Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 35

Thread: nice guy syndrome... need Rx!!!

  1. #1
    nemo_lost
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    45

    nice guy syndrome... need Rx!!!

    First off, I'm looking for posts by guys who have been able to kick this disease to the curb, but ladies please chime in as well. I'm 26, recently moved into a city, and I'm having trouble getting girls to stay interested... I'm determined that I have Nice Guy syndrome (and I can't believe there aren't more threads about this on this forum!). Please help!

    I have learned that looks aren't really that imporant to girls... sure, maybe initally, but that changes depending on how they size you up. To elaborate on my example, girls often do double-takes with me and ask their friends who I am. I make a good living so $$$ isn't the issue. I've nailed down the Nice Guy issue becuase I think women expect me to be an <removed by moderator> from my appearance, then when I'm all "gentlemanly" with them they totally lose interest. I'm often told that I'm nothing like people expect... my best guess is that I come off as mysterious, but once I make a move or open my mouth that whole persona is chattered.

    My question is... how do you kick the habit!?!?!? The first things that come to mind are walking up to girls and grabbing their asses (in essense to be more of a jerk)... but it's clear to me that isn't the right solution.

    Is it true that if I don't show interest she will be captivated? IF that's the case, then how do you ask girls out? I mean, isn't that showing interest? Did I just kill the vibe? How do you ask a girl out without being sweet about it? So confused. HELP!!!

    - Nemo
    Last edited by DN; 08-15-2006 at 01:51 PM. Reason: language

  2. #2
    CarnelianButterfly
    Platinum Member CarnelianButterfly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Too far from home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    4,874
    Gender
    Female
    Do you really want a girl that likes guys that are jerks. There plenty of women in this world that don't like the male chauvinist pig act and actually want a nice guy. Think about what you're asking, do you want a girl that has self respect, intelligence, and respects you for who you are or do want the girl that lets guys treat her poorly or only likes you because you're a "bad boy". Maybe you don't need to change at all, maybe its the women you seek out are shallow. If you do kick the "Nice Guy" habit, what will that really mean about you as a person, that you can reduce women to sexual objects and treat them poorly or that you have no respect or consideration for others or better yet why not just start grabbing butts (which is sexual assault and any guy that did that to me at a bar would immediately be introduced to the bouncers).

  3. #3
    BrokenWingedFaery
    Member BrokenWingedFaery's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Age
    27
    Posts
    512
    Gender
    Female
    You don't stop being nice, you start looking for females who want that quality in a man.

  4. #4
    doyathink
    Platinum Member doyathink's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Venus
    Posts
    6,268
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    8
    Ok, you said your having a problem keeping girls interested. For one, are you seeking girls that want to have a relationship or girls who are only out for a good time? What age group are you dating, maybe they're not old enough to want to commit to a relationship.

  5. 08-15-2006, 03:29 AM

  6. #5
    Dako
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SoCal
    Age
    64
    Posts
    9,175
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    2
    Maybe there's a medical treatment for the disease you have.

    I've read lots of threads here on niceness as a handicap, but the best was started by tylercdurden2004:
    [Register to see the link]

    That thread had some good points despite some lapses into polemics.
    I believe men should be genuine, and not acting to attract a spouse, since she's stuck with you after the act is over.

  7. #6
    Jane0815
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    116
    There used to be a book out called No More Mr. Nice Guy. Not everything in it was constructive, IIRC, but it might be worth looking into.

  8. #7
    heloladies21
    heloladies21's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,846
    Gender
    Male
    Great question, and good for you on trying to kick the bad habit. As for what not to do, it's hard to specifically diagnose without seeing you in action or hearing something more specific, like an actual instance or example. Your words could be fine, but the way you say it might be off. A lot comes through in the delivery, eye contact, vocal tone, body positioning. If you think it is the material specifically, I'd recommend checking out some of the videos at link removed. He's a legend in the community and has a very tight style. He's got an ebook too, but I have yet to finish it.

    I use a teasing flirty style laced with sexual innuendo a la Austin Powers/Howard Stern. Watch those movies or listen to his show to get more of an idea of the types of jokes I'm talking about.

    If you want some more resources, go to
    link removed
    link removed
    link removed
    link removed

    Quote Originally Posted by nemo_lost [Register to see the link]
    The first things that come to mind are walking up to girls and grabbing their asses (in essense to be more of a jerk)... but it's clear to me that isn't the right solution.

    Is it true that if I don't show interest she will be captivated? IF that's the case, then how do you ask girls out? I mean, isn't that showing interest? Did I just kill the vibe? How do you ask a girl out without being sweet about it? So confused. HELP!!!
    Lol yeah you probably don't want to go a grabbin, but completely hiding your interest isn't what we're looking for. It's more like an exponential curve. Real slow at the beginning but gets cranked up over time. First you have to get her attracted to you without showing her your interest. Then once she's attracted, she needs to get you attracted to her. It's like dance steps and follows a progression.

    As for asking a girl out, usually "What are you doing later today/this week?" usually gives them the idea. If they don't pick up on it, you can suggest it in a way "What do you have goin on X day? Let's go and do XXX."

  9. #8
    bhzmafia
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Age
    29
    Posts
    205
    Gender
    Male
    Ok, for starters Nemo - dont listen to ANY women about this. They all think that they want a really nice guy, but they dont know what they want...
    link removed

    You are still allowed to be nice, but always put yourself first (to an extent, of course). If you dont like something, tell the girl to stop it. Dont buy her drinks etc.
    Umm...
    Check this out: link removed
    As for kicking the habit, its only going to change with practice. Good luck

    And another article...
    link removed

    Happy reading
    Last edited by bhzmafia; 08-15-2006 at 06:36 AM.

  10. 08-15-2006, 06:34 AM
    Reason
    meaningless

  11. #9
    Dako
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SoCal
    Age
    64
    Posts
    9,175
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    2
    Yeah don't listen to women, what do they know about women?


  12. #10
    CarnelianButterfly
    Platinum Member CarnelianButterfly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Too far from home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    4,874
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by bhzmafia [Register to see the link]
    Ok, for starters Nemo - dont listen to ANY women about this. They all think that they want a really nice guy, but they dont know what they want...
    What a load!

    My BF is a nice guy and I'm very happy because he is exactly what I wanted, I had to trudge through all the jerk offs before I found him.

  13.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
Weight and eating during dates
Hi, been a while since I've posted here. Anyway been dating a guy for last few months, everything seemed to be going pretty well for the most part
Dating 2 girls at the same time AND choosing 1
OK so in this day and age and with the nature of online dating some times you send out like 3-5 messages to girls you might like and some times 1 or
Dating a highly functional alcoholic
I have realized over time that my boyfriend of a couple of months has a problem with alcohol. Every time we hang out, he drinks a whole bottle of
Am i being materialisitc/superficial
my friend has been bugging me for some time now, saying that I will never settle down with a man unless I lower my standards. I'm a young 29 year
Met a guy who seems way too busy for a relationship
Met a guy who seems way too busy for a relationship. Heís great in every sense. Heís smart, funny, attractive, but he seems way too preoccupied
How important are looks in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?
How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love? What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face?
Girlfriends brother wants to beat me up
hello, i am a white male dating an indian girl with two older brothers. She comes from a traditional family and her brothers do not want her dating

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Dating younger guy 24 years difference
I am 50 yrs old dating a 26 yrs old guy. We been dating each other for a couple months things are great between us. He told me he will always be
Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?
Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5months. He broke up with his ex and a year and a half ago. 7 months after they
Should I let my boyfriend stay overnight with his friends?
Hi there. Firstly thank you for reading this post. I am a new member to this forum, and also will soon be new immigrant of the UK so basically there
Is this abuse?
Iím desperate for some advice. Iíve been with my partner for nearly 2 years and everything has been ok, except from when he drinks. I really do not
Is there hope for me?
Me and my girlfriend of two years had been talking about moving in together lately. We didn't actually go look at any place in person, but browsed a
Bringing up trust issues at the start of a new relationship? My situation...
Haven't been on these boards since my last break up a couple years ago, and here I am about to begin a new relationship with feelings from the last
Whats my next move - Dating a girl fresh out of a relationship
Hey guys, So heres the deal. Met a girl in class and I asked her out. Her answer was "maybe" because she didn't want to say no to me but just
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •