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Thread: KillTS's life in a nutshell

  1. #1
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    KillTS's life in a nutshell

    i finally did it, man. I was at Mazzios and i went up to a complete stranger who was about 8 yrs old and helped him cut a piece of pizza!! you wouldn't believe how much confidence i didn't have to muster in order to do that!!!

    okay, so it's not that much at all of an accomplishment. but his parents were coming up to him after I did and the kid was all like "man i needed a chain saw to get that one" and every1 sorta laughed and went on to their own business.

    but do u know what i did???

    i went up to a stranger and did something that ended up going into a tiny social thing. it could've been more, but it's more than I expected of myself in a while and instead i left with a smile on my face

    it's the little things like that that change the way I live. in this case, I could care less what complete strangers think about me!

    ~one small step for me, one giant step for me in the future~


    btw, i'd like to think those who motivated me in my thread in Dating and Shy People I called "I'm not shy, i just don't warm up to people sometimes"

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    first day of workin out at the gym...

    i wish i did that earlier this summer. it's too bad i've been on vacation more than i've been at home for the past 3 months. i mean, we should atleast go to different places every now and then (even though my dad is planning a trip to the Grand Cayman for Spring break!!!).

    my brother had to drive me to gym though
    it was alright, i guess. he wouldn't stop talking about everything that relates to what we would be doing (it was hard to listen considering i was in the back seat listening to some good music and he was just talking about something i knew about already from my school's weight room).

    yesterday i came accross a certain situation i thought would be notable:
    The entire family was in the car (brother was driving) and my mom saw that the air that was supposed to be making things cooler in the back seat was actually turned to the highest heat. she immediately suspected me and i became frustrated as i (frustratingly) tried to explain that there was no way i would want to turn the heat that high when it was so hot outside. my dad said i needed to chill (and i did. it wasn't that frustrating).

    i should probably tell you now that i was analyzing my brother's behavior as to see what alters it. i was thinking about how much control i had over what my mom thought and how it had a negative affect on me. why can't she trust me atleast that much?

    anyways, about 10 minutes down the road (we were in the city by then because we were heading to Mazzios), my brother was corrected on his driving issues (he didn't turn his blinker on before making the turn) and was frustrated at how it wasn't the first time he'd been corrected like this. he was like 'OKAY I GET IT' and my parents weren't to happy about it (so it went on for about 5 minutes).

    I compared his actions to my earlier actions and found similarities in the stress and lack of control factors in those situations. it was true that both of the situations were not only avoidable had previous actions taken care of them (like noticing the air flow was going to be too hot before the car started or my brother taking greater care in his actions beforehand). it's also true that the end state of everything went back to normal with time according to how severe (these were relatively weak occurrences compared to most others) the negative effect of the action was.

    perceiving things relative to that finding could explain to me why some things last in a different way than others.

    any comments? i'll just post more if there aren't any

  3. #3
    Silver Member ~~Steven~~'s Avatar
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    You have a very analytical mind, which I can highly relate to. I constantly find myself dicovering certain behavioral patterns among individuals.Keep writing, I'm becoming intrigued by the way you express your thoughts.

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    Originally Posted by ~KillTheSilence~
    ~one small step for me, one giant step for me in the future~
    Yeah, this is the way to Mars and beyond.

    Scotty out.

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    I was speculating over why my brother acts the way he does when i came up with one of his major problems: short attention span.

    what are the effects of this and why is it there in the first place? how does this effect his ability to understand things in life?

    --that was the basic question i asked myself as i began interpreting the enigma of a mind he has.

    it took me a full hour or so (in a jacuzzi) to ponder those questions, and here's what my mind came up with:

    the short attention span that my brother has for everything must be one of the reasons why he can't think straight (in my view. to him, he's normal). i believe this effects his mental capacity concerning many aspects of intrepretation. if he can't think about one subject before being naturally distracted by something more stimulating, how is it possible for him to alter faults in his personality?

    i know for a fact that i wouldn't be near as intelligent if my attention span wasn't as long as it currently is. how else could i make time to interpret abstract concepts (poetry, metaphors) or come up with the motivation to excel academically while keeping my schedule straightforward enough to have some fun with my friends (takes a bit more waking up early and dedication related to that, but it's easy when i'm used to it).

    but he's a different story. if he lacks the motivation (because he would rather do something he finds to be more productive in a sense) to think about what is right and what is wrong (and how it is so), then who's to say he'll know what to do when he encounters a situation reminiscent of ones he crossed in the past? and that's just how it affects him. can't think things through and ends up in another argument over why he didn't do his homework.

    so what's the cause? my philosophy has been (for a while now) that people mimic their greatest influence. me living with him for all my life gives me confidence that i know what influences him in a major or minor way.

    major:
    -tv (spends hours each day switching channels until ending up on MTV, the Weather Channel, or ESPN)
    -parents (raised him, of course. not everything about them influences him majorly, though)
    -his friends (take a guess. chances are, it's right)
    -food (no really. i'll explain soon)
    -his current fad (he just bought a fishing boat and now he's all excited over a better motor. honestly, this changes every half a year)

    minor:
    -parents' disiplinary actions (i tend to look at minor as a secondary thought)
    -ridicule (all he has to do is go to his mom and she'll tell him he's a good boy chances are it gets to him, though. he shows no signs of it afterwords if it does)

    and more likely than not, there are more.
    so what exactly influences his short attention span? the things that could make a major impact him have countlessly appeared to be his diet and the tv. he drinks a soda every day (even after working out) and eats snacks such as oreos so much that we run out of supply for them in less than a week. sugar and caffeine have played a noticeable role in hyperactivity for humans, and intakes as great as these are likely a cause of setting thoughts aside for something more stimulating.

    as i said earlier, he watches tv for hours each day. usually after having a snack, too.

    but why do these things stimulate his mind in such a way that allows his mind forget about the faults of an argument or why sarcasm isn't always a funny addition to a conversation (sometimes it gets more rude than it should be)?

    i know i have friends whos lifestyle could match his to a certain extent. ive noticed how they don't seem to be as trouble making as my brother, but it could be another story at home.

    less of his usual lifestyle would make a better person out of him. for now, though, i should be aware that he can't act as civilized because he doesn't think enough about something before he does it.
    Last edited by ~KillTheSilence~; 08-11-2006 at 07:01 PM.

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    lol

    i wasn't through. had to go shop at the mall

    i'll edit it as soon as i have the time (which is right now)

    EDIT:
    i'm through now. i'll delete this reply soon, but just so you know, it's done.
    Last edited by ~KillTheSilence~; 08-11-2006 at 07:02 PM.

  8. 08-11-2006, 07:20 PM
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    It happened again. got in yet another argument with my brother. it wasn't over much, but what it was over kinda built up so i got frustrated after a while. in fact, i wasn't too mad, i was just annoyed over him not doing what he should have done.

    anyways, i was swimming laps in my family's pool (as a part of my workout routine that is my alternative to running) when my brother got in. i remembered what happened the last time i got in (same thing that i'm about to tell you), so i cursed under my breath while at the same time hoping he wouldn't do it again. I had already taken 8 laps alone when he entered, and was beginning my 9th and 10th laps (i did two at a time back and forth) when he decided to join me. i was okay with this cause that would never bother me. it turns out i was racing him and he started talkin crap about what i was gonna do now.

    being the calm person i was at the time, I told him i was only working out and i didn't want to race him. He went on with his talking and i just went on to my next laps (with him still following). he soon broke off though to do his own thing in the pool, i guess, but he wasn't following me for the rest of the day. he was doing something worse (that's not saying much, but it was). i'd be doing my laps and then out of nowhere, he'd run into me.

    he did that last time and i had to leave early cause he wouldn't stop (and my parents wouldn't stop him). i kept telling him to stop, and each time my voice rose a bit higher than the last and the way i'd tell him a little more threatening.

    that was going on for a while until i really got mad and told him as loud as i could that he was either moving or going to be moved. my parents, being right next to me and everything, told both of us to get out, as they had been seeing my brother and me while all that was going on. we were in timeout for a while (i don't know why they think that calms me down, but it doesn't).

    my parents would talk while they were walking by me wondering why we would always do stuff like that. i told them it was because they never did anything about it, and they ask why they should have to do anything about it when i was the problem. a little while afterwords, my mom came up to me and had the gall to tell me i could get back in the pool when i was done. Why in the hell would i want to do that again?

    anyways, my brother and i had to pick up the dog poop in half the back yard. when i finished, my dad came up to me and told me that he was finally going to do something about it (after all these years...bout damn time). he was sending me to a psychologist this coming Monday.

    that hit me like a rock, but i didn't show it. saved it for when i was taking a shower a bit later. when it did come out of me though.............

    MAN WHY IN THE HELL AM I THE DAMN PROBLEM ALL THE TIME??? I'M ONLY 14 YEARS OLD AND THEY EXPECT ME TO KNOW THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING!!! AND WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD DO THEY THINK THAT I THINK I RULE THE WORLD??? JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING DIDN'T HAPPEN MY WAY AND I GOT UPSET OVER IT DOESN'T MEAN I RULE THE WORLD!!! IT MEANS I'M NOT IN CONTROL OF IT!!! AND I KNOW THIS, CAUSE I SEE IT HAPPEN EVERY, SINGLE, DAMNED AS HELL DAY!!! WHAT ARE THEY THINKING??? THE ONLY ISSUE I EVER HAD WAS DEALING WITH MY BROTHER!!! EVER!!!!!!!

    btw, i think i should show my journal and my thread (boxing it all in) to the psychologist. my parents really don't seem to notice that i'm like this, and it's about time they learned through the voice of someone who they actually listen to.

  10. #8

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    I feel with you, you seem to get setup here. You seem the softer guy and hurt.

    Your parents seen your bro running into you first?

    Your parents do nothing if he runs into you?

    I do not understand, something is missing, why they do not realize what all this does to you.

    About the psychologist, I feel with you that dad sending you there hit you! But it is a good omen, talk to the psychologist openly, show him your threads, explain rationally. It will be good for you and I hope your bro will get help too.

    Please go to the psychologist, In case they change their mind, tell them that you want to go.

    Keep your spirits up and post soon.

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    will do man. don't have much else to do but wait for advice on this.

    but yeah, i dunno why they didn't stop him. i mean, they were even there when i was telling him the first time and they told me to share the pool or get out of it. and there he was sitting on his a** in a float like he couldn't do that in a better spot.

    i agree with encouraging them on seeing the psychologist. in fact, i've asked them before even coming to ena that i would like to see one because they'd understand me better. it really sucks when there's no one you can turn to....

  12. #10

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    Right,

    I think sharing the pool is analog to sharing roads. Do not crash into each other deliberately and prevent accidents.

    Perhaps they are annoyed by you shouting?

    Try to keep it cooler.

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