Best advice ever: (read this, girls)

Whenever you meet a guy online who claims to want a relationship with you, sign up for a second account at the site in which you met him on and contact him as another woman. That way you will catch a liar, cheater, and possible abuser in the act and save yourself from a broken heart or potentially dating/marrying a cheater or abuser. I don't care how bad it sounds, it works. If you want the truth, use another account to get it. I just did that to someone who was BAD NEWS and could still be married for all I know - apparently he plans to meet women online, sleep with them, and he is at least verbally abusive underneath all of that "I love you, I love you, please be with me forever" crap. DON'T fall for it! NEVER fall for it! ALL MEN LIE! Every word! Get the truth before you get involved.

It pays to be very careful when "cyber dating". I am not totally sure of your methods because,

1) typically most people looking for dates on-line are talking to multiple people anyway.

2) You should be sceptical about anyone wanting a relationship with you before they have actually met you.

3) If they are not lying then YOU become the lying cheater by having another false account and making out like you are interested in him.

And all men do not lie. That is just hysterical nonsense.

Not all men lie... ;_;

Whilst not necessarily good advice, I think amongst many online communities it's become matter of course. Just be careful layering it on too thick, some people will respond just out of politeness...

Well not all men lie, only some

But i myself will never trust someone i meet online. But that is a really good thing to d if you do meet do meet one on line

I know some may project that route as desperate and it screams insecurity on your behalf but it's better to safeguard your heart now then a few months down the road with a broken heart.

Sometimes I can't even trust myself so of course, I'm not going to trust a total stranger. I learned my lesson.

Starting a relationship with lies, snooping, and deceit is no way to ensure that you will ever be happy. Work on your trust issues before you assume that every man you meet is a liar or a cheater. How would you feel if a man did that to you?

At first I wouldn't expect him to not be dating other women, as I'm not going to stop dating any and all men the first time or two I have coffee with someone. But after awhile, when things start to become exlusive or intimate, yeah, I'd not want him to be still putting himself out there on the 'available' market.

You don't understand. EVERY guy I've ever known has started off with sooooo much sweet-talking and promises of love and marriage. I was fully within my rights to do what I did and I caught a liar, cheater, and potential abuser in the act. How can you even begin to think that guy was honest if he was telling me he loved me and wanted a real relationship with me - even having the nerve to "make sure" that I wasn't talking to any other men online - then when he thinks he has another woman interested in him, he tells "her" that he isn't seeing or talking to anyone else and is very interested! He's a liar and I caught him and I'm proud of it.

I think you did well. I do think he was misrepresenting both himself and his intentions towards you, and that is unacceptable. Now you are free to find someone who has a little more integrety.

You don't understand. EVERY guy I've ever known has started off with sooooo much sweet-talking and promises of love and marriage. I was fully within my rights to do what I did and I caught a liar, cheater, and potential abuser in the act. How can you even begin to think that guy was honest if he was telling me he loved me and wanted a real relationship with me - even having the nerve to "make sure" that I wasn't talking to any other men online - then when he thinks he has another woman interested in him, he tells "her" that he isn't seeing or talking to anyone else and is very interested! He's a liar and I caught him and I'm proud of it.

yes i would of done the same thing if i had been lied to in the past by more than one guy, yes i would also be proud of it

ALL MEN LIE! Every word! Get the truth before you get involved.

 

You hate men and need to get over that by starting with a clean slate ea. time.

 

Not all men are the same and you probably, like many people do, go for the same type look that always ends up being the same bad guy time and time again.

You don't understand. EVERY guy I've ever known has started off with sooooo much sweet-talking and promises of love and marriage. I was fully within my rights to do what I did and I caught a liar, cheater, and potential abuser in the act. How can you even begin to think that guy was honest if he was telling me he loved me and wanted a real relationship with me - even having the nerve to "make sure" that I wasn't talking to any other men online - then when he thinks he has another woman interested in him, he tells "her" that he isn't seeing or talking to anyone else and is very interested! He's a liar and I caught him and I'm proud of it.

Very good point!

You hate men and need to get over that by starting with a clean slate ea. time.

 

Not all men are the same and you probably, like many people do, go for the same type look that always ends up being the same bad guy time and time again.

MacgyverRI,

There are alot of BAD men out there and that's why it's hard for women to start a new slate.

Lots of bad women out there, too.

I think the OP comes accross a little angry but I do understand where she is coming from.

it is one thing if you are just dating and talking to guys online and there is no talk of exclusivity, then of course you can expect them to be talking to other women as you should be talking to other men too.

That all changes when there is a promise of exclusivity. I think pretending to be another member of the opposite sex and emailing your partner might be a good way to find out if they are out shopping for the BBD while professing their undying love and devotion to you!

I have always wanted to do that but frankly, i am afraid to do it. I am afraid that he would take the bait. I am afraid that if I emailed him and exchanged pics and making mine a little prettier and younger that he would go for it. It would be too painful to know that he was just settling for me until someone better came along. So I won't do it as I want to remain blissfully ignorant.

It pays to be very careful when "cyber dating". I am not totally sure of your methods because,

 

1) typically most people looking for dates on-line are talking to multiple people anyway.

2) You should be sceptical about anyone wanting a relationship with you before they have actually met you.

3) If they are not lying then YOU become the lying cheater by having another false account and making out like you are interested in him.

 

And all men do not lie. That is just hysterical nonsense.

I agree 100%.

I have done online dating myself, and most people are dating several others until there is a mutual decision to become exclusive.

second, if a man is promising you love and marriage in the first few e-mails, there is something wrong. they are trying to charm the pants off of you. I had one guy e-mail things like this to me, and he turned out to be a creep. If a man starts e-mailing you about marriage and you haven't even met him, and given your history with men, you should just delete him and move onto the next.

And yes, you are lying also to find out if he is a liar. not a good combo.

Anyways, when I did online dating, most of the men did NOT send me offers of love and marriage - their e-mails were in general, polite and friendly and about vacations and sports and their careers. So part of me is wondering if you wrote some things in your profile that could be red flags. You should have a friend read over your profile and get her feedback. If you would like, you can pm me your profile and i can see if anything sticks out.

"The Rules for Online Dating" by ellen fein and sherry schnieder also have many good tips for writing a profile and tips on how to weed out married men, players, and time-wasters.

Nice guys finish last. Plenty of us around, but from my experiences alot of women have a knack of being attracted to 'bad boys', who of course will treat them like dirt, then the woman comes crying back to us questioning why all men are b*stards, why we don't treat them right...because you choose to date the idiot who will treat you like a sex object and nothing else.

This is not an attack on all women, of course not, but malicious posts like these are too tempting for myself to ignore (I'm pretty sure I'm not the only male thinking this).

This being said, life is one big experience, you have highs and lows, one day you'll meet the right man and you'll look back and laugh about past experiences and question why you even let these men upset you.

All the best

All men are not liars. Girls lie too.

You have to weed through them to find the right one for you.

Nice guys finish last. Plenty of us around, but from my experiences alot of women have a knack of being attracted to 'bad boys', who of course will treat them like dirt, then the woman comes crying back to us questioning why all men are b*stards, why we don't treat them right...because you choose to date the idiot who will treat you like a sex object and nothing else.

 

Sorry, but it's just not true that nice guys finish last. I know plenty of truley nice guys who are happily taken. And plenty of guys who pretend to be nice who aren't, and vice-versa. Also, most women wouldn't put up with the bad treatment if it started out that way (actually I think the OP made that quite clear). However, if bad guys choose to lie to us and disguise their true intentions, then sometimes it takes us a while to discover that they were merely lying, and unfortunately by then we've become emotionally involved, which is a perfectly natural human emotion. Obviously, the OP was looking for a nice guy, or she wouldn't have fallen for his 'nice' act.

I don't know. It is true that people with bad intentions would of course disguise it to get what they want. And it can take a while to uncover what someone is hiding. You can know someone for decades without knowing some deep, dark secret of theirs or something wrong or horrible that they might be doing behind your back. Overall I think that's the right idea, even if you have to lie to extract the truth, I mean you can't be too careful in today's world can you?

What does "the BBD" mean, by the way?

I think the important thing to remember is even IF you don't snoop or set up a guy, his true colours WILL show. You just can't ignore the signs.

Instead of being canaiving and trying to set all poor guys up, how about just enjoying the e-mailing/chatting/dates and don't even mention the prospect of exclusivity. Keep talking to/seeing other guys, and remain mysterious and never 100% available. Then wait for HIM to try to catch you and have you enter an exclusive relationship with him. At that time, go online and see when was the last time he's been on. If it hasn't been for a while, then you know it was HIS choice to become exclusive with you. If he has been online recently, you can politely let him know that you're into having fun for the time being, not settling down.

MOST of the time it is my belief that problems in a relationship arise when the woman assumes things and ties down the guy LONG before he's even got those notions in his head. So he figures "what the heck I guess she could be the one" but he isn't SURE... So he is never satisfied and he leaves and she's devastated. But if she had waited till he came around (or someone else caught her attention and came around first) she'd have ended up with the right guy perhaps sooner.

All guys aren't liars. And when they meet the right girl they show it. She doesn't have to second-guess the relationship.

JMO.

this is somewhat simple. dont get involved or attached if you've never even met in person. thats just asking for a let down.