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Thread: low point...but high point

  1. #1
    lilgothicdevil5533's Avatar
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    low point...but high point

    so today was pretty fun....went to a local band concert with two friends...moshed, headbanged, got grabbed inappropreately....in a prooooo pre ate ly...haha that sounds funny...anyway...yeah then me and my friends went to perkins and met this kool gay guy...gay guy...haha try and say that 10 times fast. and he was funny. and then we went to my house...lowpoint of the day but also the "high" part of the day. yeah me and my friend inhaled dust remover and OMG it was sooooooooooooooo kool...go ahead and yell at me...i know it was stupid but i liked it...i probably wont do it again tho...i want to...but i shouldnt

    ok well i was asked by someone to post this on my journal so here i go.....

    no i dont love myself, i hate myself...i deserve everything that happened to me and i deserve everything thats happening to me now...i cant lose weight, i work out everyday, for an hour, walking or jogging and i cant get past 155. i hate looking in the mirror. i deserved being raped because i was stupid. i deserve me and my dad fighting almost everyday because i cant shut my mouth. i deserve my brother "blackmailing" me because im bi sexial. arg! i ****ing hate this...im back where i ****ing started! im back at my suicidal place because im ****ing stupid.
    if i try to tell my mom that im frusterated that i cant get past 155 she tells me "well your eating too much" or "your not working hard enough" or "stop eaching so much then" she doesnt help me at all..it doesnt help to talk to her about weight. i cant talk to my brother about how i feel about being bisexual because he'll block me out. i cant talk to my sisters about it because i might not be able to ever see my neices and nephews because "gays are damned and evil". when my mom or dad pisses me off i cant tell them how i feel because they wont care or i'll get in trouble for "yelling". and i cant tell my boyfriend that i hate it that he went to a strip club and drinks alcohol a lot and that it seems like he only calls me when hes drunk or buzzed. or that i hate it when he never calls me back when he says he will. i hate that hes going to the airforce in a month and leaving me here so i'll wont be able to talk or see him for a long time. i cant stop him from doing what he wants. i dont want to be a girlfriend like that.
    Last edited by lilgothicdevil5533; 08-14-2006 at 12:29 AM.

  2. #2

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    Firstly, every day post here, please do not bottle it up.

    Most important to remember and perform.
    This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it.
    • You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
    • Look after your body and love yourself!
    • When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
    • You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
    • You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
    • Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
    • Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
    • Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
    • Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
    • Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
    • Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
    • Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
    • Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
    • Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
    • Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
    • KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
    • Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!


    Your weight "problems", you think some guy loves you more if you are 155? I do not think so. What's your weight, what's you body fat ratio, you excercise you may add muscle which is heavy.

    Read this: Accept Your Body and Learn to Have a Positive Self Image
    Last edited by nottoogreen; 08-14-2006 at 12:58 AM.

  3. #3
    lilgothicdevil5533's Avatar
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    im at 155 and i cant get any lower and im not losing it for him...im trying to lose it for me
    Last edited by lilgothicdevil5533; 08-14-2006 at 12:47 AM.

  4. #4

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    Accept it. Read the link.

  5.  

  6. #5
    lilgothicdevil5533's Avatar
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    grrrr i dont want to be a endomorph...i want to be a ectomorph

  7. #6

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    Well, I have to live with myself too. Then I am almost 46, my body starts rattling here and there. The eyes are not that good. I wanna live at least another 46 years.

    I edited post #2, please remember it.

    You have to live for your future.

    I know you are down at times, they still abuse you, I feel with you! Keep it as cool as you can.

    You are smart, you do want a smart and educated bf, not some guy who drinks and goes to bars, he is similar to your ex, please be careful.

    All what hurts you brings your self esteem down and you feel the old way.

    Some things you have to change for your self esteem, good friends and bf, take up small positive things.

    And post here every day.


  8. #7
    lilgothicdevil5533's Avatar
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    my bf treats me wonderfully...hes wayyyyyyyyy different then all my others. its just on the weekends he drinks sometimes

  9. #8

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    I better tell you before you get into a hole again: this is wishful thinking.

    You are together for only a few weeks.

    Write down all the facts about your relationship.

    Sit back, analyse the facts. And think.

    The answer is inside you already, I can feel it.

  10. #9
    lilgothicdevil5533's Avatar
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    well he has been calling me a more often, and not only when he has a buzz...and i said that stuff about him not calling me when i had my after high....after i get high and drunk i get depressed. but i said that cuz he said he'd call me after he got ready for bed and he didnt call for an hour and i didnt think he was gonna call but he did...and he wasent drunk or buzzed

  11. #10

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    OK, that tells you to not get high and be patient.

    LDR?

    All I want is you are happy.

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