"Don't want this to end"

This is long but you need to know all for it to work

About 3 years ago i broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years it was not working. I was working a couple of weeks later i had sex with this girl at work 3 times right after i got out the realtionship she had herpies found this out after(but used protection)here is were it gets interesting. Then this hot amazing women walked in and was getting a job i had to have her she was the one. Now i found out that the girl i had sex with this was her friend and she got the job. so one thing leads to another i go out with(lets call her jane)a couple of times and i find out she is dating a 40 year old we are both 25 but she ends up liking me more and gives me a chance. We have sex for the first time CONDOM BREAKS!!!! ouch but i told her i will be here. She gets a little stressed and does not talk to me. So a week or two later i walk into work and say " i went out last night got pissed and went home with this hot blonde" (Now i never had sex with this girl she does not exist i did it to get her to call me wrong move i realize now) So after this i find out she mis carried and she goes back to the 40 year old for a week of sex. So i beg for here back we end up having sex again and we got pregnat again. no before this she had asked if i had sex with any other girl after my ex girlfriend and i lied to her and said "no" this baby was concieved about a year into it so she is pregnat at home and i end up messing around with the girl from work at work no sex but just as bad think bad thoughts it is not good this happened 3 times and then it had stopped but i still ahd flirted with this girl thru my girlfriends pregnacy. My girlfriend suppected something because i was acting weird i lied to her all this time then we had time with the babay thru out the hole pregancy and i was not very supportive and hate myself for this also my girlfriend has a 6 year old from her previous marriage not to the 40 year old.So know we are right up to date and i am an * * * * * * * for lying to her i know that she never went out because i asked her to always stay in with me.she found out 2 weeks ago because the girl that i cheated on told her everything and at first i lied but then told the truth. my girlfriend all the sudden is going out all the time and not coming home. you guessed it she cheated on me with the 40 year 3 times stayed at his house and lyed to me about it at first she now admits it and says that she is so angry and mad at me now we have just both started going to a councilor. but we both say we love each other and want each other and know one else she is still going out late to the bars and says her business is hers and for me not to worry about her and worry about my self. it kills me when she goes out and some times she might not come home. But we both want a future together don't forget i lied to her are hole realtionship and she is so mad at me she dosen't want anything to do with me one minute and she does the next.She says if she did not want this to work i would not be here but she is amd and she cheated but does not feel bad because she says " i broke us when she found out that it was over i know i am scum and am working on not lying looking at other girls all that but she is so mad but i don't care i love her she also promised she would never have any sexual contact with anyone else because she wants us!!!!

So What do ya thinkl

I tried reading your story, but it is very confusing. Maybe break it up into paragraphs. It seems to me like you have a history and problem with lying to women. Maybe get some therapy and learn how to have an honest, committed relationship before you go sleeping with everyone.

Your story is very difficult to read all clumped up like that and with very few periods. If you break it up into paragraphs and use proper grammer you are likely to get more responses.

Did you gf have the baby? It's a little unclear.

Wow, what a mess! I am glad to hear you are both seeing a councillor. That is a good move - for you, for your gf, and for the sake of your baby.

I guess I am not sure what you would like help with?

If you truly want to make things work with your gf, put all your effort into being a good man. Take care and love your child, do not cheat, do not lie, continue seeing a councillor and working on yourself.

That is all you can do, my friend. Your gf must make her own choices, and you must make yours. It is obvious she has a lot of pain and does not trust you yet: you must admit that is for good reason.

Trust takes a long time to build, and can be destroyed so quickly. Have patience and continue to improve yourself: you can not lose that way, no matter what happens.

good luck with everything, and take care of that little one

Your story is sure confusing, I'm having a hard time trying to make sense. From what I heard in the first sentence is you had broken out with your g/f and then had sex with the other girl right?? So how can that be cheating if you guys were broken up????

Your story is sure confusing, I'm having a hard time trying to make sense. From what I heard in the first sentence is you had broken out with your g/f and then had sex with the other girl right?? So how can that be cheating if you guys were broken up????

I'm confused too.

But I don't think his initial ex that he broke up with after 5 years together has anything to do with his problem.

They broke up, he then had a fling with a co-worker, then he met a new hire that he fell in love with at first sight, she got pregnant, had miscarriage, got pregnant again, then he had an affair with the co-worker from the beginning again(?), and now his baby's mama found out and is pissed. I hope I got that right.

Although, like Hope75, I'm not sure if his girlfriend finally had the baby or not.

As for any advice, I think counselling is the way to go for both of you. She is obviously still hung up with her 40 year old ex since every time you guys have a fight she ends up in his bed. And as for you, yes, you have a lying problem but acknowledging it is the first step. Besides couples counselling, I think both of you need to go to individual counselling. Good Luck!

Aside from the confusing story, from all the lying, pregnancy and cheating...you need to get tested for stds! The girl you hard sex with has herpes, chances are, you probably have it too, and spread it to the current girl you're with.

I think it's really messed up that you put other people's health in jeopardy. Just because you use a condom, doesn't mean you're fully protected (i.e. the exposure of your scrotum).

Other than that, I do believe in karma. Don't lie to her anymore. If you cheated in the past, learn your lesson. Don't have sex with someone you hardly know too soon..

BETTERKARMA you are absolutely right. In a nut shell. As for STD's we've all been tested and we are fine. And Yes, we did have a healthy baby girl.

My question is now,

does anyone really feel that our relationship could ever be normal again? She says that she loved what we had more than anything. She used to put me on such a high pedastal. Doing anything I asked of her, and catering to my every need. Now I feel second to her feelings. She has been going out with the girls every weekend. Sometimes she doesn't come home. Sometimes she comes home late. She tells me that it helps to cheer her and take her mind off this mess at home. She promises that she will have sex with NO other man but I can't help but think thoughts. She also said that she doesn't feel like what she did was cheating after she found out about what I did, because I had broke the 'bond'. She never told me it was over, but she says now that after she found out, she was so hurt that she broke it off with me and went back to her ex, (the 40 year old) with intent to start a relationship back up with him. She did many things with him as if they were in a serious relationship such as cuddled, watched movies together, slept over in the same bed, AND had sex. Eventhough I know I started it, I feel like she has betrayed me more because I never actually had intercourse with the other girl. Though I would have and asked the other girl if she wanted to but she said no, and we didn't have a condom anyways. But I did however get off 3 times with her, which my girlfriend claims to be just as bad.

And she said what makes it so upsetting to her is that I was flirting and making sexual coments everyday to this girl while my girlfriend was off on Maternity leave. She says that she feels so betrayed because I DID admit after the fact that I did not think about her, or the baby, or the reprocussions of my actions. She wants to know how I could come home everyday after these things would happen and look in her eyes and not feel guilty enough to break down and tell her the truth.

I was afraid and scared that she would leave me though. Yet I still continued to flirt.

I I've been to the counsellor twice and she has been once. I expect her to know if she wants this is work and if she wants us but she says she can't give me that answer without more counselling. She said she is confused as to why all this happened because she never expected this from me. It's so hard to not pressure her for the answer to, "Is this gonna work?", but I want to know the answer from her NOW. I'm afraid that in 2 or 3 months she is going to realize that I don't deserve her, and she will move on.

Sometimes I want to just get up and leave cause I don't know if she truly wants this to work anymore. (I could never really leave, I just get so frustrated and end up threatening her with me leaving a lot.)

Any help?? I love her so much, more than anything and I want this to work. I know I will NEVER do this to her again.

Thanks everyone.

Oh wow, what a mess.

Unfortunately, I agree with your girlfriend. I'm no saying that what she did was right but you were making sexual advances with another woman while your girlfriend was on maternity leave from having your baby. That's just not right. You also had three sexual encounters with this woman who has a STD that you are bringing home to your family? And you wanted to have sex but the only reason you didn't was because she said no.

Granted, your girlfriend didn't react very well after finding out what happened and seems to be having a really hard time accepting what has happened. I'm beginning to think you're both very toxic to each other. Unless both of you are serious about making this relationship work and working with counsellors, it won't work.

Constantly threatening to leave her isn't really helping the situation either. Seems like you both really need to go to individual counselling to figure out what's going on and then go to couples counselling if you still want to work things out afterwards. Good Luck.