Interesting observation...

Just looking through some of the latest posts...

Seems its "guys being guys" if they want to go to a Bachelor Party with strippers, and that women are suppose to just 'shut up and deal with it.'

But, if a girl wants to go with some girlfriends to Cancun for a vacation, she's not 'dateable' because she 'parties too much' (Never mind that the girls might not even GO to a bar or have any desire to star in a Girls Gone Wild Video)...

Sounds like a double standard - just opening this up for discussion....

who says that a girl isn't dateable if she vacations in cancun? is this a commonly held feeling among men?

Hmm, interesting post.

I don't think this is a popularly held double standard, though I am sure it DOES exist.

My thoughts:

My boyfriend is absolutely able to go to bachelor parties WITH strippers as long as first of all, he is honest about it and two, draws the line where we have both discussed drawing the line. He's not really much into that kinda scene, but there are times that the bosses/best friends do go for whatever reason.

While at this point in my relationship, I would prefer to vacation with my partner definitely, there was a time early on I went to Cuba with my siblings and my parents as a last family vacation (and was I ever glad because my mum got diagnosed with cancer only a few months later!). We had a blast - dancing, fun nights out...but I certainly NEVER did anything that was not respectful of my partner (and contacted him a few times to let him know how things were going).

I am definitely NOT a "partier" by any means....I have a very busy life with work, soon school again, with my athletic pursuits - and of course my family and boyfriend. I own a house, have bills to pay and while I have a few friends I enjoy seeing....I am usually in bed by 10 so I can get up at 5 to run!

So, for me, going away on vacation certainly would not be about partying, even if I did go with a couple close girlfriends for 'girl time'. My boyfriend of course is also very welcome to going away for 'guy time', and he has. We also plan vacations together and definitely prefer them, but it is not always feasible, and sometimes just being with your buddies is good for the soul.

I think as long as you are open, and honest, know each other and trust one another and also know your boundaries - and respect them - there is a lot of space to also be an individual and not be tied at the hip - and that includes sometimes being apart for girls or guys night out - be it at the bar, or on a beach.

There was a post a few days ago from a guy concerned that his g/f wanted to go on a vacation with two of her g'f's whom he knows sleep around when on vacation. Maybe that was it.

I think Annie is right. I don't think most people have this belief. If you have encountered people who think like this, then that is too bad. But I'm sure most people don't have these beliefs.

I agree that there are similar double standards like the ones the OP mentions that are unfairly weighted against women.

One is that a woman going to a bar alone is accused of obviously just being there to 'get some', whereas men are free to go wherever they choose by themselves without having any such accusation accompany their alone status.

Interesting "Interesting Observation"

Seems its "guys being guys" if they want to go to a Bachelor Party with strippers, and that women are suppose to just 'shut up and deal with it.'

 

But, if a girl wants to go with some girlfriends to Cancun for a vacation, she's not 'dateable' because she 'parties too much' (Never mind that the girls might not even GO to a bar or have any desire to star in a Girls Gone Wild Video)...

 

There are two popular threads at the moment. One about a g/f going to Cancun. From my recollection the majority of advice was get over it and let her go.

The other is about a b/f going to a batchelor party. From my recollection the majority of advice was get over it and let him go.

There was a post a few days ago from a guy concerned that his g/f wanted to go on a vacation with two of her g'f's whom he knows sleep around when on vacation. Maybe that was it.

Yep, that's what I was thinking. Although I'd like to add the guy called these girls loose...that doesn't mean they really are.

Interesting "Interesting Observation"

 

 

 

There are two popular threads at the moment. One about a g/f going to Cancun. From my recollection the majority of advice was get over it and let her go.

 

The other is about a b/f going to a batchelor party. From my recollection the majority of advice was get over it and let him go.

LOL, Melrich! That was funny...personally, though, I wouldn't be pleased about a boyfriend going to a bachelor party with strippers. Whether everyone was telling me to get over it or not.

I couldn't care less if a boyfriend went to a strip club. And ironically, most every guy I've dated has told me (without me asking) that they find strip clubs gross and strippers not attractive at all.

From what I've read from posters on these forums the lapdances involve girls rubbing their crotches against the man's erect penis, and even the girl touching, squeezing and rubbing his erect penis with her hand.

I can decisively say that I would have a big problem with my boyfriend participating in any of that.

I couldn't care less if a boyfriend went to a strip club. And ironically, most every guy I've dated has told me (without me asking) that they find strip clubs gross and strippers not attractive at all.

That's where I am at. My partner would never go to see strippers voluntarily, she's not interested, neither would I, they bore me. But if she was invited by friends to somewhere with strippers or vice versa, neither of us would have a problem with it.

Not sure those threads mentioned were particularly representative of the double standard (given the background issues involved in each), but the point is still valid, there is that generally held view that men are allowed a bit of risque fun, and are expected to do have it, whereas women are not.

I think it's a combo of -

- Women and men are wired differently, in general. it's generally held that men are more visual, women more emotional. How much of that is fact and how much is what's culturally expected is debatable. and of course not all men are the same as not all women are the same. But even with those qualifications, women seeking out meaningless visual entertainment (ie strip shows) is less likely than men seeking out meaningless visual entertainment. (But to complete the generalisation, we girls seem to enjoy shoes more )

- Basic sexism, women should be 'pure', men should be 'experienced'. The double standard has been around forever and as we know is very much institutionalised in some cultures. I won't bore everyone with history lecture but we women have only relatively recently stopped being the possession of men, even in western culture. Biology would be behind most of that, as the life-givers we're reasonably valuable to a man in a 'pure' state so his genetics are passed on, not someone else's.

I think the double standard is just a fact of life that we can try and erode over time, but in the meantime pick people who match our own values. My partner seems to be very feminist, which is a wonderful thing to find. He takes women very seriously. He is also a basic visual guy, but he has been to strip shows and finds the whole thing a bit odd. I am quite confident that he will behave himself at his own bachelor party and other than that am trying to block the issue from my mind!

Hey, I know that lap dances generally involve some direct contact (which I'm not comfortable with) but the whole 'rubbing their crotches against the man's erect penis, and even the girl touching, squeezing and rubbing his erect penis with her hand' horrifies me. Is this generally true?

but we women have only relatively recently stopped being the possession of men

When did that happen. Why wasn't I told?

but the whole 'rubbing their crotches against the man's erect penis, and even the girl touching, squeezing and rubbing his erect penis with her hand' horrifies me. Is this generally true?

Not that I've ever seen. It's not easy to get "erect" in public and the men I know don't get erections at strip shows.

Further, usually the strippers are strictly hands off. Some may take it a bit further but again from my experience it is not a very sexual thing.

Now I have to add a disclaimer that it is probably 10 years since I have been to a strip show so maybe things have changed in that time. Who knows.

Please see this thread, titled 'Lapdance'.

Yeah, that is as I thought. You cannot touch them. Again in my experience they don't touch you other than sit on the lap or rub against you.

Again I'd repeat I don't know anyone who gets erections when going to strip shows but I am sure some do, particularly if they are young.

Actually, my point was that they DO touch: Here's an excerpt:

i'm dating a stripper at the moment and ...The first time she gave me a lapdance she put her hands on it and squeezed.

 

Yeah I know what you meant. I'm saying you can't touch them. Again from my experience it is rare that they would touch someone like that. Most strippers just want to do the absolute minimum they can get away with.

I think there is a type of guy who gets into that sort of thing. The trick is if it bothers you (and I can imagine it would) then don't go out with that type of guy.

Yeah I know what you meant. I'm saying you can't touch them. Again from my experience it is rare that they would touch someone like that. Most strippers just want to do the absolute minimum they can get away with.

 

I think there is a type of guy who gets into that sort of thing. The trick is if it bothers you (and I can imagine it would) then don't go out with that type of guy.

Yeah, I pretty much already stated it wouldn't be OK with me.

I think there is a type of guy who gets into that sort of thing. The trick is if it bothers you (and I can imagine it would) then don't go out with that type of guy.

Precisely.

I am with Ray Kay..in bed by 10, up at 6 to work out...

Just to clarify she is not ACTUALLY in bed with me...clear that up before we start any rumours!