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Thread: When a man says we need to take time apart to think?

  1. #1
    never-too-late
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    Exclamation When a man says we need to take time apart to think?

    What should I do? He says we need time apart?

    I have just come back from a weekend spent with my boyfriend. We spent a nice weekend but today we argued a little. I started to cry and he got really upset with me and told me that these kind of situations makes him hesitate to be sure about us. He told me that he thinks we need time apart. He reassured me he is not breaking up with me but he needs time to think about us, his life, his career plans. What do you think I should do? I wanted to find out from him today if he sees me in his future and he said that he feels like I am always pressuring to talk to me about us and he says our fights and my cries do not make him feel too convinced about us. When I was leaving today, he kissed me and said to me " see you ok?". He said he does not want anybody else, he just wants time on his own as he feels exhausted with everything. He said that we will not plan our next meeting now as he felt forced to meet me last time.

    I was very sad to hear that but he said that he could not say no to me when I suggested to meet last weekend. I am starting to worry what his intentions really are with me as he seems to prefer not seeing me. He said he will miss me even if we won't see each other but he will not die. He also told me that he has enough stress with his own job, he does not need stress from me. What do you think about this? Should I worry that it's over between us and he just doesn't know how to tell me? But knowing him, he would have told me honestly if it was over. It scares me though that he does not need to see me so much like I do?

    What do you suggest I should do?

  2. #2
    DN

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    Well, I think you need to give him some space and time to miss you.

    How often do you argue and what is it usually about? Who starts them?

  3. #3
    Lady Bugg
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    I think you need to respect his wishes for space. Pressuring him is going to make him realize you are only considering your OWN needs..and that it's not HIM you care about..but just the "relationship".

    My suggestion is to say.."OK..no problem...I think space is a great idea..I was asked away for a weekend trip...so maybe we'll talk when I get back"

    Then don't contact him. Try to stay busy..even if you DON'T go away...he doesn't need to know that. What he DOES need is to know you will be ok
    if he needs time apart..and that you won't fall apart. Strength is an attractive quality. Maybe he WILL miss you..but you won't know that if you don't give him the chance.

  4. #4
    TheRedQueen
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    I've been in your shoes before, frantically worried that the one I loved was distancing himself from me as a way to end the relationship. What I have realized through time though, is that it is only natural for each and every one of us, even when in a healthy and deeply-involved romantic relationship, from time to time to need our own personal space in order to clear our heads, assess our own lives, and our feelings about the relationship. This much needed space also allows us to miss our respective partners. My advice to you is that it seems like both of you would fair well by having some breathing room. There's no need for alarm, things will work out for the best.
    Last edited by TheRedQueen; 08-28-2006 at 05:50 PM.

  5. #5
    candy604
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    just let him have his time. But this arguing etc..is quite common in a relationship, i don't know how he'd deal with it later on then..just because a relationship has no fights doesn't mean it'll last ( he needs to realize that). If you fight about things that can potentially be an damaging issue later on, maybe it is better to break it off and find someone who is more compatible.

    crying is a trait girls have and guys will just have to deal with it

  6. #6
    poetsheart
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    I can't believe what I just read, almost the exact same thing happened to me, from the weekend away, to him asking for space that very same week... All the same issues about him feeling pressured to talk about things sound so similar....he just didn't want to know. I was like that for years...When I would show emotion, he hated it even more, he would say that's why he couldn't be with me...he didn't want to know.. I couldn't believe what I was reading.... Unfortunately in my case, he never really did love me and they were all excuses... please feel free to pm me as it just sounds so similar... apart from the fact that I'm in Australia... In the end, he treated me very poorly and bascially when you love someone, what do they need to think about? Please be strong, let him have his space, it sounds like he has issues, my situation is so similar... give him the space and try nc, let him miss your wonderful presense... Good luck and message if you need to....

  7. #7
    never-too-late
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    Today is my first day where I have not contacted him. This silence between us is making me uncomfortable and it makes me feel like I want to break it and ask him what is on his mind and what is he feeling and if he still wants to be with me and why is he silent but something is telling me that if I do that, he might find my questions annoying? It's only one day and I am finding it hard. I have had a busy day where I was very busy so no time to think about it, however, now it's an evening, I am alone in my room and I am getting scared that I might have pushed him away from me and I am sad as normally he would have send me a small message.. I guess I should just continue being silent though. It's hard when I have absolutely no idea what he thinks? Is it something I should really worry about? He is a very honest guy so I think he would have told me if he wanted to break it off with me. He said we need time apart... it's so hard not knowing what the right thing is to do. I just don't want to loose him.

  8. #8
    melrich
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    People who are in love with each other and have a balanced relationship do not ask for time apart.

    Either he no longer feels for you the way he did or he is feeling that you have no life outside this relationship, that you are too dependant on this relationship to the point that you are stifling any individuality he has.

    Let's say he still loves you. Then what is going on is he is feeling stifkled by that love. It feels more liek a responsibility to him than the joyous thing it should be.

    That absolute last thing you should be doing is pressing him on this. Just stay away from him.

    I suspect he may not come back to you but I think the chances of that are even stronger if you start pressuring him now.

  9. #9
    candy604
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    yeah my bf and i argue and i cry if i'm upset ( i think it's a natural reaction lol), but he just says he can't deal with it anymore but doesn't want to break up b/c he loves me alot and wants to work things out.

  10. #10
    TheRedQueen
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    Quote Originally Posted by melrich [Register to see the link]
    People who are in love with each other and have a balanced relationship do not ask for time apart.
    I don't understand this melrich. Having designated alone time, at least for me is critical for my sanity, and hungered by my soul. Sometimes, even when in love and deeply involved in a relationship, one still needs a bit of personal space from time to time. I would go mad if I had to spend every waking hour occupying the same space as another person, except perhaps if that person was my child.

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