Ask For Advice
Page 5 of 9 FirstFirst ... 2345678 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 84

Thread: dumper/dumpee long term psychology

  1. #41
    dumped
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    362
    Bump - Good thread!

  2. #42
    Seymore
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Age
    38
    Posts
    4,271
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    659
    Quote Originally Posted by searching1951 [Register to see the link]

    I think this is a general rule:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later
    No, sir. I can't speak for my ex, but I definitely had more than my share of pain initially, and I was the dumper.

  3. #43
    dumped
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    362
    What about when the dumper leaves you for someone else? Its seems that they move right into a new relationship and really feel no pain or remorse whatsoever do they eventually feel pain? have good memories? bad memories? no memories? And when the move to a new relationship so quickly do these relationships tend to fizzle out or are these types of relationships better than getting involved with someone while you have been single for some time?

  4. #44
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    United States
    Age
    35
    Posts
    31,737
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    6204
    Quote Originally Posted by dumped [Register to see the link]
    What about when the dumper leaves you for someone else? Its seems that they move right into a new relationship and really feel no pain or remorse whatsoever do they eventually feel pain? have good memories? bad memories? no memories? And when the move to a new relationship so quickly do these relationships tend to fizzle out or are these types of relationships better than getting involved with someone while you have been single for some time?
    The frustrating but honest answer is: it depends. Sometimes people can move on a little bit more quickly if they have been emotionally done with the relationship for a while. Sometimes they feel remorse. But often that remorse does not mean that they have the will to return to the old relationship again. And sometimes the new relationship fizzles quickly. Sometimes the relationships last longer than the original relationship.

    In truth, we cannot tell you what is in your ex's heart.

  5. #45
    rigguy
    Silver Member rigguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    34
    Posts
    597
    Gender
    Male
    Cool thread 'dumped', interesting read, thanks for the bump. Wish there was a ranking system so threads like this would not need to be stumbled upon.
    Last edited by rigguy; 05-06-2010 at 09:54 PM.

  6. #46
    Bobbe
    Member Bobbe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Flanders (Belgium)
    Age
    29
    Posts
    70
    Gender
    Male
    I think this is a general rule:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later
    This it not the case with my ex (dumper).
    She couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on work, started eating way more than usual because of the stress, was very upset,.. In essence she felt like a dumpee. Like she told me, she felt as bad as me and I have no reason to believe she's lying or saying things to make me feel better. I know she was like this for 2 weeks, I don't know how she feels now. Better I suppose? Haven't talked to her for 4 weeks

    The reason for dumping was that the love feeling is gone. Yet she still deeply cares about me. I think she felt like a dumpee because she not only loses her lover but also her best friend. I don't know...

    To be honest, I'm not sure she's not in love with me anymore. I think this is only temporary and that she convinced her self that she doesn't love me anymore. I think she jumped ship too soon and hasn't checked out 100 % emotionally. I dunno, a lot of mixed signals. Very confusing

    But I can't think like that, it's really holding me back from moving on. She's gone and I should just accept it!

  7. #47
    sypaman
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    39
    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper late


    I think it's true for the most part, but there are exceptions to every rule depending on circumstance ... I've been i n love 5 times ...

    for me it's been

    Dumper - pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee , but eventually found peace with it
    mutual -pain initially- fond memories later on
    dumpee - pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , but eventually found peace with it
    dumpee- pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , but eventually found peace with it
    dumpee- pain initially - negative feelings toward dumper late , still struggling with negetive feelings

    the first time i was the dumper , but heart broken and love sick over it. but it had to be done , she cheated on me. I was hurt and angry for twenty years .. about ten years ago we reconnected , and i'm happy to say we're friends today , we e-mail once a month or so ....

    the second time was in the airforce. we had one sweet summer that we knew had to end. i always looked back on that smiled. always will. We didn't stay in touch when we left each other, we knew it was too painful. i went looking for her on the internet , and found out she died back in the 80's. no hurt there , just bittersweet memories.

    my ex wife i screwed up , i cheated. first anyway , she cheated later too after me. she hates me to this day , and i wish it wasn't like that ... it affected the kids to a degree ... i wish it wasn't so nasty at the end and it all just carried over as she's held the grudge all these years. but i understand now. it's not really hate ... it's love in reverse ... as much as she loved me , as much as she hurt , is how much she expresses it in her distain of me for doing that to her. but i hope someday she gets over it and forgives .... not for me , but to lift that from her own soul.

    my next girlfriend , we lived together, were together on and off for 14 years ... but i could see the end coming , we couldn't even have a conversation without an argument .. this was after i picked up and moved to florida for her ... she broke up with me , we slept in separate rooms for a while , and when she started seeing someone else a month later i left and came home ... but that first night she slept out of the house , while i was still there .. i feel she purposely inflictted a hurt i didn't deserve ... karma caught up and he dumped her 6 months later ... now i just kinda pity her lonely life . we have a son together too , so i still have to deal with her nastiness , and that amazes me because she acts like i'm the one who hurt her ... whatever ....

    then last year i was dumped .. that's when i found this site ... and it hurt soooo much .. i was dumped over the phone, no closure , and replaced a month later .... same kind of hurt all over again , by someone i dated for a year, believed it when she said she loved me, yet never spoke to me about anything being wrong. just that i was awesome and she needed to be alone for a while. i went through the anger , and i think i can wish her happiness in the end ... but a part of me still would like karma to catch up with her too , let her heart hurt by someone dumping and replacing her .... so i guess it's whatever mood i'm in when i think of her that depends weather i smile or hope she gets hurt too .. so i'm not entirely over it yet. but i know it'll be like the other times and the anger will go away in time ....
    Last edited by sypaman; 11-15-2009 at 04:43 AM.

  8. #48
    DenverBachelor

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Denver, CO
    Posts
    162
    Gender
    Male
    More like:

    Dumper: I wonder if I push this * * * * * * * off the balcony if five stories is enough to finish him off?
    Dumpee: I wonder if I jump off this balcony if five stories is enough to finish me off?

  9. #49
    brokenheart41
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    51
    This is such a good thread that it needs a little bump again *bump*

  10. #50
    sphx26
    Bronze Member sphx26's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Age
    33
    Posts
    134
    Gender
    Female
    I agree, this is a good thread! It amuses me how I could relate to some of the posts, especially this:

    Dumper - no pain initially - positive feelings later toward dumpee
    Dumpee -pain initially- negative feelings toward dumper later

  11.  

Page 5 of 9 FirstFirst ... 2345678 ... LastLast
Top Threads
Exhaustion and Sadness vs Depression
There are days when this whole heartbreak thing is too much to deal with. I'm exhausted. Do you have those moments when you just feel like no
Bad to Worse....Please Make it Stop
Yesterday I got a subpoena from my husband's attorney for three years of my texts and emails and a full history of all my Facebook. ....Insert
He contacted me...
If you guys need a recap, please check out my previous posts. It's all really messed up (moving in with him after 7 years, him cheating on me after
I fell off the wagon. 😒
My curiosity got the better of me and I unblocked my EX from facebook to see what she had been up too. She doesn't post anything public so there
Is it normal to feel sorry for my EX's new boyfriend?
My EX having a new boyfriend is old news to me. So I long ago worked through the feelings of being "replaced", how quickly she found someone else
HELP how do i begin to heal :(
So- I was seeing a man for about a year. Truthfully, he did a lot of things that hurt me or made me unhappy-it was selfish stuff, he took advantage a
1 step forward 10 steps back. Becoming exhausted.
6 weeks now since we broke up. Last week I was feeling pretty good, I had found out she had already moved on and yes it hurt but it gave me a kind

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I didnt know this was cheating until i saw how much it hurt him
So my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. It's been pretty close to perfect over all until last weekend. We trusted each other before this
Interview Vibes
Hello, eNA! I have posted a few times about my career search - thank you all for the help! I've been having a lot more luck lately and have four
Ex from seven years ago married
My ex from seven years got married in November 2016 he began dating this girl eight months after dumping me.hiw have I found this out? By the
❌Did i just get stood up????❌
A few weeks ago this guy and i started texting. It was a pretty instant interest right from the start, on both ends. He kept telling me how
HELP My boyfriend blocked me after an argument
Almost 3 weeks ago me and my (EX) boyfriend that ive been seeing for about a year had a huge explosive and petty fight over him being selfish/ self
My wife has zero trust in me
So we have been married for about 8 months now, everything was fine prior to marriage. From the day we got married to today, it has been a living
21, in a relationship and sexually frustrated
I'm 21 (female) and I'm dating a 28 year old. Ive had my round of men before him so I know exactly what I like during sex and he's PERFECT. But what
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •