thing, hell how long does one use that as an excuse? As for me and the change.. well .. when i was 35 I had been ill and surgery took care of any woman issues, which forced my body into early meno-pause and let me tell you... the sweats were horrible..but my sex drive has never been altered.

we did put on weight thru the years.. i thought that was the problem.. but we have lost between us 90 lbs and we are both looking like we did 10 yrs ago. I know we are busy, i know we have limited time, I know whatever I do won't change things. What I don't know is how long I can take waiting to see if we will be intimate or if something will be added to our weekend pushing my chances further away. But most of all I am tired of ppl thinking this is silly. I just need to understand what is going on.

HI

I read your reply an yes you are not silly and you do have a problem you love your partner with all your heart an would love to show her your love an affection you have for her in the bedroom.

Routine,shift work has alot to do with it is possible,low sex drive to high sex drive that wont work either cause someone will always be disappointed.[an we know who that is,damn]

It seems to me your parnter has lost her PASSION,FIRE, ZING,SPARK we need to find that again,im shore the passion was there in the beginning,what was it about you that turned her on to the point were she couldnt keep her hands of you.

We are going to RIP this problem apart turn it upside down an inside out until we find an answer or end up BALD from ripping our hair out

All the best OXOX

I just keep thinking if I am patient she will come around. I sit and analyize constantly. The days she is so loving, caring, flirty it almost annoys me .. kind of feels like she is a tease. She knows how I feel about the whole thing. she always makes comments that " If I could have it everyday I would be happy" so she knows where I stand for sure. I think it is meno-pause in part but I think a bigger part is she ALWAYS puts the facts of daily living ahead of our intimacy. Its as if she is that sure I will never leave, the thing is ..she is right.

Well in ever day living that should inclued sex as well,its part of life,so have yous ever spent time apart,if you have what is it like when one of you returns,is it like I missed you an you end up in the bedroom.She knows you wont leave her,maybe a little time apart would help,thinking about it would only drive you nuts.Take a step back an look at the big picture fom her point of veiw.I dont know what else to surgest,what would you do if you were her with this problem? good luck