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Going on a diet bothers my gf.


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Hi everybody, first-time post.

 

Currently I have been going out with this great girl from my college for almost two months now. About a week ago I told her I started to go on a diet to try to lose the weight I put on in the spring. I became surprised on how much she was not in favor of me doing this. She says the following on why I shouldn't go on a diet, "I like you the way you are, because I am not attracted to sticks", "this put a lot of pressure on me to lose weight", and "I don't see you why you are motivated to do this".

 

In all honesty I didn't think this would have been a hot button issue, but she seems really concerned that I'm looking to lose weight. My real motivation in this matter is all health related because my family has a history of diabetes, and I use to be a lot bigger then I am now, so I want to keep my weight under control. I tried to tell her this, but she still doesn't want me to focus on it.

 

Should I back off on the idea for a bit, or is there a better way to explain why I want to lose weight?

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No need to explain. I've never heard of anyone discouraging someone else about living a healthier life. Self-love is a very attractive trait. I'm sure she won't start complaining when she sees your abs either. And if she does, kick her to the curb.

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I went through this with my bf. He is relatively thin and not overweight, but I am average looking. I could stand to lose a couple of pounds. But, he is always dieting and it makes me feel nervous...one, because I am concerned about him not eating enough and also that he will become too thin...and two, why it may be selfish, it will decrease my body image and I will become nervous that I should, too, lose weight. I understand where she is coming from, however as my love for my bf grew, I realized I need to be happy for him.

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I say that you need to do what is right for you. If losing weight it what you need and want to do for yourself and for your health , by all means I say more power to you.

 

If she loves you LIKE YOU ARE NOW, she "should" love you LIKE YOU ARE if you lose weight.

 

I think you have explained the reason why you want to lose to her as best you can. I say stick to your guns and do not BACK off the idea of a weight loss plan just for her sake.

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Thanks for the quick responses.

 

Yeah I agree. I know I'm doing it for the right reasons so I will continue on my diet. However, it does concern me that she would think that I would have ulterior motives in trying to lose weight.

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Ok. Here's a different take on it.

 

I'd try digging a little deeper to find out her real motivation.

 

If I was involved with someone and they said they wanted to diet in order to lose weight, I'd have a problem with it. Why? Due to my own negative experiences with dieting. I dieted my way right into an eating disorder. As part of my recovery, I have read far too many things that point out all the bad things that result from weight loss diets. The primary one being that for most people, they do not work long-term. In most cases, people will gain back whatever they lost plus some extra with each successive diet.

 

You know what's worse for your body than carrying around 10 extra pounds? Losing and re-gaining the same 10 pounds repeatedly over time.

 

That being said, I realize we each have the right to manage this area of our lives as each of us chooses. I also realize that there are people who will disagree with my views on this...and that's fine, too. I'm only bringing it up to suggest a possible reason why someone who cares about you would be against you dieting.

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I think she has expressed a concern that some women have. Some women arent attracted to thin men. It seems that you have a medical reason for wanting to be more healthy. I would start off small and get her used to the idea of you working out and once she sees that you arent going to turn into a stick that she will be okay with the idea of your new lifestyle.

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There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay healthy. Nothing at all.

 

I would understand her side if you were underweight, or close to underweight, and you thought you needed to diet because you thought you were too fat. Trust me, I know tons of people like that. But still, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy.

 

Eating healthy and exercising is just one of those things that everyone should do because it is the healthy lifestyle. Even if you just want to maintain your weight.. if you can do that, then do it! Not a lot of people have the patience to work out and eat healthy.

 

What is your girlfriend's body like? I'm sure she's just saying all that because she's self conscious of her weight and doesn't like the idea of you being more in shape than her.

 

All of her excuses for you to not lose weight are selfish. First, SHE doesn't like sticks.. well, if she loved you, she would love you for you and not your body. And besides, you probably aren't trying to get down to super skinny anyway..

 

Have you told her why you are doing it? THat you want to be healthy, especially because of your family history? Seriously, in my opinion, that should be enough. She should be more concerned for you about your family history rather than the fact you want to diet.

 

In all honesty, she shouldn't care. As long as your not on the verge on becoming anorexic and you actually are eating, then it's not something to be concerned about..

 

Maybe you could mention that she does it with you. It's always easier when you have someone doing it with you. Tell her that it has nothing to do with LOSING weight, just the fact that you want to MAINTAIN your weight and be HEALTHIER so that you don't lose control of your weight again..

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Yeah Maggie, I told her about my family history.

 

Currently I am taking summer classes at my college which is three hours away from her internship. We have hanged out with each other on most weekends during this summer. Even though it would be hard for us to directly workout together, I did suggest having a pact with each other to work out everyday and eat healthy on our own, but she did not seem too excited about the idea.

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-Scout

 

I should have mentioned it before, but in high school I weighed 300 lbs when I played football and then I brought it down to 220 in college. My current weight two years later is at 250, so I just want to get at least back down to 220. Like I said it is all health related, it becomes hard to lose weight the older you get, so I figured I do it now.

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I think it's maybe a self consciousness issue on her part, she may be worried if you lose the weight you will "change" or decide you do not want to be with her. Does she have weight issues herself?

 

I have seen similar things happen in other relationships, where one partner loses a lot of weight, and the other gets jealous, insecure, worried.

 

I would say..do it for your own health. Show her you still love her and are with her, but do not compromise your own health & happiness. Especially with a diabetes risk in your family, you need to be even more vigilant.

 

In my opinion, when you love someone, you are supportive of their health and trying to increase their fitness and life span. My partner and I are both supportive of one another's fitness & health goals (obviously if we were damaging our health that would be an issue whether it be not enough fitness/health or way too much exercising/not eating right).

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Yeah, I am in 100% agreement with you "RayKay" on how to approach this. My gf thinks she is overweight, but she really isn't. So I will continue to diet and show her I still love her, because I think that is all I can really do in this situation.

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Hi everybody, first-time post.

 

Currently I have been going out with this great girl from my college for almost two months now. About a week ago I told her I started to go on a diet to try to lose the weight I put on in the spring. I became surprised on how much she was not in favor of me doing this. She says the following on why I shouldn't go on a diet, "I like you the way you are, because I am not attracted to sticks", "this put a lot of pressure on me to lose weight", and "I don't see you why you are motivated to do this".

 

 

That is something my ex loved to do, get her bfs to gain weight...

 

Why? Well here is the interesting part.

 

 

She was very insecure and had a low self steem, mostly because of her weight. She was always fat, and until last years of highschool she lost most of that weight, but she kept the trauma. So...

 

If her bf was overweight, then he would not be able to get someone else, and she would be better than her boyfriend, giving her the upper hand and safety that she couldn't find on her own self steem.

 

She also used to say "I'm not attracted to thin guys". But I could notice that when I lowered my guard and let her make me gain weight, she hated it.

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Yeah that does sound remarkably similar to this situation, except she is not trying to make me gain weight. She is very self conscious sometimes, and I just don't understand why.

 

Because she is insecure, and don't want you to build up your self steem as you may find someone better than her.

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Because she is insecure, and don't want you to build up your self steem as you may find someone better than her.

 

Yeah, I understand she is insecure, I just don't know why she would be that way. Just to continue because I think there is a more of an underlying problem now; she also keeps telling me the following on the phone: "You're just going to leave me anyway", "You're too good for me", "I don't want to hold you back", and "I don't want to be your mistake". It's weird because she only says this when we are on the phone with each other.

 

When we are actually together on the weekends and during school, there are no problems like this at all. We have a blast when we are together. It just frustrates me, because I don't want to leave her.

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I do think ST might have a point, about her feeling insecure and worrying that maybe if you lose weight, you will find someone else and leave her, especially if she is saying things on the phone that indicate she isn't quite secure in your relationship. Sometimes, too, one person in a relationship just gets concerned when the other person decides to improve themselves in some way, whether it's physically or mentally, because it feels like they might get left behind.

 

That said, you need to do this for you. It's good to want to maintain the proper weight for your height/body size, if you do it in a healthy way, and especially if your family has a history of diabetes. My bf has always struggled with his weight, and this past year he was told he has Type 2 diabetes, which is now something he will have to deal with for the rest of his life.

 

I can understand your gf's point, maybe, about "not being attracted to sticks," but I don't see you turning into a stick unless you lost a very unhealthy amount of weight. I suspect it might be more of an insecurity on her part than any actual fear of not being attracted to you if you lost weight. Maybe she is actually afraid *you* would no longer be attracted to *her?* Reassure her that is not the case, that you are doing this for your health and to feel good about yourself, not to attract others, and that you only want to be with her.

 

Good luck!!

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I suspect it might be more of an insecurity on her part than any actual fear of not being attracted to you if you lost weight. Maybe she is actually afraid *you* would no longer be attracted to *her?* Reassure her that is not the case, that you are doing this for your health and to feel good about yourself, not to attract others, and that you only want to be with her.

Good luck!!

 

Yeah I think that is the current problem and the right solution at this time. Thanks for the post and the luck chigal28.

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Ha, yeah. I weight more than my boyfriend ... at least the LAST time I checked, but it's been a while. He moved back to the UK and he's been eating a lot of Indian food and beer. Either way, from the pics he's sent me, he looks the same.

 

I too started taking my health and weight into consideration. Both my parents are diabetic as is my grandma on my mom's side and aunt on my dad's side. I won't state my weight here ... however, I could definitely lose 30-40 lbs. My doctor said that it's good I'm working out and trying to eat healthy because I will probably be diabetic, but it's best to try and get my weight down so I don't become diabetic soon.

 

My boyfriend's never said "Oh, you shouldn't workout, or go ona a diet." Ha, he probably thinks it's good for me and I have also mentioned that the last thing I want to be is diabetic in the next year.

 

Anyway, just tell her you love her and you want to be with her and you're dieting because you want to be healthier.

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