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Thread: EasyGuy's Journal

  1. #1
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    EasyGuy's Journal

    The Balancing Act

    About three months ago I got a job washing dishes twice (sometimes three times) a week at a small establishment that my family owns. The peak times are on the weekends, so I'm not needed everyday. We are the kind of business that has always struggled to keep a concrete staff system.

    It is also the end of summer, and I'll be going back to my second year of college in a week or so. I plan to take things much more seriously than I did last year, as I kind of took many things for granted. I am also trying to get into music school in a year, so for the last few months I have begun to take practicing much more seriously than I had been. This will have to also continue on during the school year.

    I've never had a job prior to the one I have now. The problem isn't the job itself. It's actually a perfect venue to work at because there is always live music and the opportunity to hang out with the musicians and network. But what I'm nervous about is -- while I do want to keep working there and earn some money -- I'm sort of nervous at the fact that we'll be busier more during the week after a while. I would love to keep working there, but the weekends would work best for me, because I don't want to stay up really late at night working during the school week. Perhaps I can talk to the manager about it hiring a dishwasher for during the week if it becomes too much of a distraction. I got into the bad habit last year of staying up late watching TV almost every night, and I would go to school the following morning very tired.

    So the hope is that I can figure out a way to balance out work, school, and music, so that everyone is happy. School is certainly going to be my number one priority once that gets going, followed by practicing my music/instrument so I can get ready for music school, and then my job.

    I've been changing my habits over the past few months, so hopefully I won't stop here. We'll see what happens.

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    Getting Away from it

    There is an online music forum that I used to go to all the time. I'd help others with questons, post my own advice for certain areas, etc. But what would always happen is, some threads would turn from a peaceful discussion into a personal attacking argument; a war of opinions and thoughts.

    The major problem with that is, most of the posters on the forum are middle-aged people with credentials. So when a young poster like myself tries to refute something, it gets beaten into the ground, in a way that makes it seem like their opinion and way of thinking is the ONLY way, which I think is very wrong. Sometimes I'd make bold statements that sometimes would blanket a certain thing, and while I do realize that is a wrong thing to do, it always turns into a personal debate, getting off the subject at hand.

    Recently it happened again, and I realized how much it got to me, because it always put me in a bad mood going to that forum. So the other day I just stopped going there, and I don't plan on going back there. It puts me in an unhealthy and often cynical mood about the world. It's amazing how powerful some things become, especially on cyberspace.

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    The Wonders of Coffee

    For 19 years I think I had one sip of fresh-brewed coffee.

    It wasn't until the latter end of my first year in college that I realized that I relied heavily on caffeine to stay awake. I went to the campus mini mart every morning before class and bought a Mountain Dew, chugged it down, and I was ready to take on the entire day.

    Since then, I have stopped drinking Dew, because the sugars aren't good for you, and I'm a health nut so it is really unhealthy to drink. I just didn't have a choice then, because I wasn't getting enough sleep, and I didn't like the taste of coffee.

    Then one day at home I was offered a cup of coffee, and I tried it. Creamer and artificial sweetener was added to it, and it tasted like heaven. Now I can't go about my day without having a cup or two. And it usually gives me enough energy for the entire day. Though one day I made the mistake of drinking a cup late into the evening, which had me staying up past 4:00am. Never doing that again.

    School starts in a week, so we'll see how it goes then.

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    Ignoring a Good Human

    Life just seems to be so unfair sometimes. It seems to be a growing trend with others and myself. In one of my classes last year in college, I got to know this really sweet girl througout the quarter. We worked on projects and did things as a team. Then when the quarter ended, I never heard anything back from her. No emails back, nothing. It is strange how that happens. One day you're just getting to know someone, and then once they go out of sight, they don't contact you again.

    In high school I was never much of a socializer, but if I really wanted to get to know someone, I tried my best to come off as friendly and open. But I guess that didn't go over to well, because I graduated from high school not keeping a single friend. Connections - yes, but someone who I'd call a friend - no. I like it and hate it at the same time. I like it because I suppose I am used to it after all these years. I'm not one to hang out in groups and socialize. I'm a serious type of person. I USED to be the average kid, but things changed as time went on.

    Anyway, the college girl thing wasn't the only time something like that happened.

    Not that long ago, a psuedo-friend from high school moved accross the country for college. Prior to that, she seemed open enough to exchange messages online, and give me some attention in person when I was at school. But once she moved away, no matter how casual I tried to sound in order to get her to respond, she continued to ignore me. I just don't get how someone could just kick you out of their life like that. And it wasn't like we had an argument or anything. Just two people talking.

    But I suppose one shouldn't make it a big deal, because afterall, there is a sea of potential out there, and to get all worked up about one or two people ignoring your efforts to re-connect is unhealthy. It's NOT always on my mind, it's just something that I've observed, and sometimes I don't know what I did to deserve it. I am a good human being. I don't do bad things that would put people off.

    Oh well, I'm almost 20 years old. There are far more important things to focus on in life, like getting through school and making peace with myself through doing things that I love doing.

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    Music

    Music has always been my sanctum, a way to escape from the fast-paced world that we live in today. I've always felt a personal connection to music in general, be it classical, Cuban, or jazz. There is something emotionally strong about certiain styles of music, and as a musician myself, I am typically very open-minded about all forms of music from all around the world, every shade of color, every instrument. I give everything a listen before making my own conclusions about it.

    Part of the problem with many people is, they shun a certain type of music before they really spend some time listening to it and give it a chance. I don't hate any style of music. I just prefer some over others. I grew up being exposed to pop music, which was very much a part of my childhood. But as I got older, I discovered other styles of music. Pop music serves a direct purpose -- commericalism. At my age of almost 20 years old, I am more open about different styles of music than most of my peers. That is because I took a risk, took a different path, and didn't want to become just another random person that listens to music that everyone else listens to.

    There is so much good music out there just waiting to be discovered. Of the plethora of recordings I have dove into over the years, I still feel like it is a very small percentage of what is out there, what people have done. Of course, there is not enough time in the human lifespan to listen to every music recording known to mankind, but it doesn't hurt to do some research and become more open-minded about what different people around the world use music for, how they approach it.

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    Introspection into Emotions

    I feel like my life has been ignored by so many people over the years. It's this harshness that I can never get over. A distinct feeling that makes you question your character. What did I ever do to deserve this?

    My childhood was normal I suppose. I was just a normal kid who made friends with neighbors and a couple kids from school. Then as time went on things started to drift. Suddenly I was much more alone. I noticed early on that so many of my peers in camps and afterschool programs were all part of a group. A group that I have never felt a part of. I don't know what it feels like to be accepted by so many people, to feel like the things you do matter to more than one other person.

    I just want to be accepted for who I am, my true character. I've always felt like a lost soul, just searching for some form of acceptance and love.

    Last year was my first year in college. It was certainly a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days I'd be really happy to be there, to be around other students, and other days I'd feel incredibly depressed and hopeless. There were times that I never thought I could feel so lonely. I remember one day I was on the bus riding home, and I just felt like crying. But I held it in, because I didn't want others to see me in that kind of state. I just felt like a ghost. No one paying attention to me, noticing me.

    After a while I would get out of it and try to be normal. But my normal has never been a bubbly, happy person. For as long as I can remember, I have always done things for myself. I have never operated on a group level when it came to socializing. I wasn't afraid of it, I just didn't get it. That wasn't how I was raised. And there was nothing that I could have done about it because I was so conditioned to what my life had been about for so long that I didn't feel like doing anything would help the situation.

    I have a whole life ahead of me, and I hope that some positive things can come out of it. Above everything, I just want to be accepted for who I am. Nothing more, nothing less.

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    [QUOTE=easyguy;1224625The major problem with that is, most of the posters on the forum are middle-aged people with credentials. So when a young poster like myself tries to refute something, it gets beaten into the ground, in a way that makes it seem like their opinion and way of thinking is the ONLY way, which I think is very wrong.[/QUOTE]
    Ah, they're old and have nothing better to do let them have their pitiful fun. Good for you for not
    Originally Posted by easyguy
    Then one day at home I was offered a cup of coffee, and I tried it.
    NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! DON'T DO IT!!!
    Ah, great. Congratulations you just started a new bad habit. Ah it's not so bad, I started my freshman year because I wasn't used to getting up at 5 AM. I quit over the summer (ah! bad headaches for about a week)

    Originally Posted by easyguy
    Ignoring a Good Human

    Life just seems to be so unfair sometimes. It seems to be a growing trend with others and myself. In one of my classes last year in college, I got to know this really sweet girl througout the quarter. We worked on projects and did things as a team. Then when the quarter ended, I never heard anything back from her. No emails back, nothing. It is strange how that happens. One day you're just getting to know someone, and then once they go out of sight, they don't contact you again.
    This sucks * * * and has happened to me many times. Both when I was just a kid with friends and recently with other friends. Most upsetting was when I had talked to a guy friend a lot last year and he just suddenly stopped talking to me and ignoring calls. I have no idea why.

    Just assume it's their problem, don't take it personally. Which I know is hard to do when you really liked the person.
    Originally Posted by easyguy
    In high school I was never much of a socializer, but if I really wanted to get to know someone, I tried my best to come off as friendly and open.
    I'm the same way, not really close to anyone or in any group. Hell, my 'best friend' doesn't consider me her best friend. Probably not even a really close friend. It seems like everyone already has their set 'friends' and I'm not usually included. I'm usually just a sort of friend or someone people talk to and I doubt I'll talk to any of them after graduation.

    Originally Posted by easyguy
    Part of the problem with many people is, they shun a certain type of music before they really spend some time listening to it and give it a chance.
    Yeah, a lot of people are like that but I just feel sorry for them that they might never get to hear music that they could really love because they don't give anything besides what everyone else is listening to a chance.

    Originally Posted by easyguy
    I feel like my life has been ignored by so many people over the years. It's this harshness that I can never get over. A distinct feeling that makes you question your character.What did I ever do to deserve this?
    My childhood was normal I suppose. I was just a normal kid who made friends with neighbors and a couple kids from school. Then as time went on things started to drift. Suddenly I was much more alone. I noticed early on that so many of my peers in camps and afterschool programs were all part of a group. A group that I have never felt a part of. I don't know what it feels like to be accepted by so many people, to feel like the things you do matter to more than one other person.

    I just felt like a ghost. No one paying attention to me, noticing me.

    I have a whole life ahead of me, and I hope that some positive things can come out of it. Above everything, I just want to be accepted for who I am. Nothing more, nothing less.
    Wow..this really reminds me of myself. But for me as a kid I was very alone, I was really shy.
    I'm not really shy anymore. I'm trying to be more talkative and open now but I don't think it's doing much good. I mean, I can talk to people, but sometimes I feel like, "What's the point of this? They don't really care how I'm doing. We don't have anything in common."
    But I keep on because I feel like I'm supposed to have lots of friends, I'm supposed to be happy and talkative.
    I feel like I'd rather just sit in class, sit there and say nothing like I used to. And sometimes I feel overwhelmed and just want to cry because it seems pointless and stupid to talk to people who don't give a crap whether I'm around or not. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

    Good luck with school and stuff.


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