~*Here is some RELIEF for the BROKEN-HEART*~

NC is a very essential activity to practice after having a break-up. NC applies to the periods of time it takes you to heal after the break-up. If there is a source [whether it be a person or thing] that gives us pleasure and is suddenly taken away...It is human nature...[well, i think its human habit] to chase after it and want it back. When we can't have what made us so happy, we are bound to be sad. So if you feel any of the following...you are merely human... hurt, confused, lonely..etc. Even research shows that right after a break-up...our brains stop [or slow down] producing endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals in our body that produce "HAPPY" feelings. You have to understand that pain is your brain's way of saying, "I'm healing." Just like any physical wound...an emotional wound takes lots of TIME to heal. If ANYONE could speed up the process of healing..wouldn't time be out to charm them?

So basically, if you feel depressed, sad, lonely, hurt...etc. YOU'RE MERELY A HUMAN and you're healing. Believe me...it just takes some time. The main key to healing is being patient with yourself. There will be times after the break-up where you feel like you're just not moving on. Well...those times will pass too. EVERYTHING about life can be summarized into three words: IT GOES ON! EVERYTHING passes. It's OK. you're not the only one. Just keep reminding yourself of these two quotes: "NO one ever died of a broken heart" and "Just becuase you don't want to return home doesn't mean you'll never arrive."..In the same sense.."Just because you don't want to move on doesn't mean you never WILL."

NC is very important and can be very hard sometimes. But it is ESSENTIAL to practice this activity daily. With time...it comes to a point where its as easy as breathing. I know that seems like nonsense right now but TRUST yourself. Constantly remind yourself that you WILL get through this. Post notes around the house saying YOU MUST get through this.

The reason NC is so important is because when the break-up is over, it is quite important for YOU to heal. EVERYTHING after the break-up has to be about you! Your partner left you. There is no "us"...its only "you". You stand alone. So the healing process has to be about you too. I mean, come on...it is YOUR heart that has to heal.

Now, we all have been guilty of going and calling our ex's nonstop, im'ing, texting them nonstop and of course, the FAMOUS [looking-at-their-profile-ten-thousand-times-a-day]. That's normal but it CAN'T continue.

The reason we do NC is to begin to heal. To discover that "being alone" is fine. Even though it might not be "the greatest thing ever." NC helps us realize that we will be fine on our own and realizing that we will be fine [maybe not great] on our own pushes us into the healing process. We do NC for US not for getting our "ex's back" and what not.

We all have to realize that our ex's are not coming back. This is because before they broke up with you, they rationalized in their heads WHY they were breaking it off. As much as we hate to admit it, they aren't some stupid fools that just broke it off with us for "fun". For example: Bob breaks up with Cindy because he thinks she's too controlling. If Cindy practices the NC technique, Bob will eventually think of Cindy...and probably think, "Well Gee, I sort of miss Cindy. She did a bunch of nice things for me." BUT at that very moment, another thought will come up in Bob's head.."BUT Cindy was too controlling!!!" And it'll stop him from coming back. Believe it or not, even though the reasons they broke up with us may seem USELESS and POINTLESS...some where...deep, deeper...yes, much deeper....in their head, all those reasons make sense in a twisted way. That is why we have to practice NC. cuz they most probably aren't coming back anytime soon.

After discussing the reasons why your ex is probably not coming back...Let's say that you still don't get it and still decide to break NC. Let's observe the choices. If you keep contact with your ex, two things can happen:

1) You can talk to them and you find that they are SINGLE but they still don't want you back...

2) You can talk to them and figure out they are in a RELATIONSHIP and STILL don't want you back.

Well, to me, none of those two choices seem very pleasant. Notice that the end result is going to be you getting hurt because you're going to realize that they don't want you back either way...thats why NC is the way to go. and by NC, i mean, no direct OR indirect contact.

As for becoming friends...that's the Second Deadliest sin right after a break-up. First being breaking NC. Of course, in the FUTURE you can be friends but RIGHT after a break-up is a horrible time to become just friends. You obviously have feelings for them [yea yea, deny it all you want but you DO have feelings for them] and they don't share the same feelings. That can result in a serious clash of motives. Give YOURSELF time. You have to stay away for this person. OF course, let's not decide on "Oh well, i'm not talking to them or thinking about being friends with them for the rest of my life!" Start with short, reachable goals. For example, "I'm not going to talk to them for a week." After a week passes, set another one, "If I can go on for a week without talking to them, let's see if i can go for two weeks"...and keep going.

To all you dumpees out there, we are all in this together and we're in the same boat but believe it or not 99% of us will reach the same conclusion in the end...because time makes things change and things make time change. We WILL move on because we CAN.

"Always remember that happiness and sorrow are like siamese twins. When one sits alone with you, just know that the other one is right around the corner."

a.l.w.ay.s

Allie.

Thanks for the inspiration. I'm in a tough situation here though. I have already contacted my ex-fiance once by mail in regards to returning the engagement ring. That was on June 9th. The letter went unresponded. At some point I have to make contact with her again inorder to get the engagement ring back. I am contemplating sending an email, text message, or contacting her sister in another state to relay the message to her that I'm asking for the engagement ring back. My heart cannot take knocking on her door or calling my ex to ask for the ring back.

Obviously I would prefer not to break NC, although I have to. The longer I wait, the more likely she has moved on and cares even less about me. You'd think she would just return the ring. But, her style is avoiding her ex's at all costs. I know this because when we were together, that's what she told me she did in the past. She's 25 and we were engaged for a year. We were together for 2 and 1/2 years. So, you'd think she'd have at least enough respect for me to return the ring. I don't know what to do.

This is a great post and I hope that everyone out there reads it. Its too bad it doesnt totally apply to my situation because the door isnt completley shut and probably shouldnt be. I have been doing NC but she has been contacting me and things have been seemingly getting better. I got stronger with the NC and I think its great when things are totally over but in my situation I have this uncertanty and its just hard for me to do total NC.

I have been doing NC but she has been contacting me and things have been seemingly getting better.

Consider yourself lucky then, if that's the direction you are interested in heading. While I maintained NC, my ex continually berated me with IMs, email, text messages, etc... that were bitter and jaded. It started after she found out I tossed all her things after she left. She had TOLD me the day she left she didn't care about anything that she left at my house... so I donated/tossed it all. But it finally got to the point where the only way to get her to stop was be me calling the police.

While I would have loved to have a friendly chat with her, just because for the last 8 years, that's what we were best at, I realized that was going to be impossible at this point. I wish my ex was as good natured as yours appears to be. Ever since the police called her and told her about me filling out the harassment report, she has dropped off the planet. Since it's still fresh, I'm sad at the loss of the attention now. I'm sure that will pass, at least I pray it does... this is driving me nuts.

bstrong2day- wow. you seem really stuck. Of course, It seems like you're going to HAVE to contact her at one point or another and in some way or another. I mean, an engagement ring...that is a big deal. All I can say about your situation is that whether you get it back directly from her or indirecty from her sister or another relative...its going to be a very "challenging" [lack of better word] day for you. You can't avoid it but It's going to be a hurtful day. And take this as a command [though it is merely a request] the day you get the ring back...post on this website so we can help you out in any way possible because, you will need a lot of comforting and "needing-to-know-things-will-be-okay" that day. Yours is an unavoidable situation so just be strong through it n keep reminding urself that you stuck it through NC for so long =D

iceman85 - yes. its very understandable why you are still in contact. All I can say about your situation is that wait for her to be the first one to initiate a relationship, if it does turn into that and of course, please make sure that you both talk things out and discuss what "went wrong" previously and UNDERSTAND it and then continue with a relationship. It seems to me as if your partner merely needed some "time". But make sure that "analyzing" the previous relationship takes place or you might get sucked into the same hole again bro.

Gaiden- oh my. your situation was pulled to the extremes. Your ex must have been psychotically trying to make you feel bad about yourself. I am very happy for you and that you maintained NC especially because her text messages were bitter and nasty. She was obvoiusly trying to push you into the guilt trap and trying to get you to beg for her back. But PROPS to you! This experience should show YOU that you are MUCH stronger than you thought you were. I mean, WOW! I am so proud of you for that strength. You set a good example. I'm not sure I could do that. Through this experience, you definitely showed her that you are an independent man and not the same "i'm-going-to-do-anything-for-you" addicted person. Now just remember that you have to keep reminding YOURSELF that you ARE an independent man. Now its your turn to convince yourself of that. And of course it hurts...thats completely understandable but know that the pain shall pass. "The pain is just your brain's way of saying.."I'm healing".

Good luck to you all and if you need any help, I'll be up and around =D

Allie.

Bumping this. Wish a moderator would make this a sticky.

I agree 100%. Time, and NC work miracles. I still think about my ex often, but that burning pain is no longer there. I can think of him with another girl, and it doesn't make my heart break.

Its a long journey, but soon you just realize that whether it was an abusive relationship, your feelings were not recipricated, or they moved on with someone else, you see that they were not worth it in the end. There is someone out there just waiting to make you happy, who would only do their best to love you, appreciate you, and make sure you feel the the most important person in the world!

It gets better, please don't break NC, because it will make things worse.

Exactly Rachel!! Thx for the inspiration. Keep up the healing chica.

Allie.

I read this everytime I feel like Iam missing my ex, and it puts me back on track.

Thank you so much, this is very helpful.

Well, I'm very glad it helps brokenheart. Just keep up the healing and if you need to talk...post around. I'll find you. haha.

take care of yourself.

Allie.

Don't care. Kicking it up until it is stickied.

Hahaha. thanks bro. i'm very flattered but more glad that it helps you =D

Allie.