Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 eNotalone members, we want to hear from you in our new "Members Sound Off" polls! About every two weeks, we'll run a new poll and thread on some of the hottest topics we see here at eNotalone. Of course, hot topics can elicit some pretty strong and sometimes controversial opinions. Both are welcome, but as always, let's respect our different opinions - and keep it civil. Our first poll is about "Valid Reasons for Divorce" - even if you've never been married, tell us what you think! Please note that "Abuse" has purposely not been included as one of the options. Most people will agree (accept sadly, those that stay in abusive relationships) that abuse is generally a dealbreaker. So, we want to get your feedback on some of the common reasons we see on eNotalone. Link to comment
Dako Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 THere should be at least one more reason. Because you or your spouse no longer want to be married. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 THere should be at least one more reason. Because you or your spouse no longer want to be married. Maybe that could be growing in different directions (ie in sense not wanting to be together anymore)? Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Oh, there are a million possible reasons! We just picked a few to throw out there. But really, "divorce" and "no longer wanting to be married" are the same two things, right? So, what leads to no longer wanting to be married... Link to comment
yeawutever Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 There are too many reasons but one of the main one is due to infidelity. Whether the other things can be solved easier, infidelity is what would kille you the most, the fact that they were able to replace you with someone else, that's the one that trust would be hard to earn back. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I voted for infidelity. However I think ABUSE is another reason. Either one of those 2 things would send me packing. BellaDonna Link to comment
SwtMary Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I was going to say abuse...whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual... Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Yeah, I am not even sure if I can vote, because I really think there is no "most valid". I think what is valid to you is subjective, and you can have more than one "valid" reason! I value marriage very highly, and divorce is only a last resort. I hope to NEVER end up there and will work hard not to have that occur in my future marriage, however that being said I do think there are certain "dealbreakers" that would have me consider divorce a valid option. Link to comment
Dako Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I'm on board with growing apart. Infidelity is often a dealkiller, but some overcome it. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Well...all polls are pretty much subjective, aren't they? In the case of this poll, there were many choices that could have been listed. Abuse, in my book, is a deal-breaker. However, most of the divorces we see on eNotalone are not sparked by abuse (sadly, too many abuse victims stay in their relationships). So, the purpose of this poll is to take three of the more common reasons we see around here, and get some feedback on each of them. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 It's funny...I used to consider infidelity a dealbreaker. But now, I'm not so sure. I don't want to say because I believe in "unconditional" love...frankly, I don't think we humans with our fragile egos and other flaws can ever really unconditionally love anything. But, I do think infidelity can be overcome when the partner who has been cheated on has an uncommon capacity for forgiveness, and the partner who cheated is deeply remorseful and committed to never doing it again. However, it will take both partners to really address what led to the cheating, and I think that's pretty hard for people to do. Link to comment
Dako Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I'm surprised that some feel there's no reason to ever divorce. That's intriguing. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 attempted murder is the most valid reason i can think of at the moment, but any sort of cruelty--whether inflicted solely by one partner or equally distributed by both--is more or less a lock for me. given the choices at hand, i went with "growing in different directions". Link to comment
FoxLocke Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 The option is not listed but I say ABUSE(emotional or physical or both)...The other problems can be worked on. But if someone is beating the tar out of you then hightail it as fast as you can. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 I'm surprised that some feel there's no reason to ever divorce. That's intriguing. It's also interesting that so far, "Sexual incompatiblity" has received the fewest votes (just one so far). And yet, we see many threads about this problem... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I'm surprised that some feel there's no reason to ever divorce. That's intriguing. I would assume many of those to be from the religious sect... Link to comment
yeawutever Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 The option is not listed but I say ABUSE(emotional or physical or both)...The other problems can be worked on. But if someone is beating the tar out of you then hightail it as fast as you can. I was thinking of abuse too but the other options were listed as single options and infidelity is also a big issue. But if I was told you choose as many options for divorce I would say both infidelity and abuse. Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Anyway to add an "other" catagory? I vote other. Sorry I suck. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Anyway to add an "other" catagory? I vote other. Sorry I suck. No, but you could suggest the other category here. That's the purpose of the poll - to spark conversation about the subject. Link to comment
Tylin Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Curious, does anyone think its possible for a couple to "grow back together" once they've drifted apart? Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Curious, does anyone think its possible for a couple to "grow back together" once they've drifted apart? From what I've seen, it is very unlikely. Usually what happens is the process of separation and break up happens for one (or sometimes both) person(s) while they are still together and usually reconciliations are tainted with memories of the person and the past history between them. Basically, once you get to know someone and become intimate with them, you can't unlearn what you've learned about them. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Curious, does anyone think its possible for a couple to "grow back together" once they've drifted apart? While I will give it a yes for possibility, as it DOES happen time to time, the problem with it is that generally you have to want to grow back together to do so. And when you have drifted apart, generally you may not be looking to grow back together so you are not in right mindset. So, often it's very difficult...and chances are generally not high. Prevention of this in the first place is generally a better idea! Link to comment
helpme2 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 you forgot to put abuse in the poll. I don't really see the other reasons as "valid" in all circumstances (although they may be valid in some) but abuse, is always a valid reason for divorce. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Prevention is definitely the best cure, I agree. But I also agree it's possible to salvage and reinvigorate a relationship. I often recommend this article, link removed It tells you basically why people stop engaging in their relationships, and of course, once you know why/how something is occurring, you can make some changes based off that. (Note that it's written for married couples, but really the information applies for any committed/exclusive relationship.) Link to comment
shes2smart Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I'm surprised that some feel there's no reason to ever divorce. That's intriguing. I'd be curious to see if the folks who voted for that option have ever been married. Sometimes, it's easier to hold idealistic ideas like that when we've never experienced a situation first hand. There are several things that I thought I'd "never" do....until the proper set of circumstances came about to prove to me that "never" is a much shorter time period than I thought. Link to comment
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