Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: Going on a diet bothers my gf.

  1. #1
    smsu06
    Member smsu06's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Minnesota
    Age
    32
    Posts
    15
    Gender
    Male

    Going on a diet bothers my gf.

    Hi everybody, first-time post.

    Currently I have been going out with this great girl from my college for almost two months now. About a week ago I told her I started to go on a diet to try to lose the weight I put on in the spring. I became surprised on how much she was not in favor of me doing this. She says the following on why I shouldn't go on a diet, "I like you the way you are, because I am not attracted to sticks", "this put a lot of pressure on me to lose weight", and "I don't see you why you are motivated to do this".

    In all honesty I didn't think this would have been a hot button issue, but she seems really concerned that I'm looking to lose weight. My real motivation in this matter is all health related because my family has a history of diabetes, and I use to be a lot bigger then I am now, so I want to keep my weight under control. I tried to tell her this, but she still doesn't want me to focus on it.

    Should I back off on the idea for a bit, or is there a better way to explain why I want to lose weight?

  2. #2
    chai714
    Platinum Member chai714's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    The End of the Pier
    Age
    39
    Posts
    2,852
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    No need to explain. I've never heard of anyone discouraging someone else about living a healthier life. Self-love is a very attractive trait. I'm sure she won't start complaining when she sees your abs either. And if she does, kick her to the curb.

  3. #3
    VeganBohemian
    Silver Member VeganBohemian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    NJ
    Age
    31
    Posts
    493
    Gender
    Female
    I went through this with my bf. He is relatively thin and not overweight, but I am average looking. I could stand to lose a couple of pounds. But, he is always dieting and it makes me feel nervous...one, because I am concerned about him not eating enough and also that he will become too thin...and two, why it may be selfish, it will decrease my body image and I will become nervous that I should, too, lose weight. I understand where she is coming from, however as my love for my bf grew, I realized I need to be happy for him.

  4. #4
    coollady1957
    Silver Member coollady1957's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    In the Southeastern U.S.
    Age
    59
    Posts
    1,988
    Gender
    Female
    I say that you need to do what is right for you. If losing weight it what you need and want to do for yourself and for your health , by all means I say more power to you.

    If she loves you LIKE YOU ARE NOW, she "should" love you LIKE YOU ARE if you lose weight.

    I think you have explained the reason why you want to lose to her as best you can. I say stick to your guns and do not BACK off the idea of a weight loss plan just for her sake.

  5. #5
    smsu06
    Member smsu06's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Minnesota
    Age
    32
    Posts
    15
    Gender
    Male
    Thanks for the quick responses.

    Yeah I agree. I know I'm doing it for the right reasons so I will continue on my diet. However, it does concern me that she would think that I would have ulterior motives in trying to lose weight.

  6. #6
    shes2smart
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Shrine of Seven Stars
    Age
    53
    Posts
    6,509
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    83
    Ok. Here's a different take on it.

    I'd try digging a little deeper to find out her real motivation.

    If I was involved with someone and they said they wanted to diet in order to lose weight, I'd have a problem with it. Why? Due to my own negative experiences with dieting. I dieted my way right into an eating disorder. As part of my recovery, I have read far too many things that point out all the bad things that result from weight loss diets. The primary one being that for most people, they do not work long-term. In most cases, people will gain back whatever they lost plus some extra with each successive diet.

    You know what's worse for your body than carrying around 10 extra pounds? Losing and re-gaining the same 10 pounds repeatedly over time.

    That being said, I realize we each have the right to manage this area of our lives as each of us chooses. I also realize that there are people who will disagree with my views on this...and that's fine, too. I'm only bringing it up to suggest a possible reason why someone who cares about you would be against you dieting.

  7. #7
    Day_Walker
    Platinum Member Day_Walker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    California
    Age
    35
    Posts
    7,329
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    2
    I think she has expressed a concern that some women have. Some women arent attracted to thin men. It seems that you have a medical reason for wanting to be more healthy. I would start off small and get her used to the idea of you working out and once she sees that you arent going to turn into a stick that she will be okay with the idea of your new lifestyle.

  8. #8
    Meow18
    Gold Member Meow18's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    IL
    Age
    32
    Posts
    2,780
    Gender
    Female
    There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay healthy. Nothing at all.

    I would understand her side if you were underweight, or close to underweight, and you thought you needed to diet because you thought you were too fat. Trust me, I know tons of people like that. But still, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy.

    Eating healthy and exercising is just one of those things that everyone should do because it is the healthy lifestyle. Even if you just want to maintain your weight.. if you can do that, then do it! Not a lot of people have the patience to work out and eat healthy.

    What is your girlfriend's body like? I'm sure she's just saying all that because she's self conscious of her weight and doesn't like the idea of you being more in shape than her.

    All of her excuses for you to not lose weight are selfish. First, SHE doesn't like sticks.. well, if she loved you, she would love you for you and not your body. And besides, you probably aren't trying to get down to super skinny anyway..

    Have you told her why you are doing it? THat you want to be healthy, especially because of your family history? Seriously, in my opinion, that should be enough. She should be more concerned for you about your family history rather than the fact you want to diet.

    In all honesty, she shouldn't care. As long as your not on the verge on becoming anorexic and you actually are eating, then it's not something to be concerned about..

    Maybe you could mention that she does it with you. It's always easier when you have someone doing it with you. Tell her that it has nothing to do with LOSING weight, just the fact that you want to MAINTAIN your weight and be HEALTHIER so that you don't lose control of your weight again..

  9. #9
    Scout
    Platinum Member Scout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Colorado
    Age
    48
    Posts
    6,969
    Gender
    Female
    Is it possible you already are at or under your ideal weight, and there's some validity to her comment about you becoming a "stick"? Guys can get anorexia, too, is why I ask.

  10. #10
    smsu06
    Member smsu06's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Minnesota
    Age
    32
    Posts
    15
    Gender
    Male
    Yeah Maggie, I told her about my family history.

    Currently I am taking summer classes at my college which is three hours away from her internship. We have hanged out with each other on most weekends during this summer. Even though it would be hard for us to directly workout together, I did suggest having a pact with each other to work out everyday and eat healthy on our own, but she did not seem too excited about the idea.

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Featured Threads
My (ex?) girlfriend has anorexia and it probably destroyed our relationship - what to do?
Hello. I would like to tell my story. I am a 22 year-old male dating an 18 year-old female, though we have probably broken up today. This is
Question about how I should handle the finances in my marriage
I recently married my bf of 5 years and we are expecting a baby early next year. Since then I've found out some rather disturbing things about his
married now found out she cheated while we were dating Im so confused help
We have been married 2 years and dated a long time before we were married (16yrs) 5 years into our relationship my wife , then gf went on a cruise
Wanting To Be With Loved One In After-Life
Has anyone who has ever lost a loved one with whom they were extremely close and loved dearly ever thought about taking his/her own life so as to be
Does everyone have some positive qualities?
Since the day I had been dumped (got dumped in April and after all the failed efforts to reconcile, accepted his decision in mid July). I feel I am a
I it wrong to date my sister's ex boyfriend?
My sister was dating a guy for two month, and me and her bf start being friends until they broke up.....i have feelings for him and he also loves me
She left me because she thinks I'm dumb
I have been in relationship with this girl and moved to her country 3 months ago and lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •