I keep trying to leave but he is my colleague!

This is the first time I write on this website or any other.

I started dating this guy from work 18 months ago. He moved to Europe from the UK to be closer to me. (It was an internal move in the company where he got a nice promotion).

He was so kind in the beginning but you know the strory:

He gets jealous and spends the whole night verbally abusing you, sends cruel emails and sms which disturb me emotionally.

He says it is my fault because he does not like being ignored when he writes to me.

When I withdraw, he gets worse and threatens to lift the anchor. When I say it is a good idea, he says we will then become enemies.

And he really means it. He is in a superior position from me and has made friends in the right places at work. Whereas I started working again after 11 years of being a house-wife, leaving my nursing career.

I cannot lose my job! But I cannot work with this sort of harassement.

I am totally tired and yet my job is very demanding and I also have 4 children to look after when I go home.

My family is all in the States and I live in Europe so I have no family around.

I worked hard to complete a business degree and start again after a divorce.

Hence I had no time to make friends. After work, I go home to my children.

I am proud of all I have achieved but this guy makes me feel like a bad person. My question: HOW DO YOU BREAK UP WITH A COLLEAGUE WITHOUT HAVING HIM DESTROY YOUR CAREER?

This is a bad situation. He is your superior and threatening you. Have you thought about looking for another job before breaking up with him and quitting and just not telling him? That way your reputation would still be in tact when you break up with him and you will already have a new job.

I don't see any other choice in the matter, besides breaking up with him and risking the possibility that he is going to gossip about you at work.

Can't you just sue him for this kind of behaviour? At least you can if there's a witness with you hearing him say to you that if you break up with him/don't have sex with him you loose your job. I'm not sure but I think you can do this.

//C.E.

Did you save the messages? Is he physically threatening you? You could take the copies of the messages to Human Resources and maybe they can help. Bottom line it; you shouldn't have to go through this at work. You need to be sane and happy.