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Thread: dumper/dumpee long term psychology

  1. #41
    dumped
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    Bump - Good thread!

  2. #42
    Seymore
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    Quote Originally Posted by searching1951 [Register to see the link]

    I think this is a general rule:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later
    No, sir. I can't speak for my ex, but I definitely had more than my share of pain initially, and I was the dumper.

  3. #43
    dumped
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    What about when the dumper leaves you for someone else? Its seems that they move right into a new relationship and really feel no pain or remorse whatsoever do they eventually feel pain? have good memories? bad memories? no memories? And when the move to a new relationship so quickly do these relationships tend to fizzle out or are these types of relationships better than getting involved with someone while you have been single for some time?

  4. #44
    Ms Darcy
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    Quote Originally Posted by dumped [Register to see the link]
    What about when the dumper leaves you for someone else? Its seems that they move right into a new relationship and really feel no pain or remorse whatsoever do they eventually feel pain? have good memories? bad memories? no memories? And when the move to a new relationship so quickly do these relationships tend to fizzle out or are these types of relationships better than getting involved with someone while you have been single for some time?
    The frustrating but honest answer is: it depends. Sometimes people can move on a little bit more quickly if they have been emotionally done with the relationship for a while. Sometimes they feel remorse. But often that remorse does not mean that they have the will to return to the old relationship again. And sometimes the new relationship fizzles quickly. Sometimes the relationships last longer than the original relationship.

    In truth, we cannot tell you what is in your ex's heart.

  5. #45
    rigguy
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    Cool thread 'dumped', interesting read, thanks for the bump. Wish there was a ranking system so threads like this would not need to be stumbled upon.
    Last edited by rigguy; 05-06-2010 at 10:54 PM.

  6. #46
    Bobbe
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    I think this is a general rule:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later
    This it not the case with my ex (dumper).
    She couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on work, started eating way more than usual because of the stress, was very upset,.. In essence she felt like a dumpee. Like she told me, she felt as bad as me and I have no reason to believe she's lying or saying things to make me feel better. I know she was like this for 2 weeks, I don't know how she feels now. Better I suppose? Haven't talked to her for 4 weeks

    The reason for dumping was that the love feeling is gone. Yet she still deeply cares about me. I think she felt like a dumpee because she not only loses her lover but also her best friend. I don't know...

    To be honest, I'm not sure she's not in love with me anymore. I think this is only temporary and that she convinced her self that she doesn't love me anymore. I think she jumped ship too soon and hasn't checked out 100 % emotionally. I dunno, a lot of mixed signals. Very confusing

    But I can't think like that, it's really holding me back from moving on. She's gone and I should just accept it!

  7. #47
    sypaman
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    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper late


    I think it's true for the most part, but there are exceptions to every rule depending on circumstance ... I've been i n love 5 times ...

    for me it's been

    Dumper - pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee , but eventually found peace with it
    mutual -pain initially- fond memories later on
    dumpee - pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , but eventually found peace with it
    dumpee- pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , but eventually found peace with it
    dumpee- pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , still struggling with negetive feelings

    the first time i was the dumper , but heart broken and love sick over it. but it had to be done , she cheated on me. I was hurt and angry for twenty years .. about ten years ago we reconnected , and i'm happy to say we're friends today , we e-mail once a month or so ....

    the second time was in the airforce. we had one sweet summer that we knew had to end. i always looked back on that smiled. always will. We didn't stay in touch when we left each other, we knew it was too painful. i went looking for her on the internet , and found out she died back in the 80's. no hurt there , just bittersweet memories.

    my ex wife i screwed up , i cheated. first anyway , she cheated later too after me. she hates me to this day , and i wish it wasn't like that ... it affected the kids to a degree ... i wish it wasn't so nasty at the end and it all just carried over as she's held the grudge all these years. but i understand now. it's not really hate ... it's love in reverse ... as much as she loved me , as much as she hurt , is how much she expresses it in her distain of me for doing that to her. but i hope someday she gets over it and forgives .... not for me , but to lift that from her own soul.

    my next girlfriend , we lived together, were together on and off for 14 years ... but i could see the end coming , we couldn't even have a conversation without an argument .. this was after i picked up and moved to florida for her ... she broke up with me , we slept in separate rooms for a while , and when she started seeing someone else a month later i left and came home ... but that first night she slept out of the house , while i was still there .. i feel she purposely inflictted a hurt i didn't deserve ... karma caught up and he dumped her 6 months later ... now i just kinda pity her lonely life . we have a son together too , so i still have to deal with her nastiness , and that amazes me because she acts like i'm the one who hurt her ... whatever ....

    then last year i was dumped .. that's when i found this site ... and it hurt soooo much .. i was dumped over the phone, no closure , and replaced a month later .... same kind of hurt all over again , by someone i dated for a year, believed it when she said she loved me, yet never spoke to me about anything being wrong. just that i was awesome and she needed to be alone for a while. i went through the anger , and i think i can wish her happiness in the end ... but a part of me still would like karma to catch up with her too , let her heart hurt by someone dumping and replacing her .... so i guess it's whatever mood i'm in when i think of her that depends weather i smile or hope she gets hurt too .. so i'm not entirely over it yet. but i know it'll be like the other times and the anger will go away in time ....
    Last edited by sypaman; 11-15-2009 at 05:43 AM.

  8. #48
    DenverBachelor

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    More like:

    Dumper: I wonder if I push this * * * * * * * off the balcony if five stories is enough to finish him off?
    Dumpee: I wonder if I jump off this balcony if five stories is enough to finish me off?

  9. #49
    brokenheart41
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    This is such a good thread that it needs a little bump again *bump*

  10. #50
    sphx26
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    I agree, this is a good thread! It amuses me how I could relate to some of the posts, especially this:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later

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