they only want one thing

so here's my dilemma:

whenever a guy approaches me or gets to know me, it turns out that all they want is to have sex with me, to have someone to "have fun with"---- never anything real or serious or committed---- just sex. and hey, i have needs too, but i don't sleep around, and that really frustrates me that whenever i makes friends with a guy, it turns out he's only receptive to me because he wants to get in my pants. and it's hard not be friends with guys because i get along better with guys (of course i have girl friends but how i get along with them is much more different). so therein lies the problem of having to deal with men who only want to sleep with me. they're never willing to give their heart to me, and that only makes me feel unworthy of a real relationship. so many times this has happened now where a guy becomes friends with me only to get me in the sack, and i can't help but wonder what it is about me that attracts these kinds of guys?! i don't lead them on, i don't "emit" sex the way most girls do (dressing in a certain way, acting in a certain way), and i sure as heck don't keep a plethura of guys stored away in a little black book. i'm very introverted, not all that good looking, shy---- so what gives? why only sex and never anything real????????

-H-

so here's my dilemma:

whenever a guy approaches me...

And so you get entangled with guys who approach you. Why not try the other guys?

Guess some men are like that. Your not alone. I just hate it!!! i would like to get in a relationship but no one a meet wants to. I think i'm going to give up on men why bother??? Good luck anyway xx

I can't answer why?

but I used to have that problem....I got annoyed with it & started feeling used & unsatisfied (though i wanted the sex too, but I did want more) so I quite giving sex. Till I eventually (after a long wait) got the relationship I wanted...that stopped the ones that only wanted sex.

goes with the saying - why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

best of luck

As I get older, I realize men can be like that. It is hard to find a good and true relationship. They are like diamonds, rare and hard to find. When you do find one, make sure you hold onto it, for it can be fleeting.

I'm slightly confused.

You're post indicates that you want to just be friends with guys, but I also sense that you want something more than just a sexual relationship with them.

I'll let you in on a secret, all us guys are like that. Many guys here will say they are not, but in reality they are. It's no excuse for our behavior, but you should be aware that we are all like that.

There are two parts to this: One is whom you choose to sleep with, and the other is the type of men you "attract."

Lucky enough for women (and this is sexist I know) you are essentially the "gate keeper."

You don't have to sleep with guys just because they want you to. If you want to have a meaningful relationship thats more than sex, don't sleep with someone unless you are in a meaningful relationship.

As for the types of guys you attract, where are you going to meet these guys? What ever it is, stop doing it.

And if you want guy "friends" who wont be interested in sleeping with you find gay guys. Yes it sounds bigoted, but they aren't interested in sleeping with women.

Gay guys as friends is not always that good either. Having a good, close gay guy friend CAN actually prevent you from finding a bf or keeping one. I am starting to learn that now.

There are men out there that want relationships and will wait. I believe that it's a volume/numbers thing. The more men you meet, there is a greater chance that you will find one that is looking for the same thing that you are. Don't despair....there are really good men out there that deserve a chance

As for the types of guys you attract, where are you going to meet these guys? What ever it is, stop doing it.

That's what I was thinking. Sure, most men want to sleep with a woman they are romantically interested in (just as most women want to sleep with men they're romantically interested in) but please give credit to the men who are actually discriminating about who they have sex with. There are millions and millions of men out there who have standards by the way, and don't go panting after every woman with a pulse. If you are consistently meeting the latter - you definitely need to change the venues of where you're meeting men.

Lucky enough for women (and this is sexist I know) you are essentially the "gate keeper."

I second this thought. Women do control the pace of the physical aspects of a relationship. Establish your physical boundaries (in other words, tell the men what is acceptable/unacceptable to you) from the get-go. If a guy is really interested in you and respects you, then he'll accept your physical boundaries...even if he grumbles a bit about them If he's not accepting of them, then is he really someone you're interested in....that's the important question that you must ask yourself.

To avoid these situations:

1) Don't have sex until the guy agrees to a sexually exclusive relationship. 2) Read his actions: is he making an investment in you (time, $$, emotional energy, etc.)? If not, don't have sex with him.

the many guys on ENA who say they look for something beyond sex cannot all be lying. in fact, i KNOW not every guy is a mindless horndog.

There are some great guys out there, I promise!! You want to weed out the snakes from the true gems?? Try telling your dates this:

"I've made a promise to myself not to have any kind of sexual activity until I am in a committed relationship."

or

"I'm not going to have sex until I get married."

See how they handle that. I've had girls tell me that in the past, but I pushed their limits and saw some girls bend and others outright cave in. You just have to be persistent about it and not give in. Good luck and keep us posted.

Orlander

"I've made a promise to myself not to have any kind of sexual activity until I am in a committed relationship."

or

"I'm not going to have sex until I get married."

 

See how they handle that. I've had girls tell me that in the past, but I pushed their limits and saw some girls bend and others outright cave in. You just have to be persistent about it and not give in. Good luck and keep us posted.

That's what I tell them...I just say that I made a promise to myself as a young girl to wait for only one man--my husband. This way they can understand that I made the decision to wait, long before I ever met them.

That's what I tell them...I just say that I made a promise to myself as a young girl to wait for only one man--my husband. This way they can understand that I made the decision to wait, long before I ever met them.

" I'm waiting till marriage, my husband"

I used that one too...lol...It's funny...whether serious or not, it sure weeded out men. The ones who where really intrested in me & the ones who were intrested in a lay. Oh and a few you'll get the odd one who just sees it as a challenge.

the many guys on ENA who say they look for something beyond sex cannot all be lying. in fact, i KNOW not every guy is a mindless horndog.

But does that make any difference as long as posts like this portray men as predators? Or how about the guys here that assure women that all men are this way? Bleep!

Well all men want to sleep with women. That doesn't mean that they don't want a relationship. My brother is the type who just wants sex, while I want a relationship with someone. Like a pervious post said men have standards. To be honest if I knew I could sleep with a girl that I didn't want a relationship with I would if I was attracted to her, but when I find one I deem relationship material I go for the relationship and it becomes more than just sex.

Don't put out right away, go out with them a few times and find out their intentions. Watch out for the smooth players who act like they want to be with you but just want sex. It's tough I know.

But does that make any difference as long as posts like this portray men as predators? Or how about the guys here that assure women that all men are this way? Bleep!

All men want sex, perhaps not consciously, but definitely physically.

Not all men are the type to do whatever they have to, or step all over people to get it.

I'm a guy, but I'm no pig. I do care about people's feelings, but I am honest enough to say to admit that I am a sex machine.

A machine sent back in time to change the night, for one lucky lady =)

You will be treated well when it is obvious that you treat yourself well. Many guys have told me over the years that I exude a sense of confidence - and specifically that I be treated like a lady. I've been told it is in the way I carry myself and present myself (and yes I know how to flirt and do flirt). Of course I have been hit on by men who want only one thing - who hasn't? - but they never get beyond the cheesy pick up line or the date where they stop being a person of character and integrity. That is the last date. In short, in 24 years of dating and relationships I've been treated very well - like a lady - and have treated men with respect as well.

My advice - carry yourself and present yourself in a way that quietly commands respect, confidence (but not coldness or arrogance) and don't reveal too much too soon - physically or verbally - be discerning in what you say and do and to whom you say and do it. If you truly want a relationship, become "friends" with a man only if it is completely platonic and the minute it crosses the line, explain nicely but firmly that you are open to that but only on certain terms - that he call you in advance for a proper date, that you proceed with intimacy only if and when you're both comfortable, etc.

Also evaluate where you are meeting these men. If at clubs or bars they are more likely - with exceptions - to be looking for just one thing - if through a temple or church or volunteer work, less likely.

good luck

there are guys who love sex, and there are guys who love. i, for one, have a membership in both groups.

I am recently single and have been finding that a lot of men are approaching me latley for the same thing and the majority of them all have girlfriends!! What gives with that??

okay, as much as i appreciate all of the posts, i have noticed a lot of assumptions, some of which might stem from the fact that i was a bit general in my post. so here are some clarifications:

i don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or sleep around, thereforeeee i don't "put out" as some of you have articulated it;

i don't go to bars or clubs or parties, so my main "venues" of interacting with people are school and work--- that's it;

nor do i necessarily "attract" these types of guys. i know that's what i said, but it's actually more that there are attracted to me.

i'm really sad to see a lot of generalizations and stereotypes about genders that were posted. i understand that not all guys are like that, it's only that that's all the kind of guys i seem to be getting, and i simply wonder if it something i'm doing. i've asked some of my guy friends--- the ones whom i 100% know for sure only want a platonic relationship with me--- and they said no, i don't exude anything sexual about me, and no, i don't do anything in particular that would attract these sorts of guys. they simply come to me. it's weird. that's all.

Well, if you're an attractive girl then it comes w/the territory (even if you dress down). Don't like it then stay up in your house like a hermit then you run the risk of attracting the wrong men (since no one will see you anyways).

that's like saying the best way to get rid of the headache is to cut off the head. it's not a condusive way of thinking. being attractive is not the problem, it's how people approach you and for what reason that is the problem. a pretty girl or an attractive guy does not owe anything to the world simply because they are good-looking. if they don't like being approached by people simply for physical reasons, then they have that right to feel that way. it's not right to say, that's their problem, don't like it, tough. it's not a simple fix-it solution like that.

Hollywood, why can't I meet a girl like you, or some of the other girls that have posted on this thread?!! I am a guy that approaches girls and talks to them out of genuine interest and not to get sex. Where do girls like you hide at? I do not seek girls who give it up easy, I look for much more important qualities such as class and maturity, yet I have yet to meet a single girl in my 23 years who has possessed those qualities. Why oh why are girls like you hard to find?