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Thread: Going on a diet bothers my gf.

  1. #1
    smsu06
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    Going on a diet bothers my gf.

    Hi everybody, first-time post.

    Currently I have been going out with this great girl from my college for almost two months now. About a week ago I told her I started to go on a diet to try to lose the weight I put on in the spring. I became surprised on how much she was not in favor of me doing this. She says the following on why I shouldn't go on a diet, "I like you the way you are, because I am not attracted to sticks", "this put a lot of pressure on me to lose weight", and "I don't see you why you are motivated to do this".

    In all honesty I didn't think this would have been a hot button issue, but she seems really concerned that I'm looking to lose weight. My real motivation in this matter is all health related because my family has a history of diabetes, and I use to be a lot bigger then I am now, so I want to keep my weight under control. I tried to tell her this, but she still doesn't want me to focus on it.

    Should I back off on the idea for a bit, or is there a better way to explain why I want to lose weight?

  2. #2
    chai714
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    No need to explain. I've never heard of anyone discouraging someone else about living a healthier life. Self-love is a very attractive trait. I'm sure she won't start complaining when she sees your abs either. And if she does, kick her to the curb.

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    VeganBohemian
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    I went through this with my bf. He is relatively thin and not overweight, but I am average looking. I could stand to lose a couple of pounds. But, he is always dieting and it makes me feel nervous...one, because I am concerned about him not eating enough and also that he will become too thin...and two, why it may be selfish, it will decrease my body image and I will become nervous that I should, too, lose weight. I understand where she is coming from, however as my love for my bf grew, I realized I need to be happy for him.

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    coollady1957
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    I say that you need to do what is right for you. If losing weight it what you need and want to do for yourself and for your health , by all means I say more power to you.

    If she loves you LIKE YOU ARE NOW, she "should" love you LIKE YOU ARE if you lose weight.

    I think you have explained the reason why you want to lose to her as best you can. I say stick to your guns and do not BACK off the idea of a weight loss plan just for her sake.

  5. #5
    smsu06
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    Thanks for the quick responses.

    Yeah I agree. I know I'm doing it for the right reasons so I will continue on my diet. However, it does concern me that she would think that I would have ulterior motives in trying to lose weight.

  6. #6
    shes2smart
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    Ok. Here's a different take on it.

    I'd try digging a little deeper to find out her real motivation.

    If I was involved with someone and they said they wanted to diet in order to lose weight, I'd have a problem with it. Why? Due to my own negative experiences with dieting. I dieted my way right into an eating disorder. As part of my recovery, I have read far too many things that point out all the bad things that result from weight loss diets. The primary one being that for most people, they do not work long-term. In most cases, people will gain back whatever they lost plus some extra with each successive diet.

    You know what's worse for your body than carrying around 10 extra pounds? Losing and re-gaining the same 10 pounds repeatedly over time.

    That being said, I realize we each have the right to manage this area of our lives as each of us chooses. I also realize that there are people who will disagree with my views on this...and that's fine, too. I'm only bringing it up to suggest a possible reason why someone who cares about you would be against you dieting.

  7. #7
    Day_Walker
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    I think she has expressed a concern that some women have. Some women arent attracted to thin men. It seems that you have a medical reason for wanting to be more healthy. I would start off small and get her used to the idea of you working out and once she sees that you arent going to turn into a stick that she will be okay with the idea of your new lifestyle.

  8. #8
    Meow18
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    There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay healthy. Nothing at all.

    I would understand her side if you were underweight, or close to underweight, and you thought you needed to diet because you thought you were too fat. Trust me, I know tons of people like that. But still, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy.

    Eating healthy and exercising is just one of those things that everyone should do because it is the healthy lifestyle. Even if you just want to maintain your weight.. if you can do that, then do it! Not a lot of people have the patience to work out and eat healthy.

    What is your girlfriend's body like? I'm sure she's just saying all that because she's self conscious of her weight and doesn't like the idea of you being more in shape than her.

    All of her excuses for you to not lose weight are selfish. First, SHE doesn't like sticks.. well, if she loved you, she would love you for you and not your body. And besides, you probably aren't trying to get down to super skinny anyway..

    Have you told her why you are doing it? THat you want to be healthy, especially because of your family history? Seriously, in my opinion, that should be enough. She should be more concerned for you about your family history rather than the fact you want to diet.

    In all honesty, she shouldn't care. As long as your not on the verge on becoming anorexic and you actually are eating, then it's not something to be concerned about..

    Maybe you could mention that she does it with you. It's always easier when you have someone doing it with you. Tell her that it has nothing to do with LOSING weight, just the fact that you want to MAINTAIN your weight and be HEALTHIER so that you don't lose control of your weight again..

  9. #9
    Scout
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    Is it possible you already are at or under your ideal weight, and there's some validity to her comment about you becoming a "stick"? Guys can get anorexia, too, is why I ask.

  10. #10
    smsu06
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    Yeah Maggie, I told her about my family history.

    Currently I am taking summer classes at my college which is three hours away from her internship. We have hanged out with each other on most weekends during this summer. Even though it would be hard for us to directly workout together, I did suggest having a pact with each other to work out everyday and eat healthy on our own, but she did not seem too excited about the idea.

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