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Anyone ever cut off ties with their family?


pos69sum

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Wondering if anyone here has ever just cut off ties with their family, like just stopped communicating with them for whatever reason. Some people in this world have done it, I personally don't know anyone like that.

 

If so, how's that working out for you? I think that I'm actually considering it. Just wanted to get people's opinions about such a move. The reasons for it are long, I probably can't even articulate them all. As it is I have not spoken with my parents or siblings in four weeks, they have called and emailed, I have not responded.

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Unless you're family contributes nothing positive to your life, I wouldn't do it. I've done it in the past and regretted it. Gone back because, really, family is all you have. On the other hand, if you're family is abusive, etc. I'm sure you can find other people who will treat you like family, through church, etc.

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They are not abusive, physically. The issues I have with them are DEEP, like I said I can't even articulate half of them.

 

All I can say is that I can be riding high and when I go to see them all of a sudden I am a depressed 17 year old kid all over again. I am not happy, I've never been happy. Maybe this is what I have to do to give myself a fighting chance to become the person I want to be.

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Completely cutting yourself from your family may seem like a good idea at the time, but once you completely lose communication with your family you might never ever have the courrage to talk to them again.

Are you willing to give up the love and support of your family members possibly for your whole life?

I don't know.. I wouldn't do it. I see family as a gift. They raised you into their home and loved you un-conditionally. THere are some children who never get to meet their parents and would give the world to. It just seems like a waste to me.

Sorry if that wasnt the advice you were lookin for, but it just doesn't seem worth it in the end to me.

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you have not lived your life and have had to try to make your way in this world with the self hatred that they have given me. i don't like myself, i hate myself, they made me hate myself and i can't fix it. i've tried everything. it is ruining my entire life - down to my work, my relationships, money, everything. i don't know what else to do because no matter how hard i try when i am around them i am always back at square one again.

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Hey. I did with a few members of my family. Eventually, I got into contact with them again. Some of them it was for the best simply to never see them again - unless it is unavoidable (for a funeral or something).

 

The ones where there was a good foundation of love; the re-connect was sucessful. I did it for my own health. I needed to establish boundaries. I needed to do some work on myself to even be able to handle them in a healthy way. I needed to break an unhealthy dynamic.

 

It's a tough decision to make. It very much depends on the situation and people.

However, in some cases I do strongly feel it is the best choice.

The goal: For everyone to be as healthy as they can, and preserve what love there is.

 

A lot of people grow up hearing the old "Family is family. You don't cut them off. Blood makes a relationship."

I just don't believe it.

 

If that were true, it could be argued that an adoptive child is not as loved or as much family as a bio kid.

I don't believe that. I've seen it is simply not so!

 

You do what you have to do. But I'd say to strongly consider that you are doing it for a positive outcome.

It wouldn't be such a good idea to cut family out in order to spite, cause trouble, or out of anger, IMO.

 

that's my 2 cents.

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Look at the pro's and cons of losing contact with them and make a decision based on that.

If you're 100% sure its your family that's making you miserable then do what you gotta do.

Are there any family members you enjoy the company of and who doesn't make you feel down? Maybe try staying in touch with that person, if there is one.

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i'd like this for myself. to establish boundaries and to break unhealthy dynamics. there is an idea of the kind of person i want to be, the kind of life i want to live - i just lately realized that it is not possible to manifest these things unless i change certain things about my life. life is TOO SHORT. i'm getting older, i've never been happy, i can't find love, everything is a mess. like i said, i can't describe it - but i really feel like they are holding me back everytime i'm in contact with them, it's like they want me to play this role. i don't want to play this role - i want to be happy for a change. it's really hard to describe what it is, i just feel it - i've been thinking about this for a long time.

 

i don't want to do this - i'd like to see them again someday but i have to make myself happy. and i can't talk to them about it because they will never understand. i'm just that crazy kid that i've always been to them.

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Well, what I found out is...the thing about family that love you, if you leave for a while, they can usually find it in themselves to welcome you back when you are ready.

 

It doesn't have to be forever, necessarily.

 

I hope you find some happiness soon. I truly do.

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I haven't spoken with my mother in a year and a half now. In fact, I don't even know where she is living. I'm sure if I wanted to I could come into contact with her again but.. For me it is not worth it.

 

It's sad really but that is the way it is.

 

I can't really answer your question as I don't understand the full dynamics of your situation. I would only make sure that whatever decision you make, you make the one you are sure you will not regret.

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My parents started driving me nuts at 16 and I strangely felt the same way as you did at 35. Every time I would talk to them it would send me back "into my room". They say that you can choose who your friends but not your family. How are you with a list of friends? Do you have any close friends?

 

You can love your parents but still not like them. Does that make sense?

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Are you willing to give up the love and support of your family members possibly for your whole life? They raised you into their home and loved you un-conditionally.

 

 

These statements assume a lot. Like that the poster's family has given him love and support. The fact is there a lot of very damaging families out there, that can be detrimental to one's emotional wellbeing. Try to realize that while you obviously feel that everyone was raised and loved and supported unconditionally, not everyone is as lucky as you. I actually think it should be pretty obvious just by the reports we all hear of regularly on the news about child neglect and child abuse. In fact many people have had experiences with their parents that are exactly the opposite of love and support. Completely draining, and demoralizing.

 

And yes, I do believe that if that is what a person is getting from their family, then it would probably be a viable option to remove oneself from it.

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My parents started driving me nuts at 16 and I strangely felt the same way as you did at 35. Every time I would talk to them it would send me back "into my room". They say that you can choose who your friends but not your family. How are you with a list of friends? Do you have any close friends?

 

You can love your parents but still not like them. Does that make sense?

 

 

i have very few friends, and my friendships are very superficial.

i will be very alone in the world, but is it better to have your family in your life to keep you company when all they do is drag you down?

 

i'm not even sure i can do this, i just want to start fresh. i don't even know if that's possible.

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35. They just make me miserable to be around them. I feel lousy about myself when I'm around them, I just realized that that will probably never change.

 

Will you ever change? Seriously, you may one day feel strong enough to appreciate them.

As I got older, my patents became more important to me, and I became more tolerant of their quirks. When my father died my life changed in ways I never expected. I did avoid my brother for 20 years, and he's back in my life. I plan to take another 20 year break from the guy. He's nuts.

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pos69sum - why not consider decreasing contact rather than omitting it entirely?

 

I have cut down immensely on the communication between me and the toxicivity of my mother, and my life has improved heaps!

 

I can't cut her out entirely cos as Dako said, I finally DO feel strong enough to appreciate her and finally understand her behaviours....

 

But I don't talk to her NEARLY like I used to.

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maybe. i have already cut down on contact a lot - only when necessary, basically. but - for ex., when my mom *really* wants to see me and has no reason, she makes stuff up like tells me that my grandma is seriously sick and they need me to visit her. when actually my grandma is fine.

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well im not the best person to go to for advice in the world(depressing with thst stuff)but ill try

well i think maybe theres a chance that you and your family could try to talk about this maybe they dont relize that there doing this to you and a little help is what you need support from your friends and try to ignore them if worst comes to worst then yes you should (i know im probably not making sense but im trying)what im trying to say is you dont need to talk to pro`s about this it needs to be your family because they might not be meaning to do it to you

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there's no chance to talk to them because the issues are DEEP. they have taken a lifetime to build, and they are not the type of things that you can even articulate to yourself, let alone bring up to your mom and dad. i can't even describe what is happening to my therapist.

 

in fact, they are oblivious that anything is wrong. which is a huge part of the problem. if i tried to talk to them about it they will be shocked about what i am even talking about and i will not be able to even describe it to them. it will be pointless.

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I had some serious issues with my family and cut things off for a while. Things will never be the same between us. I am in contact now, but being with them does make me feel like a kid even though I'm only 20. I would say cut things off since you can not talk things out with them. As far as the therapy goes, if you aren't opening up to the therapist you're not going to get as much out of it. I'm not saying it's easy because there were times when I didn't open up to my therapist, but I know if I had things would have gone better. I really wish you luck and keep us posted.

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i think a break from what ever stress they maybe causing you might be good. just cut all together for a while. but remember they are the only pair of parents that you have. and once they are lost to you u can never really get them back. take my word for it. i lost contact with my parents when i was younger for personal reasons and when i had the chance again to rekindle the bond it did not work out. " too much water below the bridge" so to speak. and it is not for a want of trying. but i will tell you one thing not a day goes by that i don't feel the negative emotions of being "cut" from something as natural as parents and siblings. it pains deep down and it is a pain that can never be replaced. so before you separate u better know if you can handle the constant gnawing at your heart and your natural desire to be connected to ur parents

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well now that you say that i gotta say it might be hard but then yes break up contact with thhen sounds like there not doing you any good basically there like bad friends sounds like they dont want whats best for you!and if you ever get back in contact then they might have changes by then!so i know this might sound mean but yes lose contact with your family it sounds beter for you than to stay in contact to me if thats what there doing to you

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