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Thread: indi's journey

  1. #11
    Member lilac_indi's Avatar
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    I do not want to discuss whats barbaric. I know and have seen too much, sorry.
    sorry NTG....i have read some of your threads so i know what you went through.

    [QUOTE]You are ready for your exam, I wish you success.

    thank you i will need it.

  2. #12

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    Originally Posted by lilac_indi
    thank you i will need it.
    You are welcome, my thoughts are with you!

  3. #13
    Member lilac_indi's Avatar
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    (a note to all you lovely readers the points in * - are my thoughts lol.)

    what a day...ok first off i need to join a gym lol.

    got up this morning half dead. got some food down me and i went to university..only to turn up at the wrong building for the exam. so with half an hour til the exam starts i run to the university, almost getting run over by a bus in the process, go the library and discover the correct location.

    i am now walking and i am crossing the road to get to the hall when this idiot can see that i am crossing yet he speeds up his car instead of slowing down - aaaargh! just avoided him - psycho!

    i am now at the right place - red faced from the running beforehand *gym membership....need it!*

    so i enter the hall and i am looking over my notes for the last time. just my luck...the table i get is a shaker when i write...grrr. anyways i turn over the paper at 12. scan the questions..brain damage - *great i know this!* start scribbling away. hand begins to get sore - constantly looking at the clock...man it passes fast.

    i hear a crinkling sound..the bloody invigilator is opening a wrapper to eat a sweet - *stop that its annoying!* table wont stop shaking so i ended up taking one of the notebooks and putting it under to make it even. the temperature in that hall begins to fall...my nose is cold and i start going into a sneezing fit *great this is all i need*

    i dont know why but an invigilator sat opposite me and every time i looked up he was staring right at me...*okaay...freaky man go away!* a fly comes and starts to bug me by flying around my head *get...away..trying...to..write*

    an hour is almost up, still stuck on the first essay...starting to panic. hand getting really sore...ok moving on to essay number 2.

    schizophrenia...ok...dopamine..what the f*** is dopamine?! aaargh! what do i do what do i do??!!?? ok write down everything you know..which is....pretty much nothing...man i am screwed..*stop thinking that!*...ok lemme see...write down definition...good start *yay*....oh man half an hour to go..not good not good! scribble down more...look at clock..10 mins....5 mins....2 mins...

    exam up....thank heavens..
    Last edited by lilac_indi; 08-15-2006 at 06:30 AM.

  4. #14

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    Sounds you got enough blood rushing through your precious brain after all that running as well as more vehicle avoidance training.

    Well, not too bad, I landed once on the last plane in Meridian/Missouri instead of New Orleans/Mississippi the night before a trade show because the travel agent booked me to New Orlean, instead of New Orleans. Just 200 miles or so to drive, lucky still, US is big. I fired the travel agent.

    You feel allright about how the test went?

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  6. #15
    Member lilac_indi's Avatar
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    yeah i know lol. well as you gathered from that i pretty much made up my second essay....my lecturer will either die laughing or make me come into the university to teach him the brand spanking new theories i have invented.

    overall i think it went okay...forensics on friday...pretty confident me thinks...

  7. #16
    Member lilac_indi's Avatar
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    got up this morning...another dream about the ex. when will it end? <sighs>

    trying to look over more notes today. nothing seems to be going in at all. i feel a bit edgy, i dont know why. i have noticed that whenever i feel like this something happens. something wrong. the last time i felt like this i got the text from my ex. daft i know but i cant help it.

    being in this house day in and day out is starting to make me feel like i am suffocating. once this exam is over i am going to leave no stone unturned to get another job. i need to get away from these four walls.

  8. #17

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    Well, as you assiciated the edginess with a message of your ex, could it be that you still miss your ex.

    It will be great if you have another job and can stay elsewhere. I hope you already have your own bank A/C. As the jewish say, keep your head down, your spirits up and your money (in cash - well that was long ago)

  9. #18
    Member lilac_indi's Avatar
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    i am going to the docs on monday to get my jab before my trip to india..

    i think i will ask then about the pains i get in my chest...seems to be getting worse.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by lilac_indi
    i am going to the docs on monday to get my jab before my trip to india..

    i think i will ask then about the pains i get in my chest...seems to be getting worse.
    Good idea. Upper left chest radiating towards the left arm? Could be severe anxiousness, or heart problem but that is unlikely your age. Relax! Don't worry, nothing will happen.

  11. #20
    Member lilac_indi's Avatar
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    well i got more studying done i think. ive been thinking a lot today. i look at my mum and i cant help but wonder.

    ive been thinking a lot about my life and the way in which i have been brought up. this whole honour thing and the "what will other people think" rubbish. it just feel like i have a noose around my neck. as you get older you get more freedom - for me its the total opposite.

    it always seems for me like the grass is greener on the other side. i think that other people have it soo much easier than i do. sometimes i envy my friends. they can go out, they can do pretty much anything which i have been deprived of because i am a girl and i need to stay in line or "no one will marry me".

    i get told to stop acting white and i get told to look in the mirror cause my skin is brown - this is the way i will always remain. i sometimes get called a coconut (brown on the outside, white on the inside).

    i just fear that i am going to mess up. let them down again like i have with my ex. i couldnt help what i had felt back then - i am a human being not a robot that i can just switch off my feelings when i like a guy.

    i picture myself as a mother in the future - how i am going to bring up my children in this type of environment. i have learnt a lot from my mother but not in the way that you think. i have learnt to NOT be like her. i know she wants whats best for me but sometimes i resent her for the way that she has brought me up because of culture.

    my children when i have them in the future, i want them to be able to live a life their way. i dont want them to be tied down like i have. regrets is a big thing and i have a lot of them - due to my mum. i want my children to live life through their eyes not mine. to be able to enjoy life to the full - i want them to have what i never got the luxury of having. as for boyfriends and girlfriends - their freedom.

    i am not racist. i love different cultures and i love learning about them. i would love it if we all could get along peacefully. that is how i want my chldren to be brought up. if my child was to fall in love with someone from a different religion or skin colour i wouldnt mind at all. as long as i see that my child is happy thats all that matters. if someone like my mum would object i would happily challenge them. i dont see the big deal at all.

    its a shame really. my parents never gave me and my ex a chance. they were shocked to discover i was dating but the fact that he was white was insult to injury. i cant help but wonder how things might have been if that wasnt an issue...

  12. 08-16-2006, 11:39 AM
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