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Thread: Going on a diet bothers my gf.

  1. #11
    smsu06
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    -Scout

    I should have mentioned it before, but in high school I weighed 300 lbs when I played football and then I brought it down to 220 in college. My current weight two years later is at 250, so I just want to get at least back down to 220. Like I said it is all health related, it becomes hard to lose weight the older you get, so I figured I do it now.

  2. #12
    Scout
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    yeah, you don't sound anorexic! i guess my advice would just be, don't sacrifice your health for anybody. if she wants to join you, that would be great, but don't let her discouragement stop you.

  3. #13
    RayKay
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    I think it's maybe a self consciousness issue on her part, she may be worried if you lose the weight you will "change" or decide you do not want to be with her. Does she have weight issues herself?

    I have seen similar things happen in other relationships, where one partner loses a lot of weight, and the other gets jealous, insecure, worried.

    I would say..do it for your own health. Show her you still love her and are with her, but do not compromise your own health & happiness. Especially with a diabetes risk in your family, you need to be even more vigilant.

    In my opinion, when you love someone, you are supportive of their health and trying to increase their fitness and life span. My partner and I are both supportive of one another's fitness & health goals (obviously if we were damaging our health that would be an issue whether it be not enough fitness/health or way too much exercising/not eating right).
    Last edited by RayKay; 06-14-2006 at 02:15 PM.

  4. #14
    smsu06
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    Yeah, I am in 100% agreement with you "RayKay" on how to approach this. My gf thinks she is overweight, but she really isn't. So I will continue to diet and show her I still love her, because I think that is all I can really do in this situation.

  5. #15
    Süsser Tod

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    Quote Originally Posted by smsu06
    Hi everybody, first-time post.

    Currently I have been going out with this great girl from my college for almost two months now. About a week ago I told her I started to go on a diet to try to lose the weight I put on in the spring. I became surprised on how much she was not in favor of me doing this. She says the following on why I shouldn't go on a diet, "I like you the way you are, because I am not attracted to sticks", "this put a lot of pressure on me to lose weight", and "I don't see you why you are motivated to do this".

    That is something my ex loved to do, get her bfs to gain weight...

    Why? Well here is the interesting part.


    She was very insecure and had a low self steem, mostly because of her weight. She was always fat, and until last years of highschool she lost most of that weight, but she kept the trauma. So...

    If her bf was overweight, then he would not be able to get someone else, and she would be better than her boyfriend, giving her the upper hand and safety that she couldn't find on her own self steem.

    She also used to say "I'm not attracted to thin guys". But I could notice that when I lowered my guard and let her make me gain weight, she hated it.

  6. #16
    smsu06
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    Yeah that does sound remarkably similar to this situation, except she is not trying to make me gain weight. She is very self conscious sometimes, and I just don't understand why.

  7. #17
    Süsser Tod

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    Quote Originally Posted by smsu06
    Yeah that does sound remarkably similar to this situation, except she is not trying to make me gain weight. She is very self conscious sometimes, and I just don't understand why.
    Because she is insecure, and don't want you to build up your self steem as you may find someone better than her.

  8. #18
    smsu06
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    Quote Originally Posted by Süsser Tod
    Because she is insecure, and don't want you to build up your self steem as you may find someone better than her.
    Yeah, I understand she is insecure, I just don't know why she would be that way. Just to continue because I think there is a more of an underlying problem now; she also keeps telling me the following on the phone: "You're just going to leave me anyway", "You're too good for me", "I don't want to hold you back", and "I don't want to be your mistake". It's weird because she only says this when we are on the phone with each other.

    When we are actually together on the weekends and during school, there are no problems like this at all. We have a blast when we are together. It just frustrates me, because I don't want to leave her.

  9. #19
    chigal28
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    I do think ST might have a point, about her feeling insecure and worrying that maybe if you lose weight, you will find someone else and leave her, especially if she is saying things on the phone that indicate she isn't quite secure in your relationship. Sometimes, too, one person in a relationship just gets concerned when the other person decides to improve themselves in some way, whether it's physically or mentally, because it feels like they might get left behind.

    That said, you need to do this for you. It's good to want to maintain the proper weight for your height/body size, if you do it in a healthy way, and especially if your family has a history of diabetes. My bf has always struggled with his weight, and this past year he was told he has Type 2 diabetes, which is now something he will have to deal with for the rest of his life.

    I can understand your gf's point, maybe, about "not being attracted to sticks," but I don't see you turning into a stick unless you lost a very unhealthy amount of weight. I suspect it might be more of an insecurity on her part than any actual fear of not being attracted to you if you lost weight. Maybe she is actually afraid *you* would no longer be attracted to *her?* Reassure her that is not the case, that you are doing this for your health and to feel good about yourself, not to attract others, and that you only want to be with her.

    Good luck!!

  10. #20
    smsu06
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    Quote Originally Posted by chigal28
    I suspect it might be more of an insecurity on her part than any actual fear of not being attracted to you if you lost weight. Maybe she is actually afraid *you* would no longer be attracted to *her?* Reassure her that is not the case, that you are doing this for your health and to feel good about yourself, not to attract others, and that you only want to be with her.
    Good luck!!
    Yeah I think that is the current problem and the right solution at this time. Thanks for the post and the luck chigal28.

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