Ask For Advice
Page 5 of 9 FirstFirst ... 2345678 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 84

Thread: dumper/dumpee long term psychology

  1. #41
    dumped
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    362
    Bump - Good thread!

  2. #42
    Seymore
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    37
    Posts
    4,264
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    650
    Quote Originally Posted by searching1951 [Register to see the link]

    I think this is a general rule:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later
    No, sir. I can't speak for my ex, but I definitely had more than my share of pain initially, and I was the dumper.

  3. #43
    dumped
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    362
    What about when the dumper leaves you for someone else? Its seems that they move right into a new relationship and really feel no pain or remorse whatsoever do they eventually feel pain? have good memories? bad memories? no memories? And when the move to a new relationship so quickly do these relationships tend to fizzle out or are these types of relationships better than getting involved with someone while you have been single for some time?

  4. #44
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    United States
    Age
    35
    Posts
    31,467
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    5898
    Quote Originally Posted by dumped [Register to see the link]
    What about when the dumper leaves you for someone else? Its seems that they move right into a new relationship and really feel no pain or remorse whatsoever do they eventually feel pain? have good memories? bad memories? no memories? And when the move to a new relationship so quickly do these relationships tend to fizzle out or are these types of relationships better than getting involved with someone while you have been single for some time?
    The frustrating but honest answer is: it depends. Sometimes people can move on a little bit more quickly if they have been emotionally done with the relationship for a while. Sometimes they feel remorse. But often that remorse does not mean that they have the will to return to the old relationship again. And sometimes the new relationship fizzles quickly. Sometimes the relationships last longer than the original relationship.

    In truth, we cannot tell you what is in your ex's heart.

  5. #45
    rigguy
    Silver Member rigguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    33
    Posts
    597
    Gender
    Male
    Cool thread 'dumped', interesting read, thanks for the bump. Wish there was a ranking system so threads like this would not need to be stumbled upon.
    Last edited by rigguy; 05-06-2010 at 10:54 PM.

  6. #46
    Bobbe
    Member Bobbe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Flanders (Belgium)
    Age
    28
    Posts
    70
    Gender
    Male
    I think this is a general rule:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later
    This it not the case with my ex (dumper).
    She couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on work, started eating way more than usual because of the stress, was very upset,.. In essence she felt like a dumpee. Like she told me, she felt as bad as me and I have no reason to believe she's lying or saying things to make me feel better. I know she was like this for 2 weeks, I don't know how she feels now. Better I suppose? Haven't talked to her for 4 weeks

    The reason for dumping was that the love feeling is gone. Yet she still deeply cares about me. I think she felt like a dumpee because she not only loses her lover but also her best friend. I don't know...

    To be honest, I'm not sure she's not in love with me anymore. I think this is only temporary and that she convinced her self that she doesn't love me anymore. I think she jumped ship too soon and hasn't checked out 100 % emotionally. I dunno, a lot of mixed signals. Very confusing

    But I can't think like that, it's really holding me back from moving on. She's gone and I should just accept it!

  7. #47
    sypaman
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    39
    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper late


    I think it's true for the most part, but there are exceptions to every rule depending on circumstance ... I've been i n love 5 times ...

    for me it's been

    Dumper - pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee , but eventually found peace with it
    mutual -pain initially- fond memories later on
    dumpee - pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , but eventually found peace with it
    dumpee- pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , but eventually found peace with it
    dumpee- pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , still struggling with negetive feelings

    the first time i was the dumper , but heart broken and love sick over it. but it had to be done , she cheated on me. I was hurt and angry for twenty years .. about ten years ago we reconnected , and i'm happy to say we're friends today , we e-mail once a month or so ....

    the second time was in the airforce. we had one sweet summer that we knew had to end. i always looked back on that smiled. always will. We didn't stay in touch when we left each other, we knew it was too painful. i went looking for her on the internet , and found out she died back in the 80's. no hurt there , just bittersweet memories.

    my ex wife i screwed up , i cheated. first anyway , she cheated later too after me. she hates me to this day , and i wish it wasn't like that ... it affected the kids to a degree ... i wish it wasn't so nasty at the end and it all just carried over as she's held the grudge all these years. but i understand now. it's not really hate ... it's love in reverse ... as much as she loved me , as much as she hurt , is how much she expresses it in her distain of me for doing that to her. but i hope someday she gets over it and forgives .... not for me , but to lift that from her own soul.

    my next girlfriend , we lived together, were together on and off for 14 years ... but i could see the end coming , we couldn't even have a conversation without an argument .. this was after i picked up and moved to florida for her ... she broke up with me , we slept in separate rooms for a while , and when she started seeing someone else a month later i left and came home ... but that first night she slept out of the house , while i was still there .. i feel she purposely inflictted a hurt i didn't deserve ... karma caught up and he dumped her 6 months later ... now i just kinda pity her lonely life . we have a son together too , so i still have to deal with her nastiness , and that amazes me because she acts like i'm the one who hurt her ... whatever ....

    then last year i was dumped .. that's when i found this site ... and it hurt soooo much .. i was dumped over the phone, no closure , and replaced a month later .... same kind of hurt all over again , by someone i dated for a year, believed it when she said she loved me, yet never spoke to me about anything being wrong. just that i was awesome and she needed to be alone for a while. i went through the anger , and i think i can wish her happiness in the end ... but a part of me still would like karma to catch up with her too , let her heart hurt by someone dumping and replacing her .... so i guess it's whatever mood i'm in when i think of her that depends weather i smile or hope she gets hurt too .. so i'm not entirely over it yet. but i know it'll be like the other times and the anger will go away in time ....
    Last edited by sypaman; 11-15-2009 at 05:43 AM.

  8. #48
    DenverBachelor

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Denver, CO
    Posts
    162
    Gender
    Male
    More like:

    Dumper: I wonder if I push this * * * * * * * off the balcony if five stories is enough to finish him off?
    Dumpee: I wonder if I jump off this balcony if five stories is enough to finish me off?

  9. #49
    brokenheart41
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    51
    This is such a good thread that it needs a little bump again *bump*

  10. #50
    sphx26
    Bronze Member sphx26's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Age
    33
    Posts
    134
    Gender
    Female
    I agree, this is a good thread! It amuses me how I could relate to some of the posts, especially this:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later

  11.  

Page 5 of 9 FirstFirst ... 2345678 ... LastLast
Top Threads
How do you tell a Narcissist he's a Narcissist?
After 3 years of confusion, passion, hurt, fun, care, disdain I finally have come to terms with the fact my bf is a Narcissist which explained SO
How to get closure?
My break up is a long and complicated story but in short, my ex just kinda left after 7 years together and I never got any of my questions answered
Running into Ex and Breaking Down
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago. We broke up because he stopped putting in effort. I got mad at him for not making me feel
No contact with narcissistic woman
Hi I broke up with a narcissistic woman last week after being with her for 6 months . First 2 months amazing , but then emotional abuse kicked in
is it wrong to still feel this way?
so I've been on and off with my ex since we "officially" broke up in 2015. the reasons I used the " is because since 2015 we have been in constant
Update. Funny how things happen. Ex tried to contact.
If you read my posts from the beginning of this hellish ordeal, I was so worried about finding somebody into the same hobbies and interests as me. I
How do you not contact with kids?
My husband left on the first of this month. He has occasionally called to check in or to let me aware of appointments he sets for the kids or when he

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Is he still in love with his EX?
I met this great guy at work (last November), he just got out of a painful breakup (last September) during that time he kept communicating with his
Can't get over girlfriends past
I've been dating this girl for about 5 months and its going great. The only issue is that I can't get over her sexual history. There are several
I dont like my girlfriends new piercing
So my girlfriend went and got nipple piercings knowing that i didnt like them and didnt tell me she was gonna get them. They are a really big turn
What I am to her ?
hey guys I want some counseling .. I met a girl online .. At first she said that she doesn't wanna fall for me and we will be just friends .. I said
I want my family back
Hi, I was dumped on New Years Eve by my ex girlfriend of 8 years whom I have a 6 year old with. We have been arguing for the past few months prior to
Anxious and depressed about being 32 yo and not married
I could really use some kind and encouraging words right now because I wake up every morning to an intense feeling of pain because I am alone. I'm 32
Ex (dumper) delays giving keys back. Why?
First time poster. Been viewing threads somewhat regularly for a few months now and figured I'd get a few opinions. I'll give a little of the
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •