What do you think of this?

My b/f is able to fix phones...for a week now he says he needs to get to his grandmother's house to fix hers..today after work he was supposed to..he got out later than expected--around 7 and says he would go home and then go to her place..i call around 10:30 and he says he didnt even go yet, he was doing stuff here...and says he was about to call her...i said your grandmother is up this late? and he said yeah--and to myself i thought its a little weird he would go to his grandmothers house at 11 or 11:30 to fix her phone..am i being paranoid into thinking he is going out to be with someone else..i just thought it was strange to say he is going to his g-ma's this late.

I guess if a person really wanted to lie--they would just say--i'm going to bed now and then go out and do whatever right?

(I realize i need to have trust--but just wondering if this sounds strange to anyone else besides me)

Please tell me if i am over-reacting..of course i would not say anything to him.

I guess if a person really wanted to lie--they would just say--i'm going to bed now and then go out and do whatever right?

That would be my guess. I think when you are in a relationship and you are asking yourself questions like this you should really try and work out why.

Why would you think your b/f may be up to no good because he was about to call his grandmother late at night?

What is it about you or your relationship or your boyfriend that would make you think that?

I think i am suspicious in general...so the situation just seemed weird to me and i am wondering if anyone else agrees or if i am being overly suspicious, paranoid, etc about him going to his grandmother's house late at night to fix her phone..

wondering if anyone else agrees or if i am being overly suspicious, paranoid, etc about him going to his grandmother's house late at night to fix her phone..

I think it's a little unusual but it is a quantum leap to half deduce that it may mean he is going to see someone else.

I'd give him the benefit of any doubt at this stage.

If people lie their story always changes, people tend to forget the lies they made up. Dont think about it too much, if you feel his story is changing or what not, maybe you should talk to him about how you feel.

The situation does seem weird to me too. I dont want to say anything to get you stressed out about it. I think you should see how it goes, how long will this issue go for... just give it time, maybe it is just the paranoid part of the mind playing tricks on you.

Just dont forget, a lier always gets caught out.

Good luck

It's not unusual for elderly people to be up late - many don't sleep well or they can sleep in or have a nap the next day.

It just seems like such an odd lie to make up...and i'm glad you told me how you felt..i dont want to ask something and people say no its not weird just to make me feel secure..i said these things to him--you are going there this late?--and he just says yep and says he forgot to call her and was about to call her when i called him(10:30)...we got off the phone shortly and he asked if i would be up and he would call me back(not immediately) i think i will call him in an hour if he doesnt call me---is it weird if he doesnt pick up? obviously he isnt gonna be having some big convo with his grandma at 12am...i'm trying to control myself from being anxious--i think i am doing a good job so far..in the past i would get really worked up if something like this happened..Please write back.

If you don't have any other references to situations where you have felt like he was lying and have solid evidence to prove that he was lying, from what you wrote here, I would say you are being insanely paranoid...

Why do you think you feel this way? Has something happened in the past where you've been lied to and hurt?

I don't know, if you should call him tonight, or answer if he calls. Maybe just turn your ringer off and get some sleep. He could always call you tomorrow, I think it's a little disrespectful of him to expect you to stay up that late to hear from him.

I once had someone tell me this:

The more complicated or odd the story, the harder it is to follow. Thus, the liar has less chance of getting flushed out because its either too complicated or so over the top odd that you don't question it"

A person who had lied to me many times in the past actually said that to me. I won't ever forget it.

liars will also use the odd story to say just that which you said, "he could have just said such and such". Example: If I were doing something else, wouldn't it of been easier to jsut say Im going to bed? Why would I use some weird story like going to my grandmothers at 11pm when going to bed would have been much more believable?

They even preplan things like this, prepared to say this if you balk at what they just told you, and you most likely think, well that's true he could of just said that......."

I know its insane, but liars are good at lying. You're average person wouldn't have the thought process to come up with this, but the practiced liar would.

All that aside, I cant say for sure this one incident means anything, but it is odd. Who goes to anyone's house at 11pm to fix a phone? Not saying its IMPOSSIBLE, but it is ILLOGICAL.

If it were me, I'd likely question it. But that's due to my own personal history. If he's never given you a reason to question him, blow it off and say something when/if another illogical situation presents itself.

Always give the benefit of the doubt until that person gives you a real reason not to.

Salt

I usually am up late--and he said i assume you will be up later?

And just b/c you dont have solid evidence--which is hard to get wouldn't others agree? it doesnt mean a person is not lying right you.

There is a book by David Lieberman, "Never be lied to again." interesting read. you may want to check it out.

I don't know, if you should call him tonight, or answer if he calls. Maybe just turn your ringer off and get some sleep. He could always call you tomorrow, I think it's a little disrespectful of him to expect you to stay up that late to hear from him.

I agree with this.

Salt

I usually am up late--and he said i assume you will be up later?

 

I'd say he should learn to presume a bit less on your behalf.

 

And just b/c you dont have solid evidence--which is hard to get wouldn't others agree? it doesnt mean a person is not lying right you

.

 

Yes, I would say that is a fair statement.

Thats not the issue--he knows i am usually up late at this time..its not a big deal..he called me 15 minutes ago, i missed the call by accident...i call him now..and no answer..now i am starting to get a little more nervous...

Wow, I am surprised where this thread is going.

This poor guy, most likely doing exactly what he said he was (a favor for his grandma), is being turned into a lying, presumptious, cheating good for nothing!!

Why don't you give his Gran a buzz and get the scoop direct?

OP, don't call his Gma!

And just b/c you dont have solid evidence--which is hard to get wouldn't others agree?

By "solid evidence" I mean anything outside of your own head and feelings that point to a lack of integrity in this guy. Has something he said ever not jived with something else he said? Have you actually caught him in a lie before somehow? Have you offered to be with him at his grandmother's house or other places he says he's going? And does he seem to avoid seeing you there? Do all his answer about his grandmother add up? Things like this...

So you never answered the other questions I asked...have you been lied to and hurt before? If so, was it recent? Was it a boyfriend, father, etc.? I sense a bias here, almost like you are looking for justification that he is lying to you...that's the feeling I get...

This poor guy, most likely doing exactly what he said he was (a favor for his grandma), is being turned into a lying, presumptious, cheating good for nothing!!

Exactly!!!

There's got to be more to this story...more than a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a grandma, and a broken telephone...

OP, don't call his Gma!

I hope it was obvious that was a joke?!?

BTW how can he call Gran if her phone is broken?

I would never call her house--for what? to say--oh is my b/f there...thats low lol

Anyway--i am trying not to get nervous--but the fact that he called me only 15 minutes ago and then cant pick up when i call him back really makes me worried..

Honestly--i think white lies are common and lies to sometimes avoid jealousy are common..and i have caught him in a lie months and months ago--it was to avoid jealousy i'm sure...but this is just something that i have never heard of before..going to your g'mas to fix her phone this late..i dont know what to think right now.

There's got to be more to this story...more than a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a grandma, and a broken telephone...

That's what I asked in the first post but OP says it is just her suspicious nature!

I hope it was obvious that was a joke?!?

 

Yes, it was obvious to me, but I wouldn't presume it was obvious to OP.

 

BTW how can he call Gran if here phone is broken?

 

Now, come on now. The boy said he was going to gram's to fix her phone didn't he? Spose you're calling him a liar now??

That's what I asked in the first post but OP says it is just her suspicious nature!

That's a possibility she was suggesting. Obviously she was posing the question to get some feedback. Seems legit. I would think his behavior was a bit odd, though not necessarily shady.

LOL....no he says,

and says he was about to call her

Some how I have the feeling that the letters FBI are going to get a run somewhere in this thread.