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Thread: I miss my mistress :(

  1. #11
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    I'm in no hurry to subject them to the insecurity and stigma of divorce.
    Um, I bear no insecurity and stigma from my parents divorce. My father cheated on my mother, I KNEW they were both unhappy and were not right together at a VERY young age. When they went their separate ways, my home environment felt healthier, happier and I never doubted I was loved.

    Both my parents went on to have relationships with people whom were MUCH better suited for them (actually, my father married his last mistress and has been faithful since - and my mother met my stepfather whom is incredibly supportive and loving), and they have both been happily moved on with other partners for 20+ years now. And seeing my parents' HEALTHY relationships with others was MUCH better for my perspective and own relationships than if they had stayed together.

    A divorce does not take fatherhood away from you.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    I agree with kellbell and RayKay, dont stay in your marriage for the sake of the kids because the kids will feel responsible for it, even if you dont let them in on it. Kids are very sharp and perceptive and can pick up on things. Although my parents never divorced, their marriage was very unhappy. My mother stayed married to my dad because, as she said, "she didnt want us to suffer the stigma of a divorce", and because my grandma (her mother) disapproved of divorce and would have cut my mother out of her will if she divorced my dad. Both my brother and I knew that my parents had marital problems even though they didnt talk about it much. My dad cared deeply for us and kept us out of it. When I got into high school, my dad cheated on my mother and my mom confided in me about the details of their unhappy marriage. Basically she forced me to choose sides and when I refused to, she blamed me for the deterioration of their marriage. It got so bad that I ended up leaving CA to go to school in the Midwest because I wanted OUT and didnt want to deal with their crap.

    As a result of my parents marital problems, I have a distrust of guys and I also tend to be a people pleaser because I am afraid of people hating me. My brother hasnt settled down yet and keeps gfs only for a year or so, before dropping them. My mom is pressuring my brother to get married soon and give her grandkids.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member flower99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lady Bugg
    Hmmmmm have you ever considered that your "sour faced nagging wife"
    may be tired of YOUR sh** too?

    Are you romantic with your WIFE?
    Do you hug and kiss your WIFE?
    Do you send your WIFE flowers and cards??

    My guess is NO...hmm gee wonder why she is
    "sour faced".

    Mistresses get to see the "good side' of the married man. The side with NO kids, no housework, no bills, no expectations, NO STRESS. Welcome to the world of marriage Poto. I hate to be the one to break it to you...but
    marriage is NOT a fantasy...what you had with your Mistress IS....and chances are ..in time, your mistress will have that SAMe sour face as your wife.
    I totally agree.
    Stop being so concerned about making yourself feel good and satisfied. And take care of the one you made the commitment to. If you can't do that than they should know NOW sooner than later when more hurt is brought to the home.

    Staying for the kids, is NOT a good decision.
    It's better to have 2 seprate stable loving homes for your children than one unstabble unloving & unhappy home.

    You can be that good loving father you want to be happy alone if that's what you want. But don't live two lives pretending to be something you're not.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member kellbell's Avatar
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    Yes,

    I too, had difficulties in my life and my relationships with my past boyfriends because of my parents' marriage. I had serious co-dependency issues. You are not doing any favors for them by staying. Get out now.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Beyondthesea's Avatar
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    Someone who cancels our dinner as we're about to walk out the door because she' d rather spend the night in bed with me. Someone who calls me just to tell me she can't stop thinking about me. Someone who is estatic when I bring her flowers, or a small gift. Someone who reponds to a hug and a kiss with a smile.

    So you're looking for someone to date, not have a relationship with. I'm sure if you treated your wife as nicely as this woman, she would also treat you this way.

  7. #16
    Gold Member Beyondthesea's Avatar
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    Question:

    When's the last time you took your wife flowers or a small gift?
    When's the last time you helped your wife around the house?
    When's the last time you and your wife had a weekend to yourselves?
    What has your wife done for you in the past week?

    Unfortunately, marriage isn't all rosy-face happy stuff. A mistress gets to have fun, and not deal with anything. I noticed you broke it off as soon as she was 'pressuring you and it was becoming stressful.' Did you ever think maybe some of the problem lies with you and your idea that marriage is all nicey nice all the time?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Ash's Avatar
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    Just a comment ... we don't really know your story, and we should be careful not to prejudge. Regardless of whether we feel you are righ tor wrong, we should exists to help you look at things from various viewpoints, and they shouldn't all really be completely negative.

    Sometimes (and perhaps I too will get taken to task for saying this) there do seem to be reasons to stay in a situation where others might not. Things tend to go bad in some relationships over time if the initial reasons for being together were not correct, for example.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member BetterKarma's Avatar
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    That's just polyanna crap. My wife "deserves" nothing. There's nothing to work out. She's a verbally abusive, self centered person. I've tried everything to work it out and now I'm done. I have no interest in working it out with her.
    Then do her a favor and get a divorce.

    And yes, she DOES DESERVE a FAITHFUL husband when you both made your marriage vows.

    My kids, on the other hand, do deserve a good life. I want to be with them every day since we're very close. As bad as the marriage may be, I'm in no hurry to subject them to the insecurity and stigma of divorce.
    I can guarantee you that your children already feel insecurity and I rather have the stigma of divorced parents than the stigma of abusive ones who can't stand each other.

    Stop using your children as an excuse.

  10. #19
    Member SeaBisquit's Avatar
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    i think your being selfish and putting your happiness before everbody elses. if your wife finds out you have a mistress you are hurting your wife and your kids and then your wife will file for a divorce your kids will hate you and hears my question is your mistress really worth all this?

  11. #20
    Silver Member Scotcha's Avatar
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    My mother cheated on my father. He stayed in the marriage "for the sake of us kids". I remember many nights in bed praying to God that they would get divorced.

    I wish my dad left her sooner. He's happy now.

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