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My life/Poem


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Hi X,

 

I can assure your that you are worth a lot and that your life is worth living for your future. You want to put yourself in charge and develop yourself. Don't let others bring you down.

 

More useful stuff: Reference materials and more info

 

If you have any questions or need help, just ask. Many people here are happy to listen to you and will do their best to help you.

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Only to my boyfriend and 2 best friends is my life worth something. . .

My boyfriend is also suicidal, one of my best friends I have no contact with, and the other is again also suicidal when they go, I will be worthless. . .

 

Also I have alot of pain, and a bad past, people don't expect me to live thru all I have been thru. . .

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

Sleeping is a death, until something awakens you from your dream. It may have been a bad dream, but it awakend you, or maybe a sound. But then you are no longer dead, you have to go back to the memorries, your pressent, and even your past. No one can ever let you go. . . You hold the only key to your death.

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Only to my boyfriend and 2 best friends is my life worth something. . .

My boyfriend is also suicidal, one of my best friends I have no contact with, and the other is again also suicidal when they go, I will be worthless. . .

It is important that your life is of value to you as an individual. I suggest your send you bf and your suicidal friend here for help.

Also I have alot of pain, and a bad past, people don't expect me to live thru all I have been thru. . .

Please tell us about your pain and bad past. It all can be overcome!

 

As an example, here is a thread by a 16 year old girl which may help you. She understands the need for balance. You can change yourself for your future! Suicidal thoughts.

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I'm sorry about what you must be going through, but remember that every day is a challenge else there wouldn't be a point to life if it was the "happily everafter fairy tales". If it was that way, you would get real bore, that's why you need to be challenged, there's always ups as well as downfalls.

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My life is worth nothing...

I'm worthless!?!

 

We say you are not, yep we here say that your life is worth living, that to us you mean some thing and that we wish more than any thing that you do not end your life, each one of us will if you let us tell you in our own words why.

 

Me I feel that you have grate things to do yet befor you die, dont ask me how I know I can not tell you I just know.

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Well the pain I have is: Choronic earache, to some people that may not sound bad, but trust me, it is, you cant have ears amputated I have alot of emotional pain, and My Ex used to abuse me, and I stayed with him for 1yr 2 mnths.

My mums boyfriend is always having ago at me, I ran away twice cause of him, once for 1 night, another for 3. and yet my family still don't understand, I've tryed to talk to them, but they wont listen to me. I'm 16 I can legally move out, but I need to go to college. I want to die, but at the same time I want to beat the people who have made my life hell.

I've self harmed alot, and atemted suicide 14 times, and all hae failed (I know that is obvious, but I once had someone ask me if I survived)

 

Also I've been in and out of hospital all my life. Sometimes I just wish I'd died of Meninjitus at 11months.

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Well the pain I have is: Choronic earache, to some people that may not sound bad, but trust me, it is, you cant have ears amputated.

I assume this pain is inside your ear. I had it too, it can be very painful and it can be serious too in case an infection breaks through to the brain. (No it won't kill except in rare cases, only half maybe Seriously, you should see an ENT specialist who will take care of it.

I have alot of emotional pain, and My Ex used to abuse me, and I stayed with him for 1yr 2 mnths.

I regret that. What did he do to you?

 

Remember that it was not your fault. Don't be too nice to people and let them use you!

My mums boyfriend is always having ago at me, I ran away twice cause of him, once for 1 night, another for 3. and yet my family still don't understand, I've tryed to talk to them, but they wont listen to me.

What about talk to a counsellor in school or contact the NHS?

I'm 16 I can legally move out, but I need to go to college.

Understood, it's only 2 years though. Could you stay in college?

I want to die, but at the same time I want to beat the people who have made my life hell.

This is in a way a positive statement, you want to live to make it. You can!

I've self harmed alot, and atemted suicide 14 times, and all hae failed (I know that is obvious, but I once had someone ask me if I survived)

Thanks for the reminder. I silently assumed that you survived. However 14 attempts is 14 attempts too many and selfharm only hurts you.

Also I've been in and out of hospital all my life. Sometimes I just wish I'd died of Meninjitus at 11months.

Please stop that way of thinking!, You deserver better, fill your mind with some positive expectations for your future. Think about to become a strong independent woman, focus on your studies. If you read my reference, you realize that only you can take care of yourself. If not, please spend some time on it and in particular on personal growth section.

 

It is a lot of hard work, but it is for your good future, which is what YOU deserve.

 

If you need any help please ask. Also if you are down, PLEASE talk here. Lot's of people will do their best to help you.

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*hides under pillow* ahhh, u lot are realli helpful! thanx for the advise. . . i cant talk to people at school as i dont go to school anymore. college shrinks i can, but it goes onto ur college records. and i wanna be a phycologist, so i cant realli see a shrink, this is probably the best place to talk about it!

__X__

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Thank you for your positive feeback and you are most welcome.

 

Guess psychologists will never be out of work. Your experience with your own feelings will be of use to you in future!

 

I understand you do not want to utilize the college services, please talk here whenever you are ready.

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*hides under pillow* ahhh, u lot are realli helpful! thanx for the advise. . . i cant talk to people at school as i dont go to school anymore. college shrinks i can, but it goes onto ur college records. and i wanna be a phycologist, so i cant realli see a shrink, this is probably the best place to talk about it!

__X__

 

From talking to my old phycologist he told me that he him self has to have a phycologist and has regulear seations he had to as part of his job.

 

Seems if you are going to be a phycologist then as some point you will have to start theripy. I would as and see if its true in the US as it is over here in the UK

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I think its so they can be debreft and get then selfs sorted befor helping others, who wonts to see a thecotic therapists, haha.

 

Also they check over each other to see if there not getting to into others problems, I used to get angray at my old therapists for not feeling with me but now I see that he was right not to, I needed him to have a start head to fix my bent one, it was he that 1st said the words Bio-poler to me.

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I am holding the blad,

It is cold against my skin,

I press it harder wondering,

Slowly I draw it accross my flesh.

 

I watch my blood,

I count the cuts,

I see my life and wonder,

Have I really done this?

 

I start it again,

This time, cutting deeper,

Holding the blade tighter,

I cut down my arm,

I'm now numb.

 

I hear something,

It's the beating of my heart,

Its slowing and fading,

My life is running short.

 

I get a pen and paper,

And write this one last note:

 

I'm sorry, I never ment to hurt you, all I wanted was to show you how much I was hurting. I'm preying you find me, I don't want to die. I want it all to be over, but I want to be alive. I'll miss you, all of you, my family, and my friends. I never ment to hurt you. I prey you'll all forgive me. Please God, give me one last chance.

 

After that note, I black out. I awaken 2 weeks later, I'm on a life support. Your standing over me, your face stained with tears. I hear the beeping of the machine, I feel glad you saved me. But at the same time I feel guilt. I turn away from you, I begin to cry.

Two weeks later, I'm on the phycriatic ward, I'm in a paded out room, I can't talk to anyone now, I feel too guilty for what I'm putting them through. I dump you, as I feel you deserve better. Then I find out you've followed in my footsteps, and you've died. It is then I realise I must do something. I call the nurse, and ask to see a shrink.

It takes me 3 years to get over what I've been through, but I can't ever get over the guilt of what I've done to you, the only person that I ever loved, the way I loved you.

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why, its your mind, you rule there, its you that is making it imposible.

 

You seem to need to hurt yourself but why, are your sins so grate,

no! you are human like me and the rest of us. feail, weak and fragile, we all scraw up in life thats how you get wisdom

, thats how you find your way by falling over and over.

What marks the good from the bad is thows of us who get back up and walk on. When so many others fall by the ay side, its we who try to do better next time.

We will fail some times thats for shour, but O the times we do it right if only once in a life time, it makes all the pain worth wile every moment ever second.

 

If you can not forgive yourself then forgive us for we are you and have walked where you walk now.

 

Forgive me for my bad days and the crimes I have done when the darkness came.

 

If I can forgive myself and get back up after each one I know you can.

 

To forgive is not enuth we have to get up and try and do our best after, that earning you forgivenss.

 

As I wise man once said

 

"Tried gently upon this earth for you tried this path but once"

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You need to check yourself into a hospital and get some real help. Really.

 

You have no idea what it means to NOT be here. I wish we could do a Charles Chickens (wouldn't let me type the real first part of his name) thing for you so you could witness it for yourself.

 

You have no idea what life here would be like without you and the real pain you would cause to others.

 

It's not a matter of worth or what others expect. It's a matter of YOU. It comes down to what you want from the world and what you have to give the world.

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I see now, your lover killed them self, you dumped him and then he tuck his own life.

You feel you act was the couse of his death.

 

No matter where you run you are going to have to face this one truth, he killed himself, and you did not.

You are here now alive, you have stark chose, be crushed by the pasted or move on past it.

 

Relise whats done is done and that you can make up for any thing you think you have done wrong by

living a good life. Doing in every act, every day some small thing to make the world a better place.

 

1st of I would seek the shrink once more and tell them where your mind is at now, if your going to start over

resh and new you need to start with that.

 

Them look ahead, things that need to be done so any and there all yours to do.

 

do not let what has passed rob you of any joy, you can have it and you can be free of the giult of only

you will relise that, he killed him self you did not do that for him. At the time you where ill in body and mind

who can you be held to acount for things done then. for him to have killed himself he to would have had to

be unwell or he would have seen your illness and knowen that to kill himself would only add to your sickness.

 

I would no more blame you than blame a sick child for crying all night, its who we act when we are unwell.

 

I hope you can see that and know that its time to forgive waht was done in illness.

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