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Thread: nice guy syndrome... need Rx!!!

  1. #1
    nemo_lost
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    nice guy syndrome... need Rx!!!

    First off, I'm looking for posts by guys who have been able to kick this disease to the curb, but ladies please chime in as well. I'm 26, recently moved into a city, and I'm having trouble getting girls to stay interested... I'm determined that I have Nice Guy syndrome (and I can't believe there aren't more threads about this on this forum!). Please help!

    I have learned that looks aren't really that imporant to girls... sure, maybe initally, but that changes depending on how they size you up. To elaborate on my example, girls often do double-takes with me and ask their friends who I am. I make a good living so $$$ isn't the issue. I've nailed down the Nice Guy issue becuase I think women expect me to be an <removed by moderator> from my appearance, then when I'm all "gentlemanly" with them they totally lose interest. I'm often told that I'm nothing like people expect... my best guess is that I come off as mysterious, but once I make a move or open my mouth that whole persona is chattered.

    My question is... how do you kick the habit!?!?!? The first things that come to mind are walking up to girls and grabbing their asses (in essense to be more of a jerk)... but it's clear to me that isn't the right solution.

    Is it true that if I don't show interest she will be captivated? IF that's the case, then how do you ask girls out? I mean, isn't that showing interest? Did I just kill the vibe? How do you ask a girl out without being sweet about it? So confused. HELP!!!

    - Nemo
    Last edited by DN; 08-15-2006 at 01:51 PM. Reason: language

  2. #2
    CarnelianButterfly
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    Do you really want a girl that likes guys that are jerks. There plenty of women in this world that don't like the male chauvinist pig act and actually want a nice guy. Think about what you're asking, do you want a girl that has self respect, intelligence, and respects you for who you are or do want the girl that lets guys treat her poorly or only likes you because you're a "bad boy". Maybe you don't need to change at all, maybe its the women you seek out are shallow. If you do kick the "Nice Guy" habit, what will that really mean about you as a person, that you can reduce women to sexual objects and treat them poorly or that you have no respect or consideration for others or better yet why not just start grabbing butts (which is sexual assault and any guy that did that to me at a bar would immediately be introduced to the bouncers).

  3. #3
    BrokenWingedFaery
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    You don't stop being nice, you start looking for females who want that quality in a man.

  4. #4
    doyathink
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    Ok, you said your having a problem keeping girls interested. For one, are you seeking girls that want to have a relationship or girls who are only out for a good time? What age group are you dating, maybe they're not old enough to want to commit to a relationship.

  5. 08-15-2006, 03:29 AM

  6. #5
    Dako
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    Maybe there's a medical treatment for the disease you have.

    I've read lots of threads here on niceness as a handicap, but the best was started by tylercdurden2004:
    [Register to see the link]

    That thread had some good points despite some lapses into polemics.
    I believe men should be genuine, and not acting to attract a spouse, since she's stuck with you after the act is over.

  7. #6
    Jane0815
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    There used to be a book out called No More Mr. Nice Guy. Not everything in it was constructive, IIRC, but it might be worth looking into.

  8. #7
    heloladies21
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    Great question, and good for you on trying to kick the bad habit. As for what not to do, it's hard to specifically diagnose without seeing you in action or hearing something more specific, like an actual instance or example. Your words could be fine, but the way you say it might be off. A lot comes through in the delivery, eye contact, vocal tone, body positioning. If you think it is the material specifically, I'd recommend checking out some of the videos at link removed. He's a legend in the community and has a very tight style. He's got an ebook too, but I have yet to finish it.

    I use a teasing flirty style laced with sexual innuendo a la Austin Powers/Howard Stern. Watch those movies or listen to his show to get more of an idea of the types of jokes I'm talking about.

    If you want some more resources, go to
    link removed
    link removed
    link removed
    link removed

    Quote Originally Posted by nemo_lost [Register to see the link]
    The first things that come to mind are walking up to girls and grabbing their asses (in essense to be more of a jerk)... but it's clear to me that isn't the right solution.

    Is it true that if I don't show interest she will be captivated? IF that's the case, then how do you ask girls out? I mean, isn't that showing interest? Did I just kill the vibe? How do you ask a girl out without being sweet about it? So confused. HELP!!!
    Lol yeah you probably don't want to go a grabbin, but completely hiding your interest isn't what we're looking for. It's more like an exponential curve. Real slow at the beginning but gets cranked up over time. First you have to get her attracted to you without showing her your interest. Then once she's attracted, she needs to get you attracted to her. It's like dance steps and follows a progression.

    As for asking a girl out, usually "What are you doing later today/this week?" usually gives them the idea. If they don't pick up on it, you can suggest it in a way "What do you have goin on X day? Let's go and do XXX."

  9. #8
    bhzmafia
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    Ok, for starters Nemo - dont listen to ANY women about this. They all think that they want a really nice guy, but they dont know what they want...
    link removed

    You are still allowed to be nice, but always put yourself first (to an extent, of course). If you dont like something, tell the girl to stop it. Dont buy her drinks etc.
    Umm...
    Check this out: link removed
    As for kicking the habit, its only going to change with practice. Good luck

    And another article...
    link removed

    Happy reading
    Last edited by bhzmafia; 08-15-2006 at 06:36 AM.

  10. 08-15-2006, 06:34 AM
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    meaningless

  11. #9
    Dako
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    Yeah don't listen to women, what do they know about women?


  12. #10
    CarnelianButterfly
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    Quote Originally Posted by bhzmafia [Register to see the link]
    Ok, for starters Nemo - dont listen to ANY women about this. They all think that they want a really nice guy, but they dont know what they want...
    What a load!

    My BF is a nice guy and I'm very happy because he is exactly what I wanted, I had to trudge through all the jerk offs before I found him.

  13.  

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