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Thread: Work in Progress 8/2006

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2006

    Work in Progress 8/2006

    This is my work in progress for public review.

    Upon completion, posts will be reposted in another category. This thread may be deleted upon completion or around end of the month.
    Last edited by nottoogreen; 08-11-2006 at 08:46 AM.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    May 2006
    This will be part of a mental survival guide.
    Most important to remember and perform.
    This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it.
    • You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
    • Look after your body and love yourself!
    • When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
    • You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
    • You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
    • Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
    • Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
    • All you can be is a loving healthy being to another loving healthy being. Being can be combinations of Parent/Child, Partner, Friend, Lover and Master/dog.
    • Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
    • Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
    • Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
    • Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
    • Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
    • Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
    • Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
    • Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
    • KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
    • Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!

    I realized mental survival activities around age 10. Stuff like electronic circuits. I could do those in my head and put those to paper later.

    " READY for COMMENT"
    Last edited by nottoogreen; 08-19-2006 at 06:25 AM.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    May 2006

    Balance Yourself

    The old version is currently in Wicked, but will be expanded and combined with the mental survival guide.
    Balance of Expectations and Ability

    We are happy when life turns out as we expect or better. It makes us feel good and enthusiastic. Our self esteem improves too.

    We are not happy when life does not turn out as we expect. Our self esteem suffers as well.
    • When we drop something and it breaks, we are disappointed and we often regret what we did. When what broke belonged to someone else, they may be angry, the more so when the item was irreplaceable. This aggravates our disappointment.
    • We are disappointed when we look forward to meet someone and they cancel, when this happens often with someone, we can get angry.
    • We are disappointed when flunking a test.
    • We are hurt when suffering abuse or ridicule because of the discrepancy between what we think of ourselves and what others said or did to us.
    • We hurt when someone we love suffers as we expect the best for our loved ones.

    When we experience more disappointments and more hurt than we can handle, we feel mentally tired and depressed. Some people are more sensitive and soft and feel and think more and thus are more prone to develop depression and may feel more depressed too. Sensitivity and softness are good traits but it seems more difficult to those to be tough as well in order to survive adversity.

    What is depression? Depression is a mental pain caused by an imbalance between expectations and ability. To make the pain go away, one has to improve ones ability (do better) and/or change ones expectations. In other words, to avoid depression, one ought to balance ability and expectations.

    [B] Expectations
    When having suffered trauma (abuse, accidents, rape, ridicule), one has to overcome negative feelings which "broke" expectations or ability by regardless emphasizing on positive thoughts and a good future. Also feelings of guilt must be overcome. Always remember, what someone did to you was not your fault!!!

    Otherwise, sometimes expectations are too high and must be reduced by dropping things one is unable to do. Examples include overcoming a breakup, loss of a loved one, unrealistic objectives about career, peoples behavior or looking like a super model.

    [B] Ability
    Improving ones ability (doing better) can include for example overcoming lethargy, exercise, work better (often less hours!), learning new things, developing interests and hobbies, spending less time on unproductive and draining favorites like TV, RPG, online, party and hanging out, spending more time with loved ones and strong friends. Reduction of expectations usually is the only solution after loss bodily capability such as loss limb for example.

    Self-esteem and self-worth always are part of ones "basic" expectations.

    Change is cure. These ideas are by no means novel. Change requires patience and persistence as it's the case with all success. And there will be setbacks, it will take time to heal and improve.

    Disappointment follows the same rules but is not classified as depression as it involves short term symptoms - minutes to days, and we get over it. Depression generally involves medium to longterm symptoms - months to years.

    Behavioral Patterns
    Enthusiasm, Fear, Disappointment, Anger and Depression are closely related. Ones Self Esteem also plays a major role as it acts like an amplifier either way.

    Healthy Behavior
    • Loss > Disappointment > Resolution
    • Sense > Fear > Resolution
    • Thought > Fear > Resolution
    • Big Disappointment > Anger
    • Big Fear > Anger
    • Anger & High Self Esteem > Enthusiasm > Resolution
    • Resolution > Higher Self Esteem

    Unhealthy Behavior
    • Anger > Aggression
    • Anger > Unresolved Anger (Boxing it up)
    • Prolonged or Frequent Disappointment or Anger > Lower Self Esteem

    Depressed Behavior
    • Low Self Esteem & Disappointment > Self Hate
    • Low Self Esteem & Frequent Anger > Devastation
    • Prolonged Disappointment & Low Self Esteem > Depression
    • Prolonged Anger & Low Self Esteem > Major Depression
    • Major Depression & Anger > Self Harm
    • Prolonged Major Depression & Predisposition > Bipolar Disorder
    • Prolonged Major Depression & Devastation > Bipolar Disorder

    Compulsive Behavior
    • Low Self esteem & Abuse > Lower Self Esteem
    • Low Self Esteem & Depression > Lower Self Esteem
    • Past Self Harm & Anger > Self Harm Repeated

    More on Expectations and Ability
    Basic expectations about yourself
    • You are a good person who deserves to be loved and respected
    • Expect to appreciate others
    • You can overcome adversity
    • You have a future

    Expectations about others
    • Do not easily expect understanding
    • Do not expect others to appreciate you
    • Expect honesty
    • Expect respect

    Unmeetable Expectations
    • Abuse - You can't fix your abuser and he won't stop, get out - Minors really suffer here because they can't get out.
    • Alcoholic dad breaks family - You can't fix alcoholic dad, don't expect him to get better and focus on your future
    • Friend/partner addicted to * - You can't be a therapist, if he does seek therapy or does not get better, get out
    • Loss of a loved one - The only solution: Get over it
    • Parent left the family - Life goes on, your future matters
    • You want to look like a supermodel: Tough, forget about it
    • You want to be superman and fly unassisted: better change your attitude and drop it man!

    All unmet Expectations should be let go after a reasonable time and without regret. For example, when someone does not respect you and it does not get better, let them go and move on.

    Ability - maximize yourself
    • Be proactive - Think and act ahead.
    • Work towards the goal
    • Prioritize
    • Think win-win
    • Understand and then be understood
    • Consider the whole
    • Be efficient and conserve energy
    • Be patient and persistent
    • Move at a reasonable and safe pace

    Last edited by nottoogreen; 08-10-2006 at 01:10 PM.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    May 2006

    More on Depression

    Broken expectations explained by a Ph.D
    Patricia A. Resick, Ph.D., National Center for PTSD, US Department of Veterans Affairs
    ... PTSD symptoms ...
    I view the symptoms as developing from an inability to resolve conflicts between the traumatic event and prior beliefs about the self or others as well as the consequent avoidance of a range of strong affects such as anger, shame, or guilt, not just fear.
    From: link removed
    Inspiring thoughts on depression
    Originally Posted by AntiLove_SuperStar
    Perhaps depression, anger and disappointment are inevitably always going to occur together. I think I recall reading a proverb/saying somewhere - "Depression is just anger turned inwards".

    I have started to notice that I get what I term "inner announcements" when I feel desperate, and can't quite pin my feelings down to one specific cause. They feel like very animated thoughts, and straightforwardly tell me what I'm feeling.
    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    ... old 70's lame-o self help book... You're not angry and tired bc you are depressed.
    You're depressed bc you are angry and tired.
    I was like 'eh, shut up book'. Then I thought 'maybe that is as true as anything'...
    Originally Posted by macdomat
    Nobody IS gonna help you, chief. Sorry. You're gonna have to help yourself.

    All right, look. I'm very sorry about your PROBLEMS. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to get through. But I need you to stop and look at the recurring themes here: You say your friends don't want to help you, and you say no one is willing to help you. Well... are YOU willing to help you?

    I'm not saying you can't rely on people sometimes. At times, you need people to just be there, to be a shoulder to cry on, or at the very least, a sounding board from which you can hear all your thoughts aloud. But, this problem that you're having is YOUR problem, not theirs. Sounds harsh, I know. And I'm certainly not telling you to shut it all up inside, cause that'll just lead somewhere bad. But you can't expect other people to solve your problems for you.

    ... clearly, you can't just "get better," like you can turn depression on and off as easily as one would flick a lightswitch. ...

    You wanna get angry, drunk and violent? Fine. Is it making you feel any better in the long-run? No, I didn't think so. So stop it. All I can really recommend is that you try not to dwell on the bad things in your life, focus on the good, and change your life so that you can try and be happy again. And the next time you feel like getting in a fight, try directing that energy into a fight to LIVE.
    Originally Posted by InaneCathode
    Well, at least i've found. When i'm bored, i get depressed. Lets take a random scenario:
    I am hungry, i want to eat something
    You're hungry again? You were hungry 2 hours ago.
    Well I'm still hungry
    You're always hungry, you might have a problem with this.
    I know I'll just not eat
    Thats unhealthy, you're an unhealthy person you should exercise
    But I don't want to
    You never want to, you never want to do anything see you're doing it again, talking to yourself
    Hmm, I am indeed
    You're talking to yourself, only crazy people talk to themselves

    It's a built in negativity that comes with a lot of people. If you take the result of an abstract thought and run it through your own thought processes, It'll come out with a negative outcome. If you run that outcome through your thought processes again, it'll get even more negative. You started out with being worried about things, then ended up with you slipping back into who you used to be.

    On periods
    Just try to remember your emotions go wacky around your period, and when they do theres no possible way you can visualize and analyze the world around you accurately, it's filtered through said wacky emotions. Also, try to halt those thoughts of slipping back. The more you forget who you used to be the better you'll end up. And for those who'll say "who she used to be is her legacy": theres no value in remembering something that is non critical, and essentially damaging to her future.
    Originally Posted by Terry Andrew
    Well, I always have believed in three phrases of wisdom when I pass into depression or pain:

    1.) You are not responsibile for the mishaps and bad luck in your life but, YOU are responsibile to DO something about them.
    As nottogreen said "change is cure"
    2.) Help yourself, for God to help you.
    Okay you may not believe that there is a supreme being out-there but, you just have to admit it life is senseless: Logic dictates that you cannot go back infintely to search the roots of all creation, there must be something which, started it all. That something may be called God by some of us.
    3.) Help others and you will be helping youself.
    Strange enough but, it makes you feel good.
    Last edited by nottoogreen; 08-14-2006 at 02:43 PM.


  6. #5

    Join Date
    May 2006

    BD - Bipolar Disorder, Manic Depression

    Note: In some literature, Manic depression is also referred to as BPD which may be confused with Borderline Personality Disorder.

    BD in simple practical terms
    • Swinging between depression and elation
    • Very difficult to impossible to influence
    • Lack of self love
    • Lack of self respect
    • Very low self esteem
    • Deep trust issues with regard to self
    • Deep trust issues with regard to others
    • Frequently unable to deal with health personel such as therapists and counselors.

    So, you got BD?
    • You are very intelligent
    • You are emphathic
    • At times you do not like yourself

    How can you progress?
    • Love yourself regardless
    • Respect yourself regardless
    • Use stable states of mind to build your self esteem
    • Relax when you feel elated
    • Stimulate your mind when you feel depressed
    • Focus on the positive in your life
    • Look after your body
    • You may well be and better be your best therapist if you can't trust they
    • Proceed at your own pace
    • Be inspired by one of the brightest minds of this century who overcame extremest adversity: link removed.

    Last edited by nottoogreen; 08-20-2006 at 03:12 AM.

  7. #6
    Member lilac_indi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    a place with no name
    this is good NTG - keep it up

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    honestly, man, r u a psychologist or something?

    either way, all the better for ena

  9. #8

    Join Date
    May 2006

    Rape and physical abuse recovery

    List of potentially broken expectations
    • You expect not to be abused
    • You expect of yourself to look after yourself
    • You expect of yourself to chose a decent partner
    • You expect of yourself to stop an abuser
    • You expect of yourself to trust yourself
    • You expect of yourself to enjoy sex in without fear
    • You expect to be happy but regrets including guilt about all the above hurt your self esteem.
    • You expect to respect yourself - Self esteem is most important in life.
    • You expect others to be trustworthy
    • You expect to be respected
    • You expect to be loved
    • You expect to enjoy satisfying sex without fear
    • ... Add some more after thinking about it

    It was not your fault. It was a bad experience and you have to live for your future.

    Build yourself up
    • Expect that you will fully recover and commit yourself to work on it
    • Let all regrets and guilt pass, it was not your fault
    • Develop yourself, strengthen yourself to be more confident and rebuild your self esteem
    • Be more assertive in life
    • Consider self defense class or martial arts. Great for the body and mind too!
    • If you have a partner, sit down together to share your rationalised feelings and request they to take it gently and slow.
    • This is very important: Agree with they that they will stop whenever you request it. However please do not expect they to stop close to or in the middle of their orgasm.

    There is paid for and free counseling, it may be wise to utilize these services. Your insurance or medical benefits may cover some.

    Important is that you commit yourself.
    Last edited by nottoogreen; 08-16-2006 at 05:31 AM.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    May 2006

    How to Win Friends and Influence People

    [B]Fundamental Techniques for Handling People
    • Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
    • Give people a feeling of importance; praise the good parts of them.
    • Get the other person to want to do what you want them to by arousing their

    [B]Six Ways to Make People Like You
    • Be genuinely interested in other people.
    • Smile.
    • Remember and use people's names.
    • Encourage others to talk about themselves and listen to them.
    • Discuss what the other person is interested in.
    • Make the other person feel important.

    [B]Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
    • Avoid arguments.
    • Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never tell someone they are
    • If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
    • Begin in a friendly way.
    • Start with questions the other person will answer yes to.
    • Let the other person do the talking.
    • Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers.
    • Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
    • Sympathize with the other person.
    • Appeal to noble motives.
    • Dramatize your ideas.
    • Throw down a challenge.

    [B]Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
    • Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
    • Call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly.
    • Talk about your own mistakes first.
    • Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
    • Let the other person save face.
    • Praise every improvement.
    • Give them a fine reputation to live up to.
    • Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct.
    • Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.

    [B]From link removed

    I read the book ages ago and sent my gf to the course.

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    that's going to help. i neva thought of going to wikipedia for something like this (trust me, i've been thinking about how to influence people so greatly it'll change the way they're addicted to (and yes, addicted. i realize you posted something over my friend is addicted to *: forget about it. i thank you deeply for that.) drugs).

    how good was the book, btw? you're a good example of how it could change a life, cause you do everything you just listed.

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